Boobs Vs. Ass: An Objective Analysis

Yes, lesbians and gentleman, it is time for us to answer that age-old question. Although both are incredibly fuckin awesome (on women), which takes the title? WHICH IS MORE AWESOME – Boobs or Ass? For this reason, Glo The Legend, and Refuse to Come Wack, have decided to take this on mano a mano, in a battle royale for the ages, with Glo The Legend representing the side of boobs and Refuse to Come Wack representing the side of ass. So without further ado, it’s time to pit the funbags against the fly badunk, the cans against the hiney, the jugs against the applebottom, the melons against the booty, the boobs against the ass, because let’s face it…when we put up some great lookin hiney and tig ol bitties, everyone wins.

BOOBS

Well, fuck, where do I start….how bout some pictures, eh?

I could suck on those until the cows come home.

They say a picture is worth 1000 words...this one is worth two: Yes. Please.

Okay, now anybody who’s seen my site knows that it is a safe house for all boob-lovers out there. I mean, at least half of my daily visitors seem to come here looking for boobs (it is the top search post). But why? How come I don’t get any hits for “ass”? Well the answer is simple:

Boobs are fucking great.

First of all, what do your eyes look at when you first see a girl…her face? Nah, they go right for the boobs. This has been proven with science. I mean, boobs can be used for so much. You can:

  • Motor-boat

Can you motor-boat an ass? Well, sure you can, but that’s how you get pink eye.

  • Grab em.
  • Rub em.
  • Suck em.
  • Fuck em.
  • Lick em.

You see, you can do all of these great activities with an ass too, but the thing is, you have to get alll the way down to ass-level to do them. Boobs are strategically placed right below the face.

  • You can also use them to open beer….wait….what? Let’s explore that last one:

Who can dare argue against boobs after that? I mean, that’s just fucking awesome. Beer and boobs are a perfect combination….actually, when you combine anything with boobs it turns out pretty lovely…..whipped cream…chocolate syrup….salami…but let’s delve more into the facts:

Boobs come in a variation of sizes. They can range from Asian Style:

Luckily, girls can now get boob jobs.

Luckily, girls can now get boob jobs.

All the way to Weird Anime Style:

Holy shit you could use those as trampolines.

Holy shit you could use those as trampolines.

And in case you don’t know what I mean by Weird Anime Boobs, look no farther then Queen’s Blade:

Queen's Blade is why I get so many hits for boobs.

Queen's Blade is why I get so many hits for boobs.

Wow, the girl in real life actually has bigger boobs then the anime girl. I actually can’t believe that. Let’s get back to the placement of boobs.

Now, Robert will argue that boobs are placed in an area of the body where you are most likely to get caught staring. Well I have a few things to say to that.

Who Cares if She Catches You?

Women will never admit this, but they love it when you peer down their blouse, or take a long, look at their bosom, as if in deep thought. The fact is, when you stare at a nice pair of hooters, it’s like giving girls a huge complement. Why else do you think women with small tits get boob jobs? It’s because they like it when guys look at them. It’s in this way that boobs make a good conversation starter.

If you’re in a public place, and you spy a girl with a rack that makes you nearly bust your pants, then go over to her, and blatantly look at her lumps of women flesh. She will then ask “what you’re fucking doing”  in an annoyed tone. When she does this, then simply reply, “I’m sorry miss, I’d really love to stop this, but your breasts are the most wondrous spectacles I have ever seen, and I can not, for the life of me, turn away.” She will most likely leave. This is when you know you’ve got her. After this, make it a point to follow her around the party, and every time you see her, make another remark about her beautiful tits. This works every time.

It’s a Challenge!

In some cases, girls want to hide the fact that they love men staring them down, that they might go off on you. These people are called dikes and feminists. However, this just gives the attempt to look at boobs more fun. Can you get away with it? It’s so exciting. I mean, it doesn’t exactly take a brain surgeon to stare down a supple ass walking down the street, for the sole fact that people don’t have eyes in back of their heads. but to successfully ogle a pair of tits. Well, they give out medals for that.

A picture of youth:

Most straight people know that from day one, tits are supreme over ass.

Most straight people know that from day one, tits are supreme over ass.

Let’s face it, the only thing that men and women both have (which can be found arousing) is an ass. Men have an ass. Women have an ass. But women have TITS. To conclude, I now present a person who is one of the most manly of men. Of course, I could only be speaking of Maddox:

Maddox has a whole chapter of his prize winning novel, “The Alphabet of Manliness”, dedicated to tits:

Ahhh Knockers

Ahhh Knockers

I’m not going to explain anything else here, because you should already own this book. I bought it right away, although I did also download it, because Robert (who is co-writing this epic legend of a  post with me) has it at his house, and it’s too late to go get it. Maddox goes into more detail then I did, so buy the book and read it.

And that’s all I have to say about the loveliness of boobs.

ASS

Let’s just start you off with this:

Seriously??!?!?!

Seriously??!?!?!

Now, theoretically, that should be enough to win me this battle right there, but I WON’T STOP THERE. Simply because I just wanna talk about ass more and hopefully can put up more pictures like that in the meantime.

Fellas (and hot lesbians), is there anything more enjoyable than giving a firm spank to a firm fruit-oriented shape of ass? Didn’t think so. You know what else is great about girls asses? They’re much more inconspicuous to look at…with their cans they hafta be facing you and relatively close, a prime time to get caught. With the booty, however, nearly any time is a perfect opportunity, and it’s much more difficult to get caught. Not only do you get a great view when the girl ISN’T facing you, but side-views are also always an option. You could be twenty feet away and a fat booty outline can send chills down your spine. I mean realistically, it’s almost hard to get caught…that is unless you’re a certain co-writer of this post grabassing on spring weekend eh heh hemmmmm….(also, doesn’t this kinda prove my point? A self-appointed defender of cans was reachin for the booty when the opportunity arose, not vice versa)

The other thing is, girls don’t even have to be wearing revealing clothing to show off a booty that would make men do this… with boobs they gotta be wearing a low cut or a tightass top, but with a great booty, girls can even look hot in sweatpants. I swear, if girls wear the right tightness sweatpants it honestly looks like a shelf…it’s just..I can’t even focus, here’s another picture.

I see you J Lo

I see you J Lo

Another advantage of the female ass is the preview. Is there anything better than the ass preview? Certainly not it’s rare cousin the boob preview, since it happens much less often. Think about it…even when girls are wearing low cut stuff, they have bras to cover their stuff up (contrary to what Glo says about them wanting you to peek). Much more often spotted is the ass preview, which may or may not look something like this:

Ass Preview

Ass Preview

Yet another inspiration for this post is Shakira. I know she’s ridiculously short…shes like 5’2″ or somethin crazy, but DAMN I can’t get enough of her ass. The obvious choice right now would be to go to She Wolf, since that’s her new video, but instead I’m gonna reference another one of her videos. Do yourself a little favor and go to 2:25 to 2:30 of this video. SHE DRAGS HERSELF ACROSS A TABLE WITH HER ASS, PEOPLE. Let me repeat that. SHE DRAGS HERSELF ACROSS A TABLE WITH HER ASS.

DRAG. TABLE. ASS.

And one of the best up-and-coming things is that girls of any race can now have a great ass. A couple years ago, it was relegated to a few races. A couple years ago, ass would be at a distinct disadvantage since any girl can have cans, but now that Ludacris is the new phenomenon like white women with ass (1:58), ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Seriously…girls can work out and make themselves have a great ass, can you really say that about boobs?

Finally, another great thing is simply the word “hiney”. It’s fuckin awesome.

In conclusion, do me a favor. Next time you get the chance, cup a great hiney. It’ll brighten up your year.

AS YOU CAN SEE, THE BATTLE RAGES TIGHTER THAN EVECR, AND THE VICTOR IS UP TO YOU. THE WINNER OF THIS AGE-OLD BATTLE WILL E DECIDED BY VOTES VIA COMMENT AND/OR POLL. VOTE NOW.


Hayate no Gotoku!! Superpost 18 – 22

I was just going to skip reviewing the episodes up until the present one, but every episode has something awesome that I just have to point out. If I don’t point these things out, then I will actually die…so it’s not as though I actually want to review these episodes, but I have to. Anyway, let the Superpost begin with:

Episode 18: Miki

You know by now that I approve of Hinagiku x Miki as opposed to Hinagiku x Anyone Else (although Hinagiku x Ayumu wouldn’t be bad). That being said:

Oh my Golly this is great.

Lesbian Explosion

So we all know by now that Miki is a humongous rug munching lesbian. And this picture kind of clarifies the fact that she desperately wants to eat something of Hinagiku’s that is not actual food. God I love Miki. By the way:

Oh, you wonder why Maria is there?

Oh, you wonder why Maria is there?

BECAUSE SHE'S AWESOME!

It’s fate telling you what you SHOULD be doing.

Oh yea, and by the way, I loved the Hinagiku ED, but the new ED is fucking AWESOME!

Episode 19: Ho-Hum

1

2

3

4

*Whew* Thank God I don’t play games, other wise my lifestyle would be bad. I mean, I occasionally play games, but my X-Box 360 is broken, and I need a new one….I know!

Now only 299!

So yea, not much to say about this episode. It was good, but at the same time, there wasn’t much going on….except:

MARIA

Maria used Flame Thrower….it’s super effective! (that makes no sense, nor does it pertain to this episode, or any scene within this episode…not even that last screenshot).

Episode 20: Maid in the Shade

Yeaaaa. That’s right, a play on words, even though it doesn’t make sense. But this episode, for the most part was maid to be about maids (okay that’s the last time I do it, I swear). Here are some maids now:

Isumi? In a maid costume? I'm sure some fan will be happy.

Me + Paint + Screeshots = Sweetness

Yay me.

Yay me.

Well, that’s about it as far as the new maids are concerned. Now, just for funzies, here are the old maids (bu-dum-kish):

Hm. I guess Maria fans are happy (I am).

Saki doesn't get enough respect.

Well, that’s about all of the maids in this episode, right? I mean, surely there’s no more arou– SURPRISE BITCH!

BLAM! MAID VIDEO BITCH!

BLAM! MAID VIDEO RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!

So now let’s talk about something that kind of got me gears grinding in a bad way. Maria. They go off looking for a maid to teach Isumi how to become a good maid, and they completely ignore Maria, who is not only the best character, but the best maid in this show:

THOSE FUCK-HEADS!

THOSE FUCK-HEADS AGAIN!

So ends another episode of Hayate. I mean, there’s obviously no more maids in this episode, right? Rig– MAID BITCH!

FUCKING GAY CROSS DRESSING HAYATE MAID!

Episode 21: Oh Shit! It’s Jenny!

Say what Jenny?

Not only does Jenny have a poorly animated face, but her poorly animated eyes obviously can’t tell the difference between a Tiger and a cat. Mind you, a white tiger has no business in the savanna. Speaking of animals that don’t belong in the savanna:

Where the Wild Things Are comes out soon. I want to see it. Do you?

Where the Wild Things Are comes out soon. I want to see it. Do you?

I don’t know what business Baka-Raptor has on the savanna in an episode of Hayate no Gotoku, but he’s not really out of place in this scene. Let me just say, that Jenny is fucking awesome. Let’s have a look-see:

Such poorly drawn eyes can only mean that this character will rule.

Such poorly drawn eyes can only mean that this character will rule.

AWESOME POSES

AWESOME POSES

RIFLE LIGHTER

RIFLE LIGHTER

NINJA SKILLS!

NINJA SKILLS!

And here are some more fun facts about Jenny:

  • She has an awesome seiyu. I don’t know who that is, but she’s awesome.
  • When you say her name, you are obligated to talk like Forest Gump….”Jen-nay.”
  • She’s [the character, Jenny] only four (this is actually true).
I know, right?

I know, right?

  • Did I mention here eyes?
Hello, I look like an alien, but I am really Jenny, one of the most unimportant characters from Hayate no Gotoku.

Hello, I look like an alien, but I am really Jenny, one of the most unimportant characters from Hayate no Gotoku.

Oh shit. I can’t even talk about the rest of this episode. Even if there are things I want to say. When Jenny ends, so does the review of this episode, and episode that was really funny and awesome. Here’s one for the road:

My second one to date.

Episode 22: Finally I’m Done With This Long Ass Post.

So what was the general premise about this episode?

Hahahahahahahaha

Yup. Nagi gets a part time job. She actually does pretty good. But who cares about that. Because in this episode, I make my appearance:

Me

Don’t worry about what they named me in the episode. This is actually me. I mean, sure, they gave me different hair and a different voice and a different job and tweaked some other stuff….but it’s me. Anyway, back to this episode. Obviously, if Nagi is at a part time job, Maria, master of disguise, has to watch her, disguised, of course.

Maria is SO AWESOME

Another cunning disguise from Maria, who was always one to be able to hide in plain sight. However, she soon changes to a new garb of concealment.

Maria is STILL AWESOME

Now, in her obviously perfect anime disguise (reminiscent of the Sailor Moon disguises), she is ready to watch Nagi and company work, without them knowing it’s her.

Didn't work...

Doesn't work...

Well, it worked on Hayate once, so you can’t blame her for trying to get by with a crappy disguise, can you? Anyway, I take notice right away:

I cut right to the chase.

She said yes, and the episode ended with that. Just trust me.

THE END!

P.S. How do you feel about the new header?