Where’s the Love For Sucker Punch!?

It got a 22% on Rotton Tomatoes, which is the shittiest website when it comes to judging a film, but still. For comparison, the new Fast and Furious movie got over 70%. First of all, I don’t know how that’s even possible considering it’s a God damn Fast and Furious (shit), but there you go.

IMDB gave it a 6.6, which is more realistic, but still less than what I would give it.

Oballer got it about right.

The movie in general kicked my ass and made me wet my pants from sheer enjoyment. I thought everything was awesome.

I feel like the most popular complaint is that no one understood what was going on in the movie.

These people are all stupid.

If you’re one of these people though, don’t feel bad, because I’ll explain everything to you in one word.

Metaphor

Or, if you want to make reference to the whore house, you can use this word:

Meta-WHORE

That was stupid.

Yeah I know….

So  a lot of this movie almost this entire movie deals with us, the audiance, seeing the plot unfold from the perspective of inside Babydoll’s brain (pretty much). This movie is filled with her own imaginations and interpretations of the world and situations around her. Not ONLY did that last sentence sound cool in my head, but this movie also deals with how Babydoll copes with her life, which becomes all fucked up thanks to her mother.

Her mother?

Yeah, her mother. Watch who you marry you idiot. Who goes off and marries some guy without doing a background check? Clearly he was a deranged nut, but apparently, you only cared about having a man around the house to open jars for you, which I DOUBT HE EVER DID. Now you’re dead, and your daughter’s life is fucked 6 ways to the weekend. By the way, you named her Babydoll? Really?

As I was saying, this movie is pretty much a 1st person account of a girl being thrown in a mental asylum because her stepfather is a money-grubbing drinker, and a fiend. And for the record, I still can’t tell if she shot her sister by accident or if her sister was was already dead by the hands of her stepfather. Maybe she killed herself? Maybe she died of an aneurysm? Maybe she was only hurt? Maybe go fuck yourelf.

They showed the one bullet babydoll fired hitting a light bulb and then a pipe. No blood splatter or anything. Either way, Babydoll got the blame, so it doesn’t matter in the end. In case you’re still confused about the plot, I’m going to make this really simple for you:

Whore House scenes: How Babydoll sees/copes with the mental asylum

Dances/fight scenes: How Babydoll views/is able to complete the tasks of gathering the needed materials for her master plan.

That’s really all there is. Frankly, I loved it, and here’s why (in no specific order):

1. The Special Effects

MINDBLOWING. THAT’S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. ZACK SNYDER IS GOOD AT WHAT HE DOES (directing, and utilizing great Special Effects).

2. Story

It was a great story that I felt was told from a very new perspective/in a new way. These movies don’t come around often (ever). I especially loved how the end unfolded (even though the last “mystery item” was pretty obvious from before I saw the movie at all. The end is really easy to forsee, I’ll just tell you that. Still, doesn’t take away from anything whatsoever.

3. The Soundtrack

Here’s what I want to talk about most. The music for this movie was unlike any music for any other movie ever. Heavily laden with sick covers and the type of beats that make you want to go on some kind of crazy mission, I’ve been pretty much been listing to it non-stop for the past several days. In fact, I’m taking a journey to Philadelphia tomorrow (a very long bus ride…well, several hours, not bad really), and I will be playing this soundtrack on repeat while using my imagination to picture myself in crazy awesome fighting situations…..that is……if I can.

The fact is, whenever I hear the music, the images from the coinciding scenes in the movie start rolling in my head automatically (IT’S AUTOMATIC). That’s one of the reasons why the soundtrack was the sticking point for me. The music solidifies the movie, and in my opinion, it brings the characters and their purposes together, and melds all of this together with the rest of the story. Perfect match.

However, there are only 9 songs on the Soundtrack, and I feel like, in order to get the full feeling of the movie, these two songs MUST be added (they’re from the above trailer):

Fucking AWESOME songs. Led Zeppelin Jesus Christ best band ever?

All of that being said, I guess there’s a few things I’d change/add:

1. Let’s Hear Some Fucks!

There really wasn’t a lot of swearing, which didn’t really bother me much to tell you the truth, but let’s be honest, profanity always makes things seem more badass. Unless the swears are being projected from some drunk tool at a bar or at a party or something. That’s just annoying. But in fighting movies, swears reign supreme. Look at this list and observe all of the awesome movies. Goodfellas at ten…DONE! (in a good way though).

In fact, we just needed some more badassness. Well, not really. The fight scenes were of the most badass that I’ve seen ever. Maybe some blood (I’m kind of just hoping with that one I guess….) But the more blood the better really. I want to see Babydoll just a bad dudes head off and shit!

2. Lobotomy

I have this thing about them. I really really really really hate them in all tenses, senses, and even on fences. Shutter Island was a good movie, but the end still bothers me. Just the thought of a lobotomy makes me uneasy.

3. The Line: “I’m going to help you to be free.”

Read off of cue cards much? That line (can be seen in above trailer) sounded like he memorized it, and then just blurted it out. No emotion, no feeling, nothing. GAH. The old guy was cool though, I like to pretend that it was Babydoll’s real father, and she puts him in her imaginations as a guide because he’s her father. I just made that up though I’m pretty sure it’s not true.

So what else can I say? If you don’t like this movie, that’s fine. Sure, it means you have no imagination and you generally suck as a person, but just make sure you don’t dislike it because you “don’t understand it.” What stupidness I don’t even-

To conclude, this movie was, in my opinion (an opinion of an art major/artist/self proclaimed genius of the universe) a stunning, artistic masterpiece of a movie that everyone should see, or DIE! (too harsh? Let me try again…)

….movie that everyone should see, or GET AIDS!

(oh but then you die don’t you? Ahh shit I’m tired)

In other news, Thor looks good, but the lead character’s voice is literally comical. Like…really? What’s with the casting here:

Why do I feel as though the fake voice matches the body better than the real voice?

Take this bitch!

Yeah…..I’m done. This post took like….an hour to write holy shit.

Extra Shit

I’m going to Philly for the weekend.

The Nuggets lost and that makes me upset. I should point out that the Thunder cheated, because Durant should, by rule, only be allowed to play 20 minutes a game max. And Ibaka should be limited to 5 blocks a game ONLY. Otherwise it’s unfair for every team in the league.

I finally changed my wallpaper from Eucliwood bowling to this:

http://desktop.freewallpaper4.me/view/original/5909/hartford-whalers.jpg

I’m also leaning 75% toward getting a tattoo of that very symbol.