The Legend of Bill Part Two

The following is an excerpt from the diary of Bill The Ass-Kicker:

Bill the Ass-Kicker

Dear Diary,

It was  cloudy day. The sea was as rough as an unshaven vagina. The wind was howling like an old banshee that accidentally sat on a bicycle with no seat. I was at the stern, steering the Diversity, was my old, old, wooden ship, through the waves to try and get to Gettysburg. The time was the American Civil War, and I had recently beat my crew to a pulp, after they attempted top sodomize me in the mess hall.

Suddenly, out from the depthes, spouted a tremendous beast: The Cracken. It wrapped its long, squid-like tentacles around my mast and stern, and I was sure as my name was Bill that it was trying to swallow me whole. Quickly and cunningly, I puched the Cracken in the dick and killed it. The fight was over.

I soon returned to the mainland, but all too  late. The war was over, and we had won. I swiftly deflowered the womenfolk and ate their food.

THE END

Bill the Ass-Kicker

He has been brought up a lot thus far, but the real question it, who exactly is Bill the Ass-Kicker? Where did he come from? Well, although I’d like to leave everyone scratching their heads, just to piss you faggots off, I guess I’ll be nice and tell you his tale, which has been unknown to all until now. PICTURE:

Shit he's a hardcore ass-kicker. See how excited he is to kick ass? That evil smirk!

Shit he's a hardcore ass-kicker. See how excited he is to kick ass? That evil smirk!

Bill the Ass-Kicker was born in the year of our lord 7. He is very old and very wise in the ways of ass-kicking. I first met Bill on a secret trip to Switzerland that I never told anyone about. The purpose of this trip was to judge their National Contest, where contestants compete against each other in 3 categories (bullets):

  • Chocolate: Who ever makes the best wins.
  • Cheese: Who ever makes the best wins.
  • Army Knives: If you haven’t caught on go fuck a dog you dumb shit-sack.

The contestants had to make these items on the spot, and among them was Bill, wearing his classic ass-kicking attire. As the starting horn to produce said items sounded, I watched through stunned and bewildered eyes, as Bill beat the shit out of all the contestants, killing an old lady and several of her pooches, which are key ingrediants in Swiss Chocolate, as well as 3 boy scouts and 2 nuns. This gave him ample time to threaten the milk, sugar, coco beans, and metal to transform themselves into the items listed above. Soon thereafter, the crowds cheered and he was offered to lead the counrty, because those are the only skills one needs to run Switzerland, which is kind of like a giant Disneyworld.

He declined the position of President, claiming that Switzerland was for pussies and lallygagers, which is true, and I soon saw him in a bar, drinking beer out of a barrel, and having sex with several hookers that had thrown themselves upon his body.

I asked him,”Hey Bill, where did you get so good at kicking ass?”

He replied, ” I went to Catholic school, they beat you with rulers there so I ran away, and I’ve been kicking ass ever since.”

Angry with my parents for not being Catholic, I caught the next flight back to the United Shit of America, and continued jerking off and writing on this shitty site for no reason.

Chaos;Head Review

I must admit, I know how to pick em’. Chaos;Head was awesome. The good thing about short anime is that it doesn’t drag out, there are no fillers, and…..well….they’re short. And Chaos;Head did not disappoint.

Here are some Pros of this anime:

  • Dynamic Characters
  • A good share of “BAM” moments (for the record…a “BAM” moment is any twist, plot/character change, or moment that makes you pump your fist and go “Aww fuck yea!”. “BAM” moments are huge boosts in my ratings)
  • Good animation
  • No dull moments
  • A covering of many topics and/or events
  • Unique/cool fighting
  • Unique/cool abilities
  • An awesome plot that slowly builds up the fire to an ending

Here are some Cons:

  • I guess the ending could have been better, I’ll get to that shortly

Well there you have it. I don’t want to spoil anything or give anything away, but I’m going to anyway. If you don’t want anything spoiled, don’t read the stuff after the nice picture, and go watch the show. It’s only like, 12 episodes.

FINAL SCORE = 5^^

Easily the awesomest thing ever

SPOILERS

Yea, so these are spoilers. I don’t know how to hide them, so if you don’t want the anime half ruined, don’t fuckin read this. The thing I really liked about this anime was how the main character, Takumi, developed from an anti-social pussy into a guy with balls who wasn’t afraid to stand up for himself. He got himself a sword and fought like a man. Of course, I wouldn’t go so far as to consider him a bad ass; and truth be told the ending “fight” was kind of a let down. It almost reminded me of the end of Neon Genesis Evangelion, in that it was a bunch of thoughts in his brain and pretty much bullshit, except Neon Genesis made it last for 24 minutes, and Takumi only had like 2 delusions before he came to his senses. More to come on Neon Genesis Evangelion. That show messed with me. Anyway, the final fight? Yea there was pretty much no actual fighting. I’d rather they just have Takumi come in and fuck the bad guy, Norose, but instead they played mind games. Another thing that bothered me was that it seemed like they tried to squeeze a bit too much info. into the last episode, and the explaination on deafeating Noah II was kind of weak. In my opinion they should have added another episode in to explain the rivers or whatever……of course, maybe I’m just an idiot that doesn’t pay attention.  Still, the end doesn’t take away from the fact that this anime kicked more ass than Bill the Ass kicker.

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni = A Series Review

Higurashi no Naku Koro ni starts off with a sick opening (one of my favorites…….I have a list of them maybe I’ll put them up. Maybe I won’t. Maybe go fuck yourself). Anyway, after the awesome opening, It starts of really happy. A new kid named Keiichi moves to a small village which is very laid back, and is out in the woods somewhere:

Look at these happy friends! (Yes one girl has horns, unless Im retarded, shes not in the first season, and there is a reason for the horns)

They delayed a few episodes in Sep. 07 in Japan, because a 16 yr. old girl hacked up her dad with a hachet (he died), and they didn't want to cause more trauma.

Each year they have this festival called a Watanagashi Festival. A nice, happy festival, where the towns people pay tribute to Oyashiro, their local God (God’s are poppin out everywhere these days). Here he learns that every year for the past four years, someone has gone missing the day of the festival. There are all sorts of wierd things that surround the festival, all believed to be because of Oyashiro, the local God. You know, here is this village going OUT OF THEIR WAY to give their God a festival, and all he does is take someone away. What a pisser. Anyway, soon after learning about the festival, THIS:

Happy Times with Happy Friends!

Happy Times with Happy Friends!

Turns into THIS:

Wow that’s pretty fucked up! In a good way! What makes this anime awesome though is that the plot is actually very good, and original (I’ve never seen a show with a plot of this….by the way, I didn’t explain the plot). And the way things are revealed makes it even better, you’re never given more information than you need. The first season might be confusing, but stick with it because the second season explains everything.  This show is based off of a game, and the way the game is set up makes it so that there are several question arcs (arcs that raise questions) and then several answer arcs (which answer the previously created arcs). Get it? No? Well then watch the fuckin show. I almost want to play the game because frankly, this show kicks more ass then Bill the Ass Kicker:

Even I can't kick a clouds ass...where IS a cloud's ass?

Even I can't kick a clouds ass...where IS a cloud's ass?