Does Enjoying Perverted Humor Make You Perverted?

EDIT: This post was edited to include Inukami, which certainly deals with perverts.

Hmmm. This one is a tough topic to tackle…..err…..terribly?

What the hell was that supposed to be?

Okay, all poor attempts at alliterations aside (oh an accidental alliteration! [And another! {AND ANOTH-

Get one with it.

Ah….yes……so…….Perverted humor…..does enoying it make you a pervert? for examp- Oh, I should say, most of these links are safe for work, if not, I’ll let you know…anyway, examples:

Take some kind of perverted manga….sayyy Ultimate!! Hentai Kamen! As the name suggests (hentai means “perverted”), this manga is quite perverted (see the picture above?) Although this perversion is all in the name of good fun. There’s really no nudity, and is generally filled with greatness. Let me fill you in.

Ultimate!! Hentai Kamen centers around Kyousuke, a seemingly normal guy who does martial arts at his school, and whose mom happens to work as an S&M lady. But one day, he puts some panties on his head, and realizes that upon doing so, he suddenly has super human like strength, and thus becomes Hentai Kamen, a scantily clad warrior with panties covering his face, who usually  beats foes with some kind of perverted method (like hitting them with his man package, or tying them up bondage style. He’s almost like a perverted Spiderman.

If you can’t find humor in that small premise, then you better stop reading this right now, and go to church or do something non-perverted, because you obviously aren’t ready for this post, or its direction.

Let’s take on a bit more, revealing manga, a personal favorite of mine, My Balls. Some people might see this as actual hentai, just because it might have some nudity (every chapter) and “sexually related material” (like actual sex, every chapter). These people are obviously retarded and will probably live the rest of their lives as sad sacks of shit.

That was kind of harsh, don’t you think? Won’t someone take offense to that last statement if they think of My Balls as hentai?

No. Anyone still reading this should be cool enough where they don’t take offense to something as arbitrary as that comment (if it applies to them). Anyway, it actually is technically hentai, because it’s perverted, but it’s not like….HENTAI hentai….I think….it’s all censored anyway. My Balls is about a 19 year old kid (he’s legal) who loves this girl he works with, who happens to be a complete babe. One day, he is walking home hammered off his ass, when suddenly an evil devil bent one destroying the world is accidentally sealed away in his testicles by some angel. He has one month to keep her inside his balls, because if she gets out during this one month, she will destroy all of humanity (she only has one month to do it, due to some kind of contract). Basically, he can’t bust a nut or the world will end. Needless to say, he is suddenly met with more ejaculatory opportunities (other than self-masturbation) then I’ve probably ever had in my life, including the appearance of a lesser devil named Elyse, who was sent from Hell to make him bust. Can he survive for 30 days?

Now the difference with this manga and something like Ultimate!! Hentai Kamen, is that Ultimate!! Hentai Kamen is more along the lines of Dragonball (kind of shoneny), whereas My Balls actually has nudity and sexual situations (like sex, doggystyle, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, 69, 29, because the kids are young it’s 9 [NSFW [language], but don’t worry that wasn’t a link to child porn, it’s the funniest joke ever]). Anyway, what I’m trying to say, as I laugh over the greatness of Bob Saget, is that My Balls is much more mature than Ultimate!! Hentai Kamen (or at least intended for mature audiences).

Perhaps this is why I find it so funny. I’m not mature at all. I have to supervise 14 year old middle school pricks at summer camp, and they’re probably all more mature than me. I mean, I’m sure we’ve all seen ridiculous stuff and laugh at it, like, for instance….I’m sure many people have been jerking off to a porn flick, when suddenly something happens that makes then stop mid jerk and just start laughing their ass off. It’s happened to me, and I’ll be damned if I’m alone in this, because porn is fucking funny. Here’s a picture, before a story.

Puni Puni Poemi has plenty of perversion. Likewise, I thought it was really fucking funny.

One time, I was with some friends of mine (this was before I really watched a lot of anime I think) and randomly, the most perverted person among us, found a hentai (like, actual hentai) clip, with a girl getting fucked by some weird monster……needless to say, we all immediately died laughing, so much so that we actually died (from the laughing). I don’t know what it was from, but personally, I never want to know….it reminds me of the first time I saw a girl suck a cock. Me and my friend were on the computer (this was BACK in the day), and around that time was the time I think Napster first started. We were watching a hot girl in a bikini (Heather deep throat) and at first it was just her in a bikini, looking hot, we didn’t know what was coming next.

She took off her bikini, and we were like “Yeaaa, her boobs are nice!” because we were like, in middle school or something. Suddenly, a massive cock, must have been 18 inches at least, was thrust onto the screen, and we yelled in rage, half laughing, and immediately deleted the video……..later, we both watched it on our own time, and it turns out, she fit the whole thing right in her throat. Now that’s a keeper.

That was the fucking stupidest story I’ve ever hea-

Anyway, to get back on topic (for once), Does enjoying these types of manga/anime/tv shows, make you (or me) a pervert? I enjoy the previously listed perverted manga, as well as several others, like Onani Master Kurosawa, Koe de Oshigoto, even KissxSis (the anime isn’t funny, and is just stupid) is pretty funny (despite the loli/incest…actually, I’d say that adds to the humor, as it is retarded in itself) based on the fact that it’s so incredibly stupid….I mean, almost everything about it is retarded, and I love that aspect of shows. (Here’s another random picture)

This has nothing to do with the post, but this guy is just awesome.

Okay you know how I said I edited this post? Here it is:

Inukami was awesome. I think of it as one of my favorite anime. Surly it is no coincidence that it dealt heavily with perverts of all sorts?

Jesus Christ, in the first episode, Keita loses his clothes, because the main “bad guy” has a power that removes clothes from men (I think it was the first episode). Not to mention, in the movie (I think it was the movie, it might have been the end of the series) the day is pretty much saved by Keita, who assembles all of the perverts to help overcome….whatever it was they were overcoming (wow, for being one of my favorite anime, I really can’t remember much about it). I’ve never seen an anime stick up or perverts like this. Is that why I like it? Am I……..am I a pervert!?

Don’t care, moving on…..

So what I’m asking is, does making these types of media outlets make me a pervert? I assume you are all greeting this question with a resounding and unanimous “Yes”. Well allow me to retort.

Saying that me enjoying a large quantity of perverted humor makes me a pervert (or anyone for that matter) would be like saying Lisa Lampanelli (NSFW [language]), and anyone who likes her (me) is racist. Quite clearly, Lisa Lampanelli is only as racist as everyone else, so if you think she is racist, then so are you. Wait, wasn’t I talking about perverseness?

Everything has perverseness if you look close enough.

Afro Samurai: Resurrection (I think). It has some sick fighting, but the only scene that comes to my mind is the one where Afro is fighting some dude, and is in some hip hop club town. There is a brief scene of a girl getting POUNDED up against a wall by some dude. And he’s givin it to her. He was like, “Yea….take that.” (NSWF, [sort of nudity] It’s not technically nudity (costumes) but it looks sort of real enough where it might be construed as such).

Hold on, time out. This post is about perverted HUMOR, not just shows. And who doesn’t like a dirty joke?

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says “But sir, it’s just a sperm bank!”, “I don’t care, open it now!!!” he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says “Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!”, she looks at him “BUT, they are sperm samples???” , “DO IT!”. So the nurse sucks it back. “That one there, drink that one as well.”, so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, “See honey – it’s not that hard.”

Not your cup of tea? Well here’s another one ass-hole.

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctor’s office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window…

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

“Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?

“Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”

She replies, “Yes, getting herpes – thats why I am here!”

This is one of the least perverse pictures related to Queen's Blade, but I really didn't want a picture of Reina or Cattleya in this post.

Lastly, how can I leave out Queen’s Blade. Such a perverted anime has never been seen before by my eyes, and it was also one of the more enjoyable anime of 2009. I mean, it kicked ass! I’ve already said enough about Queen’s Blade on this ISSS, but if you want to know more, search it on my site, and be amazed by my great episodic reviews (I’m not going to say anything, because this post is long enough as it is, but I felt I had to at least mention it).

Anyway, I don’t have much more to say, and it’s late, and it’s getting to the point where I’m starting to have no clue what I’m talking about, so I’ll end with a question:

Does enjoying perverted humor make one a pervert?

Queen’s Blade GoTM 12 & Final Review

As this is the final battle between Aldra and Reina, I’m actually not going to do an episode review, and instead I’ll just say this:

They're fighting in a colloseum, so you know it's going to kick ass.

Okay maybe I will review it. Basically, in the fight, Reina is getting pounded. Right when she is starting to think that she has no chance of winning, Risty shows up and mutters (from deep within the crowd), “Fight Reina” or something to that effect. Immediately Reina becomes unbeatable. Now I’ll talk about something that isn’t actually completely retarded.

Airi, remember her? She died right? That’s what I thought, but if you remember, they never added a montage for her like they did with Shizuka, and sooo……

Sheeeee's BAAAAAaaaaackkkkk.

Sheeeeee's BAAAAAAAaaaaccckkk.

That’s right, Rana, who easily surpassed the non existent security in the castle, found Airi’s scythe still lying on the ground in the room with the frozen people. Apparently the castle guards or Aldra or whoever doesn’t bother to clean up or anything. Anyway, one lone guard shows up, and Rana throws the scythe at her. The scythe happens to have Airi like…..in it or something, and…..well……just look at the above picture. As Cattleya and her tits are reunited with her husband and son, Nyx finally completes the transition to awesomeness and stands up for herself while not under the influence of the rape staff.

Meanwhile Nanael creates a new name for Flabby Pink (Melona), which is a pretty awesome name, but personally, I prefer Flabby Pink.

What the fuck is plasticine?

I have a better name for Melona. Consider this, she is played by Rie Kugimiya, and she’s small. She is now riding on Nanael for transportation. Obviously, she should be called Melona-tan (like Shana-tan). Next thing you know, she’s going to be pulling out Nanael’s hair and eating Melon Bread (or Melona Bread [that was a shitty pun]) on top of her head.

Anyway, in the fight, Aldra supressess Reina with her Eye Flash technique, and then people question about whether or not she is a demon. She retorts by subsequently freezing all of the people in the audiance (except people like Tomoe and Risty, who somehow didn’t get frozen).

Randomly, all of the weapons belonging to the fighters of the Queen’s Blade start glowing, Apparently these are somehow Reina’s feelings. At this point, I’m getting pissed at the stupidity of this fight. As Reina starts to win, Aldra brings out her secret weapon:

I think it would hurt if you tried to pleasure someone with it.

Finally, Aldra shows us what he metal strap on dildo can do, as she fires penis projectiles all over the place, breaking off Reina’s armor until she is suitably barely dressed. After Reina then kills her in one shot, the fallen angel, Demonstra or some name like that, comes out of Aldra and makes a huge dramatic entrance, claiming that he will kill them all or some shit like that. Nanael waits till he finishes talking, and then simply pours some Holy Milk on him and then everyone kills him.

So it ends, everyone is happy (except Shizuka, who is dead) and Reina is the new Queen (much to my dismay). How about the series?

Series Review

When comparing to the first season, I thought that this season had much better writing, and as a show, was a lot better as well (not to mention the tournament, which I love, and which was the reason why I started watching this in the first place). However, I was mad at the following parts:

  • Less completely stupid and ridiculous fan service to make fun of.
  • Reina didn’t fall off a single cliff.
  • Reina didn’t die.
  • Nyx never got her revenge, and instead just ran back to Lord Fuzikawa or whatever the Rape Staff’s name was…..what a whore.
  • The names of the characters (like the first season) are ambiguous. Sometimes it’s Reina sometimes it’s Leina, Risty can be Listy…….They’re R’s people. R’s. Mellona can be Melona (I prefer Flabby Pink), Nanael is sometimes called Hopeless….I mean, jeez. Pick a name and stick with it.

Besides these minor details I really enjoyed this series overall. In fact, it was one of the better series of the year. I gave the first season a grade of a 4, but I’m going to up that to a

FINAL GRADE = 5

That’s right, a 5. A quality grade for a quality show. That’s all I’m saying on the subject of Queen’s Blade. Hopefully Baka-Raptor or TJ will write a Queen’s Blade post that is more in depth than this.

Kept getting hard when he tried to fight Queen's Blade. What a pervert!

Queen’s Blade GoTM 11: Err…Review?

Isn’t this series already over? Where are the subs? Whatever….anyway, to start things off, we learn why Aldra is being such a bitch:

Apparently, her half demon sister was abducted, and she’s been looking for her, which is why she destroyed Tomoe’s home. She then asks Tomoe to become her suborinate, but Tomoe refuses. Meanwhile…

I don't even have a comment here. The subs speak for themselves: she's a huge slut.

After a short time of Reina acting like a prostitute, and flashing her tits all over the place, we are suddenly thrown into the second to last Queen’s Blade Fight:

Semi Finals: Reina vs EH Risty (not Listy, Listy is gay sounding. Her name is Risty)

Die Reina Die!

Reina takes some hits early, but then she showes, EH Risty the double sided coin, and EH Risty suddenly seems to turn back to Risty, at which point Reina beats the shit out of her.  However, just when it seems that she is remembering who she really is, the Demon living inside of Aldra takes control, resulting in Red Eyed EH Risty.

Red Eyes always make a character better.

At this point Red Eyed EH Risty begins choking Reina to death, but was apparently doing it wrong, because Reina was still able to talk (which means she could breath too). If you are correctly choking someone to death, they wouldn’t be able to speak, because speaking requires air to flow through the vocal passages. Reina tells her to think of the children (gayyy) and Risty comes back to herself but then reverts back and forth and I really don’t know what the fuck is going on. Luckily, Flabby Pink steps in:

Flabby Pink....best name ever.

In the meantime, Risty completely loses it, and is CRYING BLOOD (damn!). She turns back to normal when Reina beats her.

Lose your top, lose the fight.

Anyway, after a small bit of trouble, Flabby Pink manages to get the milk onto Aldra, but wouldn’t you know it? It wasn’t enough. That’s because Nanael lost all of it, because she doesn’t understand what a bottle cap or even a cork is used for. If you keep the top open, shit is going to spill (dumb fucking angel). Anyway, Flabby Pink accoplishes what she set out for, but it doesn’t do shit (as far as we know). Anyway, this sets the stage for the final episode:

A Review of Everything

Well I took a week off from writing anything (more like I have a shitload of work to do before the end of the semester [this is the life of a procrastinator in full effect]), or even doing anything anime or Eye Sedso related, but I did have this draft that I wrote, and just never put up. In it, I review pretty much anything that I would’ve reviewed, had I not been getting my character list out instead.

First are reviews of shows and stuff that I finished I want to just say that it is becoming very hard for me to watch anime at all, for several reasons:

  1. Whenever I start an episode, I can’t seem to get through it without my shitty computer shutting off from “overheating”. FYI, it’s NOT overheating, it just THINKS it is, because it’s a PIECE OF SHIT. I would LOVE to get a new one, but for that I need MONEY, and finding a job right now is NOT EASY (especially if you don’t look, like me….that being said, the ski slope opens soon [job I have] and training for lifegaurds is going to be soon [another job I will have], so I’m kind of just holding out until then).
  2. I have MUCH LESS TIME on my hands than I usually have, for a few reasons: First of all school work is actually finally starting to become….how you say….heavy? I actually have lot of shit due, and most of this shit takes a lot of time to produce.
  3. I’ve been reading manga more than watching anime, because with manga you can read on your own time. You don’t have to commit 24 minutes to it, you can read for 5, 10, even 654 minutes at a time. Not only that, but the artwork and stories in manga seem to have more depth to them. I actually sometimes go to Borders books and READ MANGA now (once, about a month ago….okay 2 months). I need to buy some manga now.

Just a warning, this is a longgggggg freakin post (maybe my longest ever….well….that I put up all at once at least). This is mostly due to Queen’s  Blade, since Queen’s Blade takes up about half of this post. (chances are, I made 1000 spelling/grammar mistakes).

Section #1: Anime Series Reviews

Pandora Hearts

You know what seems to be a trend? In every anime, whenever characters have a cheers, the camera suddenly shows the outside landscape, and than pans upward to the sky when they all say Kampai!!! Anyone else find that odd?

Anyway, Pandora Hearts was good, and I’ll get to that in a bit, but first let me get to the bad:

CONS:

  • Oz. He started off as a pretty cool character, seemingly not giving a fuck, but then it turned out that he was just an emo bitch, and toward the end especially, he was just miserable as a character, asking himself, “What am I, who am  I, why didn’t daddy love me?’ Enough Oz. Cut the bullshit, act like a man, and go kick some ass.
  • Unanswered questions. Remember when Elliot complained about having that dream? It seems obvious to me that he is to Glenn what Oz is to Jack. Aka. However, they brought this whole “dream” bullshit up, only to never talk about it again. That’s just one example. This, along with it’s lack of ending, leads me to believe that a second season would be coming, but apparently, this is not the case (so I hear). In that sense, this anime was a complete waste of my time.
  • The fuzzy animation quality. Even the torrents were pretty poor quality (which is no ones fault really, you use what you get), but even the high quality torrents that I saw still had that fuzzy, dull look that I absolutely HATE. It reminded me or Shikabane Hime or Kurokami (both good shows however). The actual animation wasn’t bad though, only the color schemes.

PROS:

  • The characters were a HUGE PRO, and a big part of why I liked this series. We have Alice, aka one of the most awesome characters EVER. We have Echo, a minor character who ruled. We have Break and Sharon, both who are awesome either by themselves or paired up. We have Gil….who was…….gay?……Anyway, the characters were great. Even Oz was pretty cool for the most part.
  • The premise, despite the lack of an ending, the plot was actually relatively intriguing. Chains and the Abyss, Alice and the Will, Vincent and his deal (another unanswered…..you know what, there were no answers to anything). The search for Alice’s memory……everything was tied into each other pretty nicely, and for the most part, I found the plot great.
  • The comedy was awesome. I went into this in another post that I don’t feel like looking for, but the comedy was done pretty nicely, and put in at the right moments (although I guess that is mainly credit to the manga, if the anime copied it).
  • Alice. Without her, I may have dropped this show.

For this, I give Pandora Hearts an average

FINAL GRADE = 4

Bill sent Pandora Hearts into the Abyss, but it managed to claw it's way out.

Bill sent Pandora Hearts into the abyss, but it managed to claw it's way out.

Spice and Wolf II

Well, the first season was awesome. And the second season was more awesome. I don’t really have much to say here, so I’ll just list whatever about the show (There will be spoilers in this little list, but only in the little list):

  • Horo was in it, so it was good.
  • Lawrence sold Horo off to some guy in marriage.
  • Lawrence sold Horo off to the church.
  • Lawrence sold Horo off to people for sex, and collected the money Well, he might have well have (had well? I don’t know the right grammar here).
  • Horo got drunk.
  • Horo and Lawrence plotted and schemed.
  • Lawrence confessed his love to Horo!!!! Unexpected! (actually it’s not that big of a surprise).
  • There were awesome money transactions.
  • Several BAM moments.
  • Great new supporting characters.

There was probably more, but I really want to watch Gintama, so I’m going to finish this up…. The second season of Spice and Wolf was even better than the first, which was awesome, and seeing as the first got a grade of 5^^ (which is my highest grade in my awkward system), this season also gets a

FINAL GRADE = 5^^

Bill tried to shave Horo's tail in an attempt to win....BAD MOVE BILL.

Kanamemo

Clockwise from the top left (saki bottle): Haruka (pedophile), Yume & Yuuki (lesbians), Mika (tsundere/lesbian for Kana (in my opinion)), Kana, Saki (boss), Hinata (Money).

Don’t watch this, it sucks. The first episode was okay, and then it was all downhill from there, as the series became riddled with repetitive, stupid plots, and retarded characters. At one point, it took me a week to get halfway through one episode.

Basically, it’s a show about a little girl who loses her grandma aka entire family (she kicked the bucket, meaning she’s fucking dead), and is now looking for a place to stay. What she finds is a newspaper delivery service that offers boarding to it’s employees, of which are compiled of, a 4th grade boss, a lesbian pedophile alcoholic, a girl with a money obsession, and a lesbian couple. She also meets Mika, an employee from a rival paper who she is destined to have lesbian relations with, once they are both of age.

Sounds like it could might be good, right? It actually really doesn’t, but Rie Kugimiya is in it, so I had to watch it. No surprise, but it ended up sucking pretty bad. Each and every single character was incredibly one dimensional. The only characters I found decent were the 4 year old boss and Mika. The money girl was okay too, only because she was normal and didn’t get on my nerves.

I struggled through it, until I finally got to the last episode. Ironically (and I love irony) I actually thought that the last episode was funny, and enjoyable. Maybe because it had great scenes where Mika and Kana pretend to be on bikes, and Kana dies (for pretend, which makes it pretty remarkable). It’s completely retarded, and I like stuff like that (because I am completely retarded). Even Haruka, the pedophile, managed to do something funny. She told Kana that she would like to “have” her, but Kana, who was not listing, and was instead thinking about a book she wanted to buy, absentmindedly said, “2800 yen”. Haruka went and got the money, assuming that Kana wanted money for sex. Misunderstandings are funny sometimes (this is the only one that was funny in this show). Actually, five seconds late (can you tell that I’m watching this episode as I write this?) Yuma tells Kana to pick up 2 notebooks tomorrow, and that she could keep the change (which would be enough for Kana to buy her book). Kana declines, and not one second later, Yuuki (Yuma’s lesbian lover) comes in holding 2 notebooks, displaying that she is completely Yume’s bitch.

It’s the last episode and the last episode alone that bumps this anime up to an amazingly low

FINAL GRADE = 3

Bill took a 2x4 and bashed the pedophile's head in. Not just because she was pedophile, but because she was fucking annoying.

If you want to know my favorite character, consult The Character Page, under, “K” (obviously).

Tokyo Godfathers

I’ve had this movie on my computer for about 4 months now, just taking up space. Why I hadn’t yet watched it is beyond me. Truth be told, I was a little put off by the premise of hobos carrying around an infant for an entire movie. After literally just finishing it (at least when this post was originally written), I can now say that judging a book (or in this case, movie) by it’s cover is the one thing you should never do. This movie was absolutely fantastic.

If I could sum this movie up in one word (and it just so happens that I have just the word to do so), it would be:

BAM

Every second there was a BAMmy BAM BAMerific BAMpster waiting to kick me in the face. I actually was kicked in the face so many times that I no longer have any teeth, and my nose is broken, and that’s a good thing. Let me rewind (don’t worry, no spoilers here).

This centers around three homeless people: a runaway girl, a homo (I like to refer to him as a hombo [homo + hobo]), and a man who seemingly threw his life away (I don’t want to spoil). They find a baby, and decide to bring it back to it’s mother. Now what makes this movie truly great is the pasts of each of the main characters, and how everything seems to come together in a GIGANTIC PLETHORA of HUGE BOMB SHATTERING and AWESOME COINCIDENCES. There are SO many coincidences and awesome turns, that I couldn’t help but punch several holes in my wall, just out of sheer joy (lol, can you imagine me jumping around my room laughing and punching holes in my wall? I can completely see myself doing it, and that’s scary).

The animation was FANTASTIC. Notice the colors. What movements! What power! (that’s sort of an inside joke) This is why I love animated movies. They’re so much more alive then series. The movements of the characters are so fluid when compared to a series (some exceptions). Tokyo Godfathers might even crack a TOP FIVE on my top ten animated movies list. In fact, it definitely does (now where did I put that list…)

.   .   .   .   .

Ah, here it is…..really? Howl’s Moving Castle isn’t better than Akira! I need to revise this a bit……annddddd:

  1. The Girl Who Leapt Through Time
  2. Akira
  3. Tokyo Godfathers
  4. Howl’s Moving Castle
  5. Steamboy
  6. Princess Mononoke
  7. Spirited Away
  8. Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea
  9. Perfect Blue
  10. Kiki’s Delivery Service

That’s right, I gave it the three spot. this was fantastic.

Shakugan no Shana-tan 3

The best one yet, and adding Hayate to the roster of shows on JCStaff certainly didn’t hurt. I really don’t have much to say, but this, just like all of the -tan shorts, was very amusing and entertaining and funny and awesome and great an-

Section # 2: Anime Series First Impressions:

Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu: Purezza


Okay, it took me watching this new season for me to realize just how awesome the last season was. Not only that, but I just watched episode 3, and to my surprise, I found Rie Kugimiya voicing a typical rich, tsundere character, and also using the main lead character as her butler. I’ll stop there and just say that it pretty much mirrored an episode of Hayate no Gotoku…..well, it was similar at least.

What can I say, I knew that that it would only be a matter of time before Rie Kugimiya was in this show, and she even made a short reference to Taiga from Toradora (at least that’s what I saw it as), aka her best performance ever. I fuckin love this show (even though it is extremely corny, very stupid, and completely retarded). Not only that, but we also got a new maid, named Koko or something. The reason why she is great is that the only words that she speaks are her name, which happen to be “Koko, koko”, (just like a Pokemon!) but the one thing that makes her great is her ability to pretty much kill anyone, due to the use of a weapon that looks very very very very similar to Dokuro-chan’s weapon Excaliborg (or whatever it’s called) from Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan (which is a fucking hilarious show done by the same studio I think…..or the same director……or something lik- you know what it’s in another one of my posts, go look for it).

Section #2.5: Manga First Impressions

XBlade

Okay, so I was checking up on TJ’s blog which usually reviews only awesome shows and manga, and I came across XBlade, a manga I had somehow never heard about, and later found that it is one of the greatest mangas I’ve ever read (after 2 chapters) and is filled with so much bad ass bad assery and assnes that isn’t good, that the whole God damn thing is one giant, continuous BAM. Just reading it puts hair on your chest. Hmmm. You might not get it, or might be underestimating this manga with that, so here’s this:

Normally I make all of my pictures sized to 500 x whatever, but I made this one 600 x whatever, because it’s so fucking sick that I developed a fetish for vomitting by reading it (that was just too gross). It’s awesome…..too bad I already caught up to the manga…

Ultimate!! Hentai Kamen

I should first point out that this isn’t hentai as in porn. There is no nudity. In fact, if I were to compare this to any other anime/manga, I’d say that it’s like Dragonball Z. Basically, this manga is a bit childish, but is also really really funny, and I started reading it by accident. I meant to watch Until Death Do Us Part, but the scroller is shitty, and I somehow started reading this. Speaking of Until Death Do You Part….I’m actually thinking of dropping it (which I won’t acually do), mainly because I’m reading it, but I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

Mahou Sensei Negima!

Pretty much just like the first show, which I consider one of my favorite shows (top 20? if not than certainly close). Awesome. I could read this really quickly if I wanted to, but I’m going to try and go slowly.

Section #3: Queen’s Blade:

Did you think I had forgotten Queen’s Blade? Shame on you. There’s  reason why I save Queen’s Blade for last, and why it get’s a whole section to itself. I may have not put out any posts about it in the past 2 and a half weeks, but I’ve been watching, and I’ve been liking. No longer is this show just a ridiculously hilarious fan service/softcore porn show. Now, Queen’s Blade actually has a good plot, and interesting twists. I actually anticipate episodes now, for different reasons than previous. Ready? Here are all of my episode reviews:

Episode 6

This fight (#6) actually changed my mind about Claudette. I used to hate her, but now I kind of respect her resiliancy and slight bad assness. She finally stands up and exclaims that she doesn’t give a fuck, she’s going to be the Queen:

WINNER = Claudette

Meanwhile, Irma, (my 2nd favorite active character), is being hunted by EH-Risty (Evil Hot Risty). However, when hope seems lost, her old master shows up and rescues her. Personally, I love this development in the plot….that’s right, DEVELOPMENT in the PLOT. In Queen’s Blade! I love it!

Elsewhere, Airi (my favorite active character) is still being nagged by Cattelya’s bastard child, and because of this, she hasn’t really been able to eat (human life force) in front of the kid. Airi has kind of become less of a bad character, and more of a gaurd dog to Rana, but I like characters who change, and Airi has an awesome scythe, which is why she wins as my favorite charcters. Anyway, Tomoe catched Airi about to feast, and then tell her that she and Shizuka will take care of the bastard child instead. Airi veiws this as an opportuniy to eat (human life force), and flies across town to get a meal, but right when she’s about to eat, Rana, being the bastard that he is, grabs her skirt….how he manages to catch with someone who was flying is beyond me, but it is then decided that they will be together for the rest of this season (apparently). In my opinion, I think that as long as Airi is paired with Rana, she won’t get frozen in yellow carbonite like her counterparts, Menace and Mellon (I forgot to tell you, Menace got frozen in yellow carbonite).

Up next is another Queen’s Blade battle, this time it’s

Queen’s Blade Fight 7: Tomoe vs Elina

Personally, I hope Elina gets her head cut off and dies. I hate her stuck up bitch additude. It’s fairly obvious that Tomoe is going to win (I feel like she’s destined to meet Reina in the finals), so I look forward to this. I find it kind of funny how Elina fouht in fire  during the first fight, and now is fighting in snow during her second one. That kind of sucks.

Queen’s Blade Fight 8: Irma vs EH Risty

Needless to say, I have a bad feeling about this fight. I have a feeling that Irma is about to get the boot. You can’t beat EH Risty, and her whole conversation foreshadowed pretty  blatantly that she couldn’t win, just from the general tone and Echidna’s little monologue at the end. Just don’t like it. Of course, I could be wrong, maybe Irma knocks Risty back into reality or something.

Episode 7

One thing I’ve noticed is that the fight scenes do two things:

1) Everyone’s shirts rip, and both fighters are left topless by the fight’s end.

Randomly, EH Risty's shirt becomes see-through.

2) The fight sequences are getting pretty good.

It's so quick that my print screens can't even keep up.

The same can be true for the fight between Irma and EH-Risty (as I obviously just showed). This fight ruled, despite it’s shortness in length. I loved the music, and the ice cavern. What also made this great was the flashbacks of Irma’s past during the fight, as well as Echidna’s little monologue. I thought it brought a good amount of drama to the fight. However, they didn’t let us forget that this is still Queen’s Blade, and kind of ruined a dramatic scene, after Irma get wailed on by that spiked ball you see in the above picture. after getting smacked in the back, she stands up (or manages to get to her knees anyway) and then coughes up blood, and falls backward, as dramatic music that actually really fits the scene  plays in the background. But whoops, she’s not wearing a shirt, soooooo

Holy mother of God.

Instead of feeling like, “FUCK, Irma fucking DIED. I’m pissed (because she is….or was, my second favorite acting character)”, I instead just laughed.

WINNER: EH Risty

After the fight, we see a similar pattern play out, as the scene moves to Airi and her dilemna with Rana, and how she’s all “OMG a kid OMG.” It’s becoming noticible that her weak state (due to lack of human life force) is starting to take it’s toll, and I don’t believe that she’s going to be surviving her next fight.

At the same time, Echidna finds an inconcious (or dead) Irma, and has to deal with her. In a sense, both are dealing with feelings of being a parent figure (or older sister figure) in looking out for the young ones. On to the fight between Tomoe and Elina.

Almost right away Tomoe loses her shirt (because she’s a whore). Elina is using mind games so that she can win (because she’s a huge lesbian whore). However, Tomoe unknowingly FLIPS THE SCRIPT, and uses mind games on Elina when she tell her that she and Reina (whore) ate and slept together.

Does anyone think that Elina looks like a whore right here? Because I do.

Does anyone think that Elina looks like a whore right here? Cuz I do.

When Elina hears this, she gets so upset that she kills herself by strangling herself to death.

.      .      .      .      .

Okay actually Tomoe just literally kicks the shit out of her (well she kicks her at least).

A topless Tomoe is not one to tango with.

WINNER – Tomoe

And then, just to remind you that this is still Queen’s Blade:

Really, you weren't expecting this?

Up next we have an awesome fight, between Nanael and Airi. Both of them are hungry, because they haven’t eaten, and they’re both some form of spirit. They’re actually like mirror images of themselves, now that I think about it. I don’t know who will win this. I almost feel like Nanael will lose, because she’s stupid, she bet on herself (never a good thing), and she’s a dirty whore (look at the picture). Honestly this fight looks like it will be more of a comedy act than a fight.

However, before this gets started, we have a bombshell dropping, as Shizuka reveals to Tomoe that she’s actually an assassin hired to kill her (Tomoe) and thus, she tries to kill her. GASP!

Of course, this turns out to be a lie, and Skizuka just wanted to fight Tomoe so that Tomoe would have no more weaknesses (which makes perfect sense….oh wait, no, it’s just stupid). So Tomoe obviously kills (yes, kills) Shizuka, and then cries like a bitch. Queen’s Blade is getting HEAVY.

Corny montage of Shizuka plays with music. This is good, because it means that Irma must be alive (she had no montage).

Episode 8

The fight between Airi and Nanael starts, but isn’t being shown anywhere (mainly because it’s being held in front of Queen Aldra, which means someone is getting frozen in yellow shit).

Anyway, as the fight progresses, both fighters are tired, and it appears as though Nanael has the upper hand. Thinking quickly, Airi sheds her clothes, and attacks using “Bra-Panty Slut Combo”

Not kidding, it's a legit Queen's Blade move.....I read about it.......IN A BOOK!

Then, as what usually happens with all of my favorite characters, Airi FUCKING DIES.

Maybe I should choose Reina as my new favorite character, so that she could die. Let’s take a look back on my favorite characters, and what happened to them:

Allean – Held back by a worthless, pantsless loli. Lost and was eliminated from Queen’s Blade.

Irma – Got completely raped by EH Risty. Lost and was eliminated from Queen’s Blade.

Airi – Started becoming awesome, was held back by a worthless, tiny kid. Fucking died.

Fuck me right? In related news, I now absolutely despise the character of Nanael, and hope that she dies. She’s so stupid and that little fucking wing she has is annoying as fuck. I mean, why is she even participating in Queen’s Blade anyway? Sometimes, I just want to take her by the throat an-

Can you get back to the review?

Can I…What!? Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do!? You want a review? Here a review of the rest of the episode:

  • Rana and The Dwarf Girl whose name I always forget talk, and Rana decides to help said dwarf girl reforge the sword. I guess that means that the dwarf girl is about to die, since everyone who hangs around Rana gets the ax.
  • Reina is a whore.
  • Reina’s dad is planning something to take back the throne.
  • Melona is freed from the yellow stone, due to the fact that holy milk was spilled on it, mainly due to the fact that Nanael is a clumbsy whore. This is pretty big news I guess, but whatever.
  • Reina is a whore (still)
  • the dwarf’s name is YMIR! (hits himself in the face with a bottle of contact solution [it was close by])
  • The next fight begins! I can’t wait for it, because one of my two least favorite characters will lose!

Queen’s Blade Fight #10: Nanael vs Reina

Suddenly, I don’t hate Nanael anymore. In fact, I’d say that she’s now my favorite active character!

What a fucking pussy you are Nanael...and you don't have any milk left because you don't put a cap on the bottle....wouldn't that make more sense?

WINNER – Reina

*facepalm*

Episode 9

So the last episode ended with the next two battles announced to be

Queen’s Blade Fight #11: EH Risty vs Claudette

and

Queen’s Blade Fight #12: Reina vs Tomoe

Honestly, I don’t care who wins first one (leaning toward Claudette actually), but I really want Tomoe to win her fight, since she is now my favorite active character, and Reina absolutely pisses me off. This means that EH Risty and Reina will win their fights (I’m assuming). The count planned to take advantage of the final Queen’s Blade fights by attacking with his troops, but as it turns out, the fight between Claudette and EH Risty is being held AT THE CASTLE, hindering his plans (literally pretty much copied this word for word from the subs).

Anyway, the count decides to send out the troops anyway, and Elina and Reina have sex.

She's touching you boobs, Reina....your boobs....(you'd think she'd be able to tell, wouldn't you?).

Randomly, we switch back to the fight, where Claudette, who spent last episode watching way too much Pokemon, breaks out her moves:

Claudette used Thunder Shock!

It's not very effective...

Unfortunately for Claudette, it looks like EH Risty, who has been known to like Onyx (both the rapper and the pokemon) seems to have been ready for Claudette’s electric attacks, and as you know, electric is weak against ground type pokemon. Anyway, Claudette is no level 7 pokemon (despite using a weak attack like thunder shock, when thunder or thunder bolt is much better [personally, I prefer thunder bolt. It's more accurate, and is still a good move]), and so she starts breaking out the body attacks.

Claudette used Skull Bash!

Claudette used High Leg Kick!

With EH Risty now in a weakened state, Claudette decides to finish her off with one of her electric moves, so that she can regain her pride (what’s better than beating a ground type with an electric move? Sex, and that’s it.)

Claudette used...Thunderclap Strike? Wait, I've never heard of this move?

With EH Risty apparently down for the count, Claudette takes this time to talk smack to the count (that wasn’t an awkward sounding sentence or anything). She tell him that he’s a stupid fuck, and that she will become Queen. unbeknowngst to the two of them, Aldra had given EH Risty a Max Revive, and she suddenly comes rushing after the Count, but is blocked by Claudette. However, Aldra also gave EH Risty an X Attack, so she’s like, super strong now (we’re talkin’ red eyes strong). Realizing this, The Count and Claudette try to run, but as any good pokemon trainer knows, you can’t successfully run when you’re facing another pokemon trainer. Eventually, EH Risty uses Fissure. and even though it misses 4 out of 5 times, this time it does the job. As you know, fissure kills any pokemon in one hit, and since Claudette was fucking awesome in this fight, and I actually really like her character, and was rooting heavily for her to win, she of course FUCKING DIES. That’s right, she’s fucking dead. Good for me. i bet Tomoe dies in the nexy fight, and then every single character besides Reina dies after that. STOP KILLING THE CHARACTERS I LIKE!!!!! Now it reads like this:

Allean – Held back by a worthless, pantsless loli. Lost and was eliminated from Queen’s Blade.

Irma – Got completely raped by EH Risty. Lost and was eliminated from Queen’s Blade.

Airi – Started becoming awesome, was held back by a worthless, tiny kid. Fucking died.

Claudette - Cheated out of a victory by the Queen. Fucking died. Oh good, she didn’t die, she just lost.

This is pissing me off a little.

WINNER – EH Risty

UPDATE! NYX APPEARANCE!

Since they showed Nyx, it's apparent that they might not be done with her character just yet. I have hope that she is able to kill Elina (or at least rape her in an embarrassing, Queen's Blade sort of way) to complete her revenge!

After this a bunch of shit happens, although not much of it is important. Tomoe kicks the shit out of some trees (oooo real hard). And Melon steals Nanael’s milk, because Nanael is retarded and can’t realize something obvious when it comes along (I thought she knew Melon was not to be trusted? What a moron, she deserves it). Then it shows Aldra looking at her frozen yellow stuff collection. Then it cuts to the ED which is basically a place for Menace to act like a stripper.

Episode 10

To start out, Nanael is getting hammered off some milk, which is the most abundant of all liquids in the world of Queen’s Blade. Some bullshit happens, and she eventually wanders into the woods, looking for Flabby Pink, which I think is a much better name than Melon. There, she finds Tomoe, who has apparently ascended to the level of unstable psycopath bent on killing bamboo trees.

Too bad Tomoe isn't facing a bamboo tree in the next fight.

A bunch of other stupid bullshit happens, and then it’s time for the fight, which is being held, coincidentally, at Tomoe’s birthplace. Also, Tomoe looks, FUCKING AWESOME:

Dudeeeeee......DUUUUDDDEEE.....

As Tomoe completely beats up on Reina (something that makes me happy), Ymir (I remembered her name for once) talks to a crowd about how her blade is being used by Reina. Tomoe is using sick moves, and is just beating down Reina as if she were a helpless child. I was thouroughly enjoying it, until Reina said that she, “can’t afford to lose.” Somehow this makes her strong, which is complete bullshit. The end result?

First one to expose both tits loses. Those are the rules.

WINNER – Reina

God damn it you know? Anyway, Ymir makes a shitload of money by selling cheap knockoffs of the blade she HALF made, and Flabby Pink was apparently pretending to be Rana for a while (I kind of spaced out when she said why though). Tomoe is wakes up before the Queen, and my sleep cycle is completely fucked up right now (I woke up form 9 hours of sleep at 1 in the morning).

Bonus Section: Thing(s) I Need:

Here are some thing I really need now:

  • The Girl Who Leapt Though Time on DVD. I really want to watch it again, but my computer struggles when it plays MVK files (and all files, really).
  • More anime movies.

I wish there were a place in CT where I could buy mainly anime stuff, but there really isn’t (sure Best Buy or Fye might sell a few movies/series, and Borders might have a slim manga section, but it’s mainly bullshit stuff). I don’t “do” online shopping anymore, just because.

Was this post long or what?

Best Characters of Every Show I’ve Seen – Part XV: “Q-R”

I only had one “Q”, so I just threw it in with the”Rs”. My list is starting to wind down, believe it or not. And I really haven’t watched as much anime as I thought (over time). Still, considering that I spent about a month and a half of my life watching anime (this counts shows like One Piece, which I have watched 377 episodes of), I’d say that I still watched a crap load of anime in my lifetime (think about that….a month and a half straight).

While I’m on that topic, you may realize that shows like One Piece and Bleach (shows that I’ve seen quite a few episodes of, but haven’t finished), are not on this character list. That it because they aren’t finished yet. I decided not to put the 20+ shows that I’m currently in the process of watching on this list because I have instead elected to add my favorite character from said show to The Character Page whenever I finish a show. Likewise, whenever I list a character from a show (in these posts), assume that the show in question has been completed unless I’ve said otherwise.

Queen’s Blade – Allean

Queen’s Blade is great. It has boobs. I’m not a fan of fanservice anime much. But hey, boobs are great. Allean kicks ass (as I’ve said and taken back many times). Allean:

  • Looks the best. I mean, with clothes, without…..it doesn’t matter, she’s aesthetically pleasing.
  • Her personality, frankly, I think she’s fed up with her stupid loli sidekick, but realizes that she’s kind of stuck with her (this might be nothing more than a hopeful assumption by me). But her personality is so serious, that it makes her stand out amongst the other characters, who are all ridiculous in some way. She has one facial expression, and that’s determination.
  • Just fucking look at her.

I think I made my point.

Rizelmine – Tomonori Iwaki

Tomo is the epitome of someone who is not a pedophile. He’s actually the man. In this series, Tomo is someone who only likes older women, specifically, his teacher, who is a hot babe. He even puts the moves on her, and in my opinion, could have had a serious chance at copping some sensei ass if he kept going.

Subsequently, he hates lolis. Take note of Rizel in the picture above. He usually gets annoyed with the simple fact that she even likes him, and routinely punts Rizel, abuses her, and treats her like general shit. That is, until, he sees what adult Rizel looks like. When this happens, he notices boobs, and stupidly loses sight of his babe teacher. Overall I actually liked this anime a fair amount. I thought it was hilarious, and enjoyed it’s repetitive humor (which I sometimes like, and sometimes dislike, in this case, it mainly involved punting lolis, so I found it acceptable). Rizelmine was awesome. And yes, Rie Kugimiya played the voice of Rizel perfectly.

Rosario + Vampire/Capu2 – Mizore Shirayuki

Speaking of Rie Kugimiya, here’s a somewhat surprising character for her to voice (in a good way). She may be smiling in the picture, but don’t let it fool you, she doesn’t smile much. This is a good thing, because her character type is that of a shy girl, who has a crush on the main character. Oh, and she’s a stalker. She is an awesome stalker. She takes her stalking seriously, and is very good at it. In fact, I’m hoping that she ends up turning into a real life person somehow, and starts stalking me. I would let her stalk me for ages (a week) until I gave in and let her become my slave for like. Let me list off some things that make her awesome (or else I’ll start to ramble).

  • She is a stalker.
  • She has high, horizontal striped socks (or thigh highs or whatever they’re called idk), and they’re PURPLE (best color ever since colors were brought into this world by
  • She has awesome Ice Powers that look really fucking awesome when used as claws.
  • She has an odd strap attached to her leg that as far as I can tell serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever.
  • She enjoys lolipoops…….I mean lolipops.
  • PURPLE.
  • Rie Kugimiya.
  • Will fuck you up.
  • She doesn’t talk much (typical stalker fashion) and knows for a fact that she will marry Tsukune.

That’s about it. The runner up (which I have to mention) can be none other than Normal Moka (with the rosary not attached) because she’s a true ass kicker who does give a shit. But I will generally always choose a stalker figure (I messed that up in Gantz when I chose the wrong person).

Rozen Maiden (all seasons) – Suigintou

Well it obviously wasn’t going to be Jun (he plays with fuckin dolls), so who could I choose? Well duh, obviously the most badass doll there is, Suigintou. Rie Tanaka (who is AWESOME) voices her (isn’t it weird that my two favorite seiyu are both “Rie”?) and does a good job as usual…

Now the thing about Suigintou is that she is considered at first to be the “bad guy” in that she wants to win the Alice Contest (I think that’s what it’s called…it’s been a while since I watched this). and will do so at any cost. She’ll use any tactics it takes, even if that means using some….err…harsh tactics to get ahead (she’ll kill you). Besides that, her character design is fuckin great and she also hates Shinku, and since I think that Shinku is a stuck up bitch, I can relate.

Rurouni Kenshin – Himura Kenshin

The main reason why Kenshin wins quite easily for me (besides the fact that he kicks ass), is his dark past, where he killed people like it was his job (cuz it was). In the English dub, he is called The Man Slayer. What sounds more badass than manslaughter? Nothing. That’s a bad ass name. However, Kenshin wants to make up for his dark past. Of course, even with accepting his new life at the dojo, he still has to beat ass on many occasions, and does so swiftly and with bad assary.

Queen’s Blade GoTM 5: Most Well Written Episode of the Series

This episode was a good anime episode by any standard. But wait, what episode of Queen’s Blade isn’t absolutely awesome?

Let’s look at the facts:

First off is the continuation of Reina (worst character ever) and that dwarf loli whose name I always forget (It’s Ymir, as I find out later in the post). During this fight, we are given a tutorial of not only how much Reina sucks as a fighter, but how bad she is as a character.

Reina struggling against a mere loli.

Reina can't beat a loli dwarf half her size. Loser.

That's cuz you suck

That's cuz you suck.

Holy shit you suck

Holy shit you suck.

At this point, Reina has been worn down considerably by the heat and attacks of Ymir the dwarf (I remembered her name!). She’s about to lose. Naturally, the outcome is…

I know, I cant believe it either.

I know, I cant believe it either.

Okay, so let me get this straight, she was losing the whole time, and then at the last second, she won because she thought. “I can’t lose”? That is easily the most unoriginal aspect a character can have in any show. “I can’t lose” doesn’t suddenly make you super strong. If Reina was smart, she would just use her Dragon move in the beginning. I hate Reina, and I hate the fact that she still hasn’t fallen off a cliff.

WINNER: Reina

So next is the fight between Cattleya with child vs Airi, who, after this episode, became a favorite of mine, because…well, I’ll tell you later. In this battle Airi is can’t really get to Cattleya (who has some big ass arms by the way….obviously from all the blacksmithing). Then, she’s had enough playing around, and uses her…uhh….soul searchers? (Airi is a lot like Kikyou in that aspect, except Kikyou lose her clothes when she’s low on life force) and separates both Cattleya, her weapon, and her child. She then goes to attack Cattleya, who pulls out a big fucking sword, and….well…here:

All sorts of hell is about to be unleased all over you.

All sorts of hell is about to be unleashed all over you.

You are so fucked

You are so fucked.

Rape

Raperaperaperaperaperaperaperaperaperaperaperape!

The scene was fucking awesome. I shat all over my wall at this scene. not even lying (maybe a little bit). So Airi gets flung across the room into the yellow ice piss stone things, and one pins her down. Cattleya points her blade at Airi, telling her to admit defeat, when a HUGE BIT of IRONY happens (I LOVE irony….that reminds me, I still have to write a post about it….).

So you know the stone that is pinning Airi down, and could be the potential reason for her losing this match? It turns out, that in this stone, is the body of Cattleya’s husband! OHHHHH SHITTTTT!! Now the tables are turned. Instead of the stone giving the advantage to Cattleya, the advantage is suddenly Airi’s, as Cattleya becomes depressed, expressing apathy toward the match, and life in general. I guess her child is sad too.

I don't know why youre crying, he's obviously not dead, because that would mean that Mellon would be dead, but we all know that she'll be back sometime around the middle or end of the show.

I don't know why youre crying, he's obviously not dead, because that would mean that Melona would be dead, but we all know that she'll be back sometime around the middle or end of the show.

This awesome bit of writing surprised me. In fact, this episode in general had some pretty cool plot twists. As Airi escapes with the child, she runs into hot, evil Risty, who is both hot and evil. Hot Evil Risty (HE Risty) is about to kill Airi, when the child steps in, and HE Risty is reminded of the orphanage, and loses her head. Airi and the child escape, and end up teaming up blah blah blah. Long story short:

WINNER: Airi!? (unexpected!)

Next episode we have Claudette (who I hate) vs Celona? I forget her name too. But we also have some awesomeness, as HE Risty is ordered to kill Irma, who is fucking awesome and better not lose. By the way, some good directing when Aldra told HE Risty to go “kill a stray cat”, the scene flashed to Irma feeding a stray cat. Okay it wasn’t that great….but I liked it, so fuck off. I can’t fucking wait for next episode.

Now I will talk about Airi, and why she’s awesome. First of all, I did NOT expect her to win (although she pretty much lost)….I should say, I didn’t expect the writers to advance her to the next round, because she’s not that main of a character. I mean, Celona or whatever is definitely gonna lose, but this outcome was a surprise. Also, just like Transformers, she’s more than meets the eye. She pretends to be bad, but really, she’s probably the most normal (realistic) character in the show. Even her boobs are a normal size (still big….but not huge…a good size). She’s the only sane person in Queen’s Blade, and that’s kind of cool (it really doesn’t sound cool at all does it…… you know what? Fuck you then).

SIDE NOTE: Anyone else realize that there’s much less crazy fanservice in the episodes of late? Why is Queen’s Blade becoming more normal? I’m not sure about how I feel about that.

Queen’s Blade-GoTM 3: Stupid

WARNING: IT’S QUEEN’S BLADE.

I’m actually doing a real review for once on this episode. Real meaning, I cover the whole episode. Some details may have been changed (for example, there isn’t really a van in this episode).

I am so mad. So angry. And so annoyed.

This was fuckin stupid.

Here’s Nyx, the most awesome character in the world, looking to get her revenge on Elina, who, despite being an insestual lesbian, is fucking stupid. She’s looking pretty crazy and bad ass, as she’s seriously giving Elina, who is a snobby bitch, a beating she won’t soon forget. Then Elina does a small bit of trash talking and Nyx fucking forfeits. Why does she turn into such a pussy!? COME ON NYX, KILL THIS BITCH! I feel like Queen’s Blade ripped me off here. I feel as used as a condom that has done it’s job.

Winner: Elina

Anyway, after this disappointing end to what could have been an awesome battle, Reina shows up and pisses everyone off:

whore

What a stupid cunt. But enough about Reina, a Queen’s Blade first happens (sort of), as we are shortly thereafter introduced to the first men in Queen’s Blade (besides Reina’s father, who doesn’t count because all of his daughters suck as characters). And guess what? They’re all pedophiles:

Fact: Pedophiles like small girls because it makes them feel better about their small penises. In other words, all pedophiles have small dicks.

Fact: Pedophiles like small girls because it makes them feel better about their small penises. In other words, all pedophiles have small dicks.

So anyway, they really want to rape…uh….what was her name again?…..oh yea, Nowa. These three guys, who probably work as jesters in the Queen’s court, lure Nowa into their windowless van with the empty gesture (Curb Your Enthusiasm reference) of candy, and she learns that there is no candy, only pedophiles in the van. Completely forgetting that she’s supposed to be a warrior in Queen’s Blade, she suddenly becomes as useless as shit flavored lollipop (Dodgeball reference). The pedophiles are horny, and it doesn’t help that Nowa doesn’t wear pants. Luckily, the crazy snake bitch, Echidna, comes to her rescue, followed shortly by Allean, who has recaptured her spot as my favorite character after Nyx let me down. I still have hopes that she will rise again, kinda like Jesus did in that book…..uhh….the Bible.

Queen's Blade, believe everything.

So we learn that Allean is not only 1000 years old, but is also a virgin. She looks pretty good for 1000 if you ask me. Of course, she obviously isn’t really a 1000 year old version, Echidna is just busting her balls….or ovaries. Unless of course she actually is a 1000 year old version. Anyway, the episode then switches to Melpha and Nanael in the church.

In the church, Melpha tells Nanael that she lack piety, and that’s why she failed. In order to become closer to God or some shit, she has to go on a journey and gain knowledge. Nanael hears her, and then does something awesome:

Slap dat big titted bitch!

Slap dat big titted bitch!

Nanael might be my new favorite character (my favorite character changes about 3 times per episode, they’re all so awesome! So Nanaell slaps the shit out of Melpha, saying that she [Nanael] is a fucking angel, so what the fuck? You have an angel right in front of you, if you have a question about God or something, ask the fucking angel right in front of you. Stupid worthless bitch [Melpha]. Now, after being slapped, Melpha immediately cums all over the place, because as you know, when you slap girls they get horny. They then have sex long into the night, utilizing holy poses and Melpha’s enormous rack.

Next, we see that Risty has gotten a makeover since apparently becoming evil. (I skipped a few things)

Some blogs have good insight to episodes and such, but only Eye Sedso brings you fully extended Queen's Blade body shots!

Some blogs have good insight to episodes and such, but only Eye Sedso brings you fully extended Queen's Blade body shots! EDIT: Apparently this statement is untrue, as I now look upon other posts regarding this episode.

Risty has some huge ass tits. Remember when Risty was actually, like, and important character? I don’t. Next, more fights baby!

Queen’s Blade Fight 3: Echidna & Irma vs Nowa & Allean

Awesome. Tag Team Orgy.

Awesome. Tag Team Orgy.

So basically in this fight, all of the girls have to have a huge orgy, and the last one to cum wins. Okay it’s actually just a fight, but that could be a good idea for a Queen’s Blade spinoff. Teacher & Student vs Teacher & Student. Is it just me, or is this show starting to actually contain decent (or at least better) writing? For the record, I like pretty much every character in this fight. Allean and Irma might be my top two favorite characters, and Echidna is probably in my top 5 as well. Nowa sucks. Anyway, can’t wait for next episode to see who cums last.

Queen’s Blade-GoTM: 2 Gawwwd Daayyum

WARNING: THIS IS A QUEEN’S BLADE POST. EXPECT BOOBS.

Wow. This was….just….Queen’s Blade never fails to surprise me.

This episode opens with Reina, the worst character ever, looking for a place to stay. Seemingly, every single place she goes happens to be full up, but that’s just because no one likes her. Eventually, she’s forced to use the “I’m in Queen’s Blade” ploy, and a reluctant inn-keeper let’s her stay in a room, with this crazy snake bitch:

I wonder what she means by special night training...probably sex.

I wonder what she means by special night training...probably sex.

Nothing really happens through the first half of the show. Tomoe and Shizuka decide to stay at a church, which happens to be the same church where Nanael is, and it’s run by this character, who is so stupid (in a good, Queen’s Blade way) that I’ll have to show you a screen shot of her and her massive bust.

Ummm....I know big boobs are great, but dear God you need a reduction.

I see much lower back trouble in her future.

Holy fuck. This bitch has some huge tits. That’s what I thought, as I laughed and took a screen print of the page. Like, honestly. Jesus Christ. I mean, there’s a limit to how big boobs can be. I would not have sex with a woman if her tits were this massive. Okay, I might once, just to say I’d done it, but I probably wouldn’t enjoy it that much. Okay I might still enjoy it, but I’d hate myself in the morning. Pretty much, I wanted to punch this bitch in the face, just because I don’t like how she looks. Then they ate dinner:

Oh cum on, they're obviously using milk as a substitute for something else....what that something is, I have no idea.

Oh cum on, they're obviously using milk as a substitute for something else....what that something is, I have no idea.

Isn’t it strange how abundant milk is in the land of Queen’s Blade? It’s also apparently very easy to spill all over your face, breasts, and pretty much anywhere in between. Anyway, things get a little off track, as Tomoe forgets her place.

Apparently Tomoe forgot that she is a character in the hit anime, Queen's Blade.

Apparently Tomoe forgot that she is a character in the hit anime, Queen's Blade.

Tomoe, you’re in Queen’s Blade. There is no such thing as exposing too much skin. In fact, I’d say she leaves too much to the imagination. And you’re one to talk, we get quite a bit of fanservice from you this episode. But yeah, the whole first part of the episode was worthless. But then, the fights start, and I am riveted.

Queen’s Blade Fight 1: Tomoe vs Melpha

Well, this fight was……well……..very very very “>very “>very “>very “>very “>very very very very very very very very very….(catches breath)….very very very veryveryveryveryveryveryveryvecry funny. That’s right funny. Here we have two priestess going at it. Tomoe being very conservative (and fucking awesome), and Melpha being….well…..a whore. That’s right, a whore. Typical cum-dumpster. I mean, look at her fighting poses.

I laughed......HARD. HER FIGHTING POSES WERE FUCKING HILARIOUS.

At least she didn't piss all over the place like Reina would've done.

Each and every move of Melpha’s (the big-titted priestess) was a sexual position. I recall one of her poses was a doggystyle position, and I think it was called something like, “Holy Pose.” She actually yelled, HOLY POSE as she did it. I was honestly dying. She was actually beating Tomoe, but that’s only because Tomoe was kind of disgusted with her. Then she decided to try, and beat Melpha with one swing of her awesome samurai sword. I honestly want Tomoe to win the whole thing. However, she was not the best character of this episode.

Winner: Tomoe

Queen’s Blade Fight 2: Nyx vs Elina

Awesome battle so far. I was excited when I heard the matchup (even though it was kind of obvious). These match-ups ruled. Here we have Nyx, the girl who almost always get’s tentacle raped (she already was once this episode) and Elina, Reina’s sister, who, for some strange reason, wants Reina. She can have her. But what made this matchup really interesting was the fact that Nyx was, in the past, Elina’s servant, and pretty much hates Elina, and wants revenge. Now I don’t know if I told you about my feelings for revenge, but I fucking love revenge. I always root for revenge to win. If there was a fight between my best friend and a kid who wanted revenge against him, I’d say go revenge (as long as said friend was in no mortal peril).

Anyway, so right before the fight starts:

Obligatory Rape.

Obligatory Rape.

Something about this shot makes me laugh. Maybe it’s just my balls laughing at people who get off to this. But anyway, after swallowing the tentacle monster’s load, Nyx goes crazy (she’s obviously using the tentacle as means to gain power and for it’s free rapes). So now, instead of a scared girl who wants to get her redemption from Elina, she’s a fucking crazy psycho bitch hell bent on getting revenge. FUCKING AWESOME:

This girl has fucking problems and I love it.

This girl has fucking problems and I love it. This screenshot alone won me over.

Nyx was easily my favorite character this episode. I mean, she’s most likely going to lose, because she was only just recently introduced (kind of like Melpha) and Elina is a long lasting character. This show is easily predictable. But dear God, make Nyx at least get revenge. I can not WAIT to see this fight finish.

Winner: Undetermined

Well that’s pretty much the episode, except for one last thing (just ignore the subs, this is a shitty screen-shot, I know):

Is that like...a metal penis thing? What the fuck?

You poke someone with that, it ain't comin' out clean. It's like a honey bee's stinger.

Nothing makes me happier than when I finish a Queen’s Blade Post.

Queen’s Blade Hast Returned!

There’s a reason why I was looking forward to the new Queen’s Blade season more than almost every single other new show (save one). It’s shear ridiculousness and utter blatancy with it’s porn fanservice is something the whole family can enjoy. Let’s get it on!

Right off the bat we are greeted with Nanael's ass getting a scrub.

Right off the bat we are greeted with Nanael's ass getting a scrub.

How I had missed this absolute blatant fanservice, which is weird, because I hate blatant fanservice. Well let me tell you. There is a line, a line which Queen’s Blade has crossed, where fanservice stops being annoyng, and starts being funny. Anyway, this episode actually wasn’t bad and had some elements of plot.

Who didn't see this coming from a mile way?

Who didn't see this coming from a mile away?

It turns out that the head angel (or whoever that huge angel is) has decided that Naneal will participate in Queen’s Blade. Of course, Nanael has no chance, because I’m still not even sure on how her name is spelled. Anyway, this first episode pretty much started off by re-introducing all of the main characters. I’m’ going to mainly use screen-shots in this post, because without screen shots, a review of Queen’s Blade is pretty much pointless.

This is the best character in Queen's Blade. This is a fact.

This is the best character in Queen's Blade. This is a fact.

Allean is definitely the coolest looking character in Queen’s Blade (just look at that sick hat! She looks like a Scotsman.) and also the overall best character. This is a fact because I said it. She of course, has to deal with Nowa, who is kind of like a daughter to her (they’ll probably have sex or something close).

Yea you probably should have

Yea you probably should have

Let me touch on Nowa for a bit. No, I don’t mean that I want to literally touch on Nowa (she’s clearly underage), but I want to talk about her. I of course do not approve of underage girls without pants, however, given the ridiculousness of Queen’s Blade, it’s okay for anyone to not wear pants at anytime. Basically, Queen’s Blade is allowed to do anything and I won’t get mad. I mean, let’s face it, no one takes this show seriously, and if you do, then you should be given some kind of award, or be placed in a mental hospital. Well, then, now that we’ve talked about the best character in Queen’s Blade (Allean), I think it’s time to talk about the worst. Of course I am referring to Reina:

I'm surprised Reina didn't fall from here.

I'm surprised Reina didn't fall from here.

Reina sucks. I wish she would die, but she’s obviously the main character, and in a show like this, where the plot is simple as can be, I think that it’s fairly obvious that she’s going to somehow win Queen’s Blade. She’s easily the worst main character ever, and maybe one of the worst characters ever, if not for her huge rack and huge ass (I seriously think that they increased the size of her ass for this season). Anyway, the only interest I have in Reina is how many cliffs she’s going to fall off of this season.

With their forces combined, they'd have an average set of boobs (well, they'd still be huge).

With their forces combined, they'd have an average set of boobs (well, they'd still be huge).

Okay, so here’s an odd pairing: The character with the biggest tits in the show (Cattleya) and the smallest non-existant tits (Ymir).

Because you are a child you child!

Because you are a child you child!

So now I’d like to take some time to point out some of the more “family oriented” portions of the episode. And by family oriented, I mean boobs and tentacle rape.

First breast fondling of the new season, just thought I'd add it. By the way, the girl whose breast is being fondled (Irma I think). She is a pretty sick character.

First breast fondling of the new season, just thought I'd add it. By the way, the girl whose breast is being fondled (Irma I think). She is a pretty sick character.

Umm....a picture says 1000 words I guess.

Umm....a picture says 1000 words I guess.

This poor girl was just passing by the breast fondling session, when suddenly her weapon (or something) just rapes the shit out of her. It was the most random rape ever and I actually laughed quite hard.

The smartest characters in Queen's Blade.

The smartest characters in Queen's Blade.

Basically, the three “bad apples” are kind of hangin’ out, and then Melona (because she’s an idiot) decides to go and try to kill the Queen by herself (because she’s an idiot). Before I get into this, let me flashback to the first episode of Queen’s Blade.

I recall Melona getting riled up and fighting Reina, and losing in the first battle of that season. Now here we are, first episode of this season, and what do you think will happen?

Melona gets riled up and begins fighting the Queen Aldra, and then loses and the result is such:

Yet again, Melona essentually dies in the first episode.

Yet again, Melona essentially dies in the first episode.

I can’t wait for next week!

Boobs Vs. Ass: An Objective Analysis

Yes, lesbians and gentleman, it is time for us to answer that age-old question. Although both are incredibly fuckin awesome (on women), which takes the title? WHICH IS MORE AWESOME – Boobs or Ass? For this reason, Glo The Legend, and Refuse to Come Wack, have decided to take this on mano a mano, in a battle royale for the ages, with Glo The Legend representing the side of boobs and Refuse to Come Wack representing the side of ass. So without further ado, it’s time to pit the funbags against the fly badunk, the cans against the hiney, the jugs against the applebottom, the melons against the booty, the boobs against the ass, because let’s face it…when we put up some great lookin hiney and tig ol bitties, everyone wins.

BOOBS

Well, fuck, where do I start….how bout some pictures, eh?

I could suck on those until the cows come home.

They say a picture is worth 1000 words...this one is worth two: Yes. Please.

Okay, now anybody who’s seen my site knows that it is a safe house for all boob-lovers out there. I mean, at least half of my daily visitors seem to come here looking for boobs (it is the top search post). But why? How come I don’t get any hits for “ass”? Well the answer is simple:

Boobs are fucking great.

First of all, what do your eyes look at when you first see a girl…her face? Nah, they go right for the boobs. This has been proven with science. I mean, boobs can be used for so much. You can:

  • Motor-boat

Can you motor-boat an ass? Well, sure you can, but that’s how you get pink eye.

  • Grab em.
  • Rub em.
  • Suck em.
  • Fuck em.
  • Lick em.

You see, you can do all of these great activities with an ass too, but the thing is, you have to get alll the way down to ass-level to do them. Boobs are strategically placed right below the face.

  • You can also use them to open beer….wait….what? Let’s explore that last one:

Who can dare argue against boobs after that? I mean, that’s just fucking awesome. Beer and boobs are a perfect combination….actually, when you combine anything with boobs it turns out pretty lovely…..whipped cream…chocolate syrup….salami…but let’s delve more into the facts:

Boobs come in a variation of sizes. They can range from Asian Style:

Luckily, girls can now get boob jobs.

Luckily, girls can now get boob jobs.

All the way to Weird Anime Style:

Holy shit you could use those as trampolines.

Holy shit you could use those as trampolines.

And in case you don’t know what I mean by Weird Anime Boobs, look no farther then Queen’s Blade:

Queen's Blade is why I get so many hits for boobs.

Queen's Blade is why I get so many hits for boobs.

Wow, the girl in real life actually has bigger boobs then the anime girl. I actually can’t believe that. Let’s get back to the placement of boobs.

Now, Robert will argue that boobs are placed in an area of the body where you are most likely to get caught staring. Well I have a few things to say to that.

Who Cares if She Catches You?

Women will never admit this, but they love it when you peer down their blouse, or take a long, look at their bosom, as if in deep thought. The fact is, when you stare at a nice pair of hooters, it’s like giving girls a huge complement. Why else do you think women with small tits get boob jobs? It’s because they like it when guys look at them. It’s in this way that boobs make a good conversation starter.

If you’re in a public place, and you spy a girl with a rack that makes you nearly bust your pants, then go over to her, and blatantly look at her lumps of women flesh. She will then ask “what you’re fucking doing”  in an annoyed tone. When she does this, then simply reply, “I’m sorry miss, I’d really love to stop this, but your breasts are the most wondrous spectacles I have ever seen, and I can not, for the life of me, turn away.” She will most likely leave. This is when you know you’ve got her. After this, make it a point to follow her around the party, and every time you see her, make another remark about her beautiful tits. This works every time.

It’s a Challenge!

In some cases, girls want to hide the fact that they love men staring them down, that they might go off on you. These people are called dikes and feminists. However, this just gives the attempt to look at boobs more fun. Can you get away with it? It’s so exciting. I mean, it doesn’t exactly take a brain surgeon to stare down a supple ass walking down the street, for the sole fact that people don’t have eyes in back of their heads. but to successfully ogle a pair of tits. Well, they give out medals for that.

A picture of youth:

Most straight people know that from day one, tits are supreme over ass.

Most straight people know that from day one, tits are supreme over ass.

Let’s face it, the only thing that men and women both have (which can be found arousing) is an ass. Men have an ass. Women have an ass. But women have TITS. To conclude, I now present a person who is one of the most manly of men. Of course, I could only be speaking of Maddox:

Maddox has a whole chapter of his prize winning novel, “The Alphabet of Manliness”, dedicated to tits:

Ahhh Knockers

Ahhh Knockers

I’m not going to explain anything else here, because you should already own this book. I bought it right away, although I did also download it, because Robert (who is co-writing this epic legend of a  post with me) has it at his house, and it’s too late to go get it. Maddox goes into more detail then I did, so buy the book and read it.

And that’s all I have to say about the loveliness of boobs.

ASS

Let’s just start you off with this:

Seriously??!?!?!

Seriously??!?!?!

Now, theoretically, that should be enough to win me this battle right there, but I WON’T STOP THERE. Simply because I just wanna talk about ass more and hopefully can put up more pictures like that in the meantime.

Fellas (and hot lesbians), is there anything more enjoyable than giving a firm spank to a firm fruit-oriented shape of ass? Didn’t think so. You know what else is great about girls asses? They’re much more inconspicuous to look at…with their cans they hafta be facing you and relatively close, a prime time to get caught. With the booty, however, nearly any time is a perfect opportunity, and it’s much more difficult to get caught. Not only do you get a great view when the girl ISN’T facing you, but side-views are also always an option. You could be twenty feet away and a fat booty outline can send chills down your spine. I mean realistically, it’s almost hard to get caught…that is unless you’re a certain co-writer of this post grabassing on spring weekend eh heh hemmmmm….(also, doesn’t this kinda prove my point? A self-appointed defender of cans was reachin for the booty when the opportunity arose, not vice versa)

The other thing is, girls don’t even have to be wearing revealing clothing to show off a booty that would make men do this… with boobs they gotta be wearing a low cut or a tightass top, but with a great booty, girls can even look hot in sweatpants. I swear, if girls wear the right tightness sweatpants it honestly looks like a shelf…it’s just..I can’t even focus, here’s another picture.

I see you J Lo

I see you J Lo

Another advantage of the female ass is the preview. Is there anything better than the ass preview? Certainly not it’s rare cousin the boob preview, since it happens much less often. Think about it…even when girls are wearing low cut stuff, they have bras to cover their stuff up (contrary to what Glo says about them wanting you to peek). Much more often spotted is the ass preview, which may or may not look something like this:

Ass Preview

Ass Preview

Yet another inspiration for this post is Shakira. I know she’s ridiculously short…shes like 5’2″ or somethin crazy, but DAMN I can’t get enough of her ass. The obvious choice right now would be to go to She Wolf, since that’s her new video, but instead I’m gonna reference another one of her videos. Do yourself a little favor and go to 2:25 to 2:30 of this video. SHE DRAGS HERSELF ACROSS A TABLE WITH HER ASS, PEOPLE. Let me repeat that. SHE DRAGS HERSELF ACROSS A TABLE WITH HER ASS.

DRAG. TABLE. ASS.

And one of the best up-and-coming things is that girls of any race can now have a great ass. A couple years ago, it was relegated to a few races. A couple years ago, ass would be at a distinct disadvantage since any girl can have cans, but now that Ludacris is the new phenomenon like white women with ass (1:58), ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Seriously…girls can work out and make themselves have a great ass, can you really say that about boobs?

Finally, another great thing is simply the word “hiney”. It’s fuckin awesome.

In conclusion, do me a favor. Next time you get the chance, cup a great hiney. It’ll brighten up your year.

AS YOU CAN SEE, THE BATTLE RAGES TIGHTER THAN EVECR, AND THE VICTOR IS UP TO YOU. THE WINNER OF THIS AGE-OLD BATTLE WILL E DECIDED BY VOTES VIA COMMENT AND/OR POLL. VOTE NOW.