Live-Action Anime

Why? Why do movie corporations take all of the good things, and ruin them forever by making them into movies? Comming to theaters in 2009, as you must know by now, is Dragonball. Now Dragonball, Dragonball Z and Dragonball GT were all sick as anime. Dragonball Z especially. But seriously, have you seen the trailer?

uggghhh. Piccolo is white and is dressed in a tight black suit that makes him look like a gay vampire from Underworld or something, although he does look pretty bad ass in the hood.

What were the costume and makup designers thinking?

What were the costume and makup designers thinking?

I have come up with a reason as to the previously stated. I will describe it in the form of an equation:

Costume and Makeup Designers + 1 Pound of Crack = White Piccolo in Tight Black Suit That Makes Him Look Like a Gay Vampire from Underworld or Something.

I pray he turns green at some point, maybe in the Dragonball Z movies (it would make sense, because its not really the same Piccolo right?). It looks really bad. But wait, it gets worse. Here’s a list of movies that are also going to be converted to the big screen, in live-action:

Akira (2 movies, 2011)

Cowboy Bebop (2011)

Ghost in the Shell (2011)

Ninja Scroll (2011)

3 More Dragonball Z Movies (up to the Cell Saga I believe)

Now let me just say one thing. Akria. The anime movie (which is one of my favorites ever) took place in Neo Tokyo. The live action version, is all fucked up. It takes place in New Tokyo, so you may think “Ok so what? It’s the same thing, right?” Wrong. Because in the live-action version, the United States of America had just gone through a huge recession, so Japan bought America, and remade New York into New Tokyo. Overall, I think this makes much more sense then just having the city be in Tokyo or in New York. It’s so much better that they had Japan buy America and rename New York. It’s much more realistic and overall, is a much easier concept to understand. I hope to God my intell was wrong on that one. Otherwise, it could be pretty good, but most likely won’t be.

One more thing. Ninja Scroll is one that I am actually looking forward to. I thought that the anime version was kind of missing something. I can’t put my finger on what though. The studios can do whatever they want with this one and I won’t really care. Basically what I’m saying is that there is NO WAY they can fuck it up. You would think anyway.

Ok one last thing. Ghost in the Shell. This could be good, but frankly the movies and series were so good (only saw the first movie and season of the series, so I’m basing everything on that), I just hope they really take their time and don’t make it stupid. Same goes for Cowboy Bebop.

One more thing, truthfully, the only live action films you need to be careful with are ones that take and already existing plot and retell it. Example, the Harry Potter movies all sucked because they just rushed through everything without much depth of flow. They were all over the fuckin place. It was like Harry Potter on speed. As long as they make a totally original plot and cast GOOD (not Justin Chatwin, Jesus whoever coordinated that movie got everything wrong).

Bottom line is they’re gonna fuck them all up, but they’re gonna make a profit doing it. I will most likely see all of these in theaters no matter what. ‘m applying the same philosophy towards these movies that my friend Joe applies to his life: Aim low and avoid disappointments.

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4 thoughts on “Live-Action Anime

  1. Listen, if you’re gonna have an alien from another planet, obviously he shouldn’t look like an alien from another planet. And the extremely Asian dude who was not only raised in Japan but based off a Chinese mythological character should definitely be white.

    Akira (2 movies, 2011)

    Cowboy Bebop (2011)

    Ghost in the Shell (2011)

    Ninja Scroll (2011)

    Though I expected nothing would happen with any of these because it NEVER FUCKING DOES, I lol’d anyway. Rot in hell, shitty anime live adaptions. I hope that Evangelion live action burns in hell too.

    “Now let me just say one thing. Akria.”
    You said it!

    “so Japan bought America,”
    hahaha

    “One more thing, truthfully, the only live action films you need to be careful with are ones that take and already existing plot and retell it.”
    Yes, this. Or any sort of adaption. Most of the time they change it so much (like Harry Potter) that it’s more like they use the names and terms to draw people in, and that’s all that’s retained. I can understand cutting out needless shit for time, but changing shit for no reason (like making Harry’s dad a seeker instead of a chaser) IS PENISES. I gave up on those movies after the first since the first one was so fucking stupid, and based on reports it got even worse from there.

    My main problem with these titles (action/futuristic/cyberpunk/buttpunk) is that TODAY’S TECHNOLOGY HAS NOT CAUGHT UP TO THE POINT WHERE THESE FILMS WOULD DO THE ORIGINAL JUSTICE AND INSTEAD LOOK LIKE SHITTY B MOVIE SHIT FROM THE 70’S. Even if you got a lot of funding, all of those involved would have to be fucking awesome and fans of the original, not “fans” of the original who decide to make a “new twist” on something for “no fucking reason” because they are “stupid shitheads”. There’s no reason for their costumes and vehicles to not look the EXACT SAME as they do, I don’t want your weird little additions and fucking weird choice of fabrics. The costume designer, art director, special effects team, director, casting director, ALL OF THE PEOPLE have to want to be true to the original, not dickholes attaching a name to their penis and waggling it around hoping they’ll make more money since they attached a name to their penis.

    Oh, and here’s another thing. CG FUCKING BLOWS/IS FUCKING GAY. Until you make it look realistic KEEP THAT SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING. You know what looked good? Those fucking models they used for Star Trek. Because they were actual real things, so they looked real. You know what looks gay? FUCKING CG.

    AND HERE’S THE OTHER MAIN THING THAT’S KIND OF THE POINT I WAS MAKING!! Why? Why make them live action? (Besides money) They look badass animated, and the original is always gonna be better (exception: Haganai manga is superior to the light novel). Is anyone gonna say “Wow, Evangelion live action was so much better than the series!” Or “I’m so glad they made that even though it ALREADY FUCKING EXISTS AND THERE IS NO NEED FOR A SHITTY LIVE ACTION VERSION” So suck a dick because you’re all stupid greedy whores. I don’t buy that “I’m a fan so I want to do a live action!” bullshit. ESPECIALLY FROM YOU DIRTY JAPS.

    • This is all SPOT THE FUCK ON.

      Harry Potter was shit.

      CGI sucks. Im glad that JJ Abe is doing the new star wars because he’s already said he’s going to use models and shit instead of CGI. He’s not even filming in digital. He’s going old school 35 MM.

      • DAMN STRAIGHT BECAUSE I’M RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!

        Wow, seriously? GJ JJ!
        Except that why did you do Star Trek in CGI! And why did you fuck up Spock! Do you even know what the point of the original series was!!! And “killing” the original continuity is GAY. GAY FOR FAGS. PEDIATRITIANS AND MOMS AGREE YOU ARE A GAY FAGGOT. I’m gonna get the rights to Star Trek one day and then retcon YOUR stupid retcon you stupid gay!!!!!! (I don’t know how much he had to do with that shit, but I blame him anyway)

  2. Oh yeah, choreographers and shit have to be good too, especially for those impossible-in-reality fights and all of the other impossible shit that can ONLY HAPPEN IN ANIMATION JESUS THAT’S WHY IT WORKS BETTER IN ANIMATION!!!!

    Besides all the actors are either ugly (Japanese version) can’t act (Japanese version) or aren’t the characters at all (American version)

    LIKE I KEEP SAYING, ANIMATED IS SUPERIOR!!! *pees everywhere*

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