He has been brought up a lot thus far, but the real question it, who exactly is Bill the Ass-Kicker? Where did he come from? Well, although I’d like to leave everyone scratching their heads, just to piss you faggots off, I guess I’ll be nice and tell you his tale, which has been unknown to all until now. PICTURE:
Bill the Ass-Kicker was born in the year of our lord 7. He is very old and very wise in the ways of ass-kicking. I first met Bill on a secret trip to Switzerland that I never told anyone about. The purpose of this trip was to judge their National Contest, where contestants compete against each other in 3 categories (bullets):
- Chocolate: Who ever makes the best wins.
- Cheese: Who ever makes the best wins.
- Army Knives: If you haven’t caught on go fuck a dog you dumb shit-sack.
The contestants had to make these items on the spot, and among them was Bill, wearing his classic ass-kicking attire. As the starting horn to produce said items sounded, I watched through stunned and bewildered eyes, as Bill beat the shit out of all the contestants, killing an old lady and several of her pooches, which are key ingrediants in Swiss Chocolate, as well as 3 boy scouts and 2 nuns. This gave him ample time to threaten the milk, sugar, coco beans, and metal to transform themselves into the items listed above. Soon thereafter, the crowds cheered and he was offered to lead the counrty, because those are the only skills one needs to run Switzerland, which is kind of like a giant Disneyworld.
He declined the position of President, claiming that Switzerland was for pussies and lallygagers, which is true, and I soon saw him in a bar, drinking beer out of a barrel, and having sex with several hookers that had thrown themselves upon his body.
I asked him,”Hey Bill, where did you get so good at kicking ass?”
He replied, ” I went to Catholic school, they beat you with rulers there so I ran away, and I’ve been kicking ass ever since.”
Angry with my parents for not being Catholic, I caught the next flight back to the United Shit of America, and continued jerking off and writing on this shitty site for no reason.