Ok so you can look to see what people typed in on search engines to find your site, and today I looked, and two people…..TWO PEOPLE….typed in “girl fondling penis flacid” to find my site. I just thought that it was funny. Back to regularly unscheduled programming.
I have decided that Mirror’s Edge is my 2nd favorite video game ever made. I will never stop playing it (I beat it twice thus far……haha beat it) until the next one comes out. And the next one will be sick, don’t believe me? Beat the game and listen to the news-cast in the credits about 3 minutes in. Yea watched the credits, that’s how good it is, I don’t think I ever intentionally watched credits for any video game. Here’s a quick pic:
So why how did this move from my number 6 to number 2? If you know how much I love Goldeneye 007, then you know that I must seriously love this game. So why is this game fucking insane crazy nasty? There are many many many many many (+ many^2000) reasons. I’m going to say a few of them.
Why is this game kick ass-nasty?
- Well first of all, the soundtrack is one of the best I’ve heard since Need for Speed Underground. Of course, the music is all original. (Minus “Still Alive” by Lisa Miskovsky). Technically, I may have pulled this out of my ass. Let me look it up. Yes the in game music was original, which is what I am mainly talking about. Usually now a days, most games have actual songs for in game play, which I think makes the game worse (Except fort NFSU, which was nasty). The same goes for movies, but I’m not fucking talking about movies am I? The in game soundtrack rules. It matches the game perfectly. At times it’s kind of low key, but it picks up when it needs too, and I couldn’t be more pleased with it. The same goes for the theme song, Still Alive. Besides the fact that they made remixes by such people as Benny Bennassi (who I saw LIVE in NYC, best fucking night ever), and Paul van Dyk, the song is actually so nasty that I downloaded it and have had it on repeat ever since I’ve started writing this. It gives you a feeling of fighting back, which sounds so gay that I’m going to punch myself (I just did it cause I’m so crazy that I would sell you cars for NO MONEY DOWN) but that is exactly what the game is about. What the OST on youtube (or at the bottom of this page) and you’ll see what I mean….majestic. I think they should keep this song for the next 2 games that they have already said have already said that they will make. Soundtrack? 10/10.
- Secondly, the graphics. I usually don’t care about the graphics too much, as long as the game is good (Pong is a fucking kick ass-game, and it consists of 2 types of shapes – rectangles and a circle). However, the graphics in Mirror’s Edge are the best I have seen. They mainly use the primary colors of red, yellow, and blue, along with white, which make everything seem so clean and fresh. If a city existed like the one that they created for this game, I would move there and live there, even as a bum. Look at the picture above. Those aren’t like in the game, but they’re damn close. The video below is in game play. It’s actually the first level. I know because I’ve already beat the game multiple times. Just watch the video. Also, the cut scenes have sick animation. It’s like a comic book. Graphics? 10/10…show me something I like more. You can’t.
- What about the characters? Pretty much, the main, core characters are Faith (seen above), Merc (gives her directions and helps her), and Faiths sister, Kate, who is framed for murdering Pope, a candidate for Mayor. The basis of this game is to save Kate, and figure out why the city officials have suddenly become more forceful with runners (of which Faith is). The story is a good story with a lot of possibilities, and runners give this game a unique feel as well. Faith is awesome. She jumps off buildings, escapesa from cops, and kills swat guys no problem (actually sometimes it’s hard, but the second time I beat the game it was pretty easy…even on HARD setting). The runners all have sick tattoos as well. They’re all like, cool looking. Character design really came up with something great here. Would’ve liked to see the other runners more involved though. But they’ll almost definitely play a bigger role in the next game, as will Kate, if you listen to the newscast in the credits. Characters? 9/10.
- Gameplay. The most important part. The gamplay in Mirror’s Edge is some of the most realistic gameplay I have ever played. I don’t know what else to say. I felt like I was jumping off buildings and shit. It was awesome. I went running afterwards. I climbed a cliff today (a small one but still). Yes this game made me want to climb a cliff, and I climbed a cliff in the woods in my backyard (not really my backyard but in close proximity to my house). It wasn’t a hill-cliff like I climbed this winter in 2 foot snow (which was awesome) but it was an actual shear cliff. When you fall off a building, you die, sometimes I cringe, depending on where your looking the death changes (if you look at the ground, that shit is freaky). The only thing is, you get shot, but 5 seconds later: “Oh I’m fine now.” Apparently Faith is really Jesus, so she can heal in 5 seconds. Of course, this game would not be as good if you couldn’t do that, so whatever. The only things that I would change is maybe make the game longer, I mean it was a good length the first time I played, but the second time? Too short. Also, as I’ve said, involve the other runners more. Gameplay? 10/10. I honestly don’t care about the length, this game was amazing.
FINAL SCORE is a 10/10 because this game fucking rules. I play it everday (but not today). As promised, here is the OST (I don’t know what OST stands for, but here it is…it’s 5 minutes long, so for something shorter, see the trailer at the very bottom).
Honestly, that’s all good and stuff, but the quality is 100000 times better if you watch it in HD here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TERyxFfMqDk
Trust me, watch the HD…..it’s all real game play too. Here is the shorter trailer:
MIrror’s Edge Rules…..THE END.
Episode 16 featured a BAD ASS fight scene with Samurai Champloo and/or Afro Samurai animation styles (in my animation opinion). Episode 21 featured: BAM BAM and BAM! Even though this is an anime that would be categorized as a comedy/romance/slice of life genre, and has started to lean more towards the sappy gwappy moochey woochey, it fucking brings it, and manages to not be gay, and I get the same feeling when something major happens as I did with say, Code Geass (not really that powerful but close). As far as series from the winter come, this one is the best, along with To Aru Majutsu no Index. Chaos;HEAD was good, but it was too short. Personally, I like the standard 26 episode anime more, because they seem to be more complete. So here is my first review of a single episode of a show, rather than the show itself.
WARNING: Past this point are spoilers that can ruin the show if you haven’t seen it, although before I watched the show, I already knew this was the case (Wikipedia…how come sometimes they only explain the general premise, but other times give away the entire show, including the ending? I just keep reading, then ruin shows…although I don’t know the very very ending, just up to this point….and the episode was still a BAM).
Toradora! Episode 21
First off, If you’ve been watching this show, you could see this coming since the first episode, but still the fact that Taiga actually (and although accidentally) articulated her amor por Ryuuji, is a huge BAM. But what really made this episode awesome was this scene in the beginning:
I guess in Japan they teach skiing the same way as we do in America. They tell students to make a “pizza” with their skis. As a ski instructor myself, I found this to be awesome, because I got it, and other people most likely didn’t, so FUCK YOU! It also made me realize how shitty Mount Southington is…..not the Ski School, everyone there is cool (mainly just the supervisors and shit), but the management besides that? Huge fuck-heads. Wasn’t I trying tyo do a review on an episode? This is turning out well.
As pointed the episode starts off with the class skiing (field trip). So they’re skiing. They ski. They ski and they ski. For like…..a good 2 minutes. Not even. Then they go inside. They talk. They talk and they talk. Basically, here it is in a nutshell:
Ryuuji wants to find out how Minori actually feels about him, and to his surprise she approaches him, although for a different reason. Some girls on the trip had a fight over boys (I think….to be honest, I spaced out during this scene, and didn’t think it was important enough to replay…I mean, I spaced out for a reason right?). Anyway Minori wants them all to get along, so she asks Ryuuji if he has any ideas to make this possible. He doesn’t, and and the scene ends.
This sort of depressed Ryuuji, and he goes to sleep (he doesn’t really sleep, just lays in his futon or whatever the hell those Japanese people sleep in. Just kidding, I know for a fact it’s a futon. (Wait was that supposed to be a joke? I suck. (he remarked to himself as he typed “he remarked to himself” out on his ISSS)) Anyway, soon thereafter, Kitamura and those two other guys come in and ask him why he’s being such a pussy. He explains that he likes Minori, and they say, “Ok, let’s go find out how she feels now.”
So they go off and hide in the closet of the girls’ room, like any person would do. Taiga comes in alone, and they pull her into the closet to rape her because she found out that they were hiding there. They keep her quite with chlorofor- I mean Ryuuji has his hand over her mouth. So the other girls enter, and they just happen to dive right in to who likes who and how Minorin feels about all this shit, and how she rejected Ryuuji on Christmas. Then Minori gets into an argument with Ami (who is mad because she can;t get Minori to express her true feelings). They leave, the guys leave, end scene.
The next day, on the slopes, Taiga and Minori are sledding, and knock into Ami, who was telling Ryuuji how she felt about Minori and herself (described in parenthesis in like, the last sentence). She thinks that Minori did it on purpose, and suddenly bows are getting thrown (Fisticuffs). The hair clip that Ryuuji bought for Minori goes flying, although the only one who knows is Taiga, and she goes to get it (this is known as the catalyst for the BAM). Nobody really notices, and they go back respectively, thinking that Taiga already went back to the hotel, when the scene clearly shows that she fell down a ravine or some shit.
Night falls. They are worried back at the hotel, as Rescuers
have been sent to find Taiga in the snowstorm (there also just happens to be Blizzard that appeared).
Not that kind of blizzard. But anyway, Minori decides to go look for her, and this causes a snowball effect (get it snowball? There’s a snowstorm?) and everyone decides to go (like 5 people). But yea. There’s a rescue squad, fully trained, looking for her…..what are a bunch of high school kids gonna be able to d- oh wait they find her like, right away. What a shitty ski resort, don’t hire them to come find me. Anyway, Ryuuji finds her after he climbs down into the previously stated ravine, and throws her on his back because she’s pretty fucked up (concussion in my medical opinion). She thinks that he is Kitamura, and starts yapping away about how her wish didn’t work and how she:
What the fuck is gonna happen next? Sick awesome nice cool stupendous yiyeah BAM.
This isn’t really going to be a review, but I will touch on some things from each series, and make comparisons for my own personal reasons.
This was about a ninja named Naruto, who lives in a village of Ninjas…….well…..I should say that pretty much every village on the planet is a ninja village. anyway, Naruto has always pretty much been alone, because he has a powerful nine-tailed fox that has been sealed inside of him, and people are afraid of him because of this. Nevertheless, he tried to become a ninja. For the most part, he is really dumb and has no common sense, which leads me to believe that Robert had a part in the design of this character. However, what he lacks in knowledge of……things…..he makes up for in his massive amount of Chakura and Stamina in fights. Chakura is pretty much energy. Almost like Dragonball Z but totally different. As I watched this series, I became obsessed with it (any fan of anime has to watch this show I think). Then, around episode 113 or so, they decided to make the rest of the series made up of one or two episode long fillers. These are the worst fillers ever in the world. I mean, One Piece has pretty good fillers at least, that have their own arc, so I can be like, “Ok this is cool, it’s like a brand new story that we haven’t heard yet.” This is why most fillers don’t bother me, except for the Naruto fillers, which ruined the show effectively, and took away a change for 5^^. However, before this, it was a sick ass show. Then Naruto ends with an actual non-filler, and the show (the characters in the show) undergoes a 2 year time skip. Shorty thereafter, Naruto Shippuuden is released.
Naruto Shippuuden takes place two years after something in Naruto happens, and thusly there are changes in characters, (appearance, personality, etc) and events. Also, so far, there haven’t been any fillers (I’m on episode 56, and I just started watching it again after like, a couple months. Speaking of, I have finished the “Zombie” One Piece arc, so I will stop watching for another couple months…..Zoro is the fuckin man. BA). Anyway, since the restart, the show is something that I’m probably going to catch up to quickly. right now it’s just training, but I like episodes where people train, because I’m dumb. (Not really, when Rocky trains, it just makes you feel like a man, even though you’re sitting on your ass, and he’s doing all the training). Fuck, I can’t remember what this post was supposed to be about originally. I know I wanted to say something else….whatever, fuck it. I say, watch these shows, maybe find out what episodes are fillers for Naruto and don’t watch them, because then it’s a really good series.
Back a while ago. I watched this series. Many have said it is one of the best series out there. Well, to be honest, I didn’t think that it was anything special. After I had finished it, I realized that I had to give it a rating of 5^^. Not because I was really impressed with it. I mean, it was good, just not really 5^^ stuff. But if I didn’t think the material made it 5^^, then how come I still gave it such a high mark?
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Premise: A kid, Shinji, is a normal, depressed, kid, who goes to school etc. Then one day he is chosen to pilot Eva, a huge robot thing that fights Angels…..let’s backtrack. Angels are pretty much these huge monsters that were formally bio-experiments. I should also mention that half of the world’s population is dead because of a huge blast that destroyed and melted Antarctica. NERV is a group that uses Evangelions to fight these creatures, thus ensuring the safety of man. Shinji’s dad happens to be in charge of NERV. Anyway, Shinji is chosen to pilot an Evangelion, becasue his sync rate is good or something (Apparently they can only use teens for piolet them because of this?). So that’s the general premise, although I must say that this series is fucked, wacked, and psychologically warped. For the three days after I finished the movie following it, there was something wrong with me. The end of this show was like being brainwashed. I noticed that I became…well……crazy. I can;t remember much of what I did, but I know I skipped all of my classes, wasn’t really social, and didn’t make much sense when I talked (to myself). That is the only reason for this to get such a high grade, because it was the only show that fucked with my mind-state. Actually, I have a picture from before watching this show, and after. Here is the before picture:
Ok good, now here is a photograph of me the day after watching Evangelion:
See how bad I looked? I dressed like a girl, I stole that baby from it’s mother, and my eyes weren’t even on straight! I was a mess. Luckily after 3 days I was back to normal. For a more complete story, read my spoilers…..Fuck….Pros……Cons.
- The show had some good characters for the most part. Except for Shinji.
- The fighting and actual plot was well thought out. It wasn’t a typical robot anime (although I can’t say that for sure because I never really watch mecha).
- Some interesting twists.
- A really cool OP.
- The end made me go crazy…..thanks for the fun times!
- Shinji is one of the worst characters ever. He is such a depressed pussy. And what really pisses me off is that he is the only ****** ** ***** **** ****** ***!!!!
The only reason it gets the grade I give is because I give the grade it gets.
FINAL GRADE = 5^^
PAST THIS POINT, THERE ARE SPOILERS!
So why exactly did this show make me go crazy? The end. I still don’t understand what the fuck went on. In the last episode, apparently everyone on earth dies because Rei turns into a giant angel and kills them and then Shinji goes nuts and for the whole episode the screen is flashing with random ass scenes of craziness and Shinji’s thoughts, which, if you watch for a half hour straight, concentrating hard to try and find some sense of sense, will incite a feeling of uncontrolability over your entire body, apart from bowels and bladders. Then the movie, which was supposed to have a different ending, was exactly the same. I have no idea what the fuck is going on. I guess the world ended, and it was up to Shinji whether is would continue or not. Shinji, being a huge pussy, probably decided to end it. Although who knows, because Asakura was there, aka the best character in the show (I love a character that isn’t afraid to kick some ass). Well how does this change how he thinks about earth? Well I’m pretty sure he likes her, I mean, he jerked off to her……while she was in the hospital…….unconscious………next to him……while he jerked off……..on her…….wtf? I just watched the last episode since the last sentence. It’s horrible. This marks the first and only time I ever have a show 5^^ for a horrible ending.
Well since we’re on the subject of funny-assed anime that have a comedic humor that is somewhat perverted and hilarious, I thought I might as well right a review on Inukami!, a series that I thought was not only funny as hell, but had a good story and good plot. I will contain a hidden spoiler that no one will get until they watch the show and re-read this post, meaning, no one will ever get it.
Although this show doesn’t compare in humor to Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan, it comes pretty close (as close as a show can). At least in terms of humor style, and pervertedness, which is always hilarious in anime for some reason. I watched this show a long ass time ago, but I still think of it as one of my favorites, the same goes for the movie that they made, which was very good.
Premise: A boy named Keita who is an Inukami trainer. Hmm, let me backtrack. An Inukami is a dog-god that can transform into a human. See all the girls in the picture above? They’re all Inukami (sort of). They are supposed to get a partner from Keita’s clan. Keita is very excited to finally get an Inukami, as he thinks that she will kind of be like a slave to him. Then he gets stuck with Yoko (Green hair, yellow shirt). While he is initially happy that such a hot young fox would choose him, he soon changes his tune. Yoko is, what I’d guess you’d call a “bad-ass” Inukami, meaning, she can fuck shit up when it comes to fights. Yes, there are fight scenes, and they are actually pretty good. This anime has like, everything, it’s very well rounded. Anyway, there’s a lot of fucking hilarious stuff that happens, including one really really gay (literally homosexual) episode, that will nevertheless, leave you stricken with aching sides. The censoring of male genitalia is soooo funny and this show proves that a penis can be used as a weapon laser.
- Penis jokes. Is there anything funnier? I submit that there is, but that penis jokes are still funny.
- An actual good plot, along with good plot development, better than most serious anime.
- Elephants (you’ll get it).
- Lots of exciting characters. Keeps the show interesting.
- It’s got a good ending/movie sequel.
- I can honestly say, goodnight I’m tired. The end!
All in all this is a great show, which is why it deserves nothing less than a
FINAL GRADE = 5^^
EDIT NOTE: I just watched the first episode over again, and yes, it is funny, using pervertedness as the main source of humor. It’s not really close to the same funnyness as Dokuro-chan, because it lacks randomness, but it’s still a funny show, and also, humor aside, it is in my opinion that this show is still awesome anyways, and I may just watch the whole season over again, which is something I always say I’m gonna do, but have only done with one show (Shakugan). Also, I got another ED for my top ten that I’m making, which brings my total to like, four.
Funniest. Anime. Show. Ever. Also known as Beating Angel Dokuro-chan, this show is short, but what it lacks in length it more than makes up for in humor. I mean, even the plot has been known to leave the most manliest of men stricken with bouts of gleeful laughter and tear-jerking giggling. Honestly, even if you hate anime, despise it, want it to be gone forever, you will still die of laughter at this show. It’s so fucking funny, that I haven’t even gotten into the review yet and I already wrote a whole paragraph.
Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan
Premise: First of all, the good thing about this show is that the humor isn’t bloody or bad in any way shouldn’t be veiwed by children. That means it’s good!
QUCK PLOT (If you trust me and watch the show after reading this, you might die from laughter….ike seriously…..you might die): An angel (Dokuro) is living in some kid’s (Sakura’s) room.
PLOT THAT MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS BASED ON YOUR VIEW OF WHAT A SPOILER ACTUALLY IS (I knew all of this before I watched and I still have internal bleeding from laughing fits):
A male student named Sakura (Which I think is a weird name for a guy), is living a normal life. He goes to school, he pays his taxes, and he helps the landlady carry out her garbage…..well not the last two things…..but he goes to school, and is normal for the most part…..except, SURPRISE! He has an angel from the future living in his room! Now in most cases this would be a typical base plot for a harem or some kind of romance-comedy, which are usually good…..but not in the same ballpark as this one. The reason as to why this angel, Dokuro-chan, is here, is because Sakura (the boy, believe it or not) apparently accidentally discovers immortality, and keeps all girls at age twelve, because he is a pedophile (although he constantly denies it throughout the show, and shows nothing that supports the Dokuro’s assumption). It is Dokuro’s job to kill him so this “Pedophile’s World” never happens, but she believes he can change. Although she still kills him…..again……..and again………and again…..in very bloody, yet funny, ways. (I should mention that she can bring him back to life). More characters are introduced, including one voiced by *** ********. Fuck, even the OP is hilarious. It’s so cute-sy, but if you listen to the words, it’s very funny. Also, it will pretty much show you a lot of what I just told you, and since you see the OP before the show anyway, I don’t consider anything I said an actual spoiler, especially since I knew all of this info before I watched it, and it didn’t spoil anything for me. Watch.
- It’s the funnyest show out there. Not just anime. Everything. The. Funnyest. Show. (I know I spelled Funnyest wrong, that’s because it’s oon a different level of funny…….RETARDEDLY FUNNY).
- Making fun of pedophiles. Those Japanese people love to make fun of weird, perverted things. Although sometimes they act as if it is normal. Example? See my review on Akane-Iro ni Somaru Saka. Also, did you know that “tentacle-rape” has been around since feudal times? That shit’s weird as fuck. Japanese people are sexually odd.
- Rie Ku…..gi…..mi…..ya.
- I had to pause this a few times in order to finish laughing…..not a few times in the series…..a few times an episode.
- Dokura turns *** *** **** * ****** and he ** **** **** *** *** **** ** *** ****** and it’s the funniest looking thing ever! (if you can figure out what that fuck I said, you are smart (doesn’t count if you’ve seen the show))
- Too short. Well….not really too short, but they should have made more……it was too short.
In essence, here is the effect that Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan has on Bill the Ass-Kicker:
I am going to go play Assassin’s Creed and Mirror’s Edge, which I have just purchase with money that wasn’t mine. Kanpai!
FINAL GRADE = 5^^ and title of “Funnyest Show Ever”
NOTE: IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THERE WAS A SECOND SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUICKJKSODSBOSEROWFNS:ORBGV:SROEGNWEFOIWENGF
I have since completed the second season (two episodes) and laughed really fuckin hard. This is the best show ever….Fuck, I even made my facebook picture a screenshot from this show.