I just farted. Why did I do such a smelly deed? Because it’s a fact that I need to do it. Let me explain with the 3rd law of man.
(Mp * L) + Fs = G
To explain, (Methane Projectiles multiplied by Loudness) + Foul Stench = Girth
In other words, when a man explodes anally, it increases the size of their iron women-pumper, depending on the loudness and raunchiness of the blast.
And again in pictures:
Of course, the loudness is what really counts here. The other day, I had such amazingly consistent and extreme wind (Kelloggs Fiber Plus Antioxidants) that my penis shaft grew 14 inches! Of course, you may be asking yourself, “If your penis grew that amount from one day, wouldn’t all men have gigantic erections?” Well the answer is no, because whenever a man does not pass wind, his nether regions loosen up a bit. A good analogy to use would be as such:
Let’s say that the penis is a balloon with a small hole in it. A few gusts (bowel coughes) can blow it up big, but slowly that balloon will get back to its original state due to the slow air leakage via the hole (not farting). As men, it is up to us to keep that balloon as full as possible.
That being said, what if females fart? Well the obvious answer to this is:
If a girl farts, she will grow a penis.
It’s science, I’ve seen it happen. One time I was having sex with a women (my favorite kind) and she suddenly had the largest bowel eruption I have heard. She promptly grew a 4 foot long boner. This upset me, and confused her, as she had never broke wind before. Needless to say, I finished up quick and left immediately. (story may or may not be completely fictional).
But yeah, there’s a reason why women don’t fart. They grow a penis otherwise. Go ahead ladies, try it. But don’t come knocking on my door when you have a girthy erection protruding from your cervix.
All in all, farting is necessary to men. It’s like taking vitamins. Ladies, if you have a boyfriend that doesn’t fart, he does. He farts all the time. He farts when you leave the room, when your visiting your mother, when your asleep, maybe even on top of you during sex. If he doesn’t, he has a small pecker.