Why I’m tha man = Part One

Besides the fact that I spelled “the” with an “a” instead of an “e”, which gives the notion that I kick it real from the streets, I have the ability to turn something seemingly gay into something wonderful and cool.

Exhibit Number One: “Blogs”

My friends saw my site, which is an ISSS, and believed it to be a blog……they laughed and poked fun.

However, I withstood the slander and ridicule of my peers and friends, and stayed the course, writing and posting on my ISSS. Eventually, a friend said, “Hey Jeff, I will make a blog.”  And he went on to create: “Oballer’s Blog”, which you can find on my blogroll. Blogs for most part, unfortunately suck. So dumb of him to make a blog. However, his is good, as are all of the sites on my blogroll, except that Manga on the 210 something one another. That is the worst site ever, I just put it there to ridicule it. Coincidentally, you can find this horrid site almost directly to the right of this line (maybe a few lines down).

What a piece of shit.

Then, today, my other friend said to me, “Het Jeff, I will make a blog.” However, he then decided to not make a blog, but instead create an ISSS, like mine, which mean’s it will be awesome. After the Inaugural Post that he created, it became apparent to me that he would have a much better blog than me, because unlike me, he actually knows how to write.

The point that I am trying to make is that two of those who ridiculed me, went back and created what they had made fun of, proving, in this instance, that I am tha man (kickin it real from the streets. Hard Body).

One Piece of Advice

BAM! Pun right out of the gate! Shit son wordplay off the heezy. Anyway, I’m going to keep this short and sweet. You may have realized that I haven’t really been posting much lately, especially along the lines of anime related material. I have recently been busy not doing my school work, which could be a reason for this. Also, my shitty laptop, after just being fixed, decided that it didn’t want to show me what my hard-drive contained by blacking the screen out. If you look really really closely at it with squinted eyes, and the light is coming from the right angle, then you can kind of see the screen. I mean, the hard drive is fine, but I need a new screen now. Currently I am on a desktop, which sucks because it has vista, which, well, sucks. It figures that my computer breaks right after I finally get some money thrown my way from the government (CHANGE!). Anyway, my One Piece of advice is about watching, you guessed it, One Piece.

One Piece

I started this show when it was only in its 200 some-odd episode. I thought, “By the time I catch up, it will probably be over.” (I should mention that I like to watch shows non-stop rather than once a week, although that has now changed a bit). How nieve and uneducated I was. Little did I know, but the manga was and still is and will be for a long ass time, ongoing. The show, as I saw it, was inexplicably nasty. I was watching 15-20 episodes daily. I couldn’t stop. Even the fillers, which had most people complaining, were awesome to me. Then I caught up to the show, and began watching it weekly. This was around episode 300 and something. I began to lose interest. For some reason, the show went from exciting and entertaining to eerily exhausting. I suffered through the arc where the flag was taken, and then, around the beginning of the zombie arc, I stopped watching. (I may have given arcs different names, but whatever if you watch the show you’ll get it, if you don’t, nothing spoiled). Occasionally, I would watch an episode and think to myself, “Whatever.” However…………..a few days ago, I watched two episodes, and was voraciously swallowed whole by the show. I have been watching the show non stop, as I was about 50 episodes behind. Now I am about 20 or so, but here is the advice for what I have learned.

In One Piece, the best thing to do is to not start an arc until it is finished. Wait. Because this is one show that can not be watched week to week. the episodes are too short and don’t satisfy as much as continuous watching does.

The reason for shortness is a very long OP, long ass episode recap, and a ton of flashbacks, which are added because the series is very close to catching the manga. I think that they should put a filler arc in between each arc, because frankly, I like them (I don;t read the manga though).

Recap:

  • Watch One Piece in chunks (when you catch up).
  • Don’t start a new arc until you know it’s done.
  • Be amazed at it’s awesomeness.

Ergo Proxy = Series Review

One of the most underrated series I have ever had the glee to come across was Ergo Proxy. It didn’t have humor, it didn’t have much action (although it did have a few cool fight scenes), and it didn’t have……well………it didn’t have much of anything to tell you the truth. But God was it awesome. Now listen with wide ears to the telling of the series review of

Ergo Proxy

Usually I would start a review on an awesome anime by saying something along the lines of, “This series had it all,” or, “Awesome”. However, I will start off with this review by saying that this series was captivating in ways that others aren’t. I think I watched this during summer, and it made it really hard to care about much else. All I wanted to do was go home and watch eps, but I instead played basketball or some shit (anime takes a back seat if there’s anything else going on around me).

Premise: The series starts out in a city, that is inside of a bubble. The reason as to why it is inside a bubble is this: The outside world has become so polluted and shitty from wars and stuff, that it has become unsafe to wander outside the bubble (I call it a bubble, it’s more of a dome though). The story centers around a girl named Re-l Mayor (Or Real, as the subbers sometimes called her), who is a detective in this city. Lately, the androids (called AutoReivs) have been having human emotions due to a virus (Cogito Virus) that has infected them, and thusly they have been committing murders and doing other things that humans like to do (But not sex. They’re Robots!). So Re-l (whose grandfather is something like the governor of the city) is investigating these crimes, and through an encounter with a Proxy (kinda like a monster) she discovers the other main character, Vincent Law, who is somehow connected to all of this. However, he has no memory, and thusly, decides to find it. Re-I decides to follow him. and they set off with Pino, an infected AutoReiv who looks like a little girl. I have set you up. Watch the show.

My Additions: This series is a bit slower than others, but what it lacks in speed it makes up for in character strength and development. This is one of those rare shows that is genuinely good. If there were an Oscar Awards, this would win a couple……but it still didn’t make my top ten ;P (I just made a smiley face thing with attributes……I will never do that again I promise). Ehh, just read the Pros and Cons, bullets and/or numbers. Oh and here’s this:

Pros:

  • Re-l is awesome. Vincent is awesome. Every character is awesome. In my gloriously over-glorified and ego-laden opinion (as opposed to humble), I think that if any of the characters were even altered slightly, this would be a poop chute…..actually, it would still probably be good, but not as good.
  • It is very dark. All the colors are grayish and tone, and this gives the anime so much atmosphere it’s not even fair. The animation as well is awe inspiring in my opinion. It’s reminiscent of Ghost in the Shell, but better.
  • It’s a serious, real-life style anime, and it’s awesome. Unique. I need to stop saying “awesome.”
  • The plot is actually very well done. It has been said that this is like the Matrix + Ghost in the Shell, and  I must say that that is a good comparison. It reminds me strongly of both, and since both are great shows/movies, then there’s nothing to dislike about Ergo Proxy.
  • Even the name is cool, “Ergo Proxy”……no…..“Ergo Proxy”…..that was better. It’s like a bit of beautiful rolled off my tongue.
  • The OP is one of my favorites…..this anime does nothing wrong it seems……except….

Cons:

  1. The way that the season ended set up for a second season that could have been so insanely nasty and awesome that it baffles me as to why they didn’t make one. I mean, the ending was still done quite well, and I was satisfied with it, but still, the opportunity was there, why not just make it? I wish they had a manga (Do they? I can’t find it. If you can find it please tell me so I can read it, as long as it continues past the anime). At the least they could have made a movie. A movie would be unexplicably nasty.

There you have it. I hast spoken my words. Now, go down to yonder computer and cast thee eyes upon thy show Ergo Proxy, which tough hast delivered (a headbutt out of nothing?) NO! A

FINAL GRADE = 5^^

Lawn Ornaments Suck

I love my lawn. My dad probably loves it more, but I take pride in how nice and green it is during spring and summer….fuck, even now it’s looking glorious (I only cut the grass and my dad does all the fertilizing, but still…PRIDE). Now I said that to say this. I was driving down the road the other day (no lie, I was driving) and I saw the following on a man/women/faggot’s lawn:

At least this one isn't some gay fuckin color like magenta.

I don’t know what the public’s obsession over shitty looking orbs are, or what’s so special about them, but I hate them. They don’t turn your house from boring into classy, they turn it from respectable to trash. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg of shit. Other ornaments can include all sorts of trash. shoes, rusty buckets, tires, and even toilets are all sadly very common in gardens. They aren’t “artsy” at all you dipshits. I know because I’m an art major (segway toward a future post about the gayness of every art student except me). Here’s an example: or some shit that should be in the trash, but were instead turned into fuck.

People are dumb. All lawn ornaments suck. The only good lawn ornament is a hot, naked, horny girl that is disease free and has sex with me always. Besides that, the only other good ornament would be a box that refills itself with money each time you open up…..or good food. But since sex slaves are illegal that’s not possible and I have yet to discover said box, I conclude that lawn ornaments suck. Don’t believe me? Maybe this true story will.

I once had a neighbor who was the man. His name was Juicy. Juicy Cranberries. We called him Juice (as in, “Yo Juice! You see that new porno!?”). Juice had it all. A great lawn, nice house, sweet car, and he was married to none other than Eva Longoria. Then one day he bought a little gnome as a lawn ornament. The next day, he woke up to find himself like this:

Needless to say, Eva was gone the next day, his car turned into a red truck, and the government napalmed his house, and then deleted it from existence. I literally live next to a literal black hole. Luckily, they put a nice chain linked fence around it, so there’s no danger. Too bad Juice……..Hillbillies generate HATE without trying.

Top Ten Video Games Ever

This was impossible to make. Even still, I’m not quite sure about these top ten, although the higher up ones I am sure about. So here are what I assume are my Top Ten Favorite Video Games.

10. Yoshi – Game Boy

This was my first game. If I start playing, I can keep on going forever. The only time I lose, is on purpose. The best character?

Yoshi with wings

9. Wario Land – Game Boy

What can you say about Wario Land that hasn’t been said? It’s got treasure, sick levels, secrets, keys, and all sorts of shit. Cool noises for coins. and a fuckin GENIE. Fuckin Genies rule. So this game does too. I must’ve beaten this game like 500 times, I even used to play it on my computer (emulators). Honestly, I can’t believe that this is number 10. But that’s just how nasty my list is. The best character?

The Genie

Mwa Mwa Mwa Mwa (that's how the Genie sounds when he talks)

8. Star Wars Episode I: Racer – N64

I was obsessed with this game when me and Matt were trying to beat it. I think we got up to the level with the vines but I’ve never beaten this game. It’s impossible. If I could meet someone who beat it I would like to shake their hand and punch them in the face. All in all, this game is a great game, and the multiplayer is nastay. The best character?

Bullseye Navior

7. Super Mario 64 – N64

This game is awesome before you even start the game. On the start screen, before you choose your game, you get to play with Mario’s face. You can stretch it, shrink it, make it look retarded. I like to lower his forehead and bring his mustache up really high, so that it looks like he’s wearing aviators. As for the game, awesome graphics, awesome levels, decent bosses. The only thing about this game that’s annoying are the views. You got this little guy on a cloud following you with the camera, and that’s wear the views come from, so walls and stuff can fuck up the view because the little cloud faggot cant go through them. Its a minor inconvenience though, this game is awesome. The best character?

King Bob-omb

6. Pokemon Red/Blue Version – Game Boy

Fuck Gary.

Now don’t do what most people do and group the game and the anime together. The game is awesome, the anime is gay. I’ll admit that i watched the anime for a bit aas a little kid (that’s why it’s on my list) until I realized it was gay. But this game is sick-nasty. I played it in elementary school. I played it in college. It stands the test of time. I always do these things the same: I name my Blastoise Torlaps, and I name my Clefable which has at least one move that’s super effective against whatever you throw at it Smee-Smack. Great game. Missingno helps. The best character?

Snorlaps: He awakes in a rage.


5. Mirror’s Edge – X-Box 360

Um…so I saw the commercial for this game and immediately bought an Xbox 360 online. I didn’t have enough money afterward to actually buy the game, but I rented it and decided that when I get money I’m gonna buy it, even though I already beat it. This is the best game I have ever played for Xbox 360, and……shit I can’t even explain, it’s new. It’s got shooting, nasty graphics, sick moves like wall running, sliding, hopping fences, hanging from walls, fighting moves. I don’t know how they fit it into one controller. Amazing game. People say it’s too easy and short. But this game actually requires thinking to get out of some situations, where you actually look around for places to climb and jump. It really feels like you’re the character.The best character?

Faith

4. Super Mario Land – Game Boy

I have beaten this game over 12 times. It would be more, but I lost the game. I’m still trying to find another one. Maybe I’ll look on ebay, because I could play this everyday for the rest of my life. This is one of the few games where I know a lot if not all of the secrets, not because I looked them up, but because I found them. Not much more to say. It’s one of the best games ever made, and deserves to be rated higher….unfortunately isn’t. The best character?

The Rock Boss…I can’t find a picture, so watch this video that shows the awesomeness of the ending song, which I have plugged into speakers to listen to.

3. Super Smash Brothers – N64

The level, Hyrule Castle. The character, Pikachu. I am nasty. I always beat Robert all the time and never lose. This game is the best multiplayer games probably ever made. I have nothing more to say. The best character?

Pikachu (or Luigi)….he’s the yellow guy on the above picture.

2. Goldeneye 007 – N64

This is my game. I own you in this game. I beat one kid at college that beat me. That is the only time I have ever met with defeat. And I put up a good fight too (this kid was like, retarded nasty). But if he had played me in a rematch, I would have beat him (he refused, what a pussy eh?). I don’t need to try. The best character?

Helicopter Pilot

This is my person, if you take him when you are playing me, I'll kill you and take him back.

1. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time – N64

This is the best game ever. I have beaten it into the ground. I have beaten it on N64. I have beaten it with cheats. I have beaten it on my computer. I have beaten it while have a threesome with two Asians while a monkey juggled bowling pins in the corner (last instance did not occur). I love this game. I know everything about it. I will play it again, and it will be just as enjoyable as the first time (sex not playing the game). Amazing. Number one. The best character?

Red Tunic Link with Spirit Temple Shield and Gold Gauntlets


HONORABLE MENTIONS

*DYNASTY WARRIORS/SAMURAI WARRIORS

(This should be on the top ten at like…number 6, but I forgot, and I don’t feel like changing it now.)

NBA HANGTIME – N64

1080 SNOWBOARDING – N64

NFL BLITZ -N64

DONKEY KONG – GB

A Bunch of Stuff

I was on my dashboard and I got my first “INCOMING LINK”! I don’t know what the fuck that means, but I got one! But yea I’m just gonna summarize my ISSS up until this point in time, and show everyone how shitty it is.

Shittyness of this ISSS

  • No one looks at it…..ever. I don’t really know  why though….oh wait, that’s right, because no one besides 3 or 4 of my friends know it exists, and I don’t care enough to get the word out, but when it does get out, people will love me.
  • It’s mainly anime related. Personally, I don’t have a problem with this, since I love anime, and originally I was going to make it only anime, but that’s impossible for me, so I’ve been adding other shit in just for you (Matt and Rob).
  • There’s no porn (I honestly just like to say the word porn).
  • It looks so bland and boring. Honestly I don’t know shit about html and making all that shit, and even if I did, I probably wouldn’t take the time to do it, but I would rather have a more customized site. If you wanna do it for free I’d be happy to let you, just leave a comment or email me (I’m almost serious, If you wanna set it up I’ll let you, but I won’t pay you shit, cuz you’re just a computer nerd).
  • When I make a poll it never shows up. Maybe it has to be html, again, anyone care to explain this to me, who is not dumb with computers, but not good with them either.

Awesomeness of My ISSS

  • It has anime. I like anime.
  • The title is both original, and good.
  • It’s not a blog.
  • When you hold the cursor over a picture, text appears!
  • I give the world much needed knowledge about anime, men and women, and other facts. Without these things, the world would end.
  • I was on this other site today, and it’s been active since August 2007, and I have more views then they do. BAM. (Still, I want to have more, because I’m competative.)
  • Top Tens Galore.
  • This video: 
  • Bill the Ass-Kicker.
  • Loo$e Change.
  • I organized all of my anime on the list into alphabetical order.

You may be able to tell by this shitty post that I am bored today….here’s a picture of my manly-awesomeness that will be under my “about page”:

I made that snake my bling bitch straight hood rap shit nuttin phaze me.

I realize I always spell shittiness wrong….it’s because I purposly do it. Same with versions of the word awesome.

Also, I’d like to point out that living at home sucks compared to living in a dorm or apartment when going to college. I recently transferred for my major, and now I am at home. There is nothing to do except go the the gym and watch anime. Fortunatly, Uconn is only 45 minutes away, so when I actually get some money, I can go up there and get hammered, or better yet, go to NYC aka the best place in the world. Fuck I wanna go down there right now. I should wright a post about how awesome the city is. Also, Blue Collar Comedy sucks.

Also, this post sucked, but I got a good one lined up for tonight….like…..a fuckin good one……it’s a Top Ten ***** *****.