It’s true. Take my cat for example. He’s fucking retarded. At least that’s what I used to think. Now I realize that it just doen’t give a fuck about anything (or maybe it actually is retarded). Here’s an example:
I will be sitting, on my computer, doing important things that are necessary. Then my stupid cat will jump on the desk and just sit there. Right in front of the computer. I will push it off and say, “Don’t jump on the fucking desk you stupid cat.” Like this works. The cat will continuously jump onto to fucking desk and sit in the space between my face and the computer screen, which does not serve as a good vessel for which light to travel through from the screen of the computer and into my eyes. You would think that after spending about 20 years with humans, a cat would understand at least the basic sounds that reflect emotions, ie when I yell, and then move you (the cat) from the fucking desk, it means, stay off the fucking desk.
Similar things happen all day no matter where I go. The cat follows me around the house and pesters me with all sorts antics. When I am trying to sleep, it is headbutting me, and no matter how many times I push said cat from my bed, it jumps back up and continues the onslaught of headbutts. Jesus Christ cat. Chill the fuck out and let me sleep. The truth is, cats don’t care about shit. They know what we’ew saying. They knowhow they’re supposed to act. They just don’t give a shit.
Have you ever heard that story about the old lady who had cats and how they loved her, and then she died cuz she was and old windbag, and her beloved cats ate her? It’s true, it was on CSI once, so it has to be. Cats don’t care about you, they just want food. Cats will tear your couches, eat your food when you step away from it for 5 seconds, and SPLASH THE WATER THAT YOU GIVE IT TO DRINK ALL OVER THE KITCHEN FLOOR FOR NO GOD DAMN REASON! THE WATER IS TO DRINK! STOP MAKING THE KITCHEN FLOOR INTO A LAKE YOU STUPID FUCKING CAT!