OT: I Will Be Jailed by Summer’s End

Warning, if you’re here for anime, or anything at all related to anime/manga, ignore this bullshit. It’s completely retarded, and meant to be random and nonsensical. There is a good picture in here though (I think so anyway), but I don’t need comments that say, “This was stupid.” Go ahead and leave em.

Well, I’m officially out of the job. I had it all lined up, and was GUARANTEED 40 hours a week, until the great (shitty) city of New Britain, CT, decided to fuck Stanley Golf Course over and CUT THE FUCKING BUDGET. Rendering me useless. This is complete bullshit, as I need a job, because I have NO FUCKING MONEY. This once again proves a certain Theory, as well as fucks my entire life over. Therefore, I am left with one option:

I must rob the entire city of New Britain

Fuck this ass-hole.

Fuck this ass-hole.

Everyone. Every building, family, banker, even Stanley Golf Course, which is not to blame at all, must be robbed of all earnings. With this, everyone will leave New Britain, and it will become a barren wasteland, where gangs rule the streets with swords and fists (hooray!) and bears roam through alley ways, catching unsuspecting salmon by surprise. How will I do this?

Try really hard

See what happens when you try?

See what happens when you try?

My mom says that you could accomplish anything as long as you try really hard at it. So this should be easy. I think that  laser beam might factor in somehow, I’m not quite sure yet. Of course, I could change my mind, and instead:

Get another job

Jesus is right, who wants to do actual work?

Jesus is right, who wants to do actual work?

Yea. Pass. Robbing an entire city is much more fun, and it’s great for your heart. Ready?:

Step One

Get a gang together. I already have three members of said gang, which will be called “The Three Sexual Predators“, because what strikes more fear into a person than a sexual predator? Actually scratch that. Here’s a better name, “The Three Violent Sexual Predators“. Fuck yea, no one will want to touch us now. Better yet: “The Three Violent Sexual Predators Who Used to be World Class Boxers“. Untouchable.

Step Two

Get some weapons. I have a butter knife in my kitchen I think, and I’m sure Gang Extra #2 has a blunt object, the last step is to get a chain, so one of us can swing it threateningly around over our heads.

Step Three

Get colors. I’m pretty sure we’re going to be wearing white loincloths. This look really says “sexual predator” and a simple lift of the cloth can make this an actual true statement. Of course, then we may have to change our name to the “Loincloth Gang” or “Gang of Loincloven Men”. I like those names a lot now that I think about it. I was looking for a picture that depicts the awesomeness of a loincloth on a guy. But instead I found this, which I liked more:

Loinclothes are great on girls too I guess.

Loincloths are great on girls too I guess.

Step Four

Start off small, like taking shrubberies from old people’s garden during the night. They’re old, so they won’t mind. Then the next day, replant the shrubberies and ask the old people for money for your services. They’ll think that the asked you to landscape their lawn, and will gladly pay whatever you ask.

Step Five

Immediately try and rob a bank.  We all saw The Dark Knight. How hard can it be?

And that’s how it’s done. Wish me and my “Gang of Loincloven Men” a victory as we take over New Britain, and give all the money to the makers of fine wine!

(I realize this post was randomness and completely retarded. Just ignore it. Also, in case some State Official or National Security finds this or something, it’s pretty obvious that the entire post was sarcasm/fake. Although if you want to investigate me go ahead. It only proves that you guys suck, because you investigate this bullshit over actual threats….What the fuck am I talking about?)


5 thoughts on “OT: I Will Be Jailed by Summer’s End

  1. Pingback: OBALLER has been laid off « Oballer’s Blog

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