Pandora Hearts 5: A Show That Doesn’t Suck

Want an actual [new] show that doesn’t suck from Spring of 2009? Look no farther than Pandora Hearts, (of course, other shows include Sengoku Basara, and K-ON (I’m going to be honest, but I’m starting to get sick of all the bullshit in K-ON. As of now I still like it, but I don’t know how long that will last). Every other show either sucks or is starting to suck, but I am watching it anyway. I realize that episode 5 probably came out a while ago, but right now I’m marathoning Touch, and haven’t bothered with anything else until today. So here’s a short review:

A Short Review

Alice and Oz have joined Pandora, and wish to get Alice’s memories back. In this episode, they have to go on a mission……..oh great…..I really hope that this doesn’t turn into D.Gray-Man. Although, even if it did it wouldn’t be as bad because Alice is an awesome character.

Alice rules.

However, Oz has becoming better to. He shows off a bit of his wit when Break tells him that Alice might be hiding something from him, and he calmly replies that Break is hiding much more from him. He goes on to inquire whether or not Break is hiding something up his ass.

I thought so.

This turns Oz on heavily:

Just look at his arousal.

Later on, this episode continues its erotic and taboo nature as it takes a dive into pedophilia, when a strange (looking and acting) man approaches a small child with sadistic, perverted, and disturbing thoughts that this blogger ISSSer can’t even begin to compose:

Why does she seem turned on?

Oz, who saw this whole thing transpire, gets it in his head that pedophilia is now “okay” and decides to try and woo the 13 year old in question.

I guess she's into older, wierder looking guys.

To Oz’s dismay, Raven comes in and cock-blocks the shit out of this pedophile in training.

Raven doesn't stand for this kind of bullshit.

Of course, this girl is completely randomly thrown into the story, so it’s both natural and obvious that she is the chain tormenting the town….Ugh, this episode is getting more D.Gray-Man-ish by the second…Time out…what the fuck is up with these subs right here?:

Wtf is up with that slang?

Oz goes to great lengths to sound like a really really white person, who is trying to use out of style “black slang” in order to sound cool. Too bad it doesn’t match the style of this anime at all.

Back to the story, the girl who is harboring a demon soon kills the pedophile, because that dude was a sick pedophile, and he was cheating on his wife, the huge bitch:

She's obviously used to dealing with pedophiles, and knows the ways of the law.

She's obviously used to dealing with pedophiles, and knows the ways of the law.

Of course, she (I should say the chain) kills everyone else in the house as well, but it’s their own fault for being friendly with a pedophile.

This just in, Oz has an awesome sense of humor:

The Set Up

The Sting

The Climax? I guess?

Oz is always saying something funny. And it’s obvious to me (and should be to you) who Raven really is. It was actually obvious from the second Raven was introduced. That’s all I’m going to say for now. So eventually the girl and the chain show up because the chain wants to eat Alice. The girls seal is full, however, meaning her time is up, and thus:

YOU DEAAADDD BITCHHHH!

So now we know what happens when a seal is completely shown (it’s explained better in the episode). And once a contractor goes back into the Abyss, they don’t come back out (dun dun dunnn).

Now on their journey back, Oz, Alice, and Future Gil…oh I mean Raven are talking in the stagecoach, when Alice reveals that Oz popped her cherry, adding to the erotic nature of this episode.

These subs and this photo were unaltered.

The episode ends with awesome comedy that is awesome:

Damn right it was awesome.

Although I can tell that there are a lot of similarities between D.Gray-Man, and Pandora Hearts, the fact remains that Pandora Hearts is a lot fuckin better.

Why it’s the same:

  • Animation style
  • Demons that use humans, and the humans are apparently already doomed, so don’t feel bad when you kill the demons
  • Main hero is voiced by a girl
  • They dress kind of the same in terms of style (if you ask me)

Why it’s better:

  • It actually haas interesting characters
  • There’s non-gay (for the most part) humor
  • The story moves along better and isn’t boring and shitty
  • Alice is great
  • It’s not gay

Assumptions:

  • Raven is actually Gil
  • Alice and Oz will survive because of something cliche and retarded like “love conquering all.”

Another great episode of learning. I’ll probably refrain from ripping on pedophiles from now on, because frankly it’s not my job. The end of a very long episode review.

Queen’s Blade 6: Elves Have No Morals

The plot really does suck for Queen’s Blade, they might as well take the plot out all together. I mean, the tournament has no structure and fights only occur if that Angel happens to be around one. Frankly, I’ve stopped paying any attention at all to the plot, and now watch for the sole purpose of seeing what ridiculousness happens to crop up in the lastest episodes. Take episode six. Right off the bat we get greeted with Reina’s ass, followed by a lesbian death maid, and an elf that enjoys going commando:

The lesbian is talking.

To be perfectly honest, I don't think one person wears underpants in this show. I mean, one character wears a fucking snake for crying out loud.

To be perfectly honest, I don't think one person wears underpants in this show. I mean, one character wears a fucking snake for crying out loud.

A thong is not underpants, it’s a string. Here’s the lesbian maid feeling up the elf that hates “underpants”.

I'm going to try and keep it PG-13 and not show the shots of Lesbian Death Maid groping Elf Girl's ass and tits.

I'm going to try and keep it PG-13 and not show the shots of Lesbian Death Maid groping Elf Girl's ass and tits.

When did Akikan characters enter the Queen's Blade? And when did Reina beat anyone?

When did Akikan characters enter the Queen's Blade? And when did Reina beat anyone?

I’m not really trying to review this episode, I’m going to jump around and just point out some facts from the show, with some shots from this episode of course. Take for instance what Risty says regarding Reina, who, in case you’ve forgotten, has ended the past few episodes by falling off a cliff.

Hopefully you're right Risty. And hopefully it's sooner rather then later.

Hopefully you're right Risty. And hopefully it's sooner rather then later.

Risty is the best character in the show, because she steals shit. Also, I actually remember her name.

Anyway, the panty-less elf girl, Nowa, is apparently half human, and elves have a big problem with humans for some reason, so the elves get together and decide she should participate in the Queen’s Blade, which, at this rate, will never actually start, because Nanael can’t do shit for shit, and is pretty much a useless character at this point (edit: ever character is a useless character). However, one elf feels kinda bad for Nowa, and my guess at this point is that she will end up helping Nowa….not because of her emotions, but because, unlike the other elves, who have normal clothes (nothing skimpy….except for the fact that they don’t wear underwear), she is dressed like this:

When you're showing skin in this show, you're going to be in Queen's Blade (tournament)

When you're showing skin in this show, you're going to be in Queen's Blade (tournament)

Eventually, I was wrong, and Nowa goes by herself. I guess the end of this episode was touching because Nowa was crying:

Queen's Blade + Attempts of Serious Moments = Doesn't Work

Queen's Blade + Attempts of Serious Moments = Doesn't Work

What did I think of this attempt at seriousness?

No kidding.

Thank GOD.

One big surprise/disappointment is that Reina doesn’t fall from a cliff this time.I believe that this episode contained a valid and important story that we can all learn from. What’s the moral of this story? Elves are sluts because they don’t wear underwear.