Pandora Hearts 5: A Show That Doesn’t Suck

Want an actual [new] show that doesn’t suck from Spring of 2009? Look no farther than Pandora Hearts, (of course, other shows include Sengoku Basara, and K-ON (I’m going to be honest, but I’m starting to get sick of all the bullshit in K-ON. As of now I still like it, but I don’t know how long that will last). Every other show either sucks or is starting to suck, but I am watching it anyway. I realize that episode 5 probably came out a while ago, but right now I’m marathoning Touch, and haven’t bothered with anything else until today. So here’s a short review:

A Short Review

Alice and Oz have joined Pandora, and wish to get Alice’s memories back. In this episode, they have to go on a mission……..oh great…..I really hope that this doesn’t turn into D.Gray-Man. Although, even if it did it wouldn’t be as bad because Alice is an awesome character.

Alice rules.

However, Oz has becoming better to. He shows off a bit of his wit when Break tells him that Alice might be hiding something from him, and he calmly replies that Break is hiding much more from him. He goes on to inquire whether or not Break is hiding something up his ass.

I thought so.

This turns Oz on heavily:

Just look at his arousal.

Later on, this episode continues its erotic and taboo nature as it takes a dive into pedophilia, when a strange (looking and acting) man approaches a small child with sadistic, perverted, and disturbing thoughts that this blogger ISSSer can’t even begin to compose:

Why does she seem turned on?

Oz, who saw this whole thing transpire, gets it in his head that pedophilia is now “okay” and decides to try and woo the 13 year old in question.

I guess she's into older, wierder looking guys.

To Oz’s dismay, Raven comes in and cock-blocks the shit out of this pedophile in training.

Raven doesn't stand for this kind of bullshit.

Of course, this girl is completely randomly thrown into the story, so it’s both natural and obvious that she is the chain tormenting the town….Ugh, this episode is getting more D.Gray-Man-ish by the second…Time out…what the fuck is up with these subs right here?:

Wtf is up with that slang?

Oz goes to great lengths to sound like a really really white person, who is trying to use out of style “black slang” in order to sound cool. Too bad it doesn’t match the style of this anime at all.

Back to the story, the girl who is harboring a demon soon kills the pedophile, because that dude was a sick pedophile, and he was cheating on his wife, the huge bitch:

She's obviously used to dealing with pedophiles, and knows the ways of the law.

She's obviously used to dealing with pedophiles, and knows the ways of the law.

Of course, she (I should say the chain) kills everyone else in the house as well, but it’s their own fault for being friendly with a pedophile.

This just in, Oz has an awesome sense of humor:

The Set Up

The Sting

The Climax? I guess?

Oz is always saying something funny. And it’s obvious to me (and should be to you) who Raven really is. It was actually obvious from the second Raven was introduced. That’s all I’m going to say for now. So eventually the girl and the chain show up because the chain wants to eat Alice. The girls seal is full, however, meaning her time is up, and thus:


So now we know what happens when a seal is completely shown (it’s explained better in the episode). And once a contractor goes back into the Abyss, they don’t come back out (dun dun dunnn).

Now on their journey back, Oz, Alice, and Future Gil…oh I mean Raven are talking in the stagecoach, when Alice reveals that Oz popped her cherry, adding to the erotic nature of this episode.

These subs and this photo were unaltered.

The episode ends with awesome comedy that is awesome:

Damn right it was awesome.

Although I can tell that there are a lot of similarities between D.Gray-Man, and Pandora Hearts, the fact remains that Pandora Hearts is a lot fuckin better.

Why it’s the same:

  • Animation style
  • Demons that use humans, and the humans are apparently already doomed, so don’t feel bad when you kill the demons
  • Main hero is voiced by a girl
  • They dress kind of the same in terms of style (if you ask me)

Why it’s better:

  • It actually haas interesting characters
  • There’s non-gay (for the most part) humor
  • The story moves along better and isn’t boring and shitty
  • Alice is great
  • It’s not gay


  • Raven is actually Gil
  • Alice and Oz will survive because of something cliche and retarded like “love conquering all.”

Another great episode of learning. I’ll probably refrain from ripping on pedophiles from now on, because frankly it’s not my job. The end of a very long episode review.


One thought on “Pandora Hearts 5: A Show That Doesn’t Suck

  1. “However, Oz has becoming better to.”
    Yeah, I don’t… nope. I don’t know.

    “kills everyone else in the house as well, but it’s their own fault for being friendly with a pedophile.”

    “It’s not gay”
    Many would and do disagree with this

    “The end of a very long episode review.”
    You said it was short.

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