Good News Ass-Holes

I feel like being very abusive and abrasive this week, like sandpaper out for revenge. Therefore I’m going to rip on anything and everything I can think of. Subjects ranging from your mom to more about shitty feminists, which I really hate.

I’m excited to rip a new asshole on things such as China, People Who Think Art Has Deep Meaning, and other faggots. Get ready, because I’m pissed, and looking for a fight (I’m actually not pissed at all, but in fact, I’m in a good mood lately, since my collegiate junior year is coming to a close….only 9 more years to go! I am looking for a fight though, because, as a man, it’s in my blood).

With that being said, here’s the first thing that is pissing me off at the moment, words.

What the fuck is wrong with people today? Back in my day, you could make fun of someone and not have to worry about getting arrested or thrown in jail. Ever hear the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?” Yea. Apparently that’s changed to “Sticks and stones may break my bones and words will hurt me and make me cry, attempt suicide, and see a consular because I am unable to cope with other people’s opinions of me since I am a fucking pussy.”

Enough. Enough with all of this emotional bull shit. There is no such thing as a harmful word. I’ve never seen a word pull your fuckin tongue out your fuckin mouth and stab the shit with a rusty screwdriver…..BLAAOWWW!

If anything, words build moral fiber, and help change pussies into birght leaders, like Al Gore George Washington, who was always ridiculed by his classmates for his wooden teeth, which he was born with. Of course, as you know, he grew up to invent breast implants, and all of the other kids in his class were sold as sex slaves to Austria. He used the words to give him will power to change.

For example:

If your cry over someone calling you fat,  then you

A) Probably are a fat fuck

B) Should get off your fat sagging ass and go run or something. Jesus Christ the world isn’t built for your comfort.

This brings me to my next point, EMO.

Emo = Gay

The only good emo things are some anime emo things, but only because/if they look cool:

Examples of Every Single Good Emo Thing EVER:

I'm in despair!

I'm in despair!

I happen to think this looks cool.

I happen to think this looks cool. Although I'm not sure what it is/what it's from (if anything).

Fucking GAY

FUCKING REALLY DUMB

Two. There’s two examples in the world. I guess My Chemical Romance would be included, because I like them, but they still look like homos. I honestly just felt like I needed to put some shit in here that was anime related, because I’m fucking retarded. Anyway, back to the lecture at hand, perfection is perfected so I’m a let em understand Emotion. The only time the word was used correctly was in Anchorman:

The bad man punted Baxtor!

The bad man punted Baxtor!

Emo (emotional) fags are dumb. Here a picture that relates to this topic:

Agreed

Agreed

Here’s a plan, talk down to your grass. Call your grass shitty and unwanted, and then throw a knife on your lawn, hopefully your grass will get the hint and cut themselves, and you’ll save bundles on lawn-mower fuel (also known as gas).

Please don’t think I’m just judging people. I take words as constructive criticism. Many a time I’ve had people come up and tell me that I was a fucking fag. So what did I do? I either tried to become less gay, and help myself as well as my environment, or I ignored them, because they were fucking tools. Of course, it’s hard to know exactly what to change about yourself when people just tell you, “You’re fucking gay.” In those cases, I hit the ignore button in my head. But when someone says something like:

“You’re a weak fuck!”

I know what to change. Now,  I workout every day and can literally bench press a car (Hot Wheels or Matchbox).

“You’re still a weak fuck!”

Heel to the groin!

Bottom Line: Stop getting depressed by words. They’re fucking words. Be a man and deal with it. Women too, stop being fags. My friend got arrested for calling a gay kid gay. Apparently that’s a hate crime now. The kid could’ve easily said “That’s right,  I’m gay.” And then my stupid friend would have looked damn foolish and the gay kid would look witty and cool. Words can always be twisted by agreeing. Another example of this,

“Your mom’s a huge slut.”

“That’s right, she is.”

“Uhhhhh…yea.”

Who looks stupid now? Not the kid whose mom is getting around and collecting other gentlemen’s sperm in her mouth, eye, asshole, vagina, cleavage, ears (really, ears?), and hair.

NOTE: This whole post does not apply to people with actual Depression problems that they can’t actually control. They’re just pretty much fucked. And that sucks.

Gantz 298

Because Gantz is the best thing ever invented, I have decided I want to give my views on each chapter, and the ensuing illustrious greatness that it provides. Therefore….

Best manga ever.

Kurono is cloned (I officially dub him “Fake-K”), and Reika does what is probably the wise thing and tells him right away that he’s a fake, avoiding any possible confusing situations that might arrive. As expected, Fake-K calls her a selfish bitch and slaps her in the face while molesting her bosum leaves, saying that he still loves Tae. Fake-K goes back to his house and sees his real self entering, talking about how he’s “Gonna call Tae chan and tell her he loves her and ooochi smoochie woooochi”. At this point Fake-K accepts that Tae is no longer part of his life. And the Chapter ends. Also, Gantz is walking around randomly, maybe he’s going to buy some spare parts at Autozone for his ball.

Unexpected fan-service!

What do I think will happen? Either Kurono or Fake-K will die, but it won’t matter. Either way, they’re bound to meet, and if it turns out that Kurono isn’t free from Gantz, then they’re gonna have one nasty fuckin team, which I would LOVE to see. Personally, I would love to have a clone, maybe then someone would actually play wiffleball, or have a catch. All my friends either play soccer or basketball. Gay.

Females vs Males = Entertainment

It’s been a while since I’ve done any of these “off topic” posts, so this week I might do a few.

This could be a tough one, mainly because there are many different forms of entertainment. Let’s look at the obvious:

Professional Sports

Women don't suck at sports, they're just really boring to watch.

Who the fuck watches women’s professional sports? No one. They couldn’t give away tickets to the WNBA Finals last year…..or whenever the hell that took place. Also, think of the games that sports play. How many Women’s Sports Games have you heard of? None. That’s because women’s sports are uninteresting and boring….except for beach volleyball, because our Olymic duo kicks ass and beats everyone while looking good doing it. The only way to make women’s sports more entertaining is to add more sex appeal (I’m being serious).

Men – 1 Women – 0

Acting

Whoops Reese Witherspoon is awesome.

This one is close. there are certainly a lot of good male actors, but at the same time, a lot of great female actresses. For men, I look at Jim Carrey, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, and the manliest man in acting, Harrison Ford as good actors. I skipped a lot of them, and for the most part wrote down the first actors that came to mind. For the women, we have great actresses like Jenna Jameson, Kobe Tai, Jeanna Fine, Reese Witherspoon (I love Reese Witherspoon)……..well I can’t think of anymore that I really like, but bottom line is I like female actresses more, because they sometimes show their tits in movies.

Men – 1 Women – 1

Singing

Shittiest Band Ever

Shittiest Band Ever

For the most part, each gender has it’s skilled singers/musicians/artists and it’s bad ones. Therefore, in order to solve this problem I will consider the shittiest fuckin band ever made, Nickelback. Nickelback sucks. Nickelback is made of males. Nickelback is one of those bands where if you hear they got in a tragic plane crash and died, you throw a party. And don’t even get me started on how shitty rap has become. Soulja Boy/Autotune………..I’m going to just give this one to females.

Men – 1 Women – 2

Porn Adult Entertainment

Problem solved.

Gee here’s a hard one:

Women + Women = Entertained

Women + Man = Entertained

Man + Man = FUCKING GAY

Women win again.

Men – 1 Women – 3

Well, there you have it. Women are more entertaining then men, but let’s face it, we have other things to take care of, like building nations with brawn, and being men.