Things that Suck: Sleep

EDIT: This post is a week old draft, and is a live account of a night when I decided not to sleep (wrote this over the course of several hours, taking breaks and what not, and stopped on;y at around 6 in the morning).

I’ve given my views on sleep before, somewhere on this mess of a site, but for some inexplicable reason, I find that I have the need to farther elaborate on my previous epiphany that sleep, does, in fact, suck.

Yea fuck sleep.

So why do I hate sleep? Is it because it’s 4:25 in the morning as I write this and I’m still not remotely tired? Is it because I haven’t really gotten any sleep at all for the past week just because I can’t fall asleep? Is it because, no matter how much I try, I can’t fall asleep, and end up tossing and turning all night? Yes. All of those reasons are reasons why sleep sucks. I hate it. Listen to my short story before I go into actually fact relating to why I’d rather stab myself then sleep voluntarily.

My Fuckin Story

(if you don’t want to read my dream, you suck, but you can skip to the second paragraph)

So last night, I finally fell asleep at around 3:30 or so. I had the sickest dream ever. It involved me going to jail, and then a sudden flash forward to when I got out of jail. Somehow, I had this sick huge house, that involved cliff stairs, and sick rooms that are so sick and awesome and unconventional that it almost made me bust. I really want to try and design this house because I can’t explain it. Anyway, there was a passage way from my room to a bar. Not just any bar though, a Pirate bar. Now I don’t know if you’ve heard the news, but pirates are cool. Anyway, jail apparently made me a badass, and I just took drinks and punched people for no reason. I punched a friend of mine in the face for tapping me on the shoulder. When he looked at me as if to say “WTF was that for?” I smiled and said, “Dude you can’t  sneak up on me like that. I was in jail dude I’m changed.” Truth be told, I knew he was saying hello, but I wanted to punch him, and knew I could get away with it because I was now hardened from jail. I was a bad ass and it was awesome. Then I woke up, fell asleep, and had the same dream. Then I woke up for real. There was another part of my dream involving a monster, two anime girls (one who I had to help and one who died both times (I had this dream twice). Both times she was slaughtered by the “monster” and explained what was happening to her both times. Apparently I have some serious mental problems in my subconscious. But this part of my dream reminded me of Resident Evil. Oh and people from Star Trek were there for some reason, except they were all played by that dude who just quit CSI. He died.

Anyway, I couldn’t wait to get to sleep tonight and maybe continue the dream, because my dreams are typically better than my actual life. However, I couldn’t sleep for shit. At 2 o’clock, when I was still WIDE AWAKE, I decided, “Fuck this, I’m pulling an all nighter, because sleep hates me. It teases me with its dreams, and then kicks me in the dirt the next day. Basically, the bouncer for sleep sucks. He stands at the rope, and laughs at me when I can’t get in. Well I bet you didn’t expect this, did you Sleep!? I’m going to diss you in a post! I’m turning the tables, because I don’t need you.

HERE IS WHY SLEEP SUCKS:

  • It’s bad for the economy.

Time is money, we waste probably half of our lives sleeping, which accomplishes nothing. Humans are in-efficient.

  • It takes away from anime watching time.

Self explanatory.

  • It isn’t fun, unless you have cool dreams.

I have cool dreams about once every two months, but when I have them, they’re absolutely insane and awesome.

  • Sleep causes cancer.

I made this up, but it might be true. I choose not to risk it.

Here’s a list of things you could do instead of sleep (EDIT: This turned into a play by play of what I was doing all night….sort of):

  1. Sex
  2. Watch Anime
  3. Jerk Off
  4. Color
  5. Dance
  6. Smoke Weed
  7. Call People Names
  8. Type a Post About How You Don’t Like Sleep
  9. Watch the Sun Rise
  10. Download Music
  11. Download Anime
  12. Download Porn
  13. Become Obsessed With YouTube and Laugh Your Ass Off Because You’re Overtired
  14. Get Hammered
  15. Have Some More Sex
  16. Vandalize Houses Since Everyone is Sleeping
  17. Do Homework
  18. Laugh at the Aspect of Doing Homework
  19. Drink A Pot Of Coffee
  20. Play Truth Or Dare By Yourself
  21. Clean
  22. Raid Your Refrigerator
  23. Listen to Chatmonchy
  24. Listen to My Chemical Romance
  25. Watch More Anime
  26. Read Manga
  27. Read Actual Books
  28. Laugh at the Aspect of Reading Actual Books
  29. Snort Cocaine
  30. Play “Who’s Inside Me” By Yourself
  31. Climb a Tree
  32. Travel to Europe
  33. Have Surprise Sex With Someone
  34. Take a Nice Bath or Shower
  35. Find a Cure For That Nasty Rash
  36. Give Yourself a Piercing
  37. Write a Novel
  38. Pretend That You’re a Jewish Person From WWII, and Hide in the Attic (that’s bad, even for me)
  39. Do Art
  40. Re-arrange Your Room
  41. Challenge Yourself to Drink a Gallon of Milk
  42. Am I Still Writing This List?
  43. Do I have no better way to occupy my time when I don’t sleep?
  44. Well I guess this is the main reason why I made this ISSS (look at my first few posts)
  45. I need to go take a piss, brb…
  46. ……………………….
  47. There, that felt good. Also, I am now wearing my Japanese Pants, that look something like this.
  48. Mine have a different character, and a different tie.You Could Husk Corn
  49. Listen to Music That Isn’t Either Chatmonchy or My Chemical Romance (Why would you want to?)
  50. Fart Loudly
  51. Lick Different Objects in Your Room to See What Tastes Best
  52. Waste Time In More Useless Ways Then Sleeping
  53. I Own A Samurai Sword. They Match the Pants.
  54. This is a Retarded Post.
  55. Are You Still Reading This? You Have Less Life Than Me!
  56. Basically, no one is reading this, so I could say stuff like: “Fuck black people,” and no one would ever know!
  57. For the record, I have no problem with black people…
  58. ……..
  59. Puerto Ricans are ones you need to watch out for!
  60. ……..
  61. What? I’m serious.
  62. My friend Ed is Puerto Rican. You know how much shit he’s stolen? Like thousands of dollars worth of shit.
  63. For the record, how come it’s a sin when a white person says, “Fuck black people!” But when a black person says, “Fuck white people!” then it’s totally fine?
  64. Oh sweet a song finished downloading, it’s the funniest/weirdest song ever, Closer by Nine Inch Nails.
  65. The only song I like by Nine Inch Nails is Story of a Girl.
  66. Oh wait, that’s by Nine Days. Nine Inch Nails suck, and so does this song.
  67. Does anyone else think these are funny?::
  68. I love them. I think they’re hilarious.
  69. God I feel great right now….not even tired. In fact, I feel energetic…Oh yes! Aoi Hana 09 is finished downloading! The season ended, so I need to watch all of the episodes.
  70. Back to the Hitler thing…does anyone know where I can see the actual scene that that’s from? I don’t even know what movie it is.
  71. Well, now it is 6:07 in the morning, and I have class at 9. First I have to go to Staples, so I might as well do some shit and get ready (I’m hungry, so I’m going to make a bountiful breakfast)
  72. I started downloading Dragonball” Evolution….not sure if I’m actually going to watch it, I’m mainly doing it to spite the studio that made it.
  73. Goodbye all…this was pretty much a play by play of a night where I don’t sleep.
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16 thoughts on “Things that Suck: Sleep

  1. I didn’t care nor know your prob. But guess you’re look like old man who can’t even sleep.. -.- yawn.. But i’m still child so sleep more than half a day it’s no prob. And bout the dream! Lol XD it’s fun!! I also had dream bout my best friends killed..

  2. @ kluxorious: No such thing.

    @ Mr. Black: The Dragonball Hilter video was actually a three parter. I watched all of it.

    @ Mito: I’m 21, I’m not really an old man…your sentences can use some work.

    @ Yi: I can get two or three papers done, and still have some time to watch anime.

  3. What the fuck? Sleep is the best fucking thing in the entire fucking universe. Sleep is the one thing that makes me question my decision to join the military, because the military seems fundamentally opposed to me getting sleep. Sleep is amazing. You crawl into your warm, cozy bed… wait, dammit, I’m gonna write a post telling everyone you LIEEEE.

  4. Pingback: Sleeping is AWESOME « GAR GAR Stegosaurus – because I always watch the contrails disappear

  5. Pingback: Things That Suck 2: People « Eye Sedso

  6. Pingback: Eye Sedso vs Silence is Golden – Aniblog Tournament 2012 « Eye Sedso

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