Queen’s Blade Hast Returned!

There’s a reason why I was looking forward to the new Queen’s Blade season more than almost every single other new show (save one). It’s shear ridiculousness and utter blatancy with it’s porn fanservice is something the whole family can enjoy. Let’s get it on!

Right off the bat we are greeted with Nanael's ass getting a scrub.

Right off the bat we are greeted with Nanael's ass getting a scrub.

How I had missed this absolute blatant fanservice, which is weird, because I hate blatant fanservice. Well let me tell you. There is a line, a line which Queen’s Blade has crossed, where fanservice stops being annoyng, and starts being funny. Anyway, this episode actually wasn’t bad and had some elements of plot.

Who didn't see this coming from a mile way?

Who didn't see this coming from a mile away?

It turns out that the head angel (or whoever that huge angel is) has decided that Naneal will participate in Queen’s Blade. Of course, Nanael has no chance, because I’m still not even sure on how her name is spelled. Anyway, this first episode pretty much started off by re-introducing all of the main characters. I’m’ going to mainly use screen-shots in this post, because without screen shots, a review of Queen’s Blade is pretty much pointless.

This is the best character in Queen's Blade. This is a fact.

This is the best character in Queen's Blade. This is a fact.

Allean is definitely the coolest looking character in Queen’s Blade (just look at that sick hat! She looks like a Scotsman.) and also the overall best character. This is a fact because I said it. She of course, has to deal with Nowa, who is kind of like a daughter to her (they’ll probably have sex or something close).

Yea you probably should have

Yea you probably should have

Let me touch on Nowa for a bit. No, I don’t mean that I want to literally touch on Nowa (she’s clearly underage), but I want to talk about her. I of course do not approve of underage girls without pants, however, given the ridiculousness of Queen’s Blade, it’s okay for anyone to not wear pants at anytime. Basically, Queen’s Blade is allowed to do anything and I won’t get mad. I mean, let’s face it, no one takes this show seriously, and if you do, then you should be given some kind of award, or be placed in a mental hospital. Well, then, now that we’ve talked about the best character in Queen’s Blade (Allean), I think it’s time to talk about the worst. Of course I am referring to Reina:

I'm surprised Reina didn't fall from here.

I'm surprised Reina didn't fall from here.

Reina sucks. I wish she would die, but she’s obviously the main character, and in a show like this, where the plot is simple as can be, I think that it’s fairly obvious that she’s going to somehow win Queen’s Blade. She’s easily the worst main character ever, and maybe one of the worst characters ever, if not for her huge rack and huge ass (I seriously think that they increased the size of her ass for this season). Anyway, the only interest I have in Reina is how many cliffs she’s going to fall off of this season.

With their forces combined, they'd have an average set of boobs (well, they'd still be huge).

With their forces combined, they'd have an average set of boobs (well, they'd still be huge).

Okay, so here’s an odd pairing: The character with the biggest tits in the show (Cattleya) and the smallest non-existant tits (Ymir).

Because you are a child you child!

Because you are a child you child!

So now I’d like to take some time to point out some of the more “family oriented” portions of the episode. And by family oriented, I mean boobs and tentacle rape.

First breast fondling of the new season, just thought I'd add it. By the way, the girl whose breast is being fondled (Irma I think). She is a pretty sick character.

First breast fondling of the new season, just thought I'd add it. By the way, the girl whose breast is being fondled (Irma I think). She is a pretty sick character.

Umm....a picture says 1000 words I guess.

Umm....a picture says 1000 words I guess.

This poor girl was just passing by the breast fondling session, when suddenly her weapon (or something) just rapes the shit out of her. It was the most random rape ever and I actually laughed quite hard.

The smartest characters in Queen's Blade.

The smartest characters in Queen's Blade.

Basically, the three “bad apples” are kind of hangin’ out, and then Melona (because she’s an idiot) decides to go and try to kill the Queen by herself (because she’s an idiot). Before I get into this, let me flashback to the first episode of Queen’s Blade.

I recall Melona getting riled up and fighting Reina, and losing in the first battle of that season. Now here we are, first episode of this season, and what do you think will happen?

Melona gets riled up and begins fighting the Queen Aldra, and then loses and the result is such:

Yet again, Melona essentually dies in the first episode.

Yet again, Melona essentially dies in the first episode.

I can’t wait for next week!

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