Queen’s Blade-GoTM: 2 Gawwwd Daayyum


Wow. This was….just….Queen’s Blade never fails to surprise me.

This episode opens with Reina, the worst character ever, looking for a place to stay. Seemingly, every single place she goes happens to be full up, but that’s just because no one likes her. Eventually, she’s forced to use the “I’m in Queen’s Blade” ploy, and a reluctant inn-keeper let’s her stay in a room, with this crazy snake bitch:

I wonder what she means by special night training...probably sex.

I wonder what she means by special night training...probably sex.

Nothing really happens through the first half of the show. Tomoe and Shizuka decide to stay at a church, which happens to be the same church where Nanael is, and it’s run by this character, who is so stupid (in a good, Queen’s Blade way) that I’ll have to show you a screen shot of her and her massive bust.

Ummm....I know big boobs are great, but dear God you need a reduction.

I see much lower back trouble in her future.

Holy fuck. This bitch has some huge tits. That’s what I thought, as I laughed and took a screen print of the page. Like, honestly. Jesus Christ. I mean, there’s a limit to how big boobs can be. I would not have sex with a woman if her tits were this massive. Okay, I might once, just to say I’d done it, but I probably wouldn’t enjoy it that much. Okay I might still enjoy it, but I’d hate myself in the morning. Pretty much, I wanted to punch this bitch in the face, just because I don’t like how she looks. Then they ate dinner:

Oh cum on, they're obviously using milk as a substitute for something else....what that something is, I have no idea.

Oh cum on, they're obviously using milk as a substitute for something else....what that something is, I have no idea.

Isn’t it strange how abundant milk is in the land of Queen’s Blade? It’s also apparently very easy to spill all over your face, breasts, and pretty much anywhere in between. Anyway, things get a little off track, as Tomoe forgets her place.

Apparently Tomoe forgot that she is a character in the hit anime, Queen's Blade.

Apparently Tomoe forgot that she is a character in the hit anime, Queen's Blade.

Tomoe, you’re in Queen’s Blade. There is no such thing as exposing too much skin. In fact, I’d say she leaves too much to the imagination. And you’re one to talk, we get quite a bit of fanservice from you this episode. But yeah, the whole first part of the episode was worthless. But then, the fights start, and I am riveted.

Queen’s Blade Fight 1: Tomoe vs Melpha

Well, this fight was……well……..very very very “>very “>very “>very “>very “>very very very very very very very very very….(catches breath)….very very very veryveryveryveryveryveryveryvecry funny. That’s right funny. Here we have two priestess going at it. Tomoe being very conservative (and fucking awesome), and Melpha being….well…..a whore. That’s right, a whore. Typical cum-dumpster. I mean, look at her fighting poses.


At least she didn't piss all over the place like Reina would've done.

Each and every move of Melpha’s (the big-titted priestess) was a sexual position. I recall one of her poses was a doggystyle position, and I think it was called something like, “Holy Pose.” She actually yelled, HOLY POSE as she did it. I was honestly dying. She was actually beating Tomoe, but that’s only because Tomoe was kind of disgusted with her. Then she decided to try, and beat Melpha with one swing of her awesome samurai sword. I honestly want Tomoe to win the whole thing. However, she was not the best character of this episode.

Winner: Tomoe

Queen’s Blade Fight 2: Nyx vs Elina

Awesome battle so far. I was excited when I heard the matchup (even though it was kind of obvious). These match-ups ruled. Here we have Nyx, the girl who almost always get’s tentacle raped (she already was once this episode) and Elina, Reina’s sister, who, for some strange reason, wants Reina. She can have her. But what made this matchup really interesting was the fact that Nyx was, in the past, Elina’s servant, and pretty much hates Elina, and wants revenge. Now I don’t know if I told you about my feelings for revenge, but I fucking love revenge. I always root for revenge to win. If there was a fight between my best friend and a kid who wanted revenge against him, I’d say go revenge (as long as said friend was in no mortal peril).

Anyway, so right before the fight starts:

Obligatory Rape.

Obligatory Rape.

Something about this shot makes me laugh. Maybe it’s just my balls laughing at people who get off to this. But anyway, after swallowing the tentacle monster’s load, Nyx goes crazy (she’s obviously using the tentacle as means to gain power and for it’s free rapes). So now, instead of a scared girl who wants to get her redemption from Elina, she’s a fucking crazy psycho bitch hell bent on getting revenge. FUCKING AWESOME:

This girl has fucking problems and I love it.

This girl has fucking problems and I love it. This screenshot alone won me over.

Nyx was easily my favorite character this episode. I mean, she’s most likely going to lose, because she was only just recently introduced (kind of like Melpha) and Elina is a long lasting character. This show is easily predictable. But dear God, make Nyx at least get revenge. I can not WAIT to see this fight finish.

Winner: Undetermined

Well that’s pretty much the episode, except for one last thing (just ignore the subs, this is a shitty screen-shot, I know):

Is that like...a metal penis thing? What the fuck?

You poke someone with that, it ain't comin' out clean. It's like a honey bee's stinger.

Nothing makes me happier than when I finish a Queen’s Blade Post.


9 thoughts on “Queen’s Blade-GoTM: 2 Gawwwd Daayyum

  1. Dude, you’re so entertaining, like fucking seriously. I’m gonna make sure to add you to my blogroll on the site I moved to & I have you on my RSS feed on my iPhone, so I’ll be officially stalking your posts now. Hey, it’s not as bad as facebook stalking. Apparently they call post stalking, “subscribing.” Anyways, keep it going, like serious. Oh btw dude, you mind if I write some guest posts for you later on? It’d be fun.

  2. @ Baka-Raptor: Nyx has everything that a good character needs. A psycho, split personality, boobs, and enjoyment of rape.

    I was actually planning on watching Detroit Metal City, but I never put it on The List, so I always forgot about it. I’m not really a big fan of metal…that being said, I just finished the tambourine rape episode, and I’ve been steam rolling through this series. I already know what my review post is going to be.

    @ Snark: Yea I know. And Shizka looked really uncomfortable when she started talking about the whole skin issue.

    @ finalanimestop: Is subscribing is stalking then I’m stalking about 35 people. As far as guest posts, I made the rule when I created this site that I allow one guest post per person per lifetime, so make it count! (I’ll surly put it up though).

  3. Yeah I think Shizuka was angry because Tomoe dissed all the skimpy dressers, and Shizuka is a skimpy dresser herself.

    Lol we have tentacle raep power-ups and holy farts from the nether region, I wonder what they’ll come up with next.

  4. @ TJ: I can’t wait to see, the next episode should be subbed soon. I have a feeling that Elina is going to experience some tentacle fun.

    @ Yi: Well that’s just because you’re extremely perverted, but don’t feel bad, we all are.

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