WARNING: IT’S QUEEN’S BLADE.
I’m actually doing a real review for once on this episode. Real meaning, I cover the whole episode. Some details may have been changed (for example, there isn’t really a van in this episode).
I am so mad. So angry. And so annoyed.
Here’s Nyx, the most awesome character in the world, looking to get her revenge on Elina, who, despite being an insestual lesbian, is fucking stupid. She’s looking pretty crazy and bad ass, as she’s seriously giving Elina, who is a snobby bitch, a beating she won’t soon forget. Then Elina does a small bit of trash talking and Nyx fucking forfeits. Why does she turn into such a pussy!? COME ON NYX, KILL THIS BITCH! I feel like Queen’s Blade ripped me off here. I feel as used as a condom that has done it’s job.
Anyway, after this disappointing end to what could have been an awesome battle, Reina shows up and pisses everyone off:
What a stupid cunt. But enough about Reina, a Queen’s Blade first happens (sort of), as we are shortly thereafter introduced to the first men in Queen’s Blade (besides Reina’s father, who doesn’t count because all of his daughters suck as characters). And guess what? They’re all pedophiles:
So anyway, they really want to rape…uh….what was her name again?…..oh yea, Nowa. These three guys, who probably work as jesters in the Queen’s court, lure Nowa into their windowless van with the empty gesture (Curb Your Enthusiasm reference) of candy, and she learns that there is no candy, only pedophiles in the van. Completely forgetting that she’s supposed to be a warrior in Queen’s Blade, she suddenly becomes as useless as shit flavored lollipop (Dodgeball reference). The pedophiles are horny, and it doesn’t help that Nowa doesn’t wear pants. Luckily, the crazy snake bitch, Echidna, comes to her rescue, followed shortly by Allean, who has recaptured her spot as my favorite character after Nyx let me down. I still have hopes that she will rise again, kinda like Jesus did in that book…..uhh….the Bible.
So we learn that Allean is not only 1000 years old, but is also a virgin. She looks pretty good for 1000 if you ask me. Of course, she obviously isn’t really a 1000 year old version, Echidna is just busting her balls….or ovaries. Unless of course she actually is a 1000 year old version. Anyway, the episode then switches to Melpha and Nanael in the church.
In the church, Melpha tells Nanael that she lack piety, and that’s why she failed. In order to become closer to God or some shit, she has to go on a journey and gain knowledge. Nanael hears her, and then does something awesome:
Nanael might be my new favorite character (my favorite character changes about 3 times per episode, they’re all so awesome! So Nanaell slaps the shit out of Melpha, saying that she [Nanael] is a fucking angel, so what the fuck? You have an angel right in front of you, if you have a question about God or something, ask the fucking angel right in front of you. Stupid worthless bitch [Melpha]. Now, after being slapped, Melpha immediately cums all over the place, because as you know, when you slap girls they get horny. They then have sex long into the night, utilizing holy poses and Melpha’s enormous rack.
Next, we see that Risty has gotten a makeover since apparently becoming evil. (I skipped a few things)
Risty has some huge ass tits. Remember when Risty was actually, like, and important character? I don’t. Next, more fights baby!
Queen’s Blade Fight 3: Echidna & Irma vs Nowa & Allean
So basically in this fight, all of the girls have to have a huge orgy, and the last one to cum wins. Okay it’s actually just a fight, but that could be a good idea for a Queen’s Blade spinoff. Teacher & Student vs Teacher & Student. Is it just me, or is this show starting to actually contain decent (or at least better) writing? For the record, I like pretty much every character in this fight. Allean and Irma might be my top two favorite characters, and Echidna is probably in my top 5 as well. Nowa sucks. Anyway, can’t wait for next episode to see who cums last.