Queen’s Blade GoTM 4: I Am Pissed Off

WARNING: Cattleya’s ass in in this post. Sorry Guys.

I don’t think that there was one part of this episode that didn’t piss me off in some way. Oh wait, there was one:



After so many episodes, Allean, one of the only characters with sense, tells Nowa to put on some God Damn underwear. The underwear happens to be two leaves, but it’s better than nothing. And one more thing, how the fuck to two leaves not fall off? Did Nowa glue them to her body? Did she shove them in her orifices? What the hell? You know what, I don’t want to know.

So anyway, we pick up right where the last episode left off, with Allean and Nowa facing off against Echidna and Irma. In fact, I like all of these characters except for Nowa, but more to come on that later. As the fight continues, Irma does pretty much nothing but watch Echidna fight with Allean and Nowa. Then Echidna J.R. Smiths Allean into a giant vagina flower.

Yup, even the plants are indecent.

Yup, even the plants are indecent.

The plant starts secreting all over Allean, who, being a 1000 year old virgin, can’t take it, and is stuck indefinitely, leaving Nowa to fight by herself. And by fight, I mean suck at fighting and start losing until Allean breaks free of the vagina plant.

Allean then has Echidna on the ropes, and the fight is pretty much over, untill Nowa fucks evecrything up by proving again that she is completely useless.

Nowa, you are a shitty fucking piece of shit. You are now my third least favorite character (which is probably what you were anyway).

Nowa, you are a shitty fucking piece of shit. You are now my third least favorite character (which is probably what you were anyway).

Knives held Nowa down to the tree. Knives through cloth. You can’t fucking get free from that tree Nowa? Look at your sleeves, they aren’t even attached to anything! You could easily just slip out of them! You fucking suck, and cost your team the game.If I was Allean, I would have said fuck it, and kept fighting. If Irma wants too kill you, then she can be my guest.

WINNER: Echidna & Irma

And with that, Allean (my favorite character, this time I’m sure) and Nowa (a sack of shit), are seemingly gone from the anime, as they decide to go back to the forest.. What a load of sh-

After that is over, we switch to Reina, who sucks. Let me just say that the rest of this episode was fucking brutal, and I really don’t want to review it anyway, but I’m going to just to prove that I can.



So Reina’s blade seems to be worn out, just like her welcome in this episode. She needs to get it fixed, and so there’s only one place for her to go, this fat hog:

I wonder too. I wonder how much more I could hate you, Cattelyna. You suck.

I wonder too. I wonder how much more I could hate you, Cattleya. You suck.

There’s only one thing worse than a scene with Reina, and that’s a scene with Reina and Cattleya, which happened to be most of the rest of the episode. Just looking at either one of them is enough for me to beat the shit out of old people. Needless to say that by the end of this episode, my feet hurt from walking back and forth to the retirement home.

Reina give the blade to the cow, who promptly fixes it, and talks about her husband who she is trying to find. Now, listen here bitch, your husband obviously left for a reason. He got sick and tired of your ugly, annoying face/body combo. It’s fair to say that when you birthed that stupid shit of a child next to you that you gained few pounds, relegated to your tits and ass. Normally, this would be good, but in your case, well, look at you. I hope you and Reina fall off the same cliff, and then you land on Reina, killing her on impact. Your kid can live. Seems like Reina got her shit together just in time, because she’s next in the competition, going against that dwarf loli.

Queen’s Blade Fight 4: Reina vs Uhh….loli dwarf

Geeee I WONDER who will win THIS battle?

So we already know that Reina is going to win (at least all of the lolis will be gone), but we won’t actually know until next episode. Maybe she’ll suprise us and lose. That would be too good though, I’m afraid. Okay so this isn’t the only matchup, we also have Cattleya going against Airi.

Queen’s Blade Fight 5: Cattleya vs Airi

Airi, for those of you who aren’t aware, is that Maid girl who sucks life out of people and is one of the three slaves to the swamp witch. Who the fuck is the swamp witch? Is she ever going to make an appearance? What the fuck? Anyway….

There’s less than a minute left in the show, so there’s no way I could get pissed off again, right? WRONG. Right before she goes into the Queen’s Blade arena, Cattleya proves how bad she is at parenting, and decides to bring her toddler child into the ring, where anyone could die at any time.

What a shitty parent

Your kid is like, 4. She can’t fucking fight. Go to hell Cattleya. You’re my second least favorite character. Honestly, your coming close to taking over for Reina. This episode sucked. There wasn’t even anything perverted to laugh at.

SIDE NOTE: Sign the petition to get the Whalers back in Hartford! (go to the Hartford Whalers page above for more details and link)


7 thoughts on “Queen’s Blade GoTM 4: I Am Pissed Off

  1. “Echidna J.R. Smiths Allean”
    Lol please define the verb “J.R. Smiths”.

    Cattleya’s kid is a boy, but I suppose for the purpose of being a handicap/human meat shield it doesn’t really matter.

    So sad that Allean showed her kick-ass moves and figure just so she can get knocked out of tournament because of Nowa’s uselessness.

  2. Rana (Cattleya’s son) sucks. Worst character by far. Yeah, he’s a little kid who has no control over his uselessness, but he still sucks. Nowa comes in second. I have yet to decide who I hate third most.

    The best part of this episode was when those two random chicks on the street were talking about swords. You live in a fucking awesome world when common women are knowledgeable about weaponry.

  3. And this episodes answers the question “Can annoying lolis with no underwear ever do anything good?”. The answer is obviously no. This episode sucked, and I even had high expectations for it since I laughed for half an hour at the “holy poses” of the last episode.

  4. @ TJ: I couldn’t tell what Rana was. I just assumed it was a girl because of what it was wearing.

    (to) J.R. Smith

    To throw with extreme skill, any object through or into another object.

    Origin: J.R. Smith is the best 3 point shooter ever on earth.

    @ Baka-Raptor: I wish we could buy weapons on the street…

    @ Dez691: The “Holy Poses” made for one of the best episodes of the season. The loli fail made for one of the most disappointing.

    @ kluxorious: Queen’s Blade rules.

    @ Fuck: Hahahahahahahahahahaha. This one of the best comments I’ve ever read. That name kicks ass!

  5. Cattleya and Rana are great! I challenge you to find a closer mother and son than the two of them. 💜

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