Okay, this post is late, considering that this episode has been out for a few days or so. Honestly, there are a few reasons for this, the first being, I was in New York for the weekend, attending a plethora of separate parties. How much do I love New York City? I’m going to tell you about my entire time there after this review (you don’t really care about that though, do you? DO YOU? Yea, I thought so. Anyway, having my funds lowered by a significant margin, I am now back in Southington, CT, where life is boring and dumb.
The second reason why this post is late is because I just have not been watching any anime at all, proof of this is in my immense amount of mainly filler or non-episodic posts of late. It will probably stay like that for a while too, just because I need a break from anime, as we all do from time to time. However, there is no break for Shakugan no Shana, which is so awesome that I feel like learning how to fly or something, even though that’s impossible. So here is my reaction to the first episode of this OVA (this post will contain sexually explicit….uh….writing?)
This episode KICKED ASS! Shana is BACK. I am half as excited as I was when I learned InuYasha was returning! (that shows you how excited I was when I learned InuYasha was returning. Yea, you probably can’t comprehend it).
Basically, the plot was one that has been seen over and over again, in many different shows, but Shakugan no Shana did it ten times better, just because it’s Shakugan no Shana. What plot am I referring to? Obviously the plot where the guy and the girl somehow switch bodies with each other, ie: Shana is in Yuuji’s body and vice versa. I can’t remember how many different shows I’ve seen use this plot device, but it’s been a lot. In Shakugan no Shana, this causes all sorts of great scenarios, like this one:
Uhh….well….I thought it was funny, maybe I’m just delusionaly bias. But I loved seeing and hearing (mainly hearing I guess) how the different seiyu played their opposites (Kugimiya Rie as Yuuji and Hino Satoshi as Shana). I mean, don’t you think that’s cool? I do. In fact, I think that every show should have one of these episodes!
I can’t even begin to tell you about how dumb of an idea that is.
Fuck you ass hole. I’ll murder you. Anyway, eventually they switch bodies back, just in time for Yuuji (now back in his original body) to take a huge shit (literally). But whenever I see episodes of shows where two characters (male & female) switch bodies, I think the same thing:
What would I do if I suddenly found myself in a female’s body?
You’re about to find out. Here are the top 3 things that I would do if I turned into a girl for like, a day or so. Obviously, they’re all going to somehow relate to sex, because let’s face it, men think only about sex (unless I’m just really fucking perverted, which could be true anyway).
Number 3 – Check Myself Out
Obviously, would probably look at myself in the mirror for about 2 to 3 hours seconds. Obviously, I wouldn’t be wearing any clothes. I mean, suddenly I’m thrust into a hot female body? What else do you expect me to do? That’s like someone giving me a hot girl for a birthday present, stripping her naked, and then her saying, “Do whatever you want”, except that I’m the hot girl, which means that there isn’t a question about actual consent (if you get a girl for your birthday, chances are she’s being forced to do it, that, or your life is awesome). I would obviously stare glimpse at myself for a while second before being satisfied and thinking, alright, that was nice, but I have tits, and a pussy, so let’s try some things out.
Number 2 – Masturbate Furiously For Hours on End
Before you get up on me and tell me that I’m a raving perverted fuck, let me ask you something, “Have you ever wondered what it feels like for the other gender to get off?” I mean, do girls enjoy sex more than guys? Personally, I think that guys do, because they don’t need it to be “the right mood” to have sex. A guy is in the mood at the drop of a dime, and any guy that has ever used an excuse like, “Not tonight honey, I have a headache” is a clear example of a homosexual. There’s no questioning it. He is a gay man trying to live the life of a straight man.
One time, I lost my leg, but I was still ready for a round or two or 17. The loss of blood didn’t even phase me, I was still able to get it up, and fully erect. I felt like a champion. I have since gotten the leg replaced with automail, but no matter what, a man is always ready to have sex. Here is a documented case (completely non-fiction) about a man who was having sex, when suddenly, people broke into his room and started shooting at him. He was able to take all of them out, and still finished. What a man:
But yea, I would scuzzle my snatch, shuffle my snoozle, jockey my disc, finger my fupa, fondle my front, jam my jungle, angle my axe wound, caress my crevice, hammer my hole, plunder my pussy, twangle my twat, vibrate my vaginal, and do whatever other names you could make up for a girl masturbating, and that’s probably the first thing I’d do.
Number 1 – Have lesbian sex with a really hot girl
This is an event that has always intrigued me. Lesbian sex. Unless they use toys, there’s really no insertion (except phalanges). I mean, I’m not really sure how two women can have sex, unless they kind of….scissor or something.
Stop that video after 4 seconds. But yea, that would be a cool experience. Would that technically make me gay? I don’t really know, but I also don’t care.
Well, before you start thinking that I should be looking for a career in pornography sometime soon, I’ll stop there, and continue by saying that this episode of Shakugan no Shana (remember? That was what this post was originally supposed to be about) was awesome. I was going to now talk about my trip to New York, but I really don’t feel like it, so here are some bullets in case you’re interested.
- Drank. Went out to a comedy club with Matt Parrotti, the creator of Funky Faction and a person of great skill and merit, as well as his parents, who treated us (us being me, Matt, and three other friends). First we ate at a pub, and Matt, who is finally 21 (which is why I went down there) ordered his first beer at a restaurant, legally. Matt Parrotti is an upstanding citizen, however, and has never broken laws, so this was his first drink ever.
- The comedy club was awesome, and I laughed really hard the entire time. Was this because I was hammered? Probably. By the way, an Old Fashioned, is the greatest drink ever. Just letting you all know.
- That night, we stayed in Matt’s apartment and may have indulged in more alcohol. I was even able to watch a brand new TedCrusty video!
For those of you who think that this is the dumbest video ever, you’re right! But these videos are FUCKING HILARIOUS. Just trust me on this. Watch a few of them, and you’ll start to realize how awesome these videos are.
- The next day came, and we went out to art galleries. We got back , and Matt received another noise complaint. Tooooo badddddd.
- We got some food yatta yatta. That night came. We were supposed to go to a party on the roof of Matt’s friend’s appartement, where Matt’s friend was going to DJ, but instead, there was a fucking monsoon. So we went to Luigi’s apartment, which is fucking huge and nice as hell, and his roof is fucking huge and nice as hell. I guess that’s what you get when you pay over 1500 a month for rent (each, for 5 people I think…or 6…..or 4).
- This was a fun time. I was completely hammered by the time I got there, and here are a few things that I did:
- Ran into a glass door in front of the dude at the front desk. It was dark, there’s bad lighting in there. He looked like he wanted to choke me to death.
- BEAT CORINNE IN WAR!!!!!! FIRST WIN EVER BABY!!!!! HAHAHHAHAH YESSSSSSS!!!!! 1-6 lifetime now! I’m coming back!
- Chased his cats around. Raped them (this one was a lie).
- Somehow ended up eating a quarter pounder with cheese, despite not ever going to McDonalds. That was nice.
- Next day, woke up. Everyone else refused to go to Shake Shack, aka the best burgers in the entire fucking world, and the greatest shakes ever. I mean, I don’t know if they’re worth 5 dollars, but they’re pretty fuckin good.
Pulp Fiction is the best movie ever created, and anyone who disagrees should shoot themselves. I’ve seen it a thousand times. And sometimes I even watch it in my sleep. That is all. I realize that this post is completely random for the most part, and I’ll try to do better the next time (haha yea right).
EDIT: I had to delete this post TWICE and REPOST IT (luckily I’m smart, and copied the html) TWICE. This is the third time I have posted it. WordPress fails me again.