I think I can easily say that this Halloween was one of the best I’ve had since I became too old for trick or treating. Here’s a picture of me later in the night, when my mask had since been destroyed by the rain:
So yea, I was a Flamingo. Me, Refuse to Come Wack’s Robert, and Funky Faction’s Matt. We were flamingos. Do you think that’s gay? That’s fine. Girl’s can’t seem to get enough of the Flamingo though. It got to the point that we actually had to run from some girls (the ugly ones). But I’ll get to that later. First I have to explain this huge fucking weekend at Uconn.
Night One: The Flamingo’s First Run
The first night, we went down the street slightly to some random house. This walk was short, but I have never been called so many variations of “fag” in such a short time. It was fucking awesome, especially, since we were all trying to be as obnoxiously flamboyant as possible.
Let me tell you, there were some sick fucking costumes. I mean, I’ve never seen so many dressed up people in my life, with everything from Stormtroopers to plastic toy soldiers, which personally, were probably the best costumes that I saw that night. Of course, this doesn’t count the countless amount of girls dressed in as little clothing as possible.
Anyway, at the house, my sister introduced me to Charles Okwandu, who plays for the Huskies basketball team. Now, I like the Huskies, but when I meet someone who’s semi-well known, I choose to act like I’m better than them, so I shook his hand, said “What’s up.” and then just left, as if he was a piece of shit, and I was the man. He was definitely intimidated by me. God I love myself. Next, we went outside and took more pictures, because the basement was jacked with way too many people, and I think I got pee’d on, too bad I didn’t care, because I was having too much fun talking to girls and wearing my spandex and mask. Speaking of talking to girls, I was surprised at how many people know that flamingos are pink because of their diet of shrimp.
It was here that we met several Mexican girls, who kept feeling us up, touching us inappropriately, and being generally slutty, which I respect. They wanted to see us with boners, which would be fine, but they weren’t that hot (still hot enough for me though, I’d fuck anything). Well, after a while, we left and went home. On the way, we met three different sluts. They wanted our “shit. One of the girls pointed out, “Hey! There’s three of you, and three of us, what does that mean?” And I replied, “Let’s all fuck.” But then one girl, a blonde “non-slut-huge-bitch-who-doesn’t-like-to-have-a-good-time” got in the way, and started shoving us away. She obviously had never been fucked, because she was a huge bitch. She actually tried to slap Matt in front of the cops that were there. Of course, Matt isn’t one to get slapped by some floozy, so he grabbed her arm in mid-slap, and said “You don’t fucking slap me.” The girl complained to the cop, saying that he attacked her, but the cop pretty much told her to fuck off. Another slut yanked Robert’s beak off of his mask, which was fucking stupid. God damn animal cruelty. We went back and slept, because we had to be up early at 7 to start drinking.
First Day: Tailgating and Football
What do you get when you combine eggs, beer, burgers, beer, hot dogs, beer, and drinking games? Awesomness. I love tailgating. And I can say that this was the earliest I’ve ever drank in my life, or gotten drunk in my life….actually, this was the only time I was actually drunk during this entire weekend. But let’s talk about the best part of this experience, The Hartford Whalers.
Some guy from the Whalers booster club came around asking people to sign the petition. I obviously ran over to him and signed it immediately, because the Whalers kick ass, and I want them back (there were a lot of Whalers jerseys there). I even snagged a picture with him, where I look about 7 years younger than I actually am.
This dude was awesome. I convinced everyone I knew there to sign the petition, otherwise I would kill them. They all did, but they didn’t need my convincing. I chatted with this dude about the Whalers, and how they were selling jerseys and merchandise again, and he informed me that Whalers gear is actually currently OUTSELLING Carolina Hurricane’s gear. That’s right, we’re making bank on an NHL team that we don’t have anymore, although I tend to think of it as, “The Whalers are taking a break, but they’ll return someday. Anyway, that made my day awesome. Even the rain couldn’t keep me down. But yea, you should sign the Whalers petition to, for me and Hartford, if not for yourself.
Then cam the game:
It was at this point that Uconn decided to suck at football, right from the opening kickoff, when that fuckass on Rutgers ran it back for a touchdown. They still did better than the fucking Giants did today. Apparently Eli Manning forgot what team he played for, which is why he mainly threw his passes to players on the Eagles. what a dipshit, the Giants suck. Anyway, we left after halftime, which was fine with me, because I was hungover, and just wanted to sleep, which I did when we got back.
Night Two: BANGOUT
I swear, no one in this picture is gay, but wow, I could see how someone might think otherwise. Night two meant one thing: Mushroom House, were there was going to be a fucking smash fest of a party. We got there at nine and stayed there for several hours.
Right off the bat, girls were all over us.
“Oh my God! Are you guys pelicans?”
No, we’re flamingos you whore.
Oh my God those costumes are awesome! Can I touch your butt?”
We got comments like this all night, and in one random occurrence, when I met Pipi Longstocking, the conversation went something like this:
Pipi: I like your costume (starts randomly making out with me in the middle of the keg line)
Me: (making out unexpectedly….finishes the quick make out session) I like my costume too.
That was random as hell, but also really fucking awesome. I mean, I thought that Pipi was pretty hot, and had some nice tits, so I was fine with it. I didn’t see her the rest of the night, because eventually there were a couple hundred people who showed up, and it became hard to find anyone. Here are the girls that I probably could’ve fucked if I had any game at all:
Tila Tequila/Fat Devil Girl/Some Other Girl Trio = These girls were ugly, and the fat devil girl was a stage 5 clinger, except that I never fucked her. We lost them as quick as we could.
Average Joe’s Gym Girls = These girls were actually awesome. I would do any one of them, and probably could’ve, if I had game. But I’m a huge vagina and have no game, so nothing happened.
Indian Head Dress Girl = This girl was hot, and we talked about how we were all going around and feeling asses. She gave me some vodka. I didn’t think it was straight vodka, like she said it was. I chugged it. It turned out being straight vodka. Anyway, she was giving me that look. You know, the one that kind of says, “hey, what’s goin on?” but I am dumb so it never progressed farther. Again, no game, so I ended up just feeling her ass, because I told her I was going to. She got horny from it, probably.
The Devil/Angel/Taco Girls = They were on us like white on rice. They weren’t that hot, but they weren’t completely hideous. I would’ve done them, mainly because there were hot girls everywhere, and I wanted to get my dick wet by something other than the rain.
Oh, yea, I should mention, it was raining pretty good. This created a lot of mud and destroyed out masks, which were made out of paper and feathers. I didn’t really care, because of the rain (and the eventual, inevitable appearance of cops) we ended up only staying there till about 1 in the morning. It was still fucking awesome. Later on (like when people actually start to go out, sayyyy around 1130) I saw oballer and several other friends. They were all dressed up pretty awesomely, but I don’t have a picture, because I don’t take pictures, I let pictures get taken of me.
So then the night inevitably ended, sadly. It was easily the biggest party I’ve ever been to, and also easily in my top 5 parties ever (maybe). Basically, it was fucking awesome. As the party ended, I skipped (like a flamingo) to my car, and then promptly wiped out HARD on the pavement (it was wet). My spandex ripped, my knee was bloody, and I was upset because I now could no longer wear my spandex, which I loved. But then I had to drive everyone home, and I did. Holy shit what a great night.
On the other hand, any time that was NOT mentioned above (any downtime) sucked. It was actually really shitty. I don’t feel like getting into details about why. I’ll just say, the main problem with having a friend like Matt is that whenever he’s around, no one else near him has a chance with any girls.
I love Halloween, and wish that Halloween came every weekend….DA-PA!
EDIT….OTHER AWESOME QUOTES THAT WE HEARD:
Average Joe’s Girls said, “Your wieners are just out there for everyone to see….that’s kinda cool.”
Mexican Sluts said, “Your dicks look hot right now.”
I (to girl dressed as a football player) said, “I’m gonna score a touchdown….IN YOUR PUSSY.” (I actually yelled that across the party. Good times).
I honestly can’t remember anymore….Robert, if you remember more than tell me. Basically, it was fun being obnoxious all weekend, and being treated like a fucking celeb simply because we were being obnoxious.