Nintendo and KOEI Can Suck It

I’m not going to post anything about the character list today. That’s because this is more important.

Okay, so I first heard about this announcement, sometime last year (I think…it was a while ago). But then I re-heard it here, and so now I’m pissed off all over again. The announcement I am talking about, is of course, that Samurai Warriors 3 (a game that I anticipated actually spending money on) would only be made available for the wii system. Notice how I didn’t capitalize the “w” in “wii”. Now it is time to get to the main body of this post.

Nintendo can go to hell. They can go to hell and get fucked by a 50 yard, 700 foot wide spiked cock, and die from it over and over again. Nintendo has lost all of my respect forever, and that is saying a lot, considering that I had always preferred Nintendo to anything else, and claimed that they were the best. I always had Nintendo’s back, but now they’re nothing but greedy faggots with tiny Asian cocks. I hope they go bankrupt for this treachery.

It was one year ago (give or take a few months) that I broke down and finally decided to buy an xbox 360 (notice I also capitalized nothing). I did this for maybe 3 reasons:

  1. I had to play/own Mirror’s Edge, which I did successfully, and fully endorse  as one of my top 5 favorites games ever.
  2. I anticipated the eventual release of Samurai Warriors 3. It obviously wasn’t going to be for PS2, so I needed to upgrade to something, the PS3 was too expensive, so I opted for the cheaper, xbox 360 (bad choice by the way)
  3. I looked forward to playing Dynasty Warriors 6, which was a letdown at first, but then became great.

First let me get into why the xbox 360 really is a heap of trash (or was). The Red Ring of Death. As everyone who isn’t dead knows, the RRoD turns on to tell you that your xbox has completely shit itself, and you need a new one (unless you opt to fix it yourself as I attempted, and half succeeded in). Think about this for a second. The xbox is built with a function that tells you that it has died. In other words, Microsoft, the great guys they are, fully anticipate that every xbox will inevitably fail, and thus have a created a system to let you know. Wait, what? There should be no such thing as red ring of death. If Microsoft knew that xboxes could fail so easily, then they should have fixed the problem before mass producing the xbox, instead of building it with a function that “kindly” lets the buyer become aware that they just threw a bunch of money away. Apparently now Microsoft has fixed the problem (a problem cause because they were too cheap to build the xbox the correct way), but I put zero stock in that. Now on to the wii.

The wii is gay. I hate all of the games that are on it (fucking gay child games like wii bowling and wii music and wii happy time and wii la la la walk through the flower fields…..wii is a pedophile). I like games with guns, swords, and sick graphics, as opposed to happy fun time family games with cartoony graphics. Mario has really become a fag….wait a minute, he was always a fag (Luigi was ten times cooler, better, and only got respect in one fucking game (which I never  played). The wii sucks. What the fuck can you do with that controller anyway? I can’t see how Samurai Warriors would even be fun on that shitty system. I’m sure wii purchased the rights to Samurai Warriors thinking that it would get more money? Well guess what? It backfired, instead of me going out and buying a wii to play SW3 (which is exactly what I did for Mirror’s Edge), I’m going to instead choose to never buy anything made by Nintendo again, no matter how cool it looks. You could create a sick ass car that works and costs 1 dollar, and I would not buy it.

I will, however, have no qualms about stealing a wii, but I will not play it, and instead I will smash it to bits, shit on it, package it in a box, and send it to Nintendo. With it will be a note, and in this note, I will say,

Dear nintendo guys,

My wii saw itself in the mirror. Upon realizing how fucking retarded, lame, and greedy it was, it killed itself by suicide bombing. I expect a full refund, and if your wondering what the poop is about, that was simply what I found inside the wii after it committed seppuku.

Regards,

Anonymous

P.S. GIVE ME BACK SAMURAI WARRIORS 3 YOU THIEVES! LIKE HELL I’M EVER GOING TO PLAY IT ON YOUR SHITTY, DEPRESSED, EMO WII (it killed itself). I WANT TO ACTUALLY ENJOY IT, AND I WILL NEVER BUY ANY NINTENDO ANYTHING EVER AGAIN UNTIL IT’S RELEASED ON OTHER SYSTEMS. IN FACT, I WILL PUBLICLY PROTEST NINTENDO BY SAYING THINGS THAT MAY BE TRUE, AND MAY BE FALSE. YES, I WILL RESORT TO SLANDER. THANKKKK YOUUUUUUUU.

You know what? Take a look at the term, WII. What does it look like to you? It reminds me strongly of “WWII”, which means World War 2, which means that all people at Nintendo are selfish Nazis. We should bomb Nintendo.

Anyway, the main point of this post is that Sony makes the only quality game systems. I’ve never once had a problem with any of them, and they always put out good games that are fun. They also don’t change their controller every time, which is completely awesome to see. Down with Nintendo.

EDIT: The game looks stupid anyway, and Musashi isn’t even in it…..I hope it sells no copies. Don’t buy it, and boycott Nintendo. This is almost racism (agains people who don’t have wii). Also, the people I should really be mad at are the ones a KOEI, but for some reason I’d rather pick a fight with Nintendo, because I just don’t like the wii, and this whole situation that I bought an xbox, and then days later they announce that SW3 will only be for the wii, just pissed me off.

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23 thoughts on “Nintendo and KOEI Can Suck It

    • I played it for the first time ever last Friday (at work). I lost to 12 year olds in bowling, but that’s obviously not why I hate it. All of wii’s games are childish, and there are several things that I don’t like about it, it doesn’t even seem like a real game system (I don’t like that you have to shake the controller to do stuff). It’s just stupid.

  1. Lol..
    The only console I ever owned was a Micro Genius and a Nintendo Wii. Bought the Wii because I wanted to Rockband/Guitar Hero and the Wii was the cheapest console out there.

    Also let me get a good laugh looking at my parents constipate after a few rounds of tennis. Xp

    That being said, I’m actually Pro-Wii. Simply because I have one. And that makes it cool!

    *Self-pimping…*

  2. Lawl Koei.

    Also, as much as I like SW, it doesn’t hold a candle to Sengoku Basara. Before anyone goes on about how SW is supposed to be realistic, and if Dynasty Warriors is any indication, they’re going to eventually veer way off.

    • I’ve never played Sengoku Basara…….holy shit…..it actually looks fucking awesome, I mean, it’s pretty much exactly the same as Samurai Warriors in terms of gamplay, but with better graphics and cooler moves. They even have what looks like the same thing as musou. If I ever get a new xbox, I’ll probably buy this game, or at least rent it (renting games is pointless, because it costs one 4th of the money that it costs to buy a game and you only get it for 5 days).

  3. The Wii is gay as hell, anyone serious about gaming should have a 360 or a ps3. Unless youre in a dorm room filled with drunk hot white women, then wii sports is pretty awesome. But thats the only exception. And sex should come after that.

    Anyway

    I think you’ll like the review I put up today. And peep the badass amv that goes with it 😛

  4. I was drinking water and almost choked on it when I read the part “WII. What does it look like to you? It reminds me strongly of “WWII”, which means World War 2” LOL nazis hahaha that is too funny. I always thought the wii was pretty gay, I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks that since all my friends loved it, the only kiddy game I like it mario kart (wii) its addicting because I always win xD but that’s it.

    • Well…..Mario Kart kicks ass (although I’ll admit that the only Mario Kart I liked was the one for N64…..N64 kicked ass and was seriously fucking awesome, but after that Nintendo hasn’t made a single thing that I’ve found to be good. Gamecube was okay but PS2 owns it).

    • Exactly. Today at the YMCA (where I work), we happen to have a wii, and some kid remarked that he liked it, so I punched him in the face and killed him. You can take this story to be true or not.

  5. Yeah I stopped with nintendo after phantasy star online…then the shifty shit came…fuck nintendo wholeheartedly. Finally, someone who gets me

  6. The only good thing about Wii are the Resident Evil games. Other than that, it’s a console that a basement keeper like Josef Fritzl and his paedophile dungeon of hidden rooms would’ve been proud of. Even if it cost more than an Xbox 360 (and despite overzealous Xbawks fanboys spreading shit as if their console is God), the PS3 is really built to last. I’ve owned every Sony console since PS1 and it never broke. Hell, my PS1 (bought November 1997) can still play games, and so is my PS2 (bought December 2002).

  7. Pingback: Nintendo 64 Will Kick Your Ass « Eye Sedso

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