The Nogizaka Couple: A Tale of Two Pussies

Wow, the first season was awesome, and I loved it. Even though it was corny, cliche, and stupid, I thought it was at the same time brilliant (or at least rather good). The second season started off the same way, and even had an episode with Rie Kugimiya in it! What joy! Then it started going downhill, as the pussiness level of Haruka and Yuuto (mainly the latter) finally caught up with the show.

Enter Yuuto: Pussy Number One

He's the one who pushed you down, and then insulted you!, WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING!?

Jesus Christ, Yuuto is the biggest pussy I’ve ever seen. He lets everyone just walk all over him, and doesn’t stand up for jack shit. I mean, dude, grow a set. An idol company (well, at least the two people who want to make Haruka into an idol) tells him he can’t see Nogizaka anymore, and he just agrees with them and becomes depressed. Isn’t she your girlfriend??? Right? Or am I wrong? Are they actually going out? I mean, they don’t really do anything intimate, and they’re always awkward around each other. This is probably because Yuuto refuses to project himself as the alpha male. He never takes control of the situation. If I were Yuuto, I probably would’ve already fucked Haruka several times. So many times in fact, that we would already be moving on the stage of the relationship were we just having kinkier sex, and start doing things like fucking in odd places like classrooms and childrens hospitals. We might even fuck in the woods. Wait, what the fuck was I talking about? Oh yea, Yuuto has no ballsack.

So the two people want to make Haruka into an idol and tell Yuuto to stop seeing her. Instead of talking to Haruka about this, which is the most sensible thing to do, he just ignores Haruka, like a pussy.

This is the bitch that made Yuuto (a stranger at the time) buy her a soda, just by telling him to do it.

The bitch makes sense. That’s because she’s not a pussy. In case you’re wondering, Yuuto went home and sulked in his room after this. Here are some more examples of Yuuto’s vagina:

  • He got that bitch a soda, all because she told him to do it. This might not sound too bad, it they knew each other, but she thought that Yuuto worked in her studio, but really he was just a stranger. Yuuto also didn’t know who the girl was. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t buy a random girl a soda just because she bitched at me. In fact, I’d probably slap her (which wold turn her on). Later they did realize that they had previously met.
  • He apologizes way too much. I mean, he literally apologizes every other line. Go ahead and tell me what word he says most…it’s probably sumimasen or gomenosai or something. Give me a break dude! You know, I was going to take screen shots of all the times that he said sorry in one episode alone, but I watched literally 15 seconds and he said “sorry” 6 times. Are you serious dude? Why don’t you just turn gay, you have no right to pursue women.
  • Remember the butler/maid party episode, where he let that douche bag pour whine on him, kick him and basically make him look like a total pussy? And Yuuto didn’t even throw a punch (or do anything)? And instead all of the girl maids kicked the dude’s ass? Yea, what a pussy.
  • Has he even hugged Haruka? Every time they’re about to kiss, something happens and he just stops. One time his cell phone rang. That’s a time when you’re supposed to just ignore the cell phone. She obviously wants your shit, get in there balls deep! He should take advice from Leon and bring tha ruckas to dat ass!
  • He’s a fucking pussy, can we move on now?

This bitch was the most sensible person in this particular episode…I mean, everyone even tells Yuuto that he’s being a pussy, and what does he do? He STILL ACTS LIKE A PUSSY! PUSSY! GOD DAMN PUSSY! (relevant part at 2:15, but watch the whole thing because it’s funny).

Enter Haruka: The Pussy’s Accomplice Other Pussy

Let’s be honest, two pussies don’t match up very well. I mean, sure, they can still have pretty good sex, but would it be the same as having a nice, hard dick in there? Probably not. It would be like trying to plug an electrical outlet into an electrical outlet.  Not pssible. You can rub them against each other, which might resonate a few small sparks. But in general, you’re going to need a plug.

Such can be said about a couple comprised of two pussies. Ever see The Perfect Storm? In the perfect storm, A smaller storm combines with a larger one to make a shitfest of a storm. Harua X Yuuto is like the perfect storm of pussiness. Haruka is the smaller pussy and Yuuto is the larger one. So put them together and you now have the biggest pussy couple ever. And yes, Yuuto is a bigger pussy, and here’s why:

While Haruka is indeed a pussy, let’s be frank, she is a girl, so she has an excuse to be the way she is. Not only that, but she’s still got balls when compared to Yuuto, and if anything I would say she wears the pants in the relationship (although they both wear skirts). I mean, when does Yuuto ever ask Haruka to do anything him? NEVER. It’s always Haruka asking Yuuto if he wants to go to the……err…..box social or whatever it is young people do these days.

Anyway, I’m going to explain why she’s a pussy, but first I’ll explain why it’s okay for her to be one:

  • She’s a typical shy girl.
  • Early on, people made fun of her because she liked anime. Then she became ridiculously hot and everyone loved her (go figure).
  • She’s voiced by Mamiko Noto, the Queen of Soft Spokeness.
  • She actually has a pussy (unless it’s revealed in later episodes that she’s actually been a trap the whole time, albeit one with big tits.
  • Her default facial expression is embarrassed.

These are just three reasons why it’s okay for her to be a soft spoken whore, but where there’s a soft spoken whore, there’s a soft spoken vagina.

lol….what the fuck are you even talking abou-

Nogizaka Haruka is a pussy for many reasons. For one, it takes her like……400 years just to ask Yuuto questions, and she is wayyy too….let’s see……you know what, all of the reasons I used to explain why it’s okay for her to be a pussy can also be used to back up why she’s a pussy, so I’m moving on.

Actually, I will say one more thing. She is incredibly awkward around Yuuto. If you ever saw them together on the streets (which is impossible because they’re not actually real, they’re 2D), then you would probably think that they’re meeting up for the first time on a blind date or something, when they’ve actually known each other on a close, personal level for 2 GOD DAMN SEASONS! After 2 seasons, Yuji and Shana were…….well, actually, that was a bad example, let me try again. After 2 seasons, Saito and Louise were already yearning for sex, and had already confessed their love for each other. (Isn’t it interesting that I used the same seiyu pairing for both my examples? [ex: Shana and Lousie have same seiyu and Yuji and Saito have the same seiyu])

Enter Shiina: The Non-Pussy But Still Kind of a Pussy

In case you’re still wondering why I threw her in the mix, I don’t really know why. She’s normal. But she’s also the best choice if I were Yuuto. Actually, if by some unfortunate and magical accident, I was suddenly turned into an anime character and then somehow became thrust into this anime as Yuuto, I would probably kill myself for being such a pussy, and since it’s an animation I would still be alive, after which point I would hit the gym or train in the mountains (God I need to stop linking to this post…actually, no I don’t) in order to beef myself up. Then, after becoming an alpha male that every pussy secretly yearns for, I would fight Haruka’s dad. After defeating him, I would rail Mrs. Nogizaka, and everyone else in my way. Following this, I would take over the animated universe, and create a spinoff show called, Yuuto: No Longer A Pussy, where I would just go from place to place fucking girls and beating the shit out of people.

NOTE: Personally, I loved writing this post, even though it wasn’t anything special….oh yea, I almost forgot…

FINAL GRADE = 4

Why a 5 after I apparently just bashed the shit out of Yuuto? Well, it was still pretty enjoyable, and he almost fucked Haruka in the final episode (in his situation, anyone could fuck anyone. You could replace Haruka with the hottest girl ever and Yuuto with the dude with the worst game ever, and they’d still have sex) If only those fucking stupid maids didn’t barge in right before he was going to insert. I would’ve fucking knocked them out if I were finally about to lay pipe with a girl who I had been trying to lay pipe with for two seasons. That’s just wrong. Evil even. Don’t interrupt a man when he’s about to bring the ruckas.

With that said, this post is over, and I’m hungry.

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21 thoughts on “The Nogizaka Couple: A Tale of Two Pussies

  1. I remember putting the first season on hold after the second episode. Haven’t touch that one ever since. And I downloaded this just so that I can watch it when and if I decided to pick up the first season. Looks like not much to look forward too…

  2. a 5?? A 5?!!!! Oh god, you’ll never find a 1 this way. I was raging with disgust at Yuuto’s pussiness in the 2nd episode and then at the 4th episode I dropped it.

  3. Haha, best Nogizaka Haruka post ever. I thought the first season was OK, although I didn’t like the ending at all. Is the second season worth it for someone like me who is indifferent about the first season?

    Huge props on the Leon reference, by the way. Fucking love Leon. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEUjKZmqRvM <— best of Leon if you haven't seen it yet) Leon telling Larry how he'd bring the ruckus is hilarious, but I think my favorite is when he tells Larry how he has to fuck some shit up. "You got to stretch open they asshole, step right in and spray paint "Larry Was Here" all over they asshole." A Curb episode without Leon is pretty much a crime.

  4. whoa, five. that’s intense.
    Pussy main characters make me shake with rage and drop a show before the first episode ends. normally. I wonder why I went through two seasons of shakugan no shana. argh.

    • Meant 4. Don’t know why I put a 5. I even had it as 4 in my list (the word pad document, not the one here…..I should maybe update that though).

      You went through two seasons of Shakugan no Shana because it’s a fucking great show. And don’t you forget it.

  5. Somehow the creator must thought that we would see Yuuto as honest and kind…an ultimate good guy. Well, they were wrong. Yuto is more like…masochist? I don’t really know -_-

    • I don’t even remember what episode that’s from (the christmas episode), so I can’t really comment.

      Rubydog videos are all hilarious. I wish I could make videos that funny.

  6. Nogizaka Haruka had that chance to be a genuinely charming and funny show. Too bad they decided to populate their show with spineless wimps. Oh well. Good job with tearing into that crap though. I approve!

  7. Yeah, I can barely watch more than two episode of this show in a day. Definitely ruined things after the decent first season. I really wonder if the novels are like this? They’re definitely on my to read list. I’m probably going to give the show a 2. 4 sounds fair but they ruined it because it could have been better. Least that’s my reasoning.

  8. Pingback: Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu: Purezza: anime review – predictably disastrous « Canne's anime review blog

  9. The first season is one of my favourite animes ever… but I couldn’t stand the first 3 episodes of the second.. Specially when it became ecchi. That was sad T_T

    (And I do like ecchi anime, but not this one, for some reason…)

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