Guess What? I Finally Finished Umi Monogatari, and What I Thought Was….

Thank God this bullshhh (new favorite word) is over and done with. By episode 6 I had had enough of it. By episode 8 I was struggling. Episode 10 just pissed me off.

Umi Monogatari

Holy pufferfish! This anime was more up and down than waves as depicted by a kindergarten student using Paint:

Why is that exactly? Well let me tell you all a tale. A tale of tales that has been told since the telling of tales was first told during a telling in the form of a told tale that was tol-

We get it. Move on.

Err…right. so I don’t actually have a tale to tell, I just wanted to use the words tell, telling, tale, and told a bunch of times.

You should be banned from the internet. Idiots like you shouldn’t be able to have blogs.

It’s not a blog, it’s an ISSS.

You’re fucking retarded aren’t you?

I’ll ignore that for now, but I’m still going to continue talking. I’m going to tell you a story based off of Hobokon New Jersey. There’s going to be porn involved. Oh, whoops, I completely ripped off a parody.

You still haven’t said a thing about Umi Monogatari.

Yeah, I’m pretty much just having a retarded conversation with myself, which I not so cleverly disguised with the name Voice of Reason. So on to Umi Monogatari.

Umi Monogatari

For real this time

Obviously, the name is perfect for this anime, because it includes the 4 letter word, “mono”. Have you ever had Mono? It’s pretty shitty, and you’re always fucking tired, lethargic, slow…….all words that can describe this anime, which is very slow paced. The thing is, it started off pretty interesting, and I think it was due to these facts:

  • They had in-show fanservice. In otherwords, other characters noticed the fanservice (which, these days, can’t really be called fanservice at all, in fact, no one else probably even noticed it).
  • It had comedy.

Then the comedy and fanservice left (they kind of went hand in hand with each other), and we achieved what every bad anime achieves: Repetitive Bullshit.

Yes, Repetitive Bullshit, the cornerstone of suckage. I will now dutifully reveal the RB in UM.

  1. Everyone: Oh no! We have to save Piss! I mean Urin! We have to save Urin! (snicker)
  2. Karin: I’m depressed about my boyfriend. Or ex-boyfriend. Or boyfriend. Oh, now I’m fine. Oh now I’m depressed.
  3. Turtle: You girls need to use the light.
  4. *Marin: Cries

Repeat in no specific order. If I could watch this again, I would stop where Urin get’s captured, and skip to the last episode, because everything else is just retarded. In fact, the end turns out to be a stupid piece of shit as well, and I’m going to tell you right now what it was. Sedna (the main bad person) was “the accumulation of darkness in everybody’s hearts”……..what the fuck is that bullshit? That’s the laziest way to end a show. Basically, there was no antagonist. Basically, the antagonist was a naturally occurring phenomenon. That’s incredibly cliche and stupid. What a piece of shit. “People threw away their darkness” please. Bullshit. That’s what it was. And then the even more ending was even more bullshit.. And I will tell you that ending now as well. Urin manages to now disappear because of bullshit. Marin hugs her and the darkness and the light “understand each other”. This was so stupid I feel like shitting on something important…..like a statue.

At the very end of the episode, I started enjoying it a bit more, because they brought the comedy back. (I’m talking about like….the last 30 seconds). This anime was good in terms of the following:

Art – Superbly done

Story – lol yea right the story sucked…I mean it started out pretty good, then it got dumb.

Comedy/Fanservice – They were doing this awesomely at first, then they stopped.

*I put an asterisk next to crying. There is a lot of fucking crying, almost as much as Aoi Hana. Now, in my review for Aoi Hana (I think, it might have been something else) I stated that whenever girls use “crying attack” against me, it’s super effective, ie, I’m a sucker for girls crying (I stole this pretty much word for word from blur….I see you blur). Anyway, in Aoi Hana, the crying girls appealed to my nature. In Umi Monogatari, I wanted to punch every single girl in the ovary and throw them off a cliff into a pit of lava. The crying was more annoying that Maria’s howl from Umineko no Naku Koro ni. God damn fucking crying girls.

I actually enjoyed the first 5 or so episodes. I liked them a good deal, but after that, this anime shit the bed, HARD. And the good things about Umi Monogatari aren’t good enough to make me give this anime any higher than a

FINAL GRADE = 2

Bill filled Umi Monogatari with so much darkness that it killed itself.

Ai Kora Fetish

Well, I was over at a site that’s miles better than this piece of crap (which could be any site really), and I was reading an interesting post. Then I clicked a link. The link went here. That made me go here, which in turn made me go here. Now…..well now we’re here.

Ai Kora

Ai Kora is your typical “Glo the Legend will love this shit” manga. It’s about a kid who loves specific parts of a girl, in other words, he is a “parts fetishist”. If a manga or anime has the word “fetish” involved somewhere, there’s a big chance that I’m going to love it. Let me break down the specific parts he is looking for:

  • Specific Eyes
  • Specific Legs
  • Specific Voice
  • Specific Breasts (duh, this is obviously important….although not really to me, as much as I lead on)

Awesomeness ensues. He goes to a high school in Tokyo just so he could have a better chance to meet a girl that has these parts, and wouldn’t you know it, he meets 4 girls, all of which each have one part that he desires, right off the bat. All of them are incredibly cliche, which is completely fine with me. In fact, I might say that this is an incredibly cliche manga. Here are the main girls:

  1. A tsundere (eyes)
  2. A hot sensei (the older woman, legs)
  3. A shy girl with glasses (and huge cans)
  4. A small ninja girl (she has the voice)

These are all very cliche characters, I haven’t seen anything to confirm my beliefs yet (I only read one chapter), but I have a hunch that the sensei is going to like to drink (because that would be cliche). Anyway, the situation is that somehow, Hachibe, (main character) has moved in with all of these girls (well, in a shed on their property, which is the girl’s dorm). You can probably see where it’s going.

Is this another cliche harem? I don’t like those.

Yes you do, you just don’t want to admit it. Everyone likes cliche harem. Although, I wouldn’t consider this a harem at all. Why? Well, I don’t know, it’s not like every girl wants to go…..hmm….it probably is a harem. And yes, it is horribly amazingly cliche, but cliche never bothers me, as long as it’s done correctly, which, in this case, it seems to be.

EDIT/UPDATE: WOW, I CALLED IT, THE SENSEI GOT DRUNK IN THE SECOND CHAPTER!!! I know all!

ANOTHER EDIT/UPDATE: Well, now I’m on chapter 22, and this manga is just fucking awesome.

TRIPLE FUCKING UPDATE!:

Milk Grappling! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

ANOTHER FUCKING EDIT: Chapter 35 might be one of the funniest manga chapters I’ve ever read in my life ever.