EVEN THIS HAS INCEST! JESUS CHRIST! WHAT’S THE DEAL JAPAN!?
Apparently, everyone in Japan believes in the power of incest….it seems like everywhere you turn, there’s a brother who is in love with his sister or a pair of siblings getting it on…oh, but don’t worry, they’re not blood related. I fear I will never understand Japan’s love for incest, and never will, so instead of dwelling on this sick obsession, I will get to the review of this absurdly awesome series of movies, which are all absurdly awesome.
This has plenty of awesome blood, but it also has awesome special effects/animation. Let me now show you three screenshots:
Art, animation, bloodiness, great characters, great plots, great directing (especially in the fifth movie), and great everything else don’t need that much of an explanation, other then the glorious screenshots that I so generously gave you all, so that you can touch yourself to them appropriately. I’m going to instead talk about the thing that really brought this series of movies together, and that was the music. I believe the person who did all of the music is Kalafina.
This type of music was perfect for these movies, and what’s best is that it stayed consistant throughout the movies, even when it got fast and upbeat, it still contained the same style of song that played throughout.
I loved especially the next song, which was great, and I might download, but probably never will. I would call this the fight scene music. This was one of the reasons why the fight scenes seemed so epic, and I’m going to talk about that word, epic, a bit too.
Back to the word, epic. I will never say anything like “epic win” or “epic fail”, because that shit is not only GAY, but it completely ruins the true meaning of the word, epic. A synomym for epic could be “above the level of fucking awesomely outstanding”. The Illiad is an epic, and that’s because it’s above the level of fucking awesomely outstanding. If you’ve never read it, you are a pussy, and deserve to die a horrible, horrible death. So when you use the term “epic” in something like “epic fail”, you’re completely defacing the value of the word, epic, and I say that to say this:
I called these movies EPIC, so what does that say about them?
Back to the directing. The directors were different for each movie. I know this, because I saw it on Wikipedia, and everything on Wikipedia, as you know, is always 500 percent true. Personally, I loved the directing from the 5th movie, because everything connected really well. It reminded me a lot of The Fifth Element (Holy shit! The number 5 must be magic!). For those of you who haven’t seen The Fifth Element, do yourself a favor and go see it. For those of you who haven’t heard of it, KILLLLL YOUURRRRSELLLFF (or just watch it, which is probably easier and less painful). It has Bruce Willis so there you go.
Anyway, the directing is my favorite kind in this movie. It was not only completely jumbled around, but it seemed that everything connected to everything else (duurrr I already said this). EXAMPLE:
In one scene, Mikiya goes to push open a door, and as he does, the scene fluidly and abruptly cuts to Touko’s car door opening. This serves as a segway to another setting/scene, but connects it to the previous scene. Basically, it’s completely bad ass directing.
Were you paying attention to me? Or were you staring at the women in the red dress? ….. Look again…
What a great Matrix reference. That’ worked out as well as it could, considering I did it all on a whim, and just took a random screen shot which happened to be of Shiki in a red dress. I want some meat loaf, but that’s completely off subject.
Anyway, another thing I liked about these (especially after just watching Baccano) was everything wasn’t in complete chronological order. I love shit like that (think Pulp Fiction, best movie ever made). These movies were pretty much just made of pure awesomeness, and I wish they would make 59583 more, so I could just watch a new one everyday. Unfortunatly, I doubt they are going to do that…in fact, I’m pretty sure that they’re done making these, but still, these (I’m grouping all of the movies as one movie) movies were great.
HOWEVER. I will say one bad thing about them, and that bad thing has a name, and that name is Mikiya Kokutou. What a gay name first of all…..Mikiya…..it has too many “I’s” that sound like “E’s”. And yes, I realize that all “I’s” sound like “EEE” in Japanese. Anyway, the guy is an awesome detective, but he’s a huge pussy. HE WEARS SQUARE GLASSES! So now we have Touka, who is BAD ASS. Azaka (his sister) who is BAD ASS (at times), and Shiki, who is really bad ass. Then we have Spongebob Square Glasses over hear telling Shiki that he won’t forgive her if she kills someone. Shut up you pussy! Hypothetically speaking, I bet if something were to happen to Mikiya, like say his EYE GETS CUT OUT (hypothetically now), I bet he would choose to cover said eye with a gay emo haircut instead of wearing a bad ass eye patch. But don’t forget, this is COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL. It’s not like this actually happened or anything….now I’ll show you a completely unrelated screenshot:
SHUT THE FUCK UP. OH WOW BIG SPOILER! HE HURTS HIS EYE REALLY RUINED EVERYTHING WITH THAT ONE. The whole story sucks now because that small piece of information was told to you, even though it doesn’t play any part in anything. So yes, he loses and eye somewhere along the way, and elects to get a gay emo haircut instead of wearing a bad ass eye patch, like Nice Holystone wears.
Proof that in a girl can be more bad ass than any guy. I feel like stabbing my eye JUST so I could wear an eye patch, and of course smuggle things in my eye (like small bombs). I mean, look at the facts, almost all characters with eye patches carry some form of bad-assery with them. Kanpachi from Bleach doesn’t even really need an eye patch, he just realizes that it will make him even more bad-ass, and guess what? IT DOES.
Mikiya is a PUSSY.
Other than that I have no choice but to give the show a
FINAL GRADE = 5^^
Oh, and for the record, my favorite movie was not actually the fifth one, it was the two murderous intent ones (the ones that are related to the above two screenshots). Although this is subject to change. Also, how did I only just find this:
Oh that’s right, the kid who put ALL OF THE KARA NO KYOUKAI MOVIES SUBBED and in HD on YouTube, also put this up there. BAM. That’s right, I watched these in FANTASTIC quality, on YOUTUBE of all places.