Here’s The Dance

Well, today (or yesterday), me and my good friend over at Refuse to Come Wack partook in a pairs figure skating contest at our camp, at which we both work. Before you get all giddy and click on the video without reading this like a fucking shit-fuck. First read the background shit:

  • All campers and counselors were split into countries: Norway (me and said friend), Finland, France, Canada, Iceland, and Holland.
  • Over the course of 2 weeks, these countries faced each other in different “Winter Olympic Events”. Obviously, it is not winter, so we improvised.
  • After each event, each country was awarded a medal to fit their place: 1st gets gold, 2nd gets silver, and so on and so forth. 6th got plastic.
  • This was the final event of the session. As of this point, Norway (the country LED my yours truly and said friend [literally, we were in charge of the country]) had a slight lead, and we were also up last in this event. We also needed a perfect ten to win the event (40/40), because a previous group wowed the crowd with a 39/40. We weren’t scared, and thusly, when we were called upon….

That’s me in the beard. I don’t understand why my legs are so fucking skinny. It’s not like I don’t run. I can run for fucking days. God hates me……..butttttttt he DOESN’T hate Norway, because we not only got a fucking 40/40, perfect score, double rainbow all the way, but we also took 1st place overall in the entire session. Basically, I kick serious fucking ass, I always win, I’m the best, and everyone else sucks. And just or shits and giggles, at the end of the day, I also won counselor of the session for the West Coast (best counselor out of all the counselors who are in charge of the older half of the campers), so basically, yea….I kick your mom’s ass, your dad’s ass, your sibling’s ass, your pet’s ass, your entire family tree’s ass, and most importantly, your ass. I’m the best, and everyone else sucks.

We even messed up the Fusion technique, and we still got a perfect score. Can you imagine if we nailed this flawlessly? What would happen? I’ll tell you what would happen. Fucking Armageddon of Extacy. Chances are, you probably already came at the sight of the two of us.

Oh, and I’m not gay. I’m married after all, and chances are, my wife came at the near man-kiss featured in the video.

Extra-Extra (more self-glorifying)

No one else got a STANDING FUCKING OVATION. This marks the second time I have received a STANDING FUCKING OVATION from a performance I was in. Like, the crowd gave everyone else polite applauses, but we got a serious slaughterhouse of roars and applause. Of course, throughout the week, we had other countries carrying our flag around (literally, other countries had people rooting for Norway, because we kicked so much ass). Me and Rob kicked some serious ass. And we did it as men: Wearing womens’ leggings and children’s XL size shirts.

I wish camp equated to real life, because I would be fucking God.

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19 thoughts on “Here’s The Dance

  1. Fuck, it is you then! LOL, I almost didn’t recognize you. I came twice. Once when you leaned onto him and of course I came at the mentioned moment. Btw, who are the two gays who hugged the both of you at the end?

    I love the kids that chanting Norway! Norway! when you guys got up on that stage. You guys must be really good to them 😄

    And the perfect choice of songs!

    I’m so glad we are married. *looks threateningly at others who want to get into your pantsu*

    • The gays are the competition. They actually did a pretty good dance as well. It’s amazing how when there is a dance off at camp, you’re suddenly able to get away with a lot of gay shit that would be deemed “inappropriate” on any other day.

  2. Ah ha ha, at first I was like, “this is a strange dance”, but somewhere along the way it turned into, “okay, this dance is basically awesome”.

  3. Sometimes I thought you have the first comment spot reserved exclusively for klux. How come she is always so fast reaching here?
    Awaesome performance, BTW 😉

  4. Why did you hide your face with the beard? Show us your handsome face lol.

    @Canne
    No doubt klux has her eyes on this blog 24/7 lol.

  5. Ok, first of all, there wasn’t a standing ovation until the MC called for it. After that there were still some fat kids who wouldn’t stand up.

    Still cool though.

    • I approve of this comment, since it’s the only comment to not sheepishly suck Jeff’s dongshaft.

      Furthermore, way to include personal life, you now have a blog.

    • 1. Jeff, he is right, its only a standing O cuz he called for it.

      2. Am I the only one that thinks those 2 kids bowing to you are the biggest tools on the planet?

      3. Good show. And i was pumped you included the fusion.

    • Ha-ha, everyone knows that fat kids can’t support their own weight. They get wheeled around in wheelbarrows.

      @ Robert: Okay, first of all, I’ve always put parts of my personal life up here (like the Thanksgiving party). Second of all, an ISSS is whatever I say it is, because I made it up. You are at the mercy of my definition. Deal with it. Third of all, by YOUR definition of an ISSS, this is fine, because I’m putting up whatever the fuck I want.

      @ Oballer: A standing O is a standing O, regardless of how it came to be. He didn’t even encourage an ovation for anyone else. The Camp Director (name withheld) shook my hand afterward. We had other groups bowing to us. It’s awesome.

      @Oballer & Klux:

      Also, the bowing kid in black (name withheld) is the man and is hilarious. He was dropping so many racist Asian jokes at Matt Walker last night it was unbelievable. He has my approval and recommendation.

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