Post #666

NSFW (barely…I wouldn’t even bother with this, but there is a naked breast shown in this post).

Since this is my 666th post, I figured that I should really take advantage and devote it to Satan! Hooray!

Wait a second….do you…..worship the dark lord? (I was looking for a clip from The Animal, but it’s nowhere to be found).

For the record, no. I do not worship the dark lord. But, I did start writing a book about said person/beast/dark lord.

Wait? Seriously? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Your writing sucks.

Actually, it doesn’t. It does for this crappy ISSS, because on here, I write kinda how I talk, which you aren’t supposed to actually do, and I don’t proofreed or chekc aneething, so if theirs spelling or gramatical errrors than I probably won’t notics. However, when (if) I find myself writing something that had to not suck (like a paper for school), then I’ll actually almost care, and write normal. Anyway, I guess I’ll humor you all with the synopsis of said story a bit later in the post, but not right now. (EDIT: My computer lost all data including all scripts and novels I had been working on, and by “working on”, I mean not giving a shit about, which kind of sucks).

Let’s talk about some facts about Satan!

Satan Facts!

Please note that all of these facts were sufficiently researched and and concluded to be 100% true by multiple sources.

1) Satan is a Female


It’s true. I know most of you thought that Satan was a guy, but Satan is actually a female, and she’s really really hot. One thing about her is that she can change her shape, which means she could look like any given girl. Black, Asian….Black-Asian, you name it pal she can do it. She can shift shapes like the cock of a kid in puberty. However, Satan does have horns and a tail these do not change. They just make her look sexier though, which is what she’s trying to do anyway. In an ideal world, Satan would look like Lucy Lui, because Lucy Lui is fucking awesome.

2) Children Love Satan


It’s true. Do you know why? (hint: the picture makes it absurdly clear). I’ll tell you why. Children all love Santa, right? Well guess what?

S A N T A = S A T A N

Oh wow. I’m sure that everyone and their mother already knows this, but switch a few letters around, and shit, they’re the same person, right? Well, actually this brings me to my next fact.

3) Satan is not Santa Clause.

Look at the anger!

Does Satan look like a fat bastard with a beard and slaves? No. Satan is much nicer. Satan has a Union for her workers. Look at the REAL story behind Santa:

Well, I thought it was funny……at least the first time I heard it….the second time it wasn’t that good.

Btw, never type in “Santa Slave Driver” in google if you have no restrictions on your searches. The images are mainly just……just don’t do it okay?

4) Satan Gets a Bad Wrap

Look how sad she looks! You should all be ashamed!

Honestly, people talk about Satan as if she loves to kill and torture people in total damnation. Satan is definitely a sadist, that much is true, but that doesn’t mean she tortures everyone like some crazy wackjob, or a member of the Denver Thuggets (where this behavior is both tolerable and encouraged by me and fans everywhere). No. Satan has feelings too. She was cast down from Heaven, not for starting a war as some people believe, but because she was a one night stand for God, and God’s wife found out, so she had to go. God’s wife is a total bitch btw, she never lets him do anything. He can’t even go play 9 holes on the weekends, he has to do all sorts of chores. I hear she doesn’t even put out for him anymore. Typical gold-digger.

Shit I’m getting off topic. What I was going to say was that, sure, Satan loves to manipulate people, and can trick, tease, and persuade with the best of them (she is the best of them), but this should have been common knowledge when I told you she was a female. Just because she like to trick people into selling her their souls doesn’t mean that she doesn’t get sad sometimes. The fact is, she only wants your soul because she’s loney in Hell, all alone with no one to talk to. Anyone would be depressed in that situation!

Other Fun Facts

  • Satan is a bi-sexual.
  • Satan’s favorite musical talent is Justin Bieber. (personally, I hate the little shit).
  • Satan can’t directly kill humans. Even if she wanted to, the most she could do is manipulate them like any other female). That being said, she can indirectly kill someone.
  • Satan always wanted to get into acting, but she gets severe stage fright which makes it impossible to say her lines correctly.
  • Satan recently broke up with Mel Gibson because she simply couldn’t handle his outrageousness. Mel Gibson’s a fucking nut.
  • Satan really likes Junior Mints and Peppermint patties.
  • She has simlilar powers to God, in that she can seemingly change the scape of the land to create a new, fictional world (an illusion).
  • Despite what many might think, Satan can’t handle anything spicy.
  • Satan loves anime, and her favorite character is the cat from Azumanga Daioh. She hates K-On.
  • Satan had a huge crush on Jesus back in middle school. She grew out of it though and now thinks that Jesus was just a big show off. She also did not approve of the fact that he had his own harem of girls.

The “Book” I was “working on”

I have a hobby of writing long novels. Except, my hobby includes only writing a few pages, and then stopping work on said novels. Therefore, it’s no coincidence that I only wrote like….two pages on this book, which I labeled, “I’m In Love With The Devil.” To be honest, I thought the whole idea was pretty cool, but I had no idea what to actually write about.

Then, just like every year, The Great Crash of 2010 occurred. Computer crashes for me are like Noreasters. Every year, there’s always one huge one that rolls in and fucks up everything.

 

I've seen this screen so many times, I've memorized the words.

Yup, my computer, which always had a blue screen pop up every now and then, suddenly decided to blue screen 3 times in 10 minutes, not even giving me time to back up my files. After the third blue screen, Windows wouldn’t even load. As such, I permanently lost all of my funny pictures, including my Bill the Ass Kicker versions, my manga that I had saved, my illegal movies (mainly Wall-E, which I really wanted to re-watch, but also all of the great quality anime movies), Stepmania, Fruity Loops, Audacity, Switch, my YouTube downloader, all of my raps (over 200 word pages single spaced), ALL OF MY GINTAMA (100 + episodes)….anyway, I didn’t even have any porn on my computer so wtf? I literally had no porn saved to my computer. Damn you! Damn you YouPorn! YouJizz! Pornhub! RedTube! Etc!

Anyway, getting back to the book, here was the synopsis. I got the idea late one night when thinking about Stockholm Syndrome, which is a disorder that I would immediately acquire if a hot girl suddenly kidnapped me:

Satan is the CEO of Hell, and she’s bored. Although the figures show that Hell is importing souls at a higher rate, there are less souls being manipulated into Hell. Fed up with how things are going, she decides to go up to Earth to try and angle one of the purest souls she can find. She finds a boy who is celebrating his 21st birthday, and decides to go for him. She asks the boy (I never made up a name….let’s see…..I shall call him……….Chris Dotes…that’s a pretty cool name). So she introduces herself to Chris as Satan, and while at first, Chris doesn’t believe her, Satan convinces him through some orm of Wizardry. To make things fun for herself, Satan tells him upfront that she is going to try and take his soul. Throughout the novel, Chris tries not to do anything that would warrant his soul getting sent to Hell. In the meantime, he falls in love with Satan, and it seems like Satan has fallen for him. However, he knows that Satan is known for manipulating feelings, and she’s trying to get him into Hell, and so Chris is suddenly finds himself in a predicament. What can a person do when they’re in love with the devil?

tl;dr: I dude is in love with Satan, but knows that Satan is probably just playing with his feelings to get his soul. Should he try and push himself away, or succumb to his feelings, even though he knows that would probably be the end for him?

Personally, I think it’s a very interesting predicament, which is the only real reason I wrote it down.

I also really liked creating Hell as if it was a business in competition with Heaven. Satan had a secretary, an office, etc. It was pretty cool. Then I brought Stockholm Syndrome (which I’ve always liked) into the mix. To be honest, I’d rather someone else write this book (like, someone who can actually write and won’t quit after a page), and then just give me like….15% of the profit (which would be like 5 dollars, seeing as no one would buy it). To be even more honest, this would probably make a better manga, and now that I think about it, It’s kind of a rip off of My Balls.

Speaking of My Balls, how the fuck did My Balls end? I read it all, but I can’t remember.

Probably with sex.

Advertisements

36 thoughts on “Post #666

  1. 2:04 AWESOME

    Iron Maiden kicks ass. They remind me of FZero X, which is an awesome fucking game. I need to get some on my computer.

    Porn is great, and even if I somehow get sexed all the time, I’m still gonna slam my dick in a desk drawer to some porno in order to get my round the world (that’s how you masturbate, right?).

    Iron Maiden was a heavy influence to My Chemical Romance.

    • This is probably my favorite song of theirs… they are NASTY.

      Also, I guess this is technically an anime site so i used this vid… awesome song

    • That looks like it’s made by the same people who did Kung Fu Hustle. Considering how awesome Kung Fu Hustle was, and how awesome this trailer is, I’d say that I want to see this now.

      • I just downloaded the torrent. there were like a million seeders… dont get the one from piratebay tho…. So i am going to watch this immediately… it looks awesome

        BTW. Dont reformat your computer or anything. I can do virus removals. I do them for work. And i just did one today for Mrs. Shea…. She gave me 50 bucks. PUMPED.

      • All of this advice is way too late. I reformatted immediately. The only thing I need now is someone to put me “D” keypad top back on. I know HOW to do it, it’s just annoying to do, so I don’t fell like doing it.

        Obviously my D button still works fine, the plastic covering is just not snapped in. all.

  2. I have a feeling that your just making up all that stuff about Satan xD it was a good read though ^^

    It really sucks about your computer, I’ve never heard of a computer getting the blue screen of death so many times, what the heck do you do on it anyways o_o? you should buy a new one since yours seem really old :3

    • You must not of read….all of the facts are true. Just trust me. I totally didn’t make them all up at all.

      My computer sucks. It’s old. I refuse to upgrade. It’s working fine now.

  3. o man… you have entered in my area of expertice here. now i will have to bore you with my infinite knowledge of computers (ego boost here). if your willing to follow advice, and not willing to pay a big bill to a computer “expert” to do a thing that you could do yourself using the smart ass i hope you have:

    first of, dont do anithing stupid like disposing your PC or smashing your hard drive with a club (your data is still there and CAN BE RECOVERED in many ways) or reformathing your computer from top to boton (in wich case you DO LOSE ALL DATA since your erasing the entire hard drive).

    second, here i have to be sure you had followed advice 1 as without that all the instruction i could post are going to waste.

    PS: My Balls was fuking cool. i do rebember the final. but unless theres some way to hide the spoiler here… im not telling it. i recommend everyone go the read My Balls, is short 41 caps.

    • I didn’t smash anything other than my D button on my keyboard, which needs to be snapped back in but it’s too frustrating to force me to actually do it myself.

      I reformatted right away. Just reinstalled everything and turned it back to factory status.

      I remember finishing My Balls, all 41 chapters. Fuck did she turn human or not? JUST TELL ME.

      • in a word? YES.

        man you were too impulsive. next time your pc crashes (it will) use an UBUNTU CD to boot without instaling, save all data to an external storage, and fuking reformat and install ubuntu OS for good. windows crashes will be past and your pc will speed up compared to win xp for example.

      • I tried linux once for about 6 months, and then I was so stupid that I broke linux and couldn’t log in anymore, because I deleted something in root. Windows is easier for me.

        Also, I noticed no change in speed when using ubuntu.

      • what were you trying to do messing on root? jesus. dont worry try the spin-off Lubuntu, is warranted to be ligther and less memory hunger. (remember no blue screens ever) no more data loses.

      • a cheap knock off? if you talking about the grapic user interface (GUI) well it is customisable. in fact my ubuntu today is this: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=5320970&l=280d85ec00&id=684688984 adn i can swich betwen 4 destops like this http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=5475425&l=8e86869ae7&id=684688984

        yes they are actual pictures i uploaded. all people i show my PC are fooled by thinking its actually windows 7. i fool them out of pure fun and then i tell them its linux. after the cube desktop-show-off.

        did i mentioned no viruses? well its true you can get a live antivirus but it still will take on some of your PC ressourses.

      • linux can be clasified on distributions for basic easy going users and distributions for advanced users than even compiles their own stuff (aplicactions) install crazy combinations to fit their taste. this involves lots of command line writhing.

        however as i said before there are lots of userfriendly linux distros out there; the most popular ones, (in particular ubuntu and fedora) are the prefered by new users. ubuntu have easy instalation, posibility to use from the CD without instalation (comes in handy for data recovering on a crashed pc).

        about “the stuff you cannot do in linux” the fact is than most aplications have alternatives on linux, (ubuntu even have an iStore-like but full of free apps). you say MSN i say aMSN, you say Office i say OpenOficce, you say utorrent i say Transmission, you say CCCP project I say Mplayer, you say games or other generic aplications than have no port… i say use the Wine Windows Emulator and run it.

        about the uses you can give to linux just remember this saying “Unix(Linux) is user-friendly. It just isn’t promiscuous about which users it’s friendly with”

        PS: wich linux did you tried?

      • Since I didn’t really get much of what you said in that paragraph, I’ll answer the last question to the best of my knowledge:

        It had a pengiun in it. That’s kind of all I know really. There was a penguin.

        PS: Oh! I know what you mean. The alternates. Yeah that was my main problem. I didn’t like any of them.

  4. The official ID number I was assigned with the U.S. Patent Office is 66658. I was so pissed off I didn’t get 66666. That would’ve been a great omen of a long and prosperous career. If only I’d sent in my paperwork a few days later…

  5. You know, Satan was sounding like a pretty awesome chick until it turned out that she’s a Justin Bieber fan. No one should like Justin Bieber, and I would have thought Satan was just looking forward to torturing the little bitch. Sadness.

    • I know me too. As it turns out, God hates Justin Bieber, so he’s never going to be allowed in Heaven.

      All hope isn’t all lost though. As I said, Satan is a huge sadist, and gets a real turn on by raping people with a strap on. Justin’s future doesn’t look that bright.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s