Dragon Crisis 2: Ahhhh Shit.

I don’t usually ever do this, but it seems like I might be “blogging” (or in my case, ISSSing) this series. Why? Because the thoughts of a completely bias, rabid Rie Kugimia fan should be expressed. And since I’m the only one that I know of…well shit man….fuck it. Take in mind, however, that I could stop at anytime, skip episodes, and in all likely-hood, you’ll never hear me speak of this show again.

I’d like to just say that the first episode might have been slightly generic (okay it was mostly all generic), but in the second episode we’ve got all sorts of crazy awesome shit coming out of the woodwork. Accompanying all of this new shit, however, is flaws. Lots and lots and lots of them too.

So now we find out that Ryuji is a breaker. What the fuck is that? You’d think that it would be something at least kind of cool, because the Doc seemed really surprised when Ryuji said he was a level 10. But if being a Breaker actually were something cool, then maybe Ryuji wouldn’t have been such a fucking pussy the entire episode.

Flaw #1: Ryuji

"Myyyaaahh! Don't talk to me because I'm sad and can't cope with emotions well! Waaahhh"

Big surprise here, the main lead character is a giant fucking pussy. Who would have thought eh? Keep in mind that the seiyu, Hiro Shimono, played a role in Asura Cryin, which is a show that I will bring up again later.

Ryuji is the definition of a gigantic pussy. I mean, talk about bringing an anime down. He always looks sad, he always looks dejected….he’s a bigger buzzkill than Buzz Killington.

If I could compare him to any other character, I would compare him to a mix of Shinji (Neon Genesis Evangelion) and Eli Manning (New York Giants QB), who is the biggest real-life pussy ever, and can’t even fall down without fumbling the God damn football. I’d have rather signed the dog murdering Vick then deal with this pussy. God I hate Eli Manning.

One key difference in Eli Manning and Ryuji, however, is that while Eli Manning is no doubt a huge mama’s boy, Ryuji hasn’t talked to his mom in a year, and he let’s everyone know by moping around like a bitch. If my son was as big a pussy as Ryuji, then I would probably do my best to avoid contact with him too. Don’t worry though, this won’t ever happen, because Glo the Legend don’t raise no pussies.

Ryuji never even smiles, except for those shitty “pained” smiles that he gives Rose. I honestly just want to beat the shit out of Ryuji, it’s unfortunate that I’m not in this anime. Fortunately, Fang is in this anime, and does beat the shit out of Ryuji, right before stealing Rose away from him (easily). Not coincidentally, Fang is my favorite character so far. He’s a  man (technically a Dragon) who isn’t afraid to fuck shit up.

In a way, Ryuji as a character was a good reflection of this episode in general: Confused, all over the place, and filled with random crying.

Flaw #2: What the Fuck is This Shit?

I guess it just kinda slipped you mind that you had met Rose before. Personally, if I saw a girl hatch from an egg, I wouldn't forget that anytime soon......or ever.

Remember when I said to keep Asura Crying in mind? Well here come the comparisons, and that’s never a good thing.

Asura Cryin SUCKED. It was garbage. There’s a reason why I had no interest in a second season.  The animation was of the worst ever, the story was a jumbled incoherent mess, and……well that’s really all an anime needs to suck. Dragon Crisis isn’t at this level quite yet….but actually, it is.

While the animation is certainly clean and crisp, look at those fucking eyes. They’re bugging me the fuck out. YOU’RE ASIAN YOU’RE EYES SHOULDN’T BE THAT HUGE! (it’s not racist it’s a fact). But shit, if a character’s eyes were what threw me off, I’d be pretty stupid for deciding to take a chance at anime in the first place. These eyes….well they’re all just big and blocky. Straight edges and all that. Blech. The animation just doesn’t flow. It’s either blocky (eyes) or curvy (Ryuji’s cousin’s tits and ass). Okay I kinda just made all that up, but the bottom-line is, something feels off about the animation.

Now the bad part: The story. The first episode flowed nicely, and this one started off promising with the introduction of Breakers and some more information regarding dragons. I like when info is given to the audiance slowly as opposed to one big heap of shit, so when I found that the definition of what a Breaker actually is wasn’t given to us all yet, I was actually pleased. That being said, everything else is shit.

Ryuji is sad, Rose cries. then she LEAVES….this one episode felt like an entire season. There’s a bunch of anime where a female character leaves with some long lost fiancée that she doesn’t love in order to protect her true love, and then the true love has to go find her and get her back. It’s been rehashes so many times I feel like throwing up. The only difference is that this trope is usually added to the end of some shitty series, when in Dragon Crisis, they introduced this shitty piece of shit in just the second episode. I call bullshit.

And speaking of Rose, she can suddenly talk, but she still gets no lines. How can I enjoy Rie when she doesn’t really do anything? MAKE ANOTHER SEASON OF ZERO NO TSUKAIMA ALREADY!

Flaw #3: It’s Obvious

This guy is a doctor? Like he’s certified? I think it’s pretty fucking crystal clear that Rose resembles a fucking human blonde. We didn’t all need a certified scientist/doctor guy to tell us this. And did you really need to hold her hair with tongs? It’s fucking hair. Stop trying to appear scientific. You’re not.

This episode was just filled with retardedness. Between Ryuji coincidentally “just remembering” that he had seen Rose’s birth, and the doc here discovering hair colors, this episode was just filled with shit.

And back to the second picture I put up on this page…. How exactly does one “manipulate people with their imprinting?” Was Ryuji even listing to the retarded doctor? Imprinting means that a baby latches on emotionally to the first thing is sees. How the fuck can she be manipulating you?

I’m going to go watch the new Rainbow Gate….it might actually seem good.