Open Letter to Madoka Kaname

After some incredibly and inarguably persuasive words, I elected to pick Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica up, and it’s pretty good. There’s really only one thing that I want to say and that’s to Madoka, the main character. I will do so in a letter, and maybe a producer of the anime will come across it and deliver it to her by writing it into the script or something.

Dear Madoka Kaname,

In the words of Ronnie from Jersey Shore, “You’re a woman, it’s time to man up.” Yes, it’s a completely contradictory phrase which also touches on the portrayal of men and women in society, but honestly, it applies to you perfectly. Madoka, you are so dumb and hardheaded that I think you should jump off a bridge, because at this point, you have attributed absolutely nothing to this anime other than having a different hair color than everyone else.

Yes, Mami is dead. And sure, if I had seen a friend get her head bitten off and her body mauled by a “witch” who slightly resembles Chain Chomp then I’d probably be a bit shaken up too. But wait a second, aren’t you forgetting something? You could become a Shoujo Magica at any second, and when you do so, you get ANY WISH YOU WANT. Any wish. There were no rules that say you can’t wish for someone to come back to life, were there? I didn’t hear anything regarding not being able to bring back the dead. In fact, the only time I heard anything remotely close was when Homura said something along the lines of “that’s as impossible as rising the dead.” But even then she was just using it as an analogy, and it had nothing to do with what one could wish for. So why don’t you just do what every single person has already thought of doing since the very second Mami died? Wish her back to life! Regardless of whether you can or not though, you’re still being a whiny sissy.

But should Mami even be dead in the first place? If what the talking cat thing says is true, then the soul of a person is in the gem that they have. Now, Mami had her head detached from her body, but I’m pretty sure her gem was not in her head, so technically, shouldn’t she have survived? At least until she got mauled by the witch thing? Eh, whatever. I knew she was going to die right when she started getting happy that Madoka was going to become a Magical Girl and be her friend. “Hey Madoka look at me! I’m fighting so awesomely take a picture I’M DEAD!” Hahaha WHAT AN IDIOT!

And what the fuck? She dies and you just give up being a Magical Girl? You seemed pretty fucking ready to do it earlier. If you ask me, not becoming a Magical Girl after Mami “died” is an insult to her memory. You really are useless.

Here’s my real problem with you, Madoka. You’re a huge pussy. Aren’t you the main character? Isn’t this supposed to be about a show where you are a super strong Magical Girl? It’s already been 6 episodes, and all I’ve seen you do so far is cry. According to the talking cat thing you’re apparently ridiculously strong, so you really don’t have anything to fear. From what it sounds like, you’re pretty much invincible. As long as you steer clear of any Dead Zones, you’re all set. Plus you get a wish!? WHAT’S THERE TO THINK ABOUT!? GOD YOU’RE STUPID. Are you going to wait until the last episode of the show to become a Magical Girl? What the fuck is wrong with you!? Everything you do is just SAD. You remind me of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, except that you’re an anime girl with stupid pink hair. Even when you smile you look like you’re about to cry. For the record, everyone hates Eeyore because he’s such a downer. He’s also a drunk.

You suck.

Sincerely,

Glo the Legend

P.S. This show is like…..the first magical girl show I’ve ever watched, because the genre is seems stupid, but it’s actually good because it has shit like death and suicide and girl’s giving head (only in Mami’s case, and in a literal sense).

Extra Shit

I had the best dream ever regarding Avatar: The Last Airbender (series). I felt as though the series had continued, and the best part is, it was about 15 episodes in length (my dream….it was really really long). I feel like I got to see an exclusive 2nd season! All I remember about it was that Zuko was a full on bad guy, and Katara betrayed Aang to side with him, although it was against her will. She joined back up with Aang like a second later though, and he ignored her. Wait….I wasn’t even in this dream, except when I went skiing at my Dream Ski Mountain, which is the same mountain I ski at in every dream. I could probably draw a map of the trails at this point. Holy shit my dreams kick so much ass. I just realized that I’ve created my own personal world in my dreams and that certain parts never change. It’s literally my world. Dreams really blow my fucking mind when I start thinking about it.

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25 thoughts on “Open Letter to Madoka Kaname

  1. Mami’s Soul Gem was her hairpin, so she’s dead DEAD. Stop being delusional.
    Madoka is annoying for her idealistic mindset but I don’t blame her for not signing the contract. We have seen that being a Magical Girl is a shitty job that will eventually get you killed in action. Why would you sign up for that?

    • Ahhh her hairpin. I wasn’t sure where it was. Well that clears that up. She certainly is DEAD. Besides I was only suggesting a hypothetical situation.

      I blame her for not signing the contract, but I would wish for some shit that would really make me unbeatable. Either way, there’s something exciting about fighting to the death and knowing that you could die any time. I’d be fine if I died fighting, it’s a good way to go out if you ask me. Better then getting sick and old and dying in a hospital or something. That’s just sad.

  2. I have to say, this is a little harsh. Madoka is just reacting as a very sensitive (I suppose she takes after her dad) 14-year old girl would do to in her situation, which is to say that she’d freak out and/or get depressed.

    Also Mami’s Soul Gem was on her head, specifically her hairpin. So, yeah, she’s pretty much dead unless wished for (which can be a bad thing in itself, given how wishes seem to work in this setting).

    • I am a harsh person, and I call it as I see it. It’s clear to me now that even if Madoka DOES make a contract (which she will eventually I’m sure), she doesn’t have the right mindset for it. And of course she would get depressed, but she could just wish back Mami, which is especially perfect since she has nothing else she wants, so her depression is pointless.

      I got that about the hairpin. I didn’t know where she kept it/forgot/didn’t pay attention.

      What’s wrong with the wishes? Sayaka wished for Kyousuke’s wrist to be healed. It was, and he was pretty happy. Sayaka was just being stupid by not going to see him. She should’ve just told him how she really felt about him.

  3. There is a second season of Avatar…. there are actually 3 seasons…. but regardless I am on episode 10 of the 3rd season so I’m almost done with the series…. The movie is coming in from Netflix tomorrow, so we will have to watch it soon.

    Also… It only covers the first season apparently? So there is going to be a trilogy. Thats a joke.

    • There were 3 seasons in the first series yes. But there is another series coming out this year that continues the story 75 years later. (so all new characters). I had a dream that was kind of a spin off of sorts. Regardless, it was awesome.

      The movie (as I have heard) WAS going to be a trilogy, but the first movie was so abysmal that I don’t know if they’re going to keep going. They shouldn’t. They could easily make an awesome movie adaptation, but for whatever reason Hollywood always chooses not to.

      • Maybe they should have Christopher Nolan do it instead of M. Night “I’ve never made a good movie” Shyamalan.

        But M. Night has already written the second movie to the series… so that sucks… Maybe itll be like Spiderman…. a shitty trilogy and then someone finally decides to make a better one (hopefully the new one is better, it doesnt have that douche tobey maguire in it).

      • Toby sucks. I thought the first 2 Spiderman movies were good, but that third one was just……

        Christopher Nolan wouldn’t work out, his movies are usually more dark and dramatic. He’s astounding, but that”s not really the feel for Avatar….maybe the third season a little bit when the war picks up (especially the last part oh shit I just came). I don’t know who I’d want directing. James Cameron would be a perfect fit, but he only comes out of his cave to make a movie once every decade, and he’s currently doing the second Avatar (other Avatar) movie, and he may be making a movie adaptation of a manga that has the most awesome premise ever but I forget it completely. I know the main character is a girl who is bad ass, and he’s wanted to make it for decades. I think it’s a manga anyway.

        But Avatar: TLA has more humor in it than M Night gives. Sokka doesn’t crack a single joke through the first 20 minutes of the movie, and instead just seems hesitant and unsure of himself. He also doesn’t change his expression at all, which really pissed me off. Literally, he was emotionless. Whoops I’ve already started my review and I haven’t even watched a majority of the movie yet.

    • Make fun of the elderly. Oh wait, I do that already.

      Make fun of children. Oh wait, I do that already.

      Make fun of women. Oh wait, I do that already.

      You got me. I don’t know where you should start either.

  4. What Madoka should totally do is accept the contract, wish for Mami to come back and for souls to be in bodies, and then use her newfound powers to kill Kyubey. That’d solve everything.

  5. I think at this point something ridiculously extreme will have to happen for her to contract. Like whatever that was we saw at the beginning of episode 1. But we’ll see. Maybe Kyubey will die and his creepy smile will just go away…

    • Madoka’s entire family will have to be put in danger or something. A meteor will have to threaten Earth. That’s the only way I see Madoka becoming a Magica. I bet something about Sayaka gets into some trouble and forces her to suit up.

  6. You”re clearly pissing me off! WATCH THE WHOLE THING BEFORE YOU MAKE YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT MADOKA!! I’m not going to say anything that spoils the plot, but you have to understand what’s going on with the other characters, what they’ve gone through to get their abilities. Like Akemi Homura, time manipulation, how many times has she relived her life to “predict” what’s going to happen and why she’s so adamant about Madoka not becoming a Mahou Shoujou.

  7. Pingback: Ukitake_Kutaru Can Suck It Too « Eye Sedso

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