The Rie Quest: Astarotte’s Toy

When I first read the synopsis for Astarotte’s Toy, I thought to myself, “What the fuck is this trash? Is this really a show? Like someone is proud that they created this story, and these characters? Really? I will never watch such a shitty show.”

But then, I saw that Rie Kugimiya was involved, and therefore, going by my vow to watch every show that features Rie, I was forced to pick up this garbage heap.

After the first couple episodes, I was surprised to see that I didn’t really hate the show. At least not as much as I thought I would. I still didn’t like it, but at least it wasn’t as pedophilic (there wasn’t as much fanservice shit in the beginning) as I thought it would be, and it even had some jokes that were halfway decent. Sadly, I forgot all 5 of those jokes because the show was so fucking God-awful.

friend zoned

The girl with the closed eyes and the ears was the best, because she stayed away from the rest of the characters, and at least she was sarcastic and seemed to not give a shit. She at least knew that the show was a joke. I still didn’t bother to remember her name though.

The thing with Astarotte’s Toy was that I had to watch the same shit repeat itself for 11 God Damn Episodes. I swear to God that if Rie Kugimiya wasn’t in this my life would have been so much better. What a waste of my time. It’s a testament to how determined I am that I stuck with this piece of trash. This is what give anime a bad name. This is why people will raise their eyebrows and laugh when you mention that you like anime. It’s shit like this.

So yeah, I had to gouge my eyes out every 5 minutes while watching this show, and then undergo surgical procedures to get my eyes fixed, just so I could watch another 5 minutes, rinse and repeat. What really put it over the line was the cutesy sugar coated bullshit like the animation style and the colors.

God fucking damn it no one cares about this fucking show you’re all fucks.

The appearance of the show makes it seem like it’s trying to appeal to children of the ages of 3-6, but then it’s mixed with all sorts of fanservice bullshit which combines to create a steaming pile of boring episodes, lack of funny moments, and more bullshit. What makes you think I want to see shit like this for literally any amount of time:


And how about that last episode? Have you ever seen something so pointless? No, because none of you even watched the last episode, and that’s because you’re all smart, and didn’t bother with this stupid anime.

An ape could have written a better story.

I will say that I was glad the whole thing about “13 year old girl eats semen” was never even mentioned, except like……once at the beginning, but I will say that the fanservice cute bullshit was just as nauseating. This anime is probably among the worst I’ve seen.

Fuck you for joining up with this anime Rie. Shakugan no Shana better make me blow my fuckin load, because this shit was an embarassment to the human race.

Who wrote this shit? What was he/she thinking when they were writing this? Did they think it was good? HOW WAS THIS ALLOWED TO BECOME ANIMATED!?

I’d rather watch fucking K-On.


Bill is throwing up.


26 thoughts on “The Rie Quest: Astarotte’s Toy

  1. Astarotte was actually 11, not 13. Which makes it even worse. The only reason I watched this series is because I’m a stubborn fuck who just has to watch everything each season.

  2. Cool Story, Bro! :]

    No seriously, it wasn’t that bad. The animation was decently done, voice-over good as well. The premise was…idiotic, that’s true…:P

    • Wasn’t that bad? Did we watch the same show? Sure the voices were fine, but everything else pissed me off.

      – Character designs were shit
      – Color scheme was shit
      – Everything tried to be cute
      – Rainbows and clovers and hearts and moons? What is this, an anime or Lucky Charms?
      – Naked children

      Show must be burned.

  3. I watched it for 5 episodes. Like Lain, it made me want to put a power drill to my head – but Lain was excellent. This was at the other end of the spectrum.

  4. I admire the fact that you even sat through 5 episodes. Other than that, not even the legendary Rie Kugumiya is worth watching this horrible show…which reminds me, I haven’t reviewed a horrible show in a while. I need to find something equally as bad as this show to talk about…but I dare not watch…THAT! Oh goodness no!

    P.S.: I see you’re a K-ON hater, but judging by your personality and way of speaking your mind, I’m not surprised. Oh well, K-ON is a show with only two sides and no in between, you either love it or hate it. I love it, you hate it. Simple as that.

    • K-On is SO BORING. They do the same exact thing every episode. It’s redundant and poor. The animation is good though, and the voice acting isn’t bad either (Mio’s voice actress is good). I still hate the show with passion though.

      Rie Kugimiya is all I need, but if she keeps doing shit like this I’ll kick my own ass.

  5. Oh, so they did stop mentioning the semen thing. Read the sypnosis and thought “how the heck are they going to pull it off”…

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