Emiru Ikuno Is One Awesome Bitch (NSFW)

The other day (I feel like every post I write starts off with the same sentence), I decided to catch up on some good old Nozoki Ana, which translates to “A Peephole” (apparently).

Emiru

Nozoki Ana, for those of you who have yet to check it out, is a completely awesome manga, that features a WHOLLLLLLEEEEE lot of sex scenes.

However, they’re never anything more than some boobs and ass (lots of boobs and ass), and……you know, sex. Keep in mind though, the sex scenes are NOT what makes this manga awesome. What makes this manga awesome are the following:

  1. The ever-changing plot, which throws you for more loops than goof troop fruit loops on a Zoomerang while spinning inside of a whirlwind sent from a Pidgey on crystal meth.
  2. The characters, who are filled with more twists and turns that a maze on acid.
  3. Emiru Ikuno

Emiru Ikuno is one of my top ten favorite female manga characters of all time (a post which is done, and just needs some fine tuning. Expect it in a few days). Why? Because she’s a crazy, scheming nympho when she needs to be, but kind when she needs to be, and she’s generally fucking awesome.

Emiru Ikuno starts off being awesome right  away. Kido notices that there is a hole in the wall of his apartment, and he feels uneasy about it. When he and his friend are getting smashed to celebrate his moving into said apartment, he notices that a light coming from the hole, and looks through it to see a girl vigorously masturbating. After a few seconds, the girl stops and peers back at him through the hole.

He goes to confront the girl right after. He knocks on the door and it opens, introducing us all to Emiru Ikuno. What does she do? She gets him to fall on her, takes a picture, and uses it to blackmail him.

jnozoki_1_029

Manipulation at it's finest. FINEST!

SNEAKY SCHEMING BITCH! AWESOME!!

From this point on, she explains, they will take turns being able to peep on each other. She gets off on watching other people, and now she’s going to torment the shit out of his life for her pleasure, and there’s nothing Kido can do about it. The balls on this slut! (actually she’s a virgin).

But what makes her great is that for each of her crazy, sneaky actions (which aren’t just limited to the peephole, but to other people and their issues), she has a sort of soft side, and helps Kido out sometimes.

Then she goes back to being a sneaky sly sabatour. Fucking awesome. Hats off to you Emiru!

Evil Glare

Look at that glare. No one has a clue how nuts she really is!!!

“Fest it up” Can Suck My D-

I know, it sounds stupid

Fest it Up (phrase)

  1. To work really hard at something
  2. To do your best
  3. A phrase used to make yourself sound like a FUCKING MORON.

Hanasaku Iroha is a great show. It’s got tons of BAM moments, good characters, a very solid, continuous yet not continuous plot, and absolutely fantastic art/animation. But unfortunately for Hanasaku Iroha, it also makes use of the self invented shit phrase: Fest it Up.

Now, I’m not sure if that’s the literal translation for whatever was said in the Japanese version, but the term “fest it up” pisses me off every time I’ hear it. On a side note, I wrote about 6 posts today alone, ever since I started drinking by myself, which is sometimes necessary for artists to get some inspiration (I’m going to throw clay right after this). I mean, for example (still talking about anime drunk….actually…..holy shit what a good idea for a post! [note: I put out that post a lonnnnng time ago….in fact, you can see how long it was since I started this post]).

Ignoring some of that previous paragraph, let me first talk about “fest it up”……oh wait, I already started that……holy shit I’m confused……let me start over.

Fest it up is just……lame. Really lame. I mean, hearing someone use it makes me immediately smack my forehead with a facepalm so hard, that for days I look like some native who painted their hand red and placed it on my face as war paint. Take into consideration how dumb it sounds in certain situations.

“President Obama, the economic situation hasn’t improved much in the past years. Jobs are thinning and businesses are failing. Not only that, but it looks like the US Dollar is going to be replaced as the world’s financial backing, which will cause the worst depression in US history (fact). What do you and your administration plan on doing to fix this?”

“Good question and I’m glad to address it. Basically, we’re going to FEST IT UP *wink* *peace sign*”

On second thought, that’s fucking hilarious. I wish that would actually happen. If I were President, I’d totally do that. Of course, the entire population would immediately throw their hands to their foreheads, and then call for impeachment, but it’d be worth it….yeah, don’t vote for me for President (In all honesty I cold turn this country around in a day). And another thing, fuck bailouts. Fucking stupid.

No one wants to fest it up

The bottomline is this: Fest it up is a stupid fucking saying. It’s like……when someone said Epic Fail. Everybody knows that if you use the term, “Epic Fail,” then you are a piece of shit. In fact, any of the following phrases piss me off:

  1. Win (ex: That’s so win.)
  2. Epic Win (ex: Well, you kinda just say it by itself.)
  3. Epic Fail (ex: OHHH EPIC FAIL!)
  4. Epic anything.
  5. Fail (ex: FAIL!)
  6. Fest it Up (ex: Let’s do our best to fest it up!)
  7. Calling anything that isn’t really epic epic.

Pretty much all of those types of things. Whenever I hear someone say any of the above terms, I just assume that they have a really low intelligence. I mean seriously, it’s not funny, it just sounds fucking stupid and makes me want to punch you in the throat as hard as I possibly can. Like, one clean shot. Right to the throat. Enough of this, here’s my actual review on Hana

My Actual Review On Hanasaku Iroha

OBEY THE HERON

Without question, the Heron is the best character in the show. I mean, he’s like the boss of the entire thing. A narrator who doesn’t speak. A God who watches over all and know all. I’ve liked the Heron since the episode with Heron in it……what was it called……Heron Rhapsody or something. The best thing about the Heron is that he demands respect, and he gets it as deserved.

OBEY THE HERON MORE!

The best human character, of course, is Minko, because fuck. I love tsunderes, and she’s a realistic one. Also, she created “Balut,” which is the coolest fucking word ever. I actually called someone a balut the other day without thinking. I was immediately embarrassed, but I don’t think anyone even heard me. As I say, I like to keep all anime related anythings secret from everyone. Can we get a picture of Minko?

No?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN’T TAKE A SCREENSHOT OF HER!? I GOT THE HERON FUCKING 3 TIMES! Shit. Looks like I’ll have to steal someone else’s screenshot then:

511

If you can successfully guess what site I stole this screenshot from, then I’ll……idk………let you write a guest post or interview me or something.

Yeah, I probably wouldn’t want to do any of those things either. Moving on.

Hanasaku Iroha was fantastic in a lot of ways:

  • The animation was flawless and breathtaking. Budget must have been fucking huge.
  • The characters were dynamic. Though it’s a drama, so that’s kind of expected. Each one had their own story though, and I loved that. Very interesting characters.
  • The story was kind of simple. In other words, PERFECT.
  • I already talked about the Heron.
  • Ohana’s mom was a fucking MILF and a half.
  • It was a very easy series to watch. Episodes flew by in seconds. That’s when you really know a show is good.

Now, some spoilers:

The ending episode was……hmm……it wasn’t bad. It certainly rounded off the entire series nicely. In fact I don’t think I would change a thing, but it did seem really really real short. And not much happened after Ohana confessed to Ko (which was like…the first scene). I particularly liked how it showed what all the characters did after the Kississississississuiso closed.

Ohana moved back to Tokyo where she lived with her MILF mother and began banging Ko, who has aspirations to turn Ko into a MILF someday as well.

11111111

Nako (I LOVE that name) got a job where she wears a bathing suit all day, which is nice (cuz she has huge tits).

1111 kinda messed up Screen Shot

Minko got a job with Tohru at some shitty restaurant, where they soon got fired for having sex in the kitchen.

Just look at Minko's expression. That sexy whore face just screams "let's fuck." Man I need to stop watching porn.

Tarou became a mailman. He later was fired for opening up people’s porn and jerking off to it. You know, I hear a kid died from jerking off too many times (34).

Just put it in the slot.....that's what she said.

Sui (the old bitch) somehow didn’t die. She’ll die soon enough though she’s fucking old.

Ohana’s mom went on being a MILF and an ACILF.

Enishi got a job with his Engrish wife doing some stupid inn shit. Those two are a waste.

Ren got a job acting like a pussy.

Beanman was actually put to work by his ruthless family. I mean the guys like 100, you’re making him cut trees and shit? I hear they make him sleep in the shed too.

Tomoe got a job beating customers who dared to wear glasses in the “non-glasses section.”

11111

Does anyone really care about Yunia?

All in all, it was a great show. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And for once again proving my theory that almost all 26 episode length anime (ones that aren’t Bee Train) are good, Hanasaku Iroha gets a

FINAL GRADE = 5^^

See grading system here

Even Bill fested it up a bit. Loser.

Manga Monday: Girl Friends

It’s been a lonnnggggg time. Manga Mondays are back (sporadically).

I was having a small chat on twitter the other day about yuri manga. I used to read a bit of it (not like……a ton, but a fair amount). Recently, I started reading it again, but realized that one of the more popular yuri manga, Girl Friends, had remained completely unread by yours truly.

Thus, I began reading it, and now I’m going to talk about how awesome it is.

aa

Some yuri is good. A lot of it is kinda stupid and shoujo-ish. I’m not a fan of shoujo-ish anything (though there are a few exceptions……probably).

I feel like a lot of lesbian manga are one-shots. They’re okay, but not really all that interesting most of the time. The main reason is because they lack character progression.

I like character progression. That’s because I like characters. Characters are what make a story interesting. Likewise, Girl Friends had some of the best character and story progression I’ve ever seen in any type of manga/anime/story/dream. Here’s a premise that I copied and pasted from manga fox (where I read this awesome lesbian shit):

At first glance, Mari Kumakura is a rather plain, ordinary looking girl who’s grades are at the top of her class. She has very few friends, is normally rather shy, and eats lunch by herself. One day, she is approached by the super cute, super popular Akko Oohashi, who claims she wants to be friends. Mari is at first very suspicious of her true intentions, but eventually comes to realize she’s not a bad person. After a hair cut and some fashion tips, Akko quickly transforms Mari into one of the cutest girls in the school. In no time, Mari and Akko are best friends, but unbeknownst to Akko, Mari starts to develop feelings that are more than just "friends."

Looks pretty dumb and generic right? WRONG.

Girl Friends gets nuts and awesome in a way that I can’t explain, lest I ruin every single BAM moment involved, and believe me, THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM.

tmakimaki_girl_friends_ch23_jpeg.gf23_002

That picture serves no real purpose. I just thought it was a funny scene for some reason. I’m going to leave you with this though:

Mari is fucking awesome. Akko is the best character ever. I like Mari because she’s level headed, but she does gradually separate from her incredibly shy personality to a level headed, slghtly sarcastic, still slightly shy personality that is……really fun to watch when she’s contrasted to Akko, who is kind of nuts sometimes, and has the ability to get flustered at times and jump to random conclusions.

The pair of them is just perfect to watch.

We need an anime adaptation NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

FINAL GRADE = 5^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(See what I did with the ^s? It’s like in A Christmas Story when the teacher gives Ralphe an A+++++++++++ in his dream. This manga is that good.)

hmakimaki_girl_friends_vol5omake.gfom5_001 (1)

I want to see an ANIMEEEEEEE!!!!

HOLY FUCK YES

WHAT THE FUCK!? I’M DOING THIS WHOLE POST IN ALL CAPS BITCHES! DO YOU KNOW WHY!? BECAUSE IT INSINUATES THAT I’M YELLING, WHICH I’M DOING IN MY HEAD AS I FUCKING WRITE THIS, WHICH IS ALSO WHY THERE’S A LOT OF FUCKING SWEARS. IT’S BECAUSE WHEN I YELL AND GET PUMPED UP, I SWEAR. FUCK YES. BY THE WAY, WHAT COLOR IS THE LOUDEST!?

YELL-OW. GET IT!? YELL. FUCK YEAH.

SO WHAT THE FUCK’S GOT ME A RILED UP AND CUMMING IN MY PANTS!? LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU WITH THIS GOD DAMN POST THAT YOU’RE READING:

THIS GOD DAMN POST THAT YOU’RE READING

ALL CAPS is getting annoying to look at, and I’ve calmed down a bit, so I’m going to continue writing normally for the rest of this post (unless I get excited again).

For years and years (or, since 2008), I’ve been preaching for 2 different anime to get brought back for more seasons, one of those wishes has been answered, with the (soon to be) extremely awesome and triumphant return of Shakugan no Shana THE BEST FUCKING SHIT EVER. BUT ONE FUCKING ANIME HASN’T BEEN BROUGHT BACK YET, AND I’VE BEEN CLAMORING FOR IT LIKE A DOG IN HEAT (clamors for a…well…dick……a dog-dick). WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT!? ZERO NO TSUKAIMA. WELL GUESS FUCKING WHAT!?

HOLD ON, LET ME BLOW THAT PICTURE THE FUCK UP FOR YOU:

z 2

YEAH I BLEW THIS PICTURE UP HUGE! THAT'S CUZ IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!!!

(Disclaimer: Yes, I fucking realize it’s not a fucking new season yet, but who fucking cares!?)

Now, I know many of you are thinking the same question, and before you ask, yes, I did just shit my pants……OUT OF RESPECT FOR JC STAFF, RIE KUGIMIYA, AND ZERO NO TSUKAIMA!!!!

AND WHAT’S GREAT IS THAT THIS SEASON THING IS JUST A PREQUEL….THERE’S STILL A WHOLE NOTHER NEW SEASON COMING OUT NEXT YEAR!!! FUCK YEAH BITCHES!!!!

Now, I know many of you are thinking the same question (different question that the last one). Glo, seeing as you are fucked up in the head and somehow obsessed with this shitty awesome fucking anime, tell me, HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MISS THIS SHIT!?

THE ANSWER IS:

I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT THE RIGHT SCHEDULES! I SHOULD KNOW THIS SHIT RIGHT WHEN IT COMES OUT. I USED TO CHECK EVERY WEEK FOR STATUS UPDATES ON THESE TWO SHOWS!!! (totally normal/not pathetic). Honestly, I feel embarrassed for myself, so to make it up, I’m going to watch every single Rie Kug- OH WAIT A SECOND, I’M ALREADY FUCKING DOING THAT BECAUSE I’M FUCKING SMART!

SHIT I’M GONNA HAVE TO WEAR A CONDOM 25/7 THIS FALL BECAUSE I’M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO STOP BUSTING MY LOADS ALL OVER THE PLACE!

THE TANDEM IS BACK! SHANA AND LOUISE!!!! NOW WE JUST NEED HAYATE NO GOTOKU!

OH WAAAIIIIIT A SECOND!

YEAH, THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT:

3RD SEASON ALREADY CONFIRMED

HATERS SUCK MY DICK.

PS: Judging by how all my wishes seem to be getting answers, I’d say it’s only a matter of 2-3 years until the Hartford Whalers come back to……well……obviously Hartford. I watched highlights of Winnipeg’s first PRE-SEASON game and got choked up thinking about if it were the Whalers. I swear to God I would bawl my fucking eyes out as a man to see them come back.

The Rie Quest: Dance in the Vampire Bund

Dance in the……wait, Rie Kugimiya was in this? I never noticed her. BITCH WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT VOICE ACTING!?

Rie-Kugimiya

Rie Kugimiya is more versatile than you know son. You might be used to seeing her play short tsundere bitches with no tits, but she can do more than that. Bitch what you know about large titted vampire freaks!?

hysterica

Hysterica? Really? I could tell, then again, I’m a connoisseur of Rie Kugimiya’s voice. But enough about how awesome Rie Kugimiya actually is. How about the show itself?

I heard a lot of rumbling about this show early on, saying how bad it was. One thing I thought was good were the seiyuu, mainly that of Mina Tepes, because she made me actually believe that Mina Tepes was older than she looked. Yet still, people seemed to not enjoy the show.

Fuck all that noise, DitVB was pretty damn good. A solid show anyway, and anyone who thinks otherwise can suck my dick. Since this show ended ages ago, and nobody’s probably going to read this post, I’m going to keep it kind of short. How short?

FINAL GRADE = 5

See my grading system here

Bill couldn’t make it to this review in time, because it was so quick.

Steins;Gate – One Day of HOLY SHIT

I waited. I waited and waited and waited.

Since Spring, I’ve been waiting for Stein’s;Gate to finish so that I can marathon the shit out of it. You see, when I see a show that I think is going to be really really good. I like to wait for all of the episodes to air as opposed for waiting a whole week for each individual episode to air. Once I watch one episode, I can’t wait, I need them all.

So, instead of being tortured week to week, my mind consumed with anticipation for an entire summer, I opted to wait. So how do I feel about my decision?

I’m a bigger genius then Makise Kurisu.

………

Okay using that analogy just made me feel like a huge loser. Whatever, Steins;Gate was fucking awesome.

Sometimes when you finish marathoning a show, you feel great. A good sense of accomplishment. Sometimes that’s accompanied by the feeling or thought of “That was a pretty good show.” And sometimes, when the show is really really really really good, you just can’t stop shaking. I can still barely type, and it’s been at least 4 minutes since I finished Steins;Gate. Let me point out the obvious first real quick;

  1. As I’ve said over and over again, Time Travel, when done well, will yield completely fucking awesome shows. I love time travel, you like time travel. FUCKING AWESOME. Now, while I have my own  thoughts about time travel (and they don’t exactly match up with the theories in S;G), I still love what they did here. BRILLIANT. WE NEED MORE TIME TRAVEL AND LESS FANSERVICE.
  2. Okabe steals the show. Case Closed. One of the coolest male protagonists EVER. Probably my favorite since Tatsuhiro Satō from Welcome to the N.H.K.
  3. Some of these people need to pick up their phones. I feel like whenever Okabe tried to call someone, they didn’t pick up. You got em people, use them!

So on to the main topic which Steins;Gate revolves around and does pretty well: Time Travel.

Time Travel Done RIGHT

In Steins;Gate, they seem to go with the string theory/butterfly effect theory, where when you change something in the past, this and that can happen, which can create many different parallel worlds and such. I’m quite different. To me, the past, present, and future is all one line, and as such, anything in the past can’t be changed, because here in the present, we already know how the past went. I’ve explained this before and it’s boring and dumb so I’m not going to waste time again. Pretty much, recorded history is recorded.

The strange thing is, usually if a show doesn’t match up with my idea of thinking on time travel, I’m never really a big fan. But fuck me if Steins;gate wasn’t fucking awesome. They gave an explanation of how the time travel of the anime was going to work, and they followed it for the most part. One part that was kind of meh:

At the end, Okabe goes back and….whoops, he kills Kurisu. I loved that, because I saw it coming since episode 1. But then he goes back AGAIN and does it over, the right way…..technically, when he went back the second time, shouldn’t he have run into himself from the first time he went back in time? That wasn’t confusing or anything.

The facts are these: Steins;Gate was filled with BAM moments, Time Travel, Awesome characters ranging from Mad Scientists to people speaking Engrish, and it makes you fuckin think, which a lot of anime can’t do now a days (I just said now a days……wow I’m old). I’m still shaking, and I’ just finished this review (almost). Now, with all of this said, it would be damn fuckin inappropriate of me NOT to give Steins;Gate a

FINAL GRADE = 5^^

See Grading System Here

Bill tried 35 times to go back in time and change the fact that he got his ass kicked, but you can't escape the Attractor Field Convergence.

The Rie Quest: Hidan no Aria

Hidan no Aria was a show that I started when it aired, but then somewhere along the line I think I blended it into Dragon Crisis and never finished watching it. So the other day when I was checking my list and saw that I had only watched up to episode 7, I first assumed that I simply never forgot to write down that I finished it. I checked it out though, and low and behold, I really hadn’t finished it.

0111

Of course, now I clearly HAVE finished it (as this is a review of IT), and here’s what I’ve got.

Hidan no Aria was……average.

I mean, I’m a big fan of Rie Kugimiya……some may say I’m completely bias……but honestly, I’m realistic. I’m not going to give this show  5 just because Rie Kugimiya is voicing her classic tsundere role of a character who’s short with no breasts. Here’s what was most wrong:

1. The Old “Just-because-you’re-related-to-some-dude-it-means-you-have-powers-or-something” Trope

Sherlock Homes, Lupin, and Dracula. Who gives a shit about their ancestors? Honestly, I had a real problem with the stupidity of the entire premise……and one girl can move her hair on command just because she’s a descendent of Lupin? Who the fuck is Lupin anyway? (I assume I’ll take some heat for that question). And where the fuck did Vlad (dracula) come from? How come it’s only a select amount of people who get powers from their decedents? There’s been a lot of famous people in the past, so how come everyone doesn’t get powers?

2. The Most Obvious Villain

hidan-no-aria-11-02

On to the villian. I knew who the villain was from the second I saw him, and for reference: Any male character with long hair and glasses will almost always be a villain. Using that hunch, I immediately knew who Vlad was the second I saw him. Pretty fuckin obvious.

3. Where’d the Skitsos Go?

scary

Remember Shirayuki and her split personality yandere like attitude that she started out with? What the fuck happened to that? She was one of the reasons why the show started off so well in my opinion. Also, Kinji. He used to go from normal to complete bad ass whenever he popped a boner, but by the end, I couldn’t tell the difference between him in hysteria mode and him normal. Those were probably the two best things about the series. I also didn’t like the powers and stuff…..should’ve kept it all realistic.

In the end this show  started off awesome and then turned into some battle of mythical creatures and decendents with powers. What the fuck is that shit? For that crap, I give you, Hidan no Aria, a

FINAL GRADE = 4

Bill didn't need to be a butei to kick this show's ass.