CRY BITCH CRY!

Knock Knock....who's there.......boo........boo hoo? DO cry, it's only a joke.

MWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! CRY! LET THE TEARS FLOW LIKE RIVERS DOWN YOUR CHEEKS! LET THE MISERY AND DESPAIR TAKE YOU INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION, AS YOUR FACE SLOWLY BECOMES SODDEN LIKE AN OLD MAN (who’s lost control of his bladder)’S TROUSERS!

Okay okay okay. Okay. That was overdoing it a bit. But in all seriousness. There’s a couple specific things in anime……well……actually just in life in general, that I love. One of those things is seeing a girl cry.

You BASTARD! You SADIST BASTARD!

Hold on a second there you crazy, nutty, psycho-babbling feminist who likely doesn’t listen to reason and is as stubborn as an ox glued backwards to a mule who likes all of the opposite things as said ox. Let me explain myself a bit eh?

Before I get into the logistics or whatever you want to call this crazy claim of mine (not that crazy really), I’d like to point out that the crying girl in question should be cute. The reason is pretty simple.

God knows that no one wants to see some ugly fat chick cry. I mean, sorry to any ugly fat chicks out there, but when you cry it’s just……well it will make you look more ugly than you were before you started crying, and the combination of your original ugliness and the newly acquired crying ugliness could cause the people around to to vomit, commit suicide, or perhaps cry themselves. I don’t want that, President Obama doesn’t want that, and I’m sure you don’t want that either. So all ugly girls, my advice to you is either don’t cry, or hide. Maybe become a ninja, because ninja’s faces are always covered, and ninjas are fucking awesome anyway.

HOLY SHIT! SO INCENSITIVE! I JU-

SHUT UP FEMINIST! I’ll have you know that I respect women far more than I respect men. Sure, I make jokes at their expense, but I make jokes at everyone’s expense, get over yourself.

Back to sad girls and their crying. Let me first point out that I don’t like girls who cry so hard that snots and shit start coming out of their noses. That’s just gross. There’s a place for that sort of thing, and it’s called the bathroom. If you’re going to go blow snot bubbles every time you cry, then you should live on a farm with other disgusting animals who also drool snot for a living.

Okay, now that that’s all cleared up, I can finally get onto this post. It all started with a simple tweet (Twitter, by the way, really is killing anime blogs, though there’s been enough posts on that topic):

CRYThere it was. I read that tweet and realized, “Maybe I’m not alone.”

You see, I thought that enjoying seeing others cry was so fucking weird that no one else on Earth would like it, but low and behold, adaywithoutme displayed that she too was a fucking nutjob. So I saw this, responded, and decided to make it into a post of my own, because I have no ideas for posts, and my ISSS generally is a huge piece of shit. But yeah, I like anime girls when they cry.. Why? I have no real clue. In real life, the truth is I’m a kind of weird fuck who likes to comfort a girl who was bawling her eyes out. You know, until she started getting really annoying.

Maybe I secretly hate all anime girls. Maybe I like the emotional part of it. Maybe girls in a sad, sorry state is just great to me……I should point out (as I’m sure this will get misconstrued), that I don’t get off on watching girls cry. It’s like……you know how shows with revenge as a driving theme are always awesome? Same thing. Now here’s my best invention to date:

The Crying Point System

This would rank as 80-90 points out of 100 on the crying point system.

The tougher the better. Take Revy from Black Lagoon. She’ll never cry. This means that if she does somehow cry, I’m going to get an emotional boner (like I did when Riza broke down into a revenge laden crying mess) as opposed to watching someone like Nagisa (Clannad), who is a huge pussy and I hate her, cry. I wish she would die….OH YEAH, SHE DID (then they……fuckinbroughtherbacktolifethefuckers). You see, characters who cry all the time have no crying points. That’s right, I’m creating a system AS I TYPE this to rate crying girls in anime. (I went back and added the title, changed the last sentence to the previous paragraph).

The tougher and more bad ass the girl, the more points they get when they finally, unexpectedly break down into a miserable mess. If someone always cries, then that just means they’re a huge pussy. But if someone bad ass cries, well it’s better than witnessing the second coming of Jesus Christ.

Now for the anomaly: Tsunderes

Just one more reason why Toradora was awesome and Taiga was Rie Kugimiya's best performance ever.

These types are usually expected to break down at some point, due to their own split personality (of sorts). The fact that we already know they have the emotional ability to break down and leak like a baby on your lap makes the whole experience completely different from say, a bad ass or a pussy crying, but at the same time, it’s still fucking awesome. Tsunderes are expected to cry, but they usually don’t until later in a series, so it’s still not like they’re crying every second. Indeed tsunderes are in a league of their own.

So what does this mean? Simply put, it means if an anime has a shit-ton of crying chicks in it, I’m gonna like it regardless. Take Aoi Hana. I liked it a lot, but fuck me if I can remember a God damn thing about that series other than the fact that it had a bunch of lesbians prone to pissing out of their tear ducts all episode long.

omg

Not a dry eye in the series. Seriously, find me an episode where there weren't at least 2 girls crying at some point.

Still, I stand by the fact that I loved the shit out of the show. I mean, lesbians crying? COUNT ME IN!!!

And sure, there are shows that don’t really follow the rules, like Umi Monogatari. It was filled with crying, but all that crying did was piss me off. That show sucked a LOT.

In the end, any manga, anime, or such that has girls crying in it, feeling sad, feeling depressed, seeking for help……I just immediately love it.

So what’s the consensus? Am I a strange, weird dick who should be shammed for enjoying a girl who can’t stop crying? Or am I just fuckin weird and we’ll leave it at that?

EXTRA SHIT

For the record, it’s okay to be a feminist, I have no problem with them, only the psycho ones who blame men for all problems on Earth and refuse to listen to reason. Like……what crawled up your ass lady?

I have recently caught up to the manga, Akuma to Love Song, and must say that, even though it’s a shitty shoujo filled with stupidity and completely unrealstic situations, it’s actually pretty good. And yes, it as an awesome female lead character who finally cried after 20 or 30 chapters. Since the first cry, the crying has picked up a bit, which has made me happy.