CRY BITCH CRY!

Knock Knock....who's there.......boo........boo hoo? DO cry, it's only a joke.

MWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! CRY! LET THE TEARS FLOW LIKE RIVERS DOWN YOUR CHEEKS! LET THE MISERY AND DESPAIR TAKE YOU INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION, AS YOUR FACE SLOWLY BECOMES SODDEN LIKE AN OLD MAN (who’s lost control of his bladder)’S TROUSERS!

Okay okay okay. Okay. That was overdoing it a bit. But in all seriousness. There’s a couple specific things in anime……well……actually just in life in general, that I love. One of those things is seeing a girl cry.

You BASTARD! You SADIST BASTARD!

Hold on a second there you crazy, nutty, psycho-babbling feminist who likely doesn’t listen to reason and is as stubborn as an ox glued backwards to a mule who likes all of the opposite things as said ox. Let me explain myself a bit eh?

Before I get into the logistics or whatever you want to call this crazy claim of mine (not that crazy really), I’d like to point out that the crying girl in question should be cute. The reason is pretty simple.

God knows that no one wants to see some ugly fat chick cry. I mean, sorry to any ugly fat chicks out there, but when you cry it’s just……well it will make you look more ugly than you were before you started crying, and the combination of your original ugliness and the newly acquired crying ugliness could cause the people around to to vomit, commit suicide, or perhaps cry themselves. I don’t want that, President Obama doesn’t want that, and I’m sure you don’t want that either. So all ugly girls, my advice to you is either don’t cry, or hide. Maybe become a ninja, because ninja’s faces are always covered, and ninjas are fucking awesome anyway.

HOLY SHIT! SO INCENSITIVE! I JU-

SHUT UP FEMINIST! I’ll have you know that I respect women far more than I respect men. Sure, I make jokes at their expense, but I make jokes at everyone’s expense, get over yourself.

Back to sad girls and their crying. Let me first point out that I don’t like girls who cry so hard that snots and shit start coming out of their noses. That’s just gross. There’s a place for that sort of thing, and it’s called the bathroom. If you’re going to go blow snot bubbles every time you cry, then you should live on a farm with other disgusting animals who also drool snot for a living.

Okay, now that that’s all cleared up, I can finally get onto this post. It all started with a simple tweet (Twitter, by the way, really is killing anime blogs, though there’s been enough posts on that topic):

CRYThere it was. I read that tweet and realized, “Maybe I’m not alone.”

You see, I thought that enjoying seeing others cry was so fucking weird that no one else on Earth would like it, but low and behold, adaywithoutme displayed that she too was a fucking nutjob. So I saw this, responded, and decided to make it into a post of my own, because I have no ideas for posts, and my ISSS generally is a huge piece of shit. But yeah, I like anime girls when they cry.. Why? I have no real clue. In real life, the truth is I’m a kind of weird fuck who likes to comfort a girl who was bawling her eyes out. You know, until she started getting really annoying.

Maybe I secretly hate all anime girls. Maybe I like the emotional part of it. Maybe girls in a sad, sorry state is just great to me……I should point out (as I’m sure this will get misconstrued), that I don’t get off on watching girls cry. It’s like……you know how shows with revenge as a driving theme are always awesome? Same thing. Now here’s my best invention to date:

The Crying Point System

This would rank as 80-90 points out of 100 on the crying point system.

The tougher the better. Take Revy from Black Lagoon. She’ll never cry. This means that if she does somehow cry, I’m going to get an emotional boner (like I did when Riza broke down into a revenge laden crying mess) as opposed to watching someone like Nagisa (Clannad), who is a huge pussy and I hate her, cry. I wish she would die….OH YEAH, SHE DID (then they……fuckinbroughtherbacktolifethefuckers). You see, characters who cry all the time have no crying points. That’s right, I’m creating a system AS I TYPE this to rate crying girls in anime. (I went back and added the title, changed the last sentence to the previous paragraph).

The tougher and more bad ass the girl, the more points they get when they finally, unexpectedly break down into a miserable mess. If someone always cries, then that just means they’re a huge pussy. But if someone bad ass cries, well it’s better than witnessing the second coming of Jesus Christ.

Now for the anomaly: Tsunderes

Just one more reason why Toradora was awesome and Taiga was Rie Kugimiya's best performance ever.

These types are usually expected to break down at some point, due to their own split personality (of sorts). The fact that we already know they have the emotional ability to break down and leak like a baby on your lap makes the whole experience completely different from say, a bad ass or a pussy crying, but at the same time, it’s still fucking awesome. Tsunderes are expected to cry, but they usually don’t until later in a series, so it’s still not like they’re crying every second. Indeed tsunderes are in a league of their own.

So what does this mean? Simply put, it means if an anime has a shit-ton of crying chicks in it, I’m gonna like it regardless. Take Aoi Hana. I liked it a lot, but fuck me if I can remember a God damn thing about that series other than the fact that it had a bunch of lesbians prone to pissing out of their tear ducts all episode long.

omg

Not a dry eye in the series. Seriously, find me an episode where there weren't at least 2 girls crying at some point.

Still, I stand by the fact that I loved the shit out of the show. I mean, lesbians crying? COUNT ME IN!!!

And sure, there are shows that don’t really follow the rules, like Umi Monogatari. It was filled with crying, but all that crying did was piss me off. That show sucked a LOT.

In the end, any manga, anime, or such that has girls crying in it, feeling sad, feeling depressed, seeking for help……I just immediately love it.

So what’s the consensus? Am I a strange, weird dick who should be shammed for enjoying a girl who can’t stop crying? Or am I just fuckin weird and we’ll leave it at that?

EXTRA SHIT

For the record, it’s okay to be a feminist, I have no problem with them, only the psycho ones who blame men for all problems on Earth and refuse to listen to reason. Like……what crawled up your ass lady?

I have recently caught up to the manga, Akuma to Love Song, and must say that, even though it’s a shitty shoujo filled with stupidity and completely unrealstic situations, it’s actually pretty good. And yes, it as an awesome female lead character who finally cried after 20 or 30 chapters. Since the first cry, the crying has picked up a bit, which has made me happy.

24 thoughts on “CRY BITCH CRY!

  1. I’m with 8dayswithoutme for the same reason as you have stated, only it applied to male instead of female and scratched the tsundere from the list.

    crying just makes a person seems more vulnerable and that’s when our human instinct kicks in to comfort and protect them. It’s natural and thus it doesn’t make us a nutjob.

    • Mmmmmmm……it’s pretty nutty if you ask me……but who the heck likes to see a man cry? That’s just weird. Maybe I should grow my hair long and cry all over the place. I have a feeling girls would kind of just laugh at me if that happened.

      • Hmm comes to think of it, men crying in real life because their girlfriend dumped them makes them fugly and pathetic.

        I guess I was referring to 2D characters? Shit i can’t differentiate between 3D and 2D anymore!

  2. Have you ever seen The Crying Wife videos on YouTube? Some dude and his wife watch movies together and she cries at every single one.

    One of the Star Wars films: *sob* IT’S SO SAAAD. LUKE AND LEIA CAN’T BE TOGETHER EVER AGAINNNNN

    I think she flooded the house with her tears when one of the subscribers requested Marley & Me.

    😛

  3. this was hell of an eyeopener, something I’ve never even thought of. At the same time it was funny. It’s a good feeling that I agree with you in a lot of points. I respect women who has a feminine charm not a crybaby.

    Anyways if 8dayswithoutme likes anime boys who cry, does that mean she likes Shinji too especially all he does is crying all the time?

    • Shinji is a pussy. Anyone who likes him is a pussy. He single-handily brought that series down for me, because someone who is such a pussy can’t possibly exist. Oh what’s that? He was a character based on the director’s experiencing? Oh, well in that case, there is one person in existence who is as big a pussy as Shinji, and he happened to direct the fucking show. Doesn’t help the cause of me liking the show (I still gave the show a 5 or something high I did like it. Still, it’s overrated).

  4. I am going to start a new bandwagon, and say I prefer embarrassed girls (with ponytails!) over crying girls. They simply look cuter in my opinion.

    By the way, Logistics is the feeding, arming of (and maintenence of weapons), and transportation of armys (and war material), and (in modern times) the maintenance, construction, and repaing of any form of vehicle, regardless of its use/function.

    mobilization of any army is a logistic nightmare.

    • Embarrassed is stupid. A crying girl really shows her vulnerability and it’s especially awesome if she’s a “tough girl” type.

      I don’t quite follow with the logistics description, but then again, I’m an actual retarded person.

      • In laymans terms, all the shit an Army needs that isn’t manpower, and moving said shit.

        I will now change my name to fuck with you, in revenge for insulting the greatness of embarressment.

    • Fear, and Loathing in Las Vegas: Awesome movie.

      Fear, and Loathing in Las Vegas: A band with way too much autotune, which is my mortal enemy.

      This has not improved the chances.

  5. Crying in anime does one of two things: It either comes across as downright hilarious, like at the end of Ano Hana, or it hits pretty hard, like I think it was Kino crying at the end of Kino’s Journey. And yes, something having more impact does correlate more with it being used sparingly, or not at all.

    To conclude this comment, fuck Clannad.

    • I don’t usually cry when anime characters cry. I smile almost always. Sometimes I do a fist-pump because I’m so happy. Is that odd?

      Ano Hana was ridiculous but I got choked up still. Clannad I cried, but only because Nagisa ended up not dying. God I hate her.

      • No, that’s not odd at all.

        I think everyone with a semblance of spite hated Nagisa. Oddly enough, the only episode of Clannad that I liked was the alternate universe one where Tomoya ended up with Tomoyo. Yeah she was obsessed with saving trees, but it beats somebody obsessed with a song about sentient foodstuffs.

  6. I wonder whether the creators make their characters cry to appeal to those who want to see them cry, or to actually make us cry in response.

    For some people, seeing a person cry can be heartwarming, as it adds humanity to a character. For others, it makes them sadder, as you think about why they’re crying and become sad.

    I don’t know what I’m saying. I guess in summary YOU ARE A MANIPULATIVE PERSON

    YOU WANT PEOPLE TO CRY

    SO YOU CAN COMFORT THEM

    THAT’S JUST SICK YO

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