Tomb Raider – Holy God This Was AWESOME

I don’t play a lot of video games. Rather, I’m quite picky when it comes to choosing them. The last game I bought was Duex Ex Machina, which was disappointing, and which I will never play again. Or maybe it was Modern Warfare 3, I don’t know which one came out first so I couldn’t tell you, but after I got board of Call of Duty, I turned back to an old favorite before deciding, “Holy shit, this new Tomb Raider game looks like it might be right up my ally!”

When I say “right up my ally,” I’m of course referring to “girl with a bow and arrow.” I dig the bow and arrow. I also like when main characters are female. That’s may be weird, but take it as it is. Faith from Mirror’s Edge is another good example of a badass female lead. Fuck, even when I played temple run I chose the female character. My avatar for my xbox profile? A badass female avatar, despite the fact that I’m a dude. I could write a post about what this means to me subconsciously  but who the hell wants to read that?

Tomb Raider

Glothelegend’s Score – 9/10 Stars

Now, I have never once played Tomb Raider. I’ve always wanted to, but I never had Playstation, which was the only platform that the game was made for at the time. However, I don’t live under a rock, so I know the basics of the Tomb Raider background.

The Basics: Hot British Girl raids tombs and shoots bad things.

That’s pretty accurate, right? Well, this game takes that to… fuck I don’t even know where.

Tomb Raider is one of the best games I have ever played.


  • Nonstop Action

It’s almost similar to playing through a movie. I’ve never played Uncharted, but it seems similar in a lot of ways. It is because of this that it’s really hard to put the game down at any point. If you aren’t being attacked by guards or wolves, you’re either hurtling through a forest, trying to figure out puzzles, or stealthily maneuvering your way through bad guys, traps, and undead Samurai.

Yes, undead Samurai. When I picked up this game, I was not expecting undead Samurai. But they were there, along with a pretty awesome plot.

  • Plot

Some say that the plot is too simply, but I disagree. The plot is as such:

Lara and some other guys are searching for a lost Japanese city of some sort, said to be ruled by a “Sun Goddess” named Himeko. They sail into the Dragon’s Triangle, which is basically Japan’s Bermuda Triangle.

So of course they crash on this random island that’s filled with Tombs, ruins, and a bunch of crazy people who were there from other crashes, of which there were many. It’s up to Lara to survive and save her crew.

The story throws a couple twists at you, but I’m not going to say what those twists are because I don’t like to spoil too much if I can help it.

  • Visuals

Shut up they’re fantastic.

  • Gameplay/Options

Throughout the game, you earn points and gather supplies that allow you to upgrade weapons or learn new skills. Not only that, but you also can discover (and raid) secret tombs, collect items, and complete other challenges along the way. There’s a LOT that this game provides.


  • Font

Maybe it’s just because my tv is tiny, but I could not read a God damn thing when it came to weapon upgrades and messages on the screen. I wish that the words were a bit bigger, but if you squint you can sort of make out words, plus my television really is a piece of shit. An HD television might be better to use, and it might even eliminate this problem all together.


The next  section is going to reveal what I thought about certain parts of the game, in other words: Here are some things that REALLY put this game over the top and made it fucking awesome.

I've never played a Tomb Raider game before, but even I got pumped as fuck to finally see the dual pistols at the end.

I’ve never played a Tomb Raider game before, but even I got pumped as fuck to finally see the dual pistols at the end.

YESSS the duel pistols. Throughout the game, Lara Croft is without her typical duel pistols that she carries in all of the other games. Some may see this as a bad thing, but a bow and arrow is totally more badass anyway, and she still wields a shotgun, handgun, machine gun, pick-ax… this girl is armed to the teeth. But at the end of the game, she pulls out the classic duel handguns and blasts some holes in the bad guy, which is just totally awesome.

Regarding the plot, was it complex? Not really. I mean, if you didn’t realize that Sam was going to have a big part of this thing, then you’re dumb, because why else would she mention, “Oh by the way, I’m a direct descendant of that Sun Goddess person.”

The bad guys were well done, and the undead Samurai were a great touch at the end. Figuring out how to beat bosses was pretty cool, but they weren’t overly hard. In fact, there wasn’t anything overly hard about this game. Sometimes I wish that the button signs wouldn’t pop up to tell you when to push X (like when you’re near a door that can be opened). I DO like the scenes that are action sequences and you need to press certain buttons to advance the sequence. Those scenes make you feel like you’re integrated into all aspects of the gaming experience.

So there you have it. Now, the question for you all:

Here is a list of Xbox360 games that I like a LOT:

  • Mirror’s Edge
  • Tomb Raider
  • Portal/Portal 2
  • Half Life 2
  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare series (now I’m bored of it).

So what should my next game be? I’m thinking BioShock since the new one looks AWESOME. But buying all three would mean close to 100 bucks, which I don’t really want to shell out right now. And let’s face it, I’m not just going to buy one, because once I finish it, I’ll have to wait to get the next one. I’d rather smash them all in succession.



12 thoughts on “Tomb Raider – Holy God This Was AWESOME

  1. I just bought this for my brother’s birthday. Saw the previews for this durring E3 two years ago and this looks promissing. Hopefully he will like it.

    • Andrew B. participated in the purchasing of 1 Tomb Raider copy that day in El Paso, Texas. But he made one mistake…….

      He should have bought two.

      Name the movie I ripped the quote from (and changed slightly). Also, you should have bought one for yourself. Fuck your brother dude.

  2. This has been on my purchase list since I saw how much praise it got. I was so impressed by what I saw, that I even picked up Tomb Raider Trilogy for the PS3. Legend’s alright, so far. I’ll check Anniversary and Underworld later. Keep in mind, I am not a die hard TR fan. I never got the appeal of Lara Croft back then. but TR 2013 may be the game to show me why she’s a videogame icon.

    Hey, we have something in common. We both like playing as female protagonists. My reasoning for wanting to play as women over men, it’s more fun. Besides, I don’t need to play as a dude in games to prove I’m a man. My manliness is unquestionable. Oh, and also I got sick of rescuing chicks cause of how boring it got.

    My best guess is hardcore fans wanted something TR-esque from the plot…but who cares? Give me a plot where I give a damn about the person I am playing as, the people I interact with and what she’s supposed to do and I am good to go.

    Portal and Portal 2 were, and still are, awesome. Haven’t played Mirror’s Edge yet.

  3. I love female protagonists. Guys are fucking boring. For the next game, I suggest definitely trying out bioshock infinite. But play bioshock first. You don’t need to, but if you do, there’s gonna be a lot that you can appreciate even more. And yeah at the end I was like DUAL PISTOLS!!!! But then after you go back in to get some more trinkets…you find you don’t have them anymore!!!!! I wasn’t too happy about that…

    • I don’t like how you finally get all of the weapons and now there’s no bad guys to kill (I didn’t know you could upgrade skills until the last level). I WANT TO KILL AND I HAVE AWESOME WEAPONS AND EVERYTHING’S EMPTY! THERE AREN’T EVEN ANY WOLVES!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s