GIRLS und PANZER Pulled a Sneaky Sneak on Me

I came into Girls und Panzer expecting a whole bunch of shit. After all, it’s a typical “anime with all girl cast driving tanks.” What a dumb premise for a show.

Well I’m wrong again, because Girls und Panzer snuck up on my and shoved a 128mm up my ass.

Girls und Panzer

The Rabbit Team isn't my favorite group of characters, but their logo is definitely the best.

The Rabbit Team isn’t my favorite group of characters, but their logo is definitely the best.

After the first episode I was ready to drop this show like a shit in the toilet. But that’s why I have my 4 episode test drive rule.

4 Episode Test Drive Rule – A show must be watched for at least 4 episodes before it can be declared bad enough to be dropped.

And by the 3rd episode, I saw I had a gem. Like a fine wine, or a piece of coal, this show got better with age. As it turns out, this was the first show in probably over a year that I watched in one day. 12 episodes. One day. I’m proud of myself. And what’s better, I want more. What show is next? My love for anime has been rekindled, and I’m horny to start procreating with all sorts of unwatched shows.

I love the 1st person perspectives, both from the tanks, and from the time when Yukari infiltrated that other school, which was totally badass.

I love the 1st person perspectives, both from the tanks, and from the time when Yukari infiltrated that other school, which was totally badass.

Girls und Panzer was good for a lot of reasons, but one thing I liked a lot was the switch in perspectives. The 1st person perspective from the tank’s point of view was something new and fun. In fact, I could sit here all day and watch a tank roll around, drift around buildings, and blast the shit out of enemies. Girls und Panzer above all else was just really fun to watch. And of course, any show with plans and schemes will always kick ass.

Smokey Smokes plan? Okay, I admit, I like the dumb plan names. God I'm a loser.

Smokey Smokes plan? Okay, I admit, I like the dumb plan names. God I’m a loser.

The plans were awesome. The perspectives were awesome. I even liked the characters. There was one thing that I didn’t like though.

All of the parents were pieces of shit

We were introduced to two mothers and one grandmother, which leads me to believe that all of these girls either came from broken homes, or their fathers died in some sort of fiery bear accident (Update: I forgot about Yukari’s parents, because they were actually awesome). Regardless, there isn’t a single male figure in any of these girls lives (aside from that one servant guy). I can deal with the fact that this show was feminist in nature, in fact I kinda liked it. What I didn’t like was Miho’s mother, who is a bitch with no love for anything.

Oh you clapped for your daughter? Congrats, you're still a piece of shit.

Oh you clapped for your daughter? Congrats, you’re still a piece of shit.

Miho’s mother completely disowned her daughter. Why? What atrocity did Miho perform to get such a punishment?

She saved a few lives.

And she got not only disowned, but her shit mother wanted her destroyed for daring to take part in Tankery every again. If I were Miho, I’d have stuck it to her after beating her at her own game. I’d stand up in front of the crowd and tell the world what a shit mother she was. And the same goes for her sister. Heartless bitches the both of them.

Hey, way to be supportive of your daughter you selfish bitch. She may have come around eventually, but that doesn't excuse the fact that she's still selfish and unsupportive..

Hey, way to be supportive of your daughter you selfish bitch. She may have come around eventually, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that she’s still selfish and unsupportive..

Then of course there’s Hana, who was a great artist of Flower Arrangements, which has got to be the dumbest freaking thing I’ve ever heard of. She can put flowers in a vase, big fucking whoop. And yet her mother gets all bent out of shape and disowns her because she decided to take Tankery instead of Flower Arranging as her School Club. And the thing that really makes her a bitch is that Hana was only taking Tankery to get better at arranging flowers. And you know what? It worked. She became an expert of putting flowers in a vase. Suck a dick Mom.

It's not necessarily what she said, but the way she says them that makes this granny nearly unbearable.

It’s not necessarily what she said, but the way she says them that makes this granny nearly unbearable.

Then there’s Mako’s old grandmother, who’s clearly bitter about the fact that she’s about to die any day. My grandma was the same way before she died. She became angry and yelled at everyone all day. She also became racist, but that’sneither here nor there. All Mako’s grandma does is bitch out Mako for no reason.  What did Mako ever do to you? I mean, the poor girl. Her mother is dead, and she feels terrible about the fact that the last thing she said to her mom was the tail end of an argument, and all you do is yell at her. And the only time you say anything good about her is when she isn’t listening. Stop being an old bitch.

The End Result

Of all the teams, the hippo team is the best.

Of all the teams, the hippo team is the best.

This anime was a blast off of greatness. Not much more to say on the subject other than I enjoyed it a LOT. I’d take an anime like this any day, and in a way, this reminded me a lot of Strike Witches without all the shittiness. Definitely worth a watch. I’d give it a

FINAL GRADE = 5*

(Click here for Grading System)

Bill the Ass Kicker

Bill got his ass blown up by the Rabbit Team’s American M3 Lee.

PS: The Opening was addictive. What made it good were the short stringed instruments at the end

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8 thoughts on “GIRLS und PANZER Pulled a Sneaky Sneak on Me

  1. To be fair, we did also meet Yukari’s parents, who seemed perfectly normal and quite supportive.

    As for Maho, she has her reasons. Shiho is a pretty terrible mom though.

    • Yukari’s parents are awesome. I mean, they let her decorate her room with tank stuff and it looks awesome. Plus her dad’s a barber. That kicks ass.

      Maho does have her reasons, but I still think pretty much telling her daughter to fuck off because she liked tankery was bad parenting. In the end she was using Tankery as a tool to get better at flower arrangements. How could you not support that?

      Shiho isn’t a mom, she just happened to give birth.

      • Just to be clear: Maho is Miho’s sister. Shiho is Miho’s mom. (note the pattern)

        Maho and Miho’s relationship is explored more in the Little Army prequel manga.

    • Whoops! To my credit, I’m drunk. Still, Maho gets a slide from me. Why? I don’t know. She seems more tuned into what her sister is doing and sides more with her sister than with her stupid, emotionless drone of a mother. God where is her father? You know what’s weird? As a man, I surprisingly would like a girl as a child as opposed to a boy. I would be the best father in the God damn world. The only scary thing would be high school and (gulp) college, where girls go crazy. MY DAUGHTER IS NOT FOR YOUR DICKS! GET AWAY FROM HER! AT LEAST WRAP IT UP!

      Don’t touch my daughter.

      What were we talking about again?

      • Fence is right, Maho’s motivations are explored in depth in Little Army. Long story short, she’s putting up an act to help spare her sister from being tied down to the Nishizumi name. Being the Nishizumi heir, people expect her to be serious and pretty ruthless, which is exactly the facade Maho shows in public. Going through the manga though, you’ll really get the feeling that, if given a choice, Maho would rather NOT be doing this Nishizumi Heiress thing.

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