Final Concensus on Sword Art Online

Now that I finally finished this show that I never wanted to watch in the first place, I can give my thoughts, which I’m sure people have been desperately waiting for.

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Pretty badass picture. Double swords are always cool, especially if no one else can have them.

To me, SAO was a classic story of:
– The Matrix in video game form.
– Dude is 39495 times stronger than everyone.
– Persistance to save the one he loves.

Now I can get with all of these things. I’ve been reading a ton of books lately, and I found that when watching SAO I was converting the story i to book form, and it would make for a good book series. But you know what totally fucks it all up? THIS DUMB BITCH:

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You suck Suguha.

Suguha is terrible for the tylical reasons.

First, she’s in love with her brother, which is bullshit as always. Why ruin a good show with more incest shit. And yes, I know that they’re not ACTUALLY brother and sister, but if you suddenly told me my sister is adopted I’m not going to suddenly try and date her. That’s creepy as shit.

Secondly, this bitch is always working out with her kendo (her one good trait). Her body type is all fucked up. Being a Japanese women, I’d expect she have a body more along the lines of Faith from Mirror’s Edge, not gigantic tits bigger than anybody else in the show. Very stupid character. This does make it fun when she is denied love to her brother in the real world and again in VR (haha dumb bitch was hangin out with her brother and didn’t even know it!). Anyway, I don’t like her. And Leafa is the worst name ever. All you did was put an A at the end of LEAF. That’s stupid.

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Pretty awesome couple. They even had a kid (sort of).

Now, aside from Sugu, this show was actually very solid. Kirito (or Kirigaya if you’re that way inclined) is a pretty badass and persistant character, while at the same time laid back. Very well balanced. I enjoyed watching him kick ass, say no to Harems, and save the day at the end (uhh, did I mention spoilers? No? Huh.)

Asuna was also not your typical dumb girl. She could kick ass, making them a pretty kick ass couple. I liked watching it.

Overall, I enjoyed watching it and found myself wanting to watch it when I wasn’t watching it, so I give it a
                FINAL GRADE = 5

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Bill can't keep up with double swords, afterall.

PS – There is no PS Fuck You.

The Late Sword Art Online Post

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I uploaded this on my phone. Hope it works.

Okay, so I had said before that I had no intention of watching Sword Art Online because it did not appeal to me.

I must have simply been hungry when I said that, because now I find myself eating my words.

SAO is good. It’s quite good. But it’s not great. After all, it’s hard to be great. The story has a lot of time skips (once second first kiss. Next second married with a lake house).

But Glo, without time skips this show would be 293845y828229 episodes long!

Voice of Reason! It’s been so long my annoying friend! And yes, the show would be longer, but so what? I can dig and really get into a long show. And was that a “y” in that number? I guess without time skips the budget would indeed be stretched to the point of hell, but man would the character development be awesome. There’s alot there to develop too. I guess I’ll reserve judgement for the second half, as I am only 11 episodes or so in.

Okay bye bye.

April Fools Day to be Renamed

After years of April 1st being known as a day of pranks, officials have officially passed a bill to re-name the famed day as “Half Life 3 Confirmed Day,” after years of articles appearing on April 1st confirming the confirmation of the now mythical Half Life 2 sequel.

“Nobody really recognizes April 1st as a prank holiday anymore anyway,” one official was confirmed as confirming. “It’s now known for for the plethora of articles confirming the confirmation of Half Life 3, which of course will never happen.”

The news comes after Gabe Newell, the man behind Valve and the Half Life series, confirmed confirmation that a confirmed confirmation of Half Life 3 will never in fact be confirmed. “Have you seen the publicity we get through ‘HL3 confirmed’ memes? We’ve become more famous for NOT making the game than if we’d actually made the thing!”

Fans will most likely have a mixed reaction of disappointment and happiness that they will be able to continue to make more memes.

Eye Sedso April Fools Day Post

I am the most ambitious of writers!

I AM NOT!! APRIL FUCK!

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This picture is a metaphor where I am represented by Hayate and the rest of the general public is represented by Tama. Get it?

In realness. Been reading too many books lately for animation. The Legend series by Marie Lu? GOLD. Also watching Parks and Rec. GOLD.

I’ll see you YOLO swaggers on the otherside yo. #BleachedAssholes #DrunkPets

Orange is the New Marmalade… Or a post about a pretty good Manhwa.

This is the red headed girl I talk about at the end of this post. ooo you probably reaaaally want to read it to find out who she is now huh?

This is the red headed girl I talk about at the end of this post. ooo you probably reaaaally want to read it to find out who she is now huh?

So I’m not sure if this manhwa is even finished, but the last chapter definitely rounded it off, tied up MOST loose ends, and skipped ahead like 2 years within the last 4 pages to give an untitled epilogue, so I’m pretty sure it’s done.

Anyway, if you haven’t read Orange Marmalade, go ahead and read those 120 or so chapters and get back to me.

.     .     .     .     .

Already done? What? You didn’t go and do that? Your loss. Spoilers for you then

I haven’t really read jack shit for the past ever, but I had a computer handy for about a week or so, and as life has proven, if you give me a functional computer with internet connection that is at least somewhat passable, then I’m going to read some manga (or in this case, manhwa). And with the computer I had, I did just that, and I was able to happily polish off Orange Marmalade, a comic about a vampire girl or something and she cries a lot so it’s cool. Gotta love those crying girls!

Google "Orange Marmalade Manhwa" and you will find tons of similar pictures.

Google “Orange Marmalade Manhwa” and you will find tons of similar pictures.

Time for some spoilerific chides from my reading experience.

First off, in case you didn’t read, the actions of society in general was batshit crazy. Vampires in this story are generally viewed as monsters. They have rights and stuff, but if it’s found that you’re a vampire, you’re most likely going to get run out of town. Poor little Ma Ri just wants to be normal! Well tough shit bitch.

In Ma Ri’s case, almost none of her friends know she’s a vampire. After gaining popularity and being generally accepted, it’s let slip that she’s a vamp, and the whole school (even her friends) gang up on her, try to get her booted from town, and even chuck bags of blood on her, all despite knowing her on a personal level for over a year and establishing close relationships with her. True, there was a vampire attack a day earlier (which turned out to have actually been done by a human), but that really doesn’t give the entire school an excuse to act like the biggest shit heads on the planet. like one vampire kills a human and everyone loses their shit, but it’s totally fine if another human kills another human. This society is filled with idiots.

And then, after it’s learned that the “vampire attack” was indeed masterminded by some homeless looking human, suddenly EVERYONE IS IN SUPPORT OF VAMPIRES AND PASSING LAWS TO GIVE THEM RIGHTS. Like wtf 10 second ago the entire country wanted them all dead and now they want all vampires to be rewarded. Makes no sense. Ma Ri’s class, after feeling bad about torturing a girl to the point of attempted suicide, decide that writing a letter of apology is fine, and they do that, clearing their conscious, as Ma Ri actually accepts the apology.

To sum it up. Ma Ri is an idiot. Society is an idiot. And if you ask me, this story should have ended with Ma Ri’s successful suicide and everyone in the whole world feeling like assholes that they drove an innocent girl to do this. This feeling would be a good cause for them to take initiative in getting more respect for vampires, and it would have been better.

Still, very enjoyable from beginning to end. Would’ve liked to know what happened to Han Si Hoo or whatever that silver-haired vampire was called and that red-headed girl. Still…

FINAL GRADE = 5

 

Star Wars Episode VII Teaser

Remember the days when you would go to the movies and watch the previews and go, “Oh wow! They made a SEQUEL!? I HAD NO IDEA LOOKS AWESOME!”

Crazy.

Crazy because now we have FUCKING ANNOUNCEMENTS just for a TEASER TRAILER.

WELL LET ME TELL YOU A THING OR TWO YOU SCRUFFY LOOKIN NURF HERDER! WHEN IT’S FOR STAR WARS, THERE BETTER BE A DAMN PARADE.

HHHNNNNGGGGG

I am a Star Wars fan in a similar albeit more open way that I like anime. Love anime. Still do. I won’t go announcing it to the world or anything but hey, I’ll talk about it awkwardly for a bit if you want. Now, I won’t go out dressing up like Boba Fett or anything (because I don’t have a costume because otherwise I might), but I’ll talk about it rapidly if you want (or more importantly, if I want, which I do).

Now for the teaser.

Why yes, Boba Fett is the best Star Wars character. No, he isn't involved in this trailer. No, he doesn't do much at all in original trilogy.

Why yes, Boba Fett is the best Star Wars character. No, he isn’t involved in this trailer. No, he doesn’t do much at all in original trilogy.

There was a ton of backlash, both positive and negative, once this was released. Hell, I had been looking forward to this release for pretty much a year. Since there’s only a few glimpses, Let’s go through them all shall we?

1

That’s just a preview screen. Why did I even do a screen shot of this? Still. It comes at you with the green of Luke’s lightsaber in Return of the Jedi, adding girth and fortitude to any man’s dong.

2So there’s been a loooooot of talk about this.

“Oh he’s black oh dear golly!”

“What? Black?”

What a bunch of assholes. Have you ever seen Attack the Block? Fucking awesome movie where John Boyega (black stormtrooper) kicks some serious alien ass. I was so pumped when John Boyega was announced for this movie. Perfect casting. John Boyega. THAT’S AN ALIEN BRUV BELIEVE ME!

Okay, next, idk who the hell this dude becomes, but Boyega would be great as either good or bad or even both. Kicks ass. Not gonna speculate because I don’t care either way.

Any Serikas does a bad-ass voice.

Did you hear the Probe Droid noise at the end?

ORIGINAL SOUND EFFECTS SWEEEET.

3

Okay, I don’t know how this freaking soccer ball droid works (BB-8 is apparently the name), but it’s real. An actual practical effect. That means it’s actually rolling around like that. No CGI. Like you can drive that thing. HOW IS THAT NOT COOL AS SHIT!? Anyone who complains about this bat shit crazy awesome droid needs to leave. I WANT TO DRIVE ONE AROUND. HELL, I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW THAT HEAD STAYS ON. MAGNETS? FUCK!

4

Ohhh nooooo! The Stormtroopers look DIFFERENT!!! THIS MOVIE WILL BE TERRIBLE NOW!

Oh wait, what’s that? Who gives a shit? Oh okay!

Look, I love the original Stormtroopers armor. If it didn’t cost 700+ dollars for a suit that may or may not fit you, I’d buy one and wear it around like a boss, but an actual Stormtrooper armor suit DOES cost 700+ dollars and MAY not fit you, so I’m not getting one just yet (rather would have a Boba Fett replica suit anyway). That being said, I’m not bent out of shape that the helmets look slightly MORE BAD-ASS. Anyone who’s upset that they don’t look exactly the same as they did from a movie set 30 years in the past is a FOOL. A DOWNRIGHT FOOL.

Like, you’re going to sit there and tell me uniforms don’t change over the years?

size0

Okay next one.

5She’s hot.

Next.

6

Here’s a dude piloting an X-Wing. I’m not going to go over uniform updates again since I just did that, but this one looks more bad-ass yet again, so there you go. People seemed to go crazy over this part. I mean, X- Wings are cool, but they’re honestly not THAT great. Tie Fighters are more awesome in my opinion. Still, it’s GREAT to see an actual Star Wars vehicle coming back (more on that later). And they got the engine sound PERFECT. Can’t ask for much more.

7

Here it is. The big topic. The one everyone can’t just shut the fuck up about.

“This design doesn’t make sense!”

“This design is dumb!”

“This design isn’t efficient!”

“Women are just fine at driving!”

Literally nothing that has come out of the negative-nancy opinion club has changed my mind to think that this lightsaber isn’t BAD-ASS AS ALL FUCKING FUCK. Stephen Colbert can go ahead and defend the actual anatomy of the lightsaber and why it makes sense (very well in fact), I’m just going to go ahead and add that these dudes all have the force, so I’m sure they can swing this thing around without cutting off their own hand. Besides, who knows if it’s even a cross guard? Some say it’s a machine gun or something else. I’ve decided to not spoil this movie by looking for leaks, so I guess I’ll just WAIT FOR THE GOD DAMN MOVIE BEFORE I TALK SHIT ABOUT THE AWESOME LOOKING LIGHTSABER.

8

Oh HELL yeah. I had a feeling we’d see the Falcon, just as I thought we’d see the X-Wings. It was already shown in photos from the set that a full scale Millenium Falcon was built, same as the X-Wing. These things were spoiled, and knowing how little JJ likes to spoil things, it was obvious that there wouldn’t be too much new footage in the teaser. Still, super pumped to see the Falcon back in action, being chased by Tie Fighters, which make the COOLEST FUCKING NOISES EVER. GAH TIE FIGHTERS. And yes, new radar for the Falcon. Very much good.

Wrap Up

Okay so here’s what I think:

First, this movie will be good. Why? Well, because after many many years, we finally have an acceptable, new start wars movie, not so much because the original cast is back, but more because the original universe is back. The prequels were Star Wars, but they didn’t FEEL like Star Wars. No Tie Fighters, no X-Wings, heck, the whole style of the galaxy was way different. I know that styles change (Thinking Art Nouveau vs Art Deco vs the 60’s vs the 70’s etc), but when I think of the prequel I think of that silver ship that they flew on when they traveled to Tattooine. It was shiny, smooth and… odd. All CGI and smoothed over. No substance.

This has the FEEL of Star Wars, and I think it can be best summarized with the HOT GIRL screenshot from above. It’s Tattooine, there’s junk all over the place, and she’s riding a real clunker. Here now are picture to express my feelings:

Star Wars:

wallsNot:

notEither you get it or you don’t. BYE.