Been a Minute…

It happens to everyone at some point. But I always thought it would happen to everyone else. CERTAINLY not to me. My will-power and determination to stick with something is too strong. No. CERTAINLY I would not suffer the slings and arrows of a typical “blogger: (which, of course, I am not, since this isn’t a blog, it’s an ISSS).

Image result for Anime deadpan pissed

This has nothing to do with the pos- wtf is this even wtf?

I would be popping posts, kicking ass, and taking names on this beautiful ISSS until the day I die! Nothing would stand in my way! I REFUSE to be one of those people who make the post about “life getting in the way LOL!” Even the phrase “life getting in the way” sounds stupid. Like a general coming of age blogger cliche that everyone says at one point when they “mature” or “grow up.” As a member of the United Stated Education system, I simply don’t have time for bullshit like that.

Anyway, as it happens, I woke up one day and realized, “Holy shit, I really haven’t posted anything on good ole Eye Sedso in ages!” The result?

I continued not post anything for like 2 years until that Pokemon Go post and a few other filler posts.

But lately, nostalgia and longing reared their heads and here I sit. At work. Nothing to do. Typing up the draft that I planned on writing years ago. Something more than a 2 second blurb about Pokemon Go.

I refuse to say “life got in the way” to explain my lack of posts for the same reason I refuse to acknowledge that this ISSS is actually a blog. I’m stubborn to a fault of idiocy. Or maybe I’m such an idiot that I become blindly stubborn? Who cares. Not you I’d bet. The fact is, I’ve done a lot in the last few years.

EDIT: At this point I have started drinking some whisky. Pretty nice whisky too. Fuck you.

OSJKv vbibne zUIOsdfvio edbijwi cnuisdnsdi fuck.

EDIT II: At this point I have sobered up from the whisky.

So ANYWAY. It’s been a minute (title drop) since I posted, so let me catch all of you people up, who have accidentally arrived at my site for searching for “hentai boob ass” or some perverted shit. Seriously what the fuck is going on with my search terms lately?

Anyway, I now proudly (sort of) present…

THINGS THAT GLOTHELEGEND HAS BEEN DOING (for a minute?)

1. MARRIAGE

Image result for anime marriage

I have no context here. WTF is going on?

Whooaaaaaaaaa WTF??? How the FUCK can some idiot like Glothelegend find someone to actually MARRY HIS DORK ASS???? SERIOUSLY! DUDE IS LAME AS FUCKKKKKKK.

Oh, welcome back Voice of Reason. Kindly go fuck yourself as I explain. Finding a wife was EASSSSYYYY. I simply applied the SIMPLE STEPS that some BRILLIANT person once spoke of, and GAME ON. I had my pick! In a crazy, M. Night Shyamalan turn of events, it was actually HER that brought be back to this ISSS, because she had questions on how to create a blog. Strange thing too. You take a few years off and suddenly free wordpress is like a foreign machine. I can’t even figure out how to change the names on my blog roll. Most of those blogs are fucking GONE. Sad. Anyway, maybe I’ll plug her blog if I feel like it.

Does she own your dick?

She’s got my dick but not my balls. BYAAAHH!

EDIT: Remember before when I said I sobered up from the whisky? I actually just kept drinking it, that was all for comedic effect… affect? Effect? I teach Art, not English Language Arts whatever nerds.

2. HOUSE BUY

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Not my real house. This one is much better condition.

That’s right, even as a lowly teacher, I was still able to save (lol at saving money) enough money (credit limit) to purchase a HUUUUUGE HOUSE (actually decent property that I like).

It came with an in-gound pool (half buried Koi-Pond) that I admittedly had to do some maintenance on (hence the half buried section of the previous statement), but everything is shaping up nicely (hello debt club of America).

Everything seems to be shaping up nicely! (Honestly, it is).

3. POKEMON!?!?

Image result for Pokemon master competition

NOT A REAL COMPETITION. No one has shots and no one has beers.

INTENDED PURPOSE: Get Drunk. Fun with the boys.

WHAT I DID: Super obsessive. Shouldn’t be around people.

Here’s an interesting one. I stopped playing Pokemon with Pokemon Yellow. For old Gray Block Game Boy (or Game Boy Color if you were a newbie show off. Us OGs were GRAY BLOC all DAY). I had no more games.

Anyway I get married, meet new people, and Low and Behold, Pokemon GO comes along and BLASTS THE FUCKING WORLD BACK TO 1999. NOSTALGIA EXPLOSION.

My newer friends say, “Hey we are going to try a Pokemon Competition for 20 bucks. We pick Pokemon for Gen 4 and raise them and play for 20 dollars.” I want to become friends because I’m socially awkward (used to be a link to a post but I deleted it after reading it, which I should do with probably 78 percent of all of the posts here). So I say YES.

Well fuck it.

I had to buy a new SP and a Gen 4 Game (Emerald).

And also, I am VERY, STUPIDLY, STUBBORNLY competitive. So that turned into…

EVERY Gen 3 game. EVERY Gen 4 game, and a DS and DS Lite.

First competition I lost because I didn’t have enough time. Now, I’ve taken over and ran train on these bitches so hard that every Pokemon feels like a fuckin drunk PAY DAY. (they’re Polish. We drink shots for every match).

It’s gotten so bad that I’ve started making fucking insane sharts (LOL) CHARTS. And even those have gotten nuts.

1st Chart

Chart 1

Most Recent Chart

Chart 2

Anyway, I’ve really gone off the rails here. I get WAY too obsessed with things. Yes, I make charts for the people I’m playing against and guess their moves and strategies this shit is a fucking DRUG.

EDIT: Glothelegend drank more whisky after saying this. And also eyedrops. Becauseeeee…

4. LASIK

Image result for Lasik

GAHHHH WTF IS THAT THING THEY DIDN’T DO THAT TO ME!!!!!

Yo EYE SEDSO got his fucking EYES LASEREEDDD.

EDIT: My wife just said to stop drinking and “I NEED TO EAT SOMETHING ALREADY DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING!?” She’s so good too me. I do all the cooking (because I LIKE to and I’m fucking GOOD AT IT).

Ladies, get your ass a man who can cook.

Anyway lasik. I recently found out on a Wednesday that my HSA will cover Lasik. My HSA containted… ENOUGH money to cover it. I had a procedure done LITERALLY THAT FRIDAY. LasikPlus was my ally in this quest, and they were fucking AWESOME. I SWEAR they all wanted to hook up with me. That’s how nice it was to be around them. They were all so incredibly personable, that I felt like they all wanted my D.

Obviously they didn’t REALLY want that (or did they?), but it felt nice to feel like I was their ONLY CONCERN during the process. (I should be a fucking CEO-MY-GAWWWD).

Anyway. If you’re considering Lasik, DO IT. SUPER EASY AND FAST (except for the extreme torture of burning eyes for 4 hours after the surgery that make you want to FUCKING DIE 19999043 times it sucks so fucking bad GOD)

But when the next day, you somehow can’t remember the pain, so did it really even exist. According to your wife, YES, YOU WERE AN ASSHOLE.

Anyway, I did it. Do it if you aren’t a bitch.

*NOTE: Getting ready for work literally takes 15 minutes less time. I’m not sure how since contacts take like 1 minute to put in but. That’s how it is.

DONE

Image result for bill the ass kicker

Bill Missed this shit. He kicked MY ASS.

You’ll be happy to know I’m done taking. But I’m not really. ANIME AND MANGA CATCH UP

FINALLY FINISHED CLAYMORE. FUCKING AWESOME REVIEW COMING HOLY SHIT THIS SHIT FINISHED IN 2014 OR SOMETHING.

NEW ANIME? WHAT’S THAT I’M FUCKING DUMB AND OUT OF TOUCH. REVIEW TO COME ON THAT NEVER SINCE I HAVEN’T SEEN ANY.

Hugs and kisses to you fuckin bitches!

(That’s my new slogan or whatever I found it while looking through my own posts so I literally made it up and it’s cooler than anything else I’ll ever make up including this blog ISSS, so there.)

 

The 3 BEST Tips for Pokemon Go

Click bait alert! And guess what? YOU FUCKING CLICKED!

Well you won’t regret it. These are actually great tips. One of which should be obvious but I haven’t seen it listed. Anyway that will be number 3 in my list. Here we go:

1. Eggs and Insense and Evolutions


Today I leveled up from 16 to 18, basically skipping through level 17 in 30 minutes while sitting on my pooper. No doubt you have realized that using a Lucky Egg is great for going on a catching rampage, and coupling that with some incense or a lure adds more pokemon chances, but you’ve been doing it wrong if you’re using a Lucky Egg this way. 

What you SHOULD BE doing is stockpiling a shit of candy and pokemon like weedles or who gives a shit so that when you DO use a lucky egg, you spend the ENTIRE TIME evolving pokemon. You’ll bounce up levels like a cocaine addict on a pogo stick. Some dude on reddit at level 30 doesn’t even use Lucky Eggs unless he has enough Pokemon stockpiled to last the entire 30 minutes evolving them. That’s nuts.

2. Pokestops You Bitch!

That’s not exactly… whatever.

Find a park or some shit where you can walk around in circles and just grabs stops. I visit such a park a lot. And it works out great because by the times I circle the park (which has like 15 pokestops), the first pokestop has reset so I can click it again. With a Lucky EGG attached, you can do some serious damage while getting items and catching Pokémon along the way. BUT. There is one thing you need to REALLY take advantage.

3. GOD DAMN BIKE VOUCHER

Okay you obviously can’t get a Bike Voucher in THIS Pokémon game, but if you aren’t biking all over the place, YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT.
Not only can you visit 80 billion pokestops quickly, but those eggs you hatch like the 2, 5, or 10 km eggs give you a ton of shit besides the pokemon. I got a level 1000 Magmar yesterday. You can hatch a 2 km egg on 30 minutes at the most (just don’t go too fast).

Fuck, I’ll put my phone in my pocket and just go on a bike ride and all my eggs hatch I don’t even have to do anything. I’ve probably hatched 15-20 eggs so far and I just downloaded this shit 6 days ago (I’ve also biked 25 miles a day).

Worried about Pokémon that you wanna catch? You’ll see twice as many, nay, THRICE as many because you can cover way more ground than walking. Caught a Drawing today, ironically, not with a bike, but I digress.

Biking.

Is.

The.

Shit.

Do it.

Frankly, the game SHOULD have a Bike option where you can up the speed. For example, your eggs won’t hatch if you’re driving a car, but a bike can sometimes go pretty fast, too fast to count towards hatching an egg. I wish they had a Bike Voucher that let you go ten or so MPhil faster and have it still count toward hatching an egg. I LIKE TO BIKE FUCK WALKING IT’S BORING.

Did I miss any tips? List em if you got em! 

I typed this shit on my phone it sucked.

Pokemon Go Fuck Yourself

Is this app FUCKING awesome? Well,no shit. When it’s working. But THIS SHIT IS STARTING TO DRIVE ME NUTS.

Holy God Gyarados, get the FUCK off my screen and get my ass to the POKEMON.

I don’t know about you guys out there, but seeing my God damn 1 Pidgey that I need in order to evolve my other Pidgeotto into a Pidgeot freeze or error every time I toss a pokeball at it drove me nuts. 

And sometimes it will be working great until I walk toward a park or area that actually has interesting shit to do.

Or the time I used a lucky egg and incense at the same time and it conveniently shut off ONLY for the 30 minutes my two items worked for.

Or how RIGHT NOW I need to walk basically across my room in order to hatch that 10 km egg (they always give good shit except my last one which was a dumb Evee. I’ve got so many Vaporeons and Flareons and Joltons idk what to do). Anyway, the shit crashes. I’ve walked 9.98 kms or something. Insane.

Still, PRETTY FUCKING GREAT TIME TO BE ALIVE POKEMON IS BACK. Now vote Gary Johnson for President instead of those other assholes and we’ll be on the up and up!

Video is hilarious. Currently level 18.

Is the World Ending?

Like seriously. What the fuck is going on??? People get shot. Guns are the problem! People get run over by trucks. Where’s the shouting about trucks!? 

Sorry that’s really not the issue here. STOP HURTING EACH OTHER. WHAT THE FUCK. LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK!?!??@?!?!?

THERE’S NO “HE SAID SHE SAID” OR “THEY STARTED IT” BULLSHIT, THAT DOESN’T MATTER EITHER SIDE. STOP. FUCKING. DOING IT.

JUST STOP IT.
FUCKING MORONS YOU’RE FUCKING IDIOT DUMB FUCKS STOP.

I AM PISSED. 

FUCKING DUMB PEOPLE FUCK. 

  • I’m like… disappointed to be a human being right now make me a dog or something respectable maybe garbage that’s an improvement like WHAT THE FUCK.

I’m Back For a Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst Review!

Image result for Mirror's Edge Catalyst

Hint: It’s good.

Awwww shit son here we go again! GlotheMuthaFuckinLegend returns from the fucking grave to review a game he’s been looking forward to since 2000-fuckin-8. Mirror’s Edge is the SOLE REASON why I purchased an XBOX 360. Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst is the 2ND REASON why I purchased a Playstation 4 (Uncharted Series is the other reason).

First we need to discuss the issues that were present with the 1st Mirror’s Edge:

  • Too Fucking Short
  • Sometimes you would do something like jump and Faith would do some fucking stupid other shit instead.
  • Too Fucking Short

I really enjoyed everything about the game. The atmosphere, the music, the design, the controls….. It was a great fucking game, but too fucking short. I didn’t even mind the guns or the linear gameplay to be honest. Well guess what? Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst, which I will refer to now as MEC, had all of that good shit and more. I’ll try and keep it short to a few important talking points. First,

The Good

1.) The City

Image result for Mirror's Edge Catalyst city

Well NO FUCKING SHIT the city is going to kick ass. It kicked a hell of a lot of ass in the first one and now after 80 bajillion years of development you better believe that this city is going to be a beacon of  art. However, the sheer size and of the city, as well as the different areas, are what really shine. There’s a ton of room to run around, from vents to high rooftops, to people’s fucking apartments to underground to anywhere else you can think of, there’s almost an infinite of possibilities in a given place of where you can run, jump, or swing to. In other words, it is intricate as fuck. It is also beautiful as fuck. There’s several different sections that all have a different appearance yet similar feel of “damn this is a modern city like none can imagine.” And what else is great about the size?

2.) Open World I Love You

Dude.png

This dude needs to you take a canister across the city in less than 2 minutes. Well maybe instead of standing around for 5 days procrastinating you should get that shit done!

I enjoyed the linear game play of the first ME, but the open world of MEC is OUTSTANDING. You can run to a mission to accept it, and then it becomes similar to the Mirror’s Edge linear game play of old, but you can also…. you know… not do that, and instead go find shit like Secret Bags (yeah we still have the bags stored all over the city), steal electronic shit, hit up some gold balls or some shit like that, do runs for people who are too lazy to do runs themselves so they stand in one spot on a rooftop all day and night for their whole lives until you help them, or do some cool ass side missions. But the best part are the main missions. VERY awesome visually and DEFINITELY re-playable. Just like the first one, there are some really cool cut scenes filled with adrenaline pumping action. In fact, I wish there were more.

One of the most awesome things about this set up is that you can place Beats for other people to find online, create your own time trials for the world and you friends to try, and do a whole bunch of other cool shit that rules. Hell, you can even create your own gamer-tag and name and colors and stuff with things that you get from completing missions and side-stuff. Of course, I don’t have any friends, so I didn’t do much of this. I’m a FUCKING LOSER.

Anyway, it really is addicting finding stuff and searching for new ways to get around. You may also run into some Kruger-Sec guards, both guys and girls which is cool, that you need to fight. Of course…

3.) No Guns

mirrorsedgecatalyst7

This guy is a little bitch. Two kicks to the face and he’s done. Oh, you can kick people in the face.

Let me rephrase. YOU can’t use guns, but THEY can. There are several different types of guards that can do different shit.Like some just get their asses kicked, others get there asses kicked but can fight back slightly, others shoot at you, some dudes have like a power Helloboy arm thing which is cool, and others are actually okay at fighting and taking a punch. Overall, it’s more challenging and WAY more fluid. Flying wall kick your way to freedom and smack enemies into each other. Something I go out looking for trouble. AWESOME.

4.) Upgradddeeesss

UPGRAYD

She looks like such a pouty bitch. That’s a negative of this version. And her voice was different. Meh.

EVERY GAME SHOULD HAVE UPGRADES. This game has some AWESOME things added from the previous ME. LIST:

  • Magrope – I thought it sounded stupid. How is this free running? Wow I’m dumb. I was 100$ WRONG. IT IS AWESOME. You can upgrade based on points to different abilities (using it to pull walls down, swinging, or jacking yourself up a big wall). It’s a new dynamic to the original game that I loved.
  • Disrupter – Basically an EMP in your hand it’s fun as hell ruining every security camera in the city. Like I beat the game and now I’m just going around finding stuff and ruining everything. It’s a great time I think everyone can agree. This thang right here can also make the Kruger-Sec fools get a blast of noise in their ears then puts them down for the count while you GTFO of there.
  • Movement and Fighting – You also get upgrades for different moves you can do like wall runs and double wall runs as well as fighting abilities. Nice.

I’ve said if before, having upgradable anythings in video games keeps people hooked. Assassin’s Creed, Tomb Raider… there’s hundred of examples. It works for MEC, but I wish there were MORE things to upgrade and get. Faith’s outfits, more abilities for your glove things, types of grip for shoes and gloves maybe, speed attributes… there’s a lot more that could’ve been done, but in order to spend time building up these abilities, it would have helped to actually HAVE more time, which bring us too……..

The Bad

1.) Length of the Main Mission

uhhuunbu

Is that… the end of the game? Already? Well then.

The same thing that plagued the first version also is true with Mirror’s Edge Catalyst. The Main Mission is SHORT. Literally almost the same length as the first Mirror’s Edge. For a comparison, Uncharted 4 (awesome game) was about 4 or 5 times as long. At least it seemed like it. Not to say that the story wasn’t good or entertaining, because it was. Just… fuck man make it twice as long and I’d be happy.

The saving grace here is that when you add in all of the side missions, it ends up being a large amount of time spent beating it. Though still not as long as an Uncharted game or a Tomb Raider (good games). I WANT MORE.

2.) Story

GENERIC. NEXT.

3.) Faith

Faith was AWESOME in the original Mirror’s Edge. I got used to the look of the character and the voice and the personality. Though to be fair, I also have beaten it so many times that I have it all memorized. OBVIOUSLY we get a younger, more immature Faint in MEC (it’s a prequel/reboot after all and she’s younger), but I felt like Faith… kinda sucked. She was just in a shitty mood all game. Never smiled. In fact, EVERYONE was in a shitty mood. What a bunch of fucking DOWNERS. Throw some kind of jokes in there! OH YOU TRIED TO DO THAT WITH PLASTIC. IT SORT OF WORKED, EXCEPT IT DIDN’T. Sure you throw a great “twist” in the story, but the reveal is done so boringly that it doesn’t even matter. UGH. Faith sounded dumb too should’ve kept the first voice actor.

END RESULT

Listen. I love to talk shit about stuff. It’s EASIER. But all flaws considered, I can keep playing MEC all year and not buy another game and be fine with it. It’s a pretty sick ass game all things considered. I would have been better if I wrote it but what can you do we aren’t all geniuses. Anyway, as generic as the story was (most origin stories are pretty generic anyway), a sequel would be INSANELY AWESOME. Just like the first Mirror’s Edge. Here’s hoping they actually make a sequel to this one instead of rebooting it again.Fucking reboots man just stop doing them.

FINAL GRADE = 5*

I almost forgot my fucking stupid grading system.

 

Wait…They Finally Did a 2nd Season of Durarara!?!?

Hello and happy new year! This ISSS has officially dragged on for another year, hanging on by a thread of the thread that used to be my anime addiction.

Celty is awesome.

image

Okay anyway, all of my current anime is basically whatever is on Netflix. And the other day I see

DURARARA!! X2″ NEW EPISODES

WHAT. HAVE. I. BEEN. MISSING.

I have been clamoring for a new season forever, and it figures that now, after I get a real fucking life and shit and a real fucking job and shit that all sorts of awesome shit comes out (btw I teach kids lololol I’m molding my own army of the future lololol)

So what do I do with this news? Well duh I’m gonna watch it but dumb ass me forgot fucking everything so I have started rewatching this awesome show FUCK I’M STARVING WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GIRLFRIEND WE’RE SUPPOSED TO GO GET STEAKS FUCK.

Fuck it.

The Seven Deadly Sins A FIRST IMPRESSION POST!?!?!?!??

Yo check it out- I just bought a BIGASS SHIT TON OF GOOD ASS CANDY 50% OFF AT BIG Y. HALLOWEEN LEFTOVERS TASTE GREAT WHEN THEY’RE CHEAP AS SHIT. AND I’M TALKING REESES AND SNICKER AND SHIT NOT THAT DOLLAR STORE CRAP. REAL PREMIUM SHIT. ALRIGHT LET’S GET THIS IMPRESSIONS POST DONE WITH.

Oh hi there. Here is a show. I have started watching it. It has a talking pig. The pig is fat. There is also a much fatter, much larger green pig. It has a bar on the top. This show is definitely a winner..

Here’s the real deal. Netflix has officially entered the anime ring as if produced this “Netflix original” (in quotes for reason). Maybe it’s because I haven’t really watched anime in over a year or something close to that, but I am finding this show pretty cool. I mean, we have a huge ass dude with a mustache right off the bat.

He even has his own catch phrase and it’s pretty cool. Conclusion – This dude rules.

Dude is huge and cool. Dude gets his ass handed to him right off the bat which kind of sucks. What doesn’t suck is this kid.

Overall this show seems kind of generic is areas, but it has ONE thing that I love:

OVER THE TOP ACTION

It’s reminiscent at time of Gurren Lagann, albeit with a different artistic style. I’m sure you freaks out there are already done with this show since the whole season came out at once in typical Netflix style, but I’m not the freak that I once was, so this is simply my first “First Impressions” post in a long time.

Who says I’m dead?

 

Hi Rob. Hi Joe.