The Two Main Problems With Kotoura-san

Kotouta-san is a show I picked up completely randomly, only because it was on Crunchyroll, and I felt like picking something random up. As of now, it looks like a solid 4, decent, but not mind-blowing no fucking way is this a 4. Sometimes it’s pretty good, other times it’s a shitty pile of garbage. This is too bad, because it could’ve been amazing with it’s concept. Still a solid show though.

This scene was really funny when I watched it, but now it only serves as a way to explain this anime as a whole.

This scene was really funny when I watched it, but now it only serves as a way to explain this anime as a whole. Though, I probably will forget this tragedy.

Let me retract a bit of that last paragraph. What killed this show was time. The longer it ran, the more repetitive it became. Okay, Manabe is a pervert. We know that. Okay people hit him when he thinks of something perverted (which by the way is totally fucked up. It is not who we are, but what we do that defines us, and he may think of some everyday not really all that perverted stuff, but he doesn’t act on it). This is an anime that embodies laziness and “here let’s make this an anime because whatever who cares.” It’s too bad, because the premise could be done soooooo well. Anyway, I’m not going to talk about that. Let’s get deeper.

Two glaringly big problems.

The First Problem: Kotoura’s Personality

Umm...

Hiss 2

Yeahhh....

These pictures have nothing to do with her personality. I just liked this scene.

In the first half of the first episode, we’re introduced to Kotoura’s childhood, which shows her upbringing from a happy child with friends and a great, loving family. Her mind reading eventually tears her family apart, her mom tells her she wishes she was never born, her friends call her a monster and hate her, and she can’t even take care of a God damn cat without someone yelling at her and telling her that she’s a piece of shit.

Then she transfers schools and finds friends relatively easily (I mean, normal, non-mind-reading people can have a harder time). Suddenly she’s happy in a normal life.

Except that would never play out like that.

Kotoura’s been shit on by life from the time she was in 1st grade (guessing the age here based on appearance). Think about it. If you had had literally zero happiness in your life for most of your upbringing, you’d be pretty fucked in the head by the time you were in High School.

Realistically, I see three possible outcomes of the result of Kotoura’s tortured life.

  1. She uses her mind-reading spells to destroy/own the world. A big “fuck you” to all the people who put her down.
  2. Mass murder of some kind at Kotoura’s hand. She’s pissed and wants everyone to pay.
  3. Suicide at an early age. After years of nothing but misery, she’s come to terms with the facts that she can’t win in life.

However, Kotoura is relatively upbeat considering her shit life. My life is not NEARLY as shitty as hers, and I’ve still managed to become molded into a cynical asshole, so I know what I’m talking about.

Kotoura would be fucked up in the head, not a happy go lucky person who has a sense of humor and is otherwise normal like she is.

The Second Problem: The Other People

This was in reference to Kotoura's mother, who is a piece of shit forever no matter what.

This was in reference to Kotoura’s mother, who is a piece of shit forever no matter what.

I have been in school longer than anyone reading this, and let me tell you, nobody bullies people the way Kotoura has gotten bullied. For example, when she throws up, people write shit all over the place making fun of her for throwing up.

Yeah, like they’ve never thrown up before. Most people in that situation would probably be sympathetic toward Kotoura. Take her to the nurse and shit like that. Then again who knows. Maybe people in Japan are dicks.

And how about her parents? There’s no way her mom would disown and leave her only daughter like that. I mean really? So your daughter can read minds. Big fucking deal. You know what you could do, is educate your daughter about what she should say and shouldn’t say when she hears people’s thoughts crawl into her head? BE A FUCKING PARENT FOR ONCE YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

And okay, at the end she suddenly was… fuck I don’t even know what. Kotoura forgives her because she’s a fucking idiot. The mom still abandoned her child. There’s not one single excuse she can have that’s even close to valid.

And on that matter, if it was discovered that Kotoura could read minds, she’d be a fucking superstar faster than you could say “Honey Boo Boo and her family should be put down.” She’d be famous, on all sorts of shows, gawked at like she was in a zoo. 15 years later, she’d be in rehab for coke.

She would be Lindsey Lohan, one of the lowest form of humanity.

Vengeance is a dish best served...with a pillow.

Vengeance is a dish best served…with a pillow.

But hey. It’s an anime.

UPDATE:

I almost forgot to give the grade!

FINAL GRADE = 3

(Click Here For grading Scale)

Bill gave Kotoura-san a swift kick to the throat.

Bill gave Kotoura-san a swift kick to the throat.

GIRLS und PANZER Pulled a Sneaky Sneak on Me

I came into Girls und Panzer expecting a whole bunch of shit. After all, it’s a typical “anime with all girl cast driving tanks.” What a dumb premise for a show.

Well I’m wrong again, because Girls und Panzer snuck up on my and shoved a 128mm up my ass.

Girls und Panzer

The Rabbit Team isn't my favorite group of characters, but their logo is definitely the best.

The Rabbit Team isn’t my favorite group of characters, but their logo is definitely the best.

After the first episode I was ready to drop this show like a shit in the toilet. But that’s why I have my 4 episode test drive rule.

4 Episode Test Drive Rule – A show must be watched for at least 4 episodes before it can be declared bad enough to be dropped.

And by the 3rd episode, I saw I had a gem. Like a fine wine, or a piece of coal, this show got better with age. As it turns out, this was the first show in probably over a year that I watched in one day. 12 episodes. One day. I’m proud of myself. And what’s better, I want more. What show is next? My love for anime has been rekindled, and I’m horny to start procreating with all sorts of unwatched shows.

I love the 1st person perspectives, both from the tanks, and from the time when Yukari infiltrated that other school, which was totally badass.

I love the 1st person perspectives, both from the tanks, and from the time when Yukari infiltrated that other school, which was totally badass.

Girls und Panzer was good for a lot of reasons, but one thing I liked a lot was the switch in perspectives. The 1st person perspective from the tank’s point of view was something new and fun. In fact, I could sit here all day and watch a tank roll around, drift around buildings, and blast the shit out of enemies. Girls und Panzer above all else was just really fun to watch. And of course, any show with plans and schemes will always kick ass.

Smokey Smokes plan? Okay, I admit, I like the dumb plan names. God I'm a loser.

Smokey Smokes plan? Okay, I admit, I like the dumb plan names. God I’m a loser.

The plans were awesome. The perspectives were awesome. I even liked the characters. There was one thing that I didn’t like though.

All of the parents were pieces of shit

We were introduced to two mothers and one grandmother, which leads me to believe that all of these girls either came from broken homes, or their fathers died in some sort of fiery bear accident (Update: I forgot about Yukari’s parents, because they were actually awesome). Regardless, there isn’t a single male figure in any of these girls lives (aside from that one servant guy). I can deal with the fact that this show was feminist in nature, in fact I kinda liked it. What I didn’t like was Miho’s mother, who is a bitch with no love for anything.

Oh you clapped for your daughter? Congrats, you're still a piece of shit.

Oh you clapped for your daughter? Congrats, you’re still a piece of shit.

Miho’s mother completely disowned her daughter. Why? What atrocity did Miho perform to get such a punishment?

She saved a few lives.

And she got not only disowned, but her shit mother wanted her destroyed for daring to take part in Tankery every again. If I were Miho, I’d have stuck it to her after beating her at her own game. I’d stand up in front of the crowd and tell the world what a shit mother she was. And the same goes for her sister. Heartless bitches the both of them.

Hey, way to be supportive of your daughter you selfish bitch. She may have come around eventually, but that doesn't excuse the fact that she's still selfish and unsupportive..

Hey, way to be supportive of your daughter you selfish bitch. She may have come around eventually, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that she’s still selfish and unsupportive..

Then of course there’s Hana, who was a great artist of Flower Arrangements, which has got to be the dumbest freaking thing I’ve ever heard of. She can put flowers in a vase, big fucking whoop. And yet her mother gets all bent out of shape and disowns her because she decided to take Tankery instead of Flower Arranging as her School Club. And the thing that really makes her a bitch is that Hana was only taking Tankery to get better at arranging flowers. And you know what? It worked. She became an expert of putting flowers in a vase. Suck a dick Mom.

It's not necessarily what she said, but the way she says them that makes this granny nearly unbearable.

It’s not necessarily what she said, but the way she says them that makes this granny nearly unbearable.

Then there’s Mako’s old grandmother, who’s clearly bitter about the fact that she’s about to die any day. My grandma was the same way before she died. She became angry and yelled at everyone all day. She also became racist, but that’sneither here nor there. All Mako’s grandma does is bitch out Mako for no reason.  What did Mako ever do to you? I mean, the poor girl. Her mother is dead, and she feels terrible about the fact that the last thing she said to her mom was the tail end of an argument, and all you do is yell at her. And the only time you say anything good about her is when she isn’t listening. Stop being an old bitch.

The End Result

Of all the teams, the hippo team is the best.

Of all the teams, the hippo team is the best.

This anime was a blast off of greatness. Not much more to say on the subject other than I enjoyed it a LOT. I’d take an anime like this any day, and in a way, this reminded me a lot of Strike Witches without all the shittiness. Definitely worth a watch. I’d give it a

FINAL GRADE = 5*

(Click here for Grading System)

Bill the Ass Kicker

Bill got his ass blown up by the Rabbit Team’s American M3 Lee.

PS: The Opening was addictive. What made it good were the short stringed instruments at the end

The Pet Girl of Sakurasou – If You Didn’t Watch It Yet, You’re a Fuckass

Why what how huh? What makes this anime good?

Well to answer that question I’ll ask another question… Who doesn’t like good anime?

That makes literally less than zero sense.

I am extremely over tired and my eyhes arenth evan oapen as I ytpe this eyes were shut when I typed that but then I opened them again to type this because apparently I suck at typing with my eyes closed… or open for that matter because it took me almost a minute to type that last part of this paragraph because of correcting all the spelling errors. Let me restart this tomorrow…

.       .       .       .       .

Okay, it’s now tomorrow!

No it’s not.

Okay it’s not…

.       .       .       .       .

[at a later date after sleep was successfully performed by glothelegend]:

The Pet Girl of Sakurasou

This show wasn't "ecchi" at all.

This show wasn’t “ecchi” at all.

It’s now several days later, and after watching the entire show, I’ve sort of flipped my tune on this one. Pet Girl is kind of your generic piece of shit show with occasional ecchi moments and misconceptions about the incredibly average male main character when he gets into accidental/awkward sexual situations that arise from no fault of his own, except I enjoyed the shit out of it, and that was because of the zaniness that the characters give off.

Pet Girl was the one anime I’ve actually been keeping up with this season, and you probably didn’t know that because I don’t update this ISSS at all, and you don’t read it. Regardless, J.C. Staff proved once again why it’s my favorite studio.

Characters

Fat titted whore not included.....to be honest she wasn't really a whore a all, and I'm pretty sure she didn't even have the biggest tits on the show. Oh well.

Fat titted whore not included…..to be honest she wasn’t really a whore a all, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t even have the biggest tits on the show. Oh well.

Kanda – The generically average male lead with no special qualities other than having girls fall on him in provocative ways (this really doesn’t happen as much as I’m leading on). That being said, his character has some life, determination, and is NOT A PUSSY! (yesssss).

Shiina – Super talented artist who is talented despite not knowing how to properly hold a brush for her entire life. Also shows literally no emotion which I always like. She is also literally too dumb to dress herself or do anything at all for herself.  However, she’s fucking awesome due to her typical clueless personality, which displays some flashes of comedic personality and knowledge. Just enough to not make them seem forced.

Ayoyama – The female equivalent to Kanda. She had no special qualities, other than her above average breasts and gigantic crush on our completely average male lead, Kanda. She want’s to be a voice actress, which to my knowledge is a shit career in terms of money. Then again, I’m somehow a teacher.

Misaki – Completely bat-shit insane girl who is an anime prodigy. She is also bat-shit insane, and if she were a real life person, she would have no friends, because as I mentioned, she’s bat-shit insane. Her unrequited love for Jin goes unnoticed to everyone named Jin. For real though, her and Jin’s romantic situation is reason alone to watch this show.

Jin – Literally fucks all of the girls who don’t live in the hall. His unrequited love for Misaki goes unnoticed to everyone named Misaki, although if he really loved her, maybe he shouldn’t be fucking every girl he meets. Just sayin.

Akasaka – Computer prodigy who hides in his room throughout most of the show. When he is finally revealed, it’s tough to figure out if he is a girl with a manly voice or a man with hair that no man should have (down past his knees I don’t think it’s even possible for a guy to grow his hair that long by that age). Fears women.

Chihiro – Slutty sensei who drinks beer. Very generic character, tries to seduce men in the first episode with her giant bust. She does level out and shows some good qualities. I enjoyed her overall.

For a master painter, she doesn't really know shit does she?

For a master painter, she doesn’t really know shit does she?

There was one glaring error that I noticed in episode 9, that most likely no one else noticed, and also isn’t really even an error, but I feel like making it out to be an error, so there you go.

Oh, ignore this next paragraph if you really don’t give a fuck about art or painting tips.

I suck at painting, but anyone who is good at painting can tell you that the proper way to hold a brush when you’re painting is at the end. The last thing you want to do is hold the brush close to the tip. This allows you to stand farther away from the painting when you paint, which in turn allows you to view the entire painting instead of just one little section. Why is this important? When you can see the entire painting, you’re less likely to make errors in the painting’s composition. Not only is Mashiro breaking the rule of where to hold the brush, but she’s also standing way to close to the painting. I’ve been in 1049204934 painting and drawing classes, and even though I suck at both (I am more of a ceramics guy), I can still tell you that these two rules make you 305839 times better at drawing/painting whatever it is you’re drawing/painting. And those numbers are exact, by the way.

Of course, that is such a small, minor, completely insignificant detail, it’s a wonder I even brought it up.

This was the best OP of the two. Still, nothing special.

As I’ve said, the beginning of the story was filled with a lot of generic bullshit like half naked girls falling on Kanda, and then other girls conveniently seeing this and calling him a pervert or some shit like that. There were some funny moments with the way that female characters (Shiina) would word things so that it seemed as though Kanda was plowing them in his spare time, but over all Pet Girl started off looking like a show that was filled with a lot of general bullshit.

I also felt like towards the middle of the series, the show tried too hard to get dramatic and emotional when Shiina’s big-titted English whore-friend came and visited. They did a GREAT job getting dramatic toward the end of the show, but the whole big-titted-jealous-friend arc was a bit out of place. I will say, however, that it had a big impact on later events to come, so it was sort of necessity, because the ending was so good that even I got choked up and teary eyed, which is pretty hard to do not as hard to do as it used to be.

What really made this show great was the realism and connectivity to the characters and story. Just enough backstory to get you invested, just enough random shit to keep it interesting. And a FANTASTIC recap ending of crying.

I am powerless against ALL tears.

I am powerless against ALL tears.

Yes, perfect amount of girls crying. You KNOW that’s my weak point right?

Realistically, this show should probably get a 5, but because of the well timed and not too out of control comedy, interesting characters, and plotline that kept me coming back for more, I’m throwing The Pet Girl some catnip and giving it a

FINAL GRADE = 5*

(Click to see my Grading Scale)

Bill got his ass SAT ON BY A CAT.

Bill got his ass SAT ON BY A CAT.

BTOOOM Was Pretty Fuckin Rad Because It Was Just Like The Hunger Games

That’s right cuz, I’m usin’ 90′s slang like “rad,” just because I’m so fly. Or old. I must be old, since I was actually alive during the time period when 90′s slang was used (the 90′s). Anyway, I watch BTOOOM in two sittings a few weeks back. Guess what?

It was…..explosive?

Okay, all puns aside, BTOOOM really was the bomb. Shit wait.

Okay, NO MORE puns I PROMISE. BTOOOM was a dynamite show that you shou- SHIT.

. . . . .

BTOOOM = IS LIKE A HOMING MISSILE

Wow that one didn’t even make sense.

BTOOOM!

Island

Oh by the way, extremely minor spoilers of Catching Fire (2nd book of the Hunger Games series).

At first, I thought that BTOOOM was going to be similar to shit like hack//sign or Sword Art Online (which I only watched one episode of so I can’t really judge). In other words, I expected some sort of “Oh! We’re playing an online game!” type of thing. I’m not a fan of those types of shows.

However, it was closer to Hunger Games than it was to any online shit. In fact, it was almost exactly like Hunger Games. I guess I should now compare it to Hunger Games huh?

Comparisons to Hunger Games I Guess…

  • A bunch of people in an isolated environment where they have to kill each other in order to survive.
  • Some people make alliances at first.
  • People are sort of watching/controlling the whole spectacle

I’m sure I could find more, but what really married all of these points together was the fact that they were on an island, just like in the second Hunger Games book, and that above all else is why it reminded me of Hunger Games.

The second book of the Hunger Games Trilogy, Catching Fire, is my favorite. Therefore, when I say that BTOOOM reminds me of it, what I’m basically saying is that BTOOOM was awesome, ya diggin’ at what I’m sayin? Werd.

What really made BTOOOM awesome (besides the backstabbing and murdering that comes with being stuck in a fight to the death situation), was the relationships that pre-exist between some of the characters, as well as the back stories that they share. I don’t want to give too much away, but actually yes I do, so SPOILER ALERT:

btooom

If you get married in a video game, that’s kind of weird. Nevertheless, our main character, Sakamoto, does just that. Sakamoto is already a badass in the game world of BTOOOM, so he could get any bitch he wants really, and he happens to marry this girl, Himiko. They never met in real life, so it’s clear that this marriage is about as real as the marriage between kluxorious and I. Well, maybe more so because they somehow had a ceremony.

That’s one thing that really irked me. How can you have a ceremony and all that? Like, when they showed Sakamoto in the game, he would sometimes get reactions from Himiko based on grabbing her hand or something, but it’s not like she could feel him grabbing her hand, so what the fuck is that all about?

It’s an anime, chill out.

True story bro, True story. (90′s slang!)

Anyway, what are the odds that the first time they see each other is on this island of fighting to the death? As it turns out, the odds are 100%. CRAZY. Then there’s Himiko’s rape story and all that other shit….. Can I just talk about my favorite character now?

Go for it.

Good.

The Krazy Killing Kid

Best Character

Name: Kousuke Kira
Age: 14
Blood Type: AB
Works: None
Home: Tokyo
Bim Type: Implosion type

In real life, psychotic killers are not cool. They’re should be locked up forever hitting rocks with a big hammer for no reason. Death penalty is the easy way out.

However, in anime, psychotic killers are awesome and crazy, and you can’t help but love to watch them kill everything around them. Kills people. He laughs about it. Why? Because he had a shit father. Let that be a lesson to all potential dads out there.

BE A GOOD DAD OR YOUR SON WILL MURDER EVERYONE!

Unless you’re in an anime, then it’s fine because your son will be interesting to watch.

FINAL GRADE = 5

Grading Scale

BTOOOM the Bill Kicker

Bill should have ran. That timed mine kicked his ass.

Review – Hayate no Gotoku: Can’t Take My Eyes Off You

So what was so bad about this season that had everyone up in a huff? I mean besides the stupid title? I recently finished said series, and even though I cursed it into the ground at first, I came around and ended up thinking that it was a pretty solid show.

Hayate no Gotoku: Can’t Take My Eyes Off You

Can't take my eyes off you in the same way it's hard to look away from a horrific car accident or terribly ugly woman.

Can’t take my eyes off you in the same way it’s hard to look away from a horrific car accident or terribly ugly woman.

Let me first say that I think SynergySP/J.C. Staff did a WAYYY better job with Hayate no Gotoku than fucking Manglobe. Even the name “Manglobe” sounds stupid when compared with SynergySP and J.C. Staff. But to show you how my thoughts sort of shifted as the series progressed, I’m going to compare my initial thoughts about the show before I watched it and my thoughts at the end, because I’m always looking for new ways to write reviews.

Initial Thoughts:

Terrible character designs

Hayate: Hey Maria, don’t you think our necks are way too skinny?
Maria: Shut up and get a haircut; you look like a shaggy freak.

Manglobe? MANGLOBE!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!?!?!?!

J.C. Staff did such a good job last time with Hayate no Gotoku… Why is it suddenly Manglobe, the gayest name ever, in charge of this series? I mean, HAVE YOU SEEN THESE CHARACTER DESIGNS!?!?!?! WHAT IS THIS BULLLSHIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!?!?!?!?! THEY ARE GOING TO FUCK ALLL OF THIS UP!

And it doesn’t even have anything to do with the manga at all. That is STUPID. The first seasons worked, because they were awesome and zany, but this is going to just be a retarded piece of shit. Fuck and ass.

I’m pissed.

Final Thoughts:

Jenny really needs to be a recurring character.

Jenny really needs to be a recurring character…she wasn’t in this season.

You know? It wasn’t that bad really.

Thoughts I Had About the Series as a Whole:

This picture is a metaphor where I am represented by Hayate and the rest of the general public is represented by Tama. Get it?

This picture is a metaphor where I am represented by Hayate and the rest of the general public is represented by Tama. Get it?

  • The art/character designs pissed me off…at first. I mean, I really really REALLY hated them. But I guessed that I’d get used to them, and I was right. After a few episodes, I was already used to the new character designs, and wasn’t really bothered by them much. I tried to hate the animation, but it seems as though my brain only noticed all of the good things that the animation did, so I had zero gripes in the animation department.
  • This series is completely different from the other two series. The other two series are both 5^^ series for me. The reason is because of the random humor that each one exhibits. Take for example, the randomness of Jenny. Or the 4th wall breakage that is always so refreshing to see in a given episode. Most of this was missing from Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You. For example, there wasn’t much”Ah, what was that?’
    “Oh I bet the director just messed up.”
  • That being said, CTMEOY (because saying the whole title is a mouthful) is not without humor, but it’s much more focused on a single story, and there’s a lot more drama involved (like with the whole Nagi’s parents shit). Is there still strange crossdressing for no reason? Sure, but the randomness was not at the same level. To summarize: Randomnes was down, successful drama was up. So it all balances out sort of, but this was a totally different feel as far as Hayate goes, so much so that I didn’t even feel like I was watching Hayate at some points.
  • Get the fuck out of Las Vegas. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

All in all, CTMEOY wasn’t a bad series. Was it up to par with other Hayate series? No, but it was still a solidly good series that I enjoyed. So I’d give it a

FINAL GRADE = 5

(See Grading System Here)

Bill can't take his eyes off you!

Bill can’t take his eyes off you.

Extra

Currently, I have been reading Hayate no Gotoku the manga (I’ve really been going all out with Hayater lately), and I’m convinced that this manga reads my mind.

Every day that I read it, I would think the same things:

  • What chapter am I on?
  • How many chapters till I reach 100?

Just now, at 7:24 P.M. on January 3, 2013, I was on the last page of chapter 99. I thought, “Here we go!” and I clicked, and the first page of chapter 100 was:

100th chapter

HOW DID THEY KNOW I HAD BEEN WAITING!? This page was made just for me!

Can you really imagine anyone besides Rie Kugimiya as Nagi? I can’t. I love reading the manga after hearing the anime and being able to read the characters in their anime voices.

Maria is the best.

The end.

Mysterious Girlfriend X (anime) – Eye-fficial Review

Get it? Eye-fficial? Eye Sedso? Yeah it’s not that great, but neither is this shitty ISSS.

I’ve been raving about this show for ages, and even though Mysterious Girlfriend X wrapped up it’s series a while ago, I haven’t really gotten around to writing a review about it until now.

Mysterious Girlfriend X is one of the best manga of all time, along with maybe Gantz, and Shingeki no Kyojin, as well as a bunch of awesome yuri titles (Girlfriends, Sasameki Koto). Okay, holy shit, I read a lot of manga.

Anyway, Mysterious Girlfriend X is unlike any other typical romance story in that the couple is established in the first chapter, and that it doesn’t totally suck balls. I could talk about how awesome Urabe is or about the drool, but I think it’s important to first mention how everyone in this story is creepily possessive of things or people that they like, case in point, this conversation:

NO. THAT IS NOT NORMAL.

Please don’t think that this is the only time or that these are the only characters who do things like steal people’s hair and take it home to smell in the seclusion of their dark, slightly damp room. This story is filled with oddballs, and that’s just part of why Mysterious Girlfriend X is awesome. The other parts include panty scissors, strange bonds through transfer of drool, and leg-kick-restriction garter belts (not yet discussed in the anime, but still fucking awesome enough to be mentioned by me).

But hey, you’ve seen the anime, so, I’m not going to sit here and talk about the awesome story or it’s incredibly awesome lineup of characters who awesome. No. I am here to talk about how the Hoods Entertainment adaptation made me feel, and how it compared to the manga.

Initially, when I saw that Hood’s Entertainment was going to be producing this anime, I became nervous that they’d destroy the manga and turn it into some drool fan-service bullshit show like the rest of the shit that they’ve produced. But, fuck me with a garden hose if they didn’t pull off an amazing adaptation.

In my opinion, the art and animation was as good as an adaptation could have. The words “flawless” and “breathtaking” come to mind. Especially the sunsets and scenery. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that I loved the art from the manga in the first place. It has the feeling of a 1990′s anime, and I love that.

The voice actors fit their characters to a tee, and did tremendous jobs in their own rights, and the flow of the story-line fit in the episode to episode way that it was set up. If there was one thing that I could change it would be this:

Mysterious Girlfriend X as an anime was a bit more laid back and relaxed than the manga, and though that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I thought that the faster pacing of the manga made it more……fun. You see, while the anime was brilliant in it’s own right, a lot of humor that I found in the manga was kind of lost in the animated version. In my opinion, they focused more on character development and less on the funny, zany things that happen. That being said, the manga managed to capture Urabe’s character perfectly, and that was my main concern with this anime. Urabe is the best, and one of my favorite scenes (also my favorite episode) was when Urabe loses her scissor accuracy and accidentally cuts Tsubaki’s forehead. She then goes psycho at the notion that she hurt him, and by “goes psycho”, I mean she makes this face:

Other than the awesome Urabe scenes, I feel like MGX was just a bit too serious. Mysterious Girlfriend X the anime was like one note, where the manga is closer to several.

That’s not to say I didn’t love the shit out of it though.

Bill got his ass sliced and cut up by Urabe’s scissors. Also, this is the shittiest cropping I’ve ever done.

FINAL GRADE = 5*

(see the grading policy here)

Mirai Nikki Quick Review

I say quick, but only God knows if this post will be quick…or should I say…only NORIO WAKAMOTO KNOWS!?

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AWESOME WHEN YOU'RE A VOICE ACTOR WHO IS TYPECAST AS GOD.

So Norio Wakamoto voices God, and is bad-ass as fuck. This anime is already good. I’m going to make a list:

The List of “Why Mirai Nikki is Awesome”

  • The Characters
  • About as good an ending as an ending could be in the given situation
  • Again, the characters
  • At least one BAM moment
  • Did I mention the fucking characters?
  • I’m going to talk about the characters real quick.

The Fucking Characters

The characters were fucking awesome. Why? Backstory, and plenty of it. We get a pretty good backstory on every character who is participating in the survival game….well, the important ones anyway. To be honest, the only thing I know about Eight is that she has a giant head and doesn’t look like a real person.

My name is Eight. I have no business being in this anime.

Seriously though, what the fuck was up with Eight and her character design? It was completely inconsistent with literally every single object in the anime. HER HEAD IS FUCKING HUGE!…….FUCK!

Giant heads aside, we had awesome characters left and right. The best character? HANDS DOWN NO QUESTION.

Minene Uryuu is one of my favorite female anime characters ever made. She’s completely bad-ass as fuck, to the point where she loses an eye, a hand (twice), get’s shot, and then, when she’s about to die, she decides to go ahead and blow herself up, except that she’s so fucking awesome that she instead is given powers by FUCKING GOD. This makes her even more bad-ass.

PLUS, she cried, and when a bad-ass cries, it’s awesome. Just that hint of vulnerability so perfect.

And then her backstory. I’m not quite sure how they managed to cram so much backstory for so many characters into the series successfully, but they did.

Minene’s is a terrorist who is….you know what? You know this shit I don’t need to explain it.

Next we have the psychopathic stalker wackjob Yuna. I love stalkers so there’s a plus right there. Wackjob insane in the membrane? Another plus. And the best scene was at the end, when she sees her past self and realizes how fucked up in the head she’s become.

This anime sure looks like a 5^^ to me! What could possibly bring this anime down? I mean, this anime was so fucking good that there is literally nothing you can throw at me that would change my mind about giving this anime a 5^^. There is absolutely not one single thing that could persuade me to drop the grade lower than a-

FINAL GRADE = 5

Once a pussy, always a pussy.

Becoming A Man

This show keeps getting better and better. Seeing a huge pussy finally take charge of his life and kill some mother fuckers is one of the most awesome fucking things ever.

EDIT: BUT THEN HE HAD TO RUIN IT BY CRYING LIKE A LITTLE FUCKING BITCH. (still, the show kicks ass).

DOUBLE EDIT: BUT THEN HE’S PIMPING GASAI IN STYLE DURING THE NEXT EPISODE!!!! BACK TO BEING A MAN!!!!

Zero no Tsukaima F – Another Rie Kugimiya Chapter Closed

Rie Kugimiya is my favorite seiyuu in the entire universe. I am actually married to her, but she just doesn’t know it. Well….actually I’m married to kluxorious, but you know how us men be.

I remember back in the day when I simultaneously discovered Shakugan no Shana and Zero no Tsukaima (Shakugan no Shana’s cousin) at the same time. I immediately became convinced that I had discovered the greatest tandem ever, and gave both anime well deserved scores of 5^^, my highest honor.

Years later, both franchises decided to air their final seasons at the same time, which of course, made me very happy/nostalgic.

Shakugan no Shana finished with a very good final season, wrapping up…well…..everything that could possibly be wrapped up. I was happy with the show as a whole, and extremely happy that the full story was able to be animated. I then looked to Zero no Tsukaima to accomplish the same thing.

DON'T JUST LAY THERE LOUISE. FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT WHORE! KILL THE BITCH OFF!!!!

What a complete shit-fuck of a season that was.

Terrible.

Horrible.

Fucking hellshitcuntfuck. Yes, that is now a word. It has to be a word, because it’s the only thing that can properly describe this season.

Was it more of the same? Yeah. Trust me, I’ve seen the previous seasons, and I know that they all leaned to the “stupid fanservice” side, but this shit was fucking stupid.

There wasn’t actually too much fanservice, as it seemed to me that the writers decided to up the ante when it came to the stupid factor. I’m not even going to take the time to descibe in detail all of the things wrong with this show, so I’ll just make a fucking list:

  • You’re really going to add MORE girls to Saito’s harem? Fucking kill me.
  • What the fuck is up with Louise? You LET these girls hit on your man, AND you even remain FRIENDS WITH THEM. If this show were real life, Louise would have literally murdered every single character in this show.
  • When did Siesta become so trashy?
  • Tiffa is a whore. I really wanted her to die.
  • In fact, none of the “good guys” fucking died. Really? Through all the wars and shit, not one fucking person died. They couldn’t even kill the fucking sword! PUSSIES! KILL TIFFA. HER TITS ARE TOO BIG!
  • I hate Tiffa.
  • I guess technically that priest dude died, but he was new and I thought he was going to be a bad guy anyway. He was kind of a douchebag too.
  • Lousie should have had lesbian sex with that girl who was raping her back when this season didn’t suck.
  • Speaking of last season. What the fuck? They took all of the characters from last season (you know, the plot that was actually interesting?) and killed them all off in the first 2 episodes? Why? THE WHOLE SEASON SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABOUT THEM!!!
  • This season was about a big mean dragon. I remember when I wrote anime plots in elementary school.
  • Hi, my name is Louise, and I’m a fucking moron. I’m going to send Saito back to Japan, because I’m FUCKING STUPID. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT YOU STUPID FUCKING GIRL. If I were Saito, I would have SLAPPED THE SHIT out of Louise for doing that to me.
  • What a fucking coincidence. There happened to be an eclipse in Japan at the exact time Saito needed one. Do you know how rare full eclipses are.
  • Still, even if I were to believe that, how the fuck did Saito just waltz into a military base and steal a fighter jet. Like are  you fucking serious?
  • You know one of the only things that I wanted to see was Saito FINALLY get back home to his parents (and their subsequent reactions). Did we see that? NO. NO REACTIONS WERE GIVEN OR SHOWN. DID HIS MOM BAWL HER EYES OUT? DID HIS DAD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM FOR NOT CALLING TO TELL THEM WHERE HE WAS FOR A GOOD YEAR OR SO? WHAT THE FUCK.

What a piece of shit. I was not impressed.

FINAL GRADE = 3

(Ratings System Here)

Bill murdered the shit out of this subpar anime.

Jormungand is Not Like Black Lagoon

First of all, there’s been a lot of comparisons between Jormungand and Black Lagoon.

All of these comparisons are dumb.

They’re nothing alike. Sure, they both have guns and shooting with a cast of zany characters. That’s pretty much where the comparisons end for me, and even the zany character point is a stretch for Jormungand, whose characters so far aren’t really all that zany.

WHY THEY ARE DIFFERENT

Unarguably the best character in the series so far.

While both have zany characters, Jormungand’s characters seem far more one dimensional (though to be fair, it’s been one episode). EXAMPLES:

Black Lagoon had some BAD-ASS FUCKING CHARACTERS (not to be confused with characters who are bad at ass fucking).

Revy kicked ass.

Roberta kicked ass.

You know what? Pretty much everyone did. And we also had awesome personalities like Rock, the salaryman turned Outlaw/Pirate/One Bad Mother Fucker. The list is endless, as every character has a unique/badass history/personality. There’s a lot of backslashes in that paragraph, which just proves how zany/badass all of the characters are.

By comparison, Jormungand has a few good characters, but many of the people working for Koko are normal soldiers with little personality. I mean sure, you’ve got Johan, a bad-ass kid with a revenge wish, but he’s really……well…….he’s fucking boring as shit.

And sure, you’ve got the insanely awesome lesbian/eye-patch-girl/large-breasted/knife-wielding girl with a thing for Koko, and then Koko herself. But shit. That’s about it so far. I mean, even Koko, who definitely kicked ass at times (like the sniper scene which was awesome), seems kind of off in terms of character personality. Something just doesn’t seem right. She seems forced in the same way that Mio from K-On seems forced.

Yeah, I just compared Koko to Mio, but let it be known that Mio is 408383895 times worse than Koko will ever be, because Koko at least has flashes of BAMFS, or Bad-Ass Mother Fucker Syndrome. I also have this disease, and it kicks ass.

See what I did there with that last sentence? Genius.

Now for the worst comparison of all, yes, worse than the Mio comparison. What can be worse than that? Only one thing:

To me, Jormungand is not similar to Black Lagoon, but a better comparison would be to compare it to Phantom ~Requiem for the Phantom, a Bee Train series that was okay but still managed to have a shit ending and be boring as shit at times. I hate Bee Train; all of their shit sucks. I somehow gave Phantom a 5. I dropped every other one of their shows. In all honesty, Phantom should have been a 4, in fact, I’m going to change it. If Jormungand goes the way of Bee Train shows, then I fully expect Johan to discover that it was Koko who sold the weapons that killed his parents, and then fight Koko until one or both of them are dead.

That comparison scares me, but it’s dead on. Very similar animation and very similar color scale; everything is grey and boring, though at least it’s not bright stupid colors like Lotte’s Toy and Zero no Tsukaima (which I love despite the colors). Another similar trait is the very similar character styles (Johan looks just like a character out of Phantom in both appearance and personality).

The episode was not bad, but it wasn’t all that great either. If the rest of the series is filled with carbon copies of this episode, then I’m going to get bored fast, and that’s coming from a guy who loves the FUCK out of shows that feature guns, blood, and violence. They should include more scenes like this one:

This was awesome because it was so unexpected. This kid is too emotionless I'd rather see a kid who simply loves to kill people, and does so.

Johan is boring. You can’t be bad-ass if you don’t show that you love to kill. Some maniacal laughter while shooting would be a great touch. Perhaps introduce a catch phrase like, “Fuck you fucking fuck.” Did I steal that from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo? I don’t know….is Rooney Mara hot as fuck? YES AND YES.