Destiny of an Emperor: A Video Game For The Ages

Rarely do I review video games. The main reason is because nothing I find is good enough to review, and I rarely play anything other than Call of Duty. But this has been one of the best games that I have played, and although I haven’t played it in a while…..well……fuck it’s good.

Destiny of an Emperor

Destiny of an Emperor is by far my favorite NES game (out of the very small portion of NES games I’ve played). Truth be told, I never actually owned this game. In fact, I never actually played it on an NES. In fact, I never actually owned an NES. My first gaming console was N64, and it kicked fucking ass. No, no, no. I played Destiny of an Emperor on an NES emulator that I used to have. In fact, I played it and, just like my penis, I beat it many, many, many, many times. So why is an old game like this so addicting?

First is the music.

Music

Everything from the title screen to the battles contains some of the best 8-bit sounds one could ever hear:

Have you ever heard anything more bad-ass than that? I sure have, but still, that’s some pretty awesome music. I could lay pipe to that kind of music. If you ask me, all plumbers would do good to listen to Destiny of an Emperor’s sound track when they lay pipe. Mario’s theme can suck it, this song is way better than his famous little jingle. But what’s really impressive is the music during the battles. Depending on who you’re fighting, there’s different music that plays, yet all of these NES symphonies are laced with the same feeling of suave “let’s kick some ass in a cool way” type of emotion. Check this out:

You know what the awesome thing is? The music gets better as you fight heavier enemies. This music only plays for simple enemies like bandits or guards. It kind of reminds of a mix between those jazzy swingers from way back when and Ninja Turtles. Pretty awesome mix if you ask me (or anyone else for that matter). But while the music is awesome the best ever, it’s clearly not the only reason why this game is great. After all, if I wanted to play a game just for good music, I’d play DDR.

That was a joke by the way. While I love DDR, some of the music makes me wonder.

Gameplay

To be honest, the gameplay is eerily similar to that of Pokemon. Or I should say that Pokemon is eerily similar to Destiny of an Emperor. Or I should say that it’s exactly like 10003904095 different RPGs out there for the NES, as well as every other system ever. You walk around the world, run into enemies, beat the shit out of them, steal their money, buy food and weapon upgrades, and conquer China. Oh, I didn’t mention that? This game revolves around the Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

That’s right, we’re talking about Lui Bei, Zhang Fei, Guan Yu and even Lu Bu. (I almost got caught on YouTube watching Lu Bu clips for a second there).

Who doesn’t like Romance of the Three Kingdom? I’ll tell you who, sissies and duffers! That’s right, I’m talking about Hufflepuffs!

Now, I’m not sure why exactly Hufflepuffs don’t like an awesome war about uniting a broken land, and the story revolving around the elite cast of characters. I honestly want to read the book, because the story is awesome, but someone I know said it’s FUCKING LONG AS FUCK, and I’ve got ADD, so that’s not happening unless I do something like go on a hiatus to read…

Anyway, there’s really not that much special about the gameplay to be honest, but it’s so addicting it’s retarded. I’ve beaten it about 12 times, so that means I’ve played it at least 12 times, so that means there must be something awesome about it. Maybe it’s just for people who are obsessed with RotTK and Dynasty Warriors, but in my opinion, I think this is by far the best NES video game, and maybe one of the best video games ever. And yes, I’ve played the Zelda games for NES and personally, they can’t hold a candle to DoaE. I don’t even understand how to beat Ganon in the first Zelda game, it’s impossible. It wasn’t ever that fun either. It actually sucks. But Bubble Bobble is fucking awesome. That game was great. I could play Bubble Bobble all day long. The music in that kicked ass too. In fact, all 8-bit music is awesome. Is it even called that? I don’t know, nor do I care really.