Queen’s Blade Hast Returned!

There’s a reason why I was looking forward to the new Queen’s Blade season more than almost every single other new show (save one). It’s shear ridiculousness and utter blatancy with it’s porn fanservice is something the whole family can enjoy. Let’s get it on!

Right off the bat we are greeted with Nanael's ass getting a scrub.

How I had missed this absolute blatant fanservice, which is weird, because I hate blatant fanservice. Well let me tell you. There is a line, a line which Queen’s Blade has crossed, where fanservice stops being annoyng, and starts being funny. Anyway, this episode actually wasn’t bad and had some elements of plot.

Who didn't see this coming from a mile away?

It turns out that the head angel (or whoever that huge angel is) has decided that Naneal will participate in Queen’s Blade. Of course, Nanael has no chance, because I’m still not even sure on how her name is spelled. Anyway, this first episode pretty much started off by re-introducing all of the main characters. I’m’ going to mainly use screen-shots in this post, because without screen shots, a review of Queen’s Blade is pretty much pointless.

This is the best character in Queen's Blade. This is a fact.

Allean is definitely the coolest looking character in Queen’s Blade (just look at that sick hat! She looks like a Scotsman.) and also the overall best character. This is a fact because I said it. She of course, has to deal with Nowa, who is kind of like a daughter to her (they’ll probably have sex or something close).

Yea you probably should have

Let me touch on Nowa for a bit. No, I don’t mean that I want to literally touch on Nowa (she’s clearly underage), but I want to talk about her. I of course do not approve of underage girls without pants, however, given the ridiculousness of Queen’s Blade, it’s okay for anyone to not wear pants at anytime. Basically, Queen’s Blade is allowed to do anything and I won’t get mad. I mean, let’s face it, no one takes this show seriously, and if you do, then you should be given some kind of award, or be placed in a mental hospital. Well, then, now that we’ve talked about the best character in Queen’s Blade (Allean), I think it’s time to talk about the worst. Of course I am referring to Reina:

I'm surprised Reina didn't fall from here.

Reina sucks. I wish she would die, but she’s obviously the main character, and in a show like this, where the plot is simple as can be, I think that it’s fairly obvious that she’s going to somehow win Queen’s Blade. She’s easily the worst main character ever, and maybe one of the worst characters ever, if not for her huge rack and huge ass (I seriously think that they increased the size of her ass for this season). Anyway, the only interest I have in Reina is how many cliffs she’s going to fall off of this season.

With their forces combined, they'd have an average set of boobs (well, they'd still be huge).

Okay, so here’s an odd pairing: The character with the biggest tits in the show (Cattleya) and the smallest non-existant tits (Ymir).

Because you are a child you child!

So now I’d like to take some time to point out some of the more “family oriented” portions of the episode. And by family oriented, I mean boobs and tentacle rape.

First breast fondling of the new season, just thought I'd add it. By the way, the girl whose breast is being fondled (Irma I think). She is a pretty sick character.

Umm....a picture says 1000 words I guess.

This poor girl was just passing by the breast fondling session, when suddenly her weapon (or something) just rapes the shit out of her. It was the most random rape ever and I actually laughed quite hard.

The smartest characters in Queen's Blade.

Basically, the three “bad apples” are kind of hangin’ out, and then Melona (because she’s an idiot) decides to go and try to kill the Queen by herself (because she’s an idiot). Before I get into this, let me flashback to the first episode of Queen’s Blade.

I recall Melona getting riled up and fighting Reina, and losing in the first battle of that season. Now here we are, first episode of this season, and what do you think will happen?

Melona gets riled up and begins fighting the Queen Aldra, and then loses and the result is such:

Yet again, Melona essentially dies in the first episode.

I can’t wait for next week!

Boobs Vs. Ass: An Objective Analysis

Yes, lesbians and gentleman, it is time for us to answer that age-old question. Although both are incredibly fuckin awesome (on women), which takes the title? WHICH IS MORE AWESOME – Boobs or Ass? For this reason, Glo The Legend, and Refuse to Come Wack, have decided to take this on mano a mano, in a battle royale for the ages, with Glo The Legend representing the side of boobs and Refuse to Come Wack representing the side of ass. So without further ado, it’s time to pit the funbags against the fly badunk, the cans against the hiney, the jugs against the applebottom, the melons against the booty, the boobs against the ass, because let’s face it…when we put up some great lookin hiney and tig ol bitties, everyone wins.

BOOBS

Well, fuck, where do I start….how bout some pictures, eh?

They say a picture is worth 1000 words...this one is worth two: Yes. Please.

Okay, now anybody who’s seen my site knows that it is a safe house for all boob-lovers out there. I mean, at least half of my daily visitors seem to come here looking for boobs (it is the top search post). But why? How come I don’t get any hits for “ass”? Well the answer is simple:

Boobs are fucking great.

First of all, what do your eyes look at when you first see a girl…her face? Nah, they go right for the boobs. This has been proven with science. I mean, boobs can be used for so much. You can:

• Motor-boat

Can you motor-boat an ass? Well, sure you can, but that’s how you get pink eye.

• Grab em.
• Rub em.
• Suck em.
• Fuck em.
• Lick em.

You see, you can do all of these great activities with an ass too, but the thing is, you have to get alll the way down to ass-level to do them. Boobs are strategically placed right below the face.

• You can also use them to open beer….wait….what? Let’s explore that last one:

Who can dare argue against boobs after that? I mean, that’s just fucking awesome. Beer and boobs are a perfect combination….actually, when you combine anything with boobs it turns out pretty lovely…..whipped cream…chocolate syrup….salami…but let’s delve more into the facts:

Boobs come in a variation of sizes. They can range from Asian Style:

Luckily, girls can now get boob jobs.

All the way to Weird Anime Style:

Holy shit you could use those as trampolines.

And in case you don’t know what I mean by Weird Anime Boobs, look no farther then Queen’s Blade:

Queen's Blade is why I get so many hits for boobs.

Wow, the girl in real life actually has bigger boobs then the anime girl. I actually can’t believe that. Let’s get back to the placement of boobs.

Now, Robert will argue that boobs are placed in an area of the body where you are most likely to get caught staring. Well I have a few things to say to that.

Who Cares if She Catches You?

Women will never admit this, but they love it when you peer down their blouse, or take a long, look at their bosom, as if in deep thought. The fact is, when you stare at a nice pair of hooters, it’s like giving girls a huge complement. Why else do you think women with small tits get boob jobs? It’s because they like it when guys look at them. It’s in this way that boobs make a good conversation starter.

If you’re in a public place, and you spy a girl with a rack that makes you nearly bust your pants, then go over to her, and blatantly look at her lumps of women flesh. She will then ask “what you’re fucking doing”  in an annoyed tone. When she does this, then simply reply, “I’m sorry miss, I’d really love to stop this, but your breasts are the most wondrous spectacles I have ever seen, and I can not, for the life of me, turn away.” She will most likely leave. This is when you know you’ve got her. After this, make it a point to follow her around the party, and every time you see her, make another remark about her beautiful tits. This works every time.

It’s a Challenge!

In some cases, girls want to hide the fact that they love men staring them down, that they might go off on you. These people are called dikes and feminists. However, this just gives the attempt to look at boobs more fun. Can you get away with it? It’s so exciting. I mean, it doesn’t exactly take a brain surgeon to stare down a supple ass walking down the street, for the sole fact that people don’t have eyes in back of their heads. but to successfully ogle a pair of tits. Well, they give out medals for that.

A picture of youth:

Most straight people know that from day one, tits are supreme over ass.

Let’s face it, the only thing that men and women both have (which can be found arousing) is an ass. Men have an ass. Women have an ass. But women have TITS. To conclude, I now present a person who is one of the most manly of men. Of course, I could only be speaking of Maddox:

Maddox has a whole chapter of his prize winning novel, “The Alphabet of Manliness”, dedicated to tits:

Ahhh Knockers

I’m not going to explain anything else here, because you should already own this book. I bought it right away, although I did also download it, because Robert (who is co-writing this epic legend of a  post with me) has it at his house, and it’s too late to go get it. Maddox goes into more detail then I did, so buy the book and read it.

And that’s all I have to say about the loveliness of boobs.

ASS

Let’s just start you off with this:

Seriously??!?!?!

Now, theoretically, that should be enough to win me this battle right there, but I WON’T STOP THERE. Simply because I just wanna talk about ass more and hopefully can put up more pictures like that in the meantime.

Fellas (and hot lesbians), is there anything more enjoyable than giving a firm spank to a firm fruit-oriented shape of ass? Didn’t think so. You know what else is great about girls asses? They’re much more inconspicuous to look at…with their cans they hafta be facing you and relatively close, a prime time to get caught. With the booty, however, nearly any time is a perfect opportunity, and it’s much more difficult to get caught. Not only do you get a great view when the girl ISN’T facing you, but side-views are also always an option. You could be twenty feet away and a fat booty outline can send chills down your spine. I mean realistically, it’s almost hard to get caught…that is unless you’re a certain co-writer of this post grabassing on spring weekend eh heh hemmmmm….(also, doesn’t this kinda prove my point? A self-appointed defender of cans was reachin for the booty when the opportunity arose, not vice versa)

The other thing is, girls don’t even have to be wearing revealing clothing to show off a booty that would make men do this… with boobs they gotta be wearing a low cut or a tightass top, but with a great booty, girls can even look hot in sweatpants. I swear, if girls wear the right tightness sweatpants it honestly looks like a shelf…it’s just..I can’t even focus, here’s another picture.

I see you J Lo

Another advantage of the female ass is the preview. Is there anything better than the ass preview? Certainly not it’s rare cousin the boob preview, since it happens much less often. Think about it…even when girls are wearing low cut stuff, they have bras to cover their stuff up (contrary to what Glo says about them wanting you to peek). Much more often spotted is the ass preview, which may or may not look something like this:

Ass Preview

Yet another inspiration for this post is Shakira. I know she’s ridiculously short…shes like 5’2″ or somethin crazy, but DAMN I can’t get enough of her ass. The obvious choice right now would be to go to She Wolf, since that’s her new video, but instead I’m gonna reference another one of her videos. Do yourself a little favor and go to 2:25 to 2:30 of this video. SHE DRAGS HERSELF ACROSS A TABLE WITH HER ASS, PEOPLE. Let me repeat that. SHE DRAGS HERSELF ACROSS A TABLE WITH HER ASS.

DRAG. TABLE. ASS.

And one of the best up-and-coming things is that girls of any race can now have a great ass. A couple years ago, it was relegated to a few races. A couple years ago, ass would be at a distinct disadvantage since any girl can have cans, but now that Ludacris is the new phenomenon like white women with ass (1:58), ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Seriously…girls can work out and make themselves have a great ass, can you really say that about boobs?

Finally, another great thing is simply the word “hiney”. It’s fuckin awesome.

In conclusion, do me a favor. Next time you get the chance, cup a great hiney. It’ll brighten up your year.

AS YOU CAN SEE, THE BATTLE RAGES TIGHTER THAN EVECR, AND THE VICTOR IS UP TO YOU. THE WINNER OF THIS AGE-OLD BATTLE WILL E DECIDED BY VOTES VIA COMMENT AND/OR POLL. VOTE NOW.