Why Yuri Is So Fucking Awesome

I’ve realized it. I’ve discovered within myself truths of the world, her secrets, her mysteries, and her innermost desires. Yes, dear readers, I’ve realized why yuri is so fucking awesome.

Poll at the bottom! Cheers for the first yuri binge of 2012!

Take a gander at my character list (a list that needs an update in the same way that Girlfriends needs an anime adaptation). What do you see about the characters I’ve listed there? Instead of giving you time to look through that massive list, I’m just going to tell you.

At least 80% of my favorite characters from the shows I’ve watched are female. (complete guess since I was also too lazy to look through that massive list and do the math).

NOTE: I did a rough estimate and found that out of about 200 shows, 42 were male, and the rest were female (and one was a frog from Negima, didn’t count that).

Anyway, that’s no coincidence. I tend to almost always lean toward the female character in a show. I don’t know why but I always have. Of course, if the show has a pretty bad ass male lead like sayyy the show Berserk….wait a second, no I chose Caska for that one. Okay, bad example. Take a show like Baccano! That show had enough awesome female characters that you could take all of those awesome female characters and fill an empty void with awesome female characters. Basically, what I’m saying is Baccano had a lot of awesome female characters. But who is more bad ass and awesome than Rail Tracer? Answer? Only me, and I wan’t in Baccano!

So why are female characters better? And when am I actually going to talk about the title’s subject matter? I’ll answer the first question first:

Male characters are, for the most part, boring and dull. Sex sells and females are sex and thus more time seems to be spent developing the female characters (or maybe I just made that bit of logic up). That’s just an opinion and it’s probably wrong, but I don’t see many female otaku when compared to male otaku (technically, I see no otaku), so whatever.

That being said here are some things that Yuri contains, that happen to be of my favorite things any manga/anime could possible contain:

• Lesbians (well….duh? DURRRRR)
• Girls With Glasses 
• Girls Who Cry
• BAM moments

Holy shit. I can link each one of those to something I’ve written. Everything comes full circle once again. Glothelegend, you sir, are a legend (well….duh? DURRRRR).

Anyway, to embelish:

Lesbians

This….why did I even include this? Obviously lesbian manga/anime is going to include lesbians. But there it is. I love when lesbians will randomly pop up in a normal anime. Even Kanamemo, for all of it’s supreme crappiness, easily one of my top 3 most hated shows ever, contained lesbians, and they were the only bright spot of the show (besides Rie Kugimiya). Though to be honest, the writers kind of ran those two lesbos into the ground and made them annoying as hell by the end.

Now for the million dollar question: What’s so great about lesbians?

This stumps me. Is it the fact that 2 girls are better than one? Is it because female characters are always better than male characters, so when you replace a male character with another female character you get SMASH AWESOME? Is it because two girls together is hot/cute/makesyourheadfillwithcottoncandy?

The answer is yes, now let’s move on.

Girls With Glasses

Oh I have preached and preached about girls with glasses. Currently I have a crush on a girl with thick framed glasses in real life. She’s a babe too. The things I would do to her large breasts and shaply body…

Anyway, glasses. I like them on most girls. Not on ugly ones though. Fortunately, there’s really no such thing as ugly girls in manga, unless they were meant to actually be ugly (and then they’re REALLY fucking ugly…in a funny, comedic relief way though)

Girls Who Cry

I must me mean but I love to see a girl cry. If I had a girlfriend who started crying I would be happy and then grab her and throw her off a building hug her warmly in order to soothe her wounded soul before taking advantage of her emotional state and fucking the literal shit out of her asshole.

I like girls who cry they’re pretty cute.

BAM Moments

OHHHH HELL YES. I was reading Sasameki Koto today (now fully caught up) And there’s that moment.

You know the moment.

The moment when the girl has FINALLY fallen in love with the protagonist but is afraid to confess because she thinks that the protagonist thinks of her as just a really good friend and she doesn’t want to mess up their friendship so she never confesses but then learns “Oh wait a second this bitch loves me back!”? You know that moment? It’s this moment:

Extreme Sasameki Koto BAM Moment Spoiler

I WILL DO A FUCKING DANCE AROUND MY ROOM EVERY TIME I READ THAT PAGE (and the one afterward).

All good yuri….well that’s a lie….the two best yuri I’ve read, Girlfriends and Sasameki Koto, follow very similar plots (uhh….spoilers):

Two best friends. Friend A falls in love with friend B but never tells her because she doesn’t think that friend A will feel the same way about her and she doesn’t want to lose the friendship. Later, friend B FINALLY realizes that she loves friend A, but feels the same as friend A, so they’re both kind of in the same situation (retarded) until one of them, usually friend B, realizes that friend A actually has feelings for her, and then the end is in visible sight.

SO AWESOME.

And that, fellow fuckheads, is why Yuri is awesome. There’s just something vastly improved when love is found between two girls. I think I missed/forgot two other reasons why yuri is awesome….at least two….I had more yesterday fuck I should’ve written them down….

Sasameki Koto and Girlfriends need anime adaptations (though Sasameki Koto just needs a continuation). Here’s that poll I was talking about…

Why the fuck is the poll red!? I wanted it white. Fuck this shit RED POLL BITCHES!!

The Legend of Moyashimon: A Microbe to the Past

This will contain spoilers for the show (really small ones that aren’t even really spoilers at all, but you’ve been warned) and the ED for this show is AWESOME:

With that, I have become a fan of Polysics, who did the song, which I now have on repeat via You-tube. And no, You-tube does not actually have a repeat option, I simply have to manually replay the song from the beginning after every time it ends, which, for the record, sucks. I wish You-tube would make it possible to put a video on repeat. Like, give the player  repeat option….seriously. Doesn’t that make sense? I mean, okay, you’re not supposed to actually upload music onto You-tube, but still, everyo-

Is this a review of Moyashimon or a You-tube Player rant?

So then. Moyashimon. What’s it about? For the most part, it centers around a certain ability of the main character, Young Link, who, for some reason, can actually see microbes with the naked eye. Of course, these micro-organisms appear much bigger and much different looking to him then they would appear under a scope, but still, that’s just a perk that Young Link has.

So, Young Link (who goes by the alias of Sawaki in this anime) can see microbes. He and his perverted gay friend Kei decide to enroll in an agriculural university in Tokyo, which looks like the most fun place to be on the planet. Seriously. Planting, making sake, hot girls, drinking sake, micro organisms, making and drinking sake, and sake? Count me in! And that’s not all!

What else can one possibly add to this already stellar scholarly curriculum? Only the most bad ass school festival ever created!

One thing that I especially liked about Moyashimon, besides the great animation and movie-like feel that it had at times, was the Festival Episode. I have been known to not enjoy the whole festival episode plotline, but sometimes, they can really turn out well, as long as they’re unique, and trust me, this school festival is unique as a platypus. I only took a few screenshots, because I was enjoying the episodes so much, but here they are, for your viewing pleasure, laid out smack dab in the middle of this sent-

Before I get started. Some info on the girl character. You’ve probably already guessed, but that girl is actually Malon. Where do you think she got her farming skills? Tokyo Agriculture University baby. And if you haven’t noticed, Malon is totally eye-fucking the shit out of Young Link.

So what do these three screenshots, which actually don’t cover any of the cool parts of the festival, mean? Well, in the first one, we have the organizers of the festival. This group of people are explained in the anime, but I wasn’t really paying attention or something, so I have no idea who these people actually are. Basically, they have awesome tight black suits and white towels wrapped around their heads. These get-ups are then covered in symbols and shit that look totally awesome. They almost reminded me of Spiderman, albeit without the red and blue costume. Or the web-slinging abilities. Or the New York City backdrop. Or the-

I’ll get back to them in a minute, but first, the general rules of the festival, laid out for your viewing pleasure in bullets:

1. You can not use real money. Real money must be traded for fake money of equal value. However, once the festival is over, this money becomes useless, and you are not able to get your real money back, so you should only trade in an amount of money that you plan on using all of.
2. The festival does not end until a specific requirement is met. However, this requirement is never mentioned, or hinted towards. The students must figure it out and complete it for themselves.

I decided to use numbers instead. Bet you were all confused as shit, huh? Anyway, I’ll let you in on the rules of this specific tournament festival via bullets for real this time. Let it be known that this is much better to get from the anime. If you haven’t seen the anime, I would watch it before reading the rest of this. But that’s just me, and it’s not like this spoilers anything, I’m just covering the rules of the tournament, which, in the anime, you find out gradually, over the course of several episodes. So anyway, bullets:

1. I used numbers again instead of bullets. Suck it.
2. Each student is given a paper fan, and a paper ball, which they are required to wear on their heads. If the balloon is popped by a person dressed in black (like the ones standing guard at the gates) then they lose all of their fake money to that person. Likewise, if they pop a balloon of a black cloven person, then they get all of that person’s fake money.
3. People dressed in the black suits can only attack in the shadows or under  cloud/night cover. So if they’re in the sun, they will be deemed “out” by an umpire (they have umpires all over the place) and be forced to relinquish they’re fake money. They can also not go into buildings.
4. The festival ends when the main black dressed dude sitting in front of the gate is taken down. He has a key in his balloon that unlocks the gate. The person to pop said balloon also receives 100,000 yen (1000 dollars US) of fake money, which they can use to buy….oh say, a set of aphrodisiacs.

Is that fun or what? Needless to say, Young Link gets the dough AND the aphrodisiacs, which don’t work on Hasegawa, but do work on two other girls, who then have hot lesbian sex. Here’s a screenshot of an apple that Prof. Itsuki used when trying to sell his aphrodisiacs to Young Link and his friends:

When I saw this, I immediately said “Vagina” outloud. In fact, the whole reason I made this post was to show this picture. In case you’re wondering. Yes, I would fuck that apple. I would fuck it right now. In fact, right now, I would fuck a brick. I would fuck anything. Thank God my cat is dead, because I’d probably try and fuck that too. Hey….pussy is pussy. Here’s a picture of the girls who, after being impaired via aphrodisiac, had hot lesbian sex:

Because you touch yourself at night.

What’s odd is that Malon later talked about how disgusting it was for same genders to kiss. Then this happened:

What a lesbian whore. Admit your feelings Malon! God this series was good. But who is my favorite character? Well, you could check my character page, or you can just read this:

Haruka Hasegawa

At first I didn’t like her because she was such a bitch. But she dressed awesome, and just look at her when she’s drunk^! Classy!

FINAL GRADE = 5*

Bill got his ass headbutted by a fucking Microbe.

Farther Reading:

First play this music, then read the following:

Can you believe it? I’ve somehow pulled within 5 votes of Yumeka for the third round of the aniblog tourney! I’m astounded, and on the comeback quest (hence the music). Do I have what it takes to complete the comeback? Only you can decide! A VOTE FOR EYE SEDSO IS A VOTE FOR YOURSELF!

Shoujo Sect: Hey, I liked it.

Holy shit, I watched what was technically a hentai. This marks what I believe to be a first in my anime watching life. (The Rapeman is technically hentai I guess, but I consider it comedy/awesomeness, and I also watched this before I ever watched the Rapeman).

But if you don’t get off on hentai, why would you watch it in the first place?

I read the overview, and I thought, “Hmm, this might be good, with or with out sex”, and saw that it had lesbians in it, so needless to say, I just had to watch it.

But there are plenty of hentai shows with lesbians in it! Why this one?

I read about it on Yasashii sekai, and immediately became curious about the picture that was at the top of the page (lol, that was honestly the only reason I watched this show, is to find out what that screen shot was about). Plus it was only three episodes, so takes, like, no time at all. Plus, I was just over at Listless Ink, and decided, “She gets so many hits, maybe I should write something about yuri, so as to improve my dismal hit count of 250 a day on average.” Basically I watched this a long time ago, and am only just remembering that I never wrote a review. Honestly, I treated this as a normal show with above average fanservice, and some sexual lesbian scenes.

Shoujo Sect

So what is this about?

Shinobu Handa and Momoko Naitou met when they were young children. Shinobu fell in love immediately with Momoko, even though they were like…..5. Anyway, they’re now in high school, which is an all girls school, and apparently full of lesbians, and it seems that Momoko has completely forgotten about that incident long ago (or hide and seek).

So now these girls are in high school, and they’re completely different personality wise.

Shinobu Handa

The one on the right, with the orange hair. I can't remember who the other girl is, but I know she's a lesbian.

Shinobu is pretty much the epitome of a lesbian pimp. She actually has pimped out about 9 tricks so far, and has sex with all of them. See this scene above? In this scene, she has brought a classmate in to strip for her, and then she treats her like her own personal sex plaything. And by the way, this is her “club room” at school, which she turned into her own private sex room for sex. It’s pretty sick, I wish I could pimp out girls with the same pimping prowess of Shinobu. Shinobu lives in a house with a bunch of girls she’s pimped out, and they all get down with sex all the time.

So anyway, Shinobou only wants to have a relationship with Momoko, who can’t even remember when they played hide and go seek at the park (which apparently was so romantic that Shinobu fell in love with Momoko here……there was some reason behind it but I can’t remember what).

So what about Momoko?

Momoko Naitou

Momoko, unlike the slacking pimp that Shinobu is, is actually good in school, and relavtivly sctrict in following rules, and making sure others do the same. Eventually, she gets seduced by her teacher, who has sex with her in a random hotel. This is of course illegal in real life. But as youu can tell from the picture, this show isn’t real life, it’s animation. That’s kind of all I have. For a main character, Momoko is pushed to the side a bit. Shinobu is the real main character, but that’s because she’s a pimp. Momoko get’s awesome near the end, when she sees that Shinobu was forced into doing lewd acts, despite being a huge pimp. Momoko does something awesome that made me go BAM (like as in BAM moment), and was awesome.

There’s a bunch of other characters, but they’re all sluts, and none of them really matter.

Now, this is a hentai, so I’m going to have to talk about the porn aspect of it.

The Porn Aspect of It

Momoko is 16, so the teacher is actually a pedophile. I watched this OVA, does that make me a pedophile? No, because I never got turned on, and because Eye Sedso.

That scene is the one where Momoko is having sex with her teacher. Too bad her teacher gets deathly ill right after, and has to transfer schools. It looks like Momoko gave her the AIDS.

Basically, in this school, everyone is having sex with everyone. What kind of school is this? Obviously a good one. Even sisters are having sex! What the hell is up with that? Freakin Japan loves incest. In fact, I’d have to say that Japan is the most perverted nation on the planet, where anything from incest to getting raped by a octopuss is not only considered normal, but arousing. Japan is weird. I still want to go there someday though.

As far as me watching the porn (that’s right, I watched it), I felt that it pretty much the same way I think of blatant fanservice: Kind of unnecessary. Of course, one of the whole point of a hentai I guess is to show some sex, so I guess viewing this the same way that I view a regular anime would be wrong.

At least the sex scenes weren’t that graphic, and they were pretty short, as well as censored (which really didn’t make much of a difference). In some cases, they were kind of funny, but in general, I wasn’t really bothered by them or anything. I mostly used the sex scenes to clip my nails (I clip my nails pretty much everyday). I doubt I’ll watch any more hentai in the future. (does My Balls count has hentai? It might, but it’s a manga so it doesn’t count for this).

If you want to know more about this OVA, then read the wikipedia. I think that the episode recaps are kind of funny…..Time to make a post about Onani Master Kurosawa, possibly one of the best manga’s I’ve read in recent times. Already finished it. Until then, Shoujo Sect get a

FINAL GRADE = 5 (some of this was actually kind of stupid, so no 5* or 5^^)

Apparently the manga was better? I’m not going to read it though.

Bill the Ass Kicker has been in to bathroom jerking off to girls in his class.

Aoi Hana: Series Review

Finally, a non-filler post. I was ranting and raving about how amazing this anime was back when it started, and then, after I finished episode 4, I stopped watching it, and instead opted to wait for the series completion. Well, the series has now come and gone, leaving one question up in the air:

“Do I still think Aoi Hana was one of the best new anime of 2009?”

Aoi Hana

Before I get into a review that is bound to show spoilers, let me describe the basics of the show.

Premise: Two girls who used to be childhood best friends reconnect when one of them (Fumi) moves back home. Contains lesbians.

Now, first of all, the phrase, “Contains lesbians” should be a dead give-away that I like this show. I don’t know why I like shows with lesbians in them, but I do. So far, score one point for Aoi Hana right off the bat.

Aoi Hana – 1

Reasons to Not Like Aoi Hana – 0

How about the animation, was it up to par? Personally, not only could I not find a single mistake in the animation (although I never actually look for mistakes when I watch anime), but I also kind of liked the fuzzy sort of animation, as well as the color scheme. This is rare, as I do not usually like dull color schemes and fuzzy animation, but this was somehow different. I have never watched an anime with this type of animation, so it was good to see something new. Score another point for Aoi Hana

Aoi Hana – 2

Reasons to Not Like Aoi Hana – 0

So how about the story? This is where it gets hard to determine for me. The story was obviously good, because I found every episode enjoyable and easy to watch. I feel like I finished the series in no time at all (although it was only 11 episodes, which is nothing). But honestly, I feel as though…..oh hold on….(SPOILER)……I feel as though over the course of this anime, nothing really changed. I mean, sure, one could say that Fumi changed emotionally and yatta yatta yatta…..but who really cares. I want to see her end up with some girl at the end, even if it isn’t Akira. Like, at the beginning, she was single, and so was Akira. At the end, it’s the same situation. No couples formed. Nothing was really decided. That annoyed me. (SPOILER OVER). That being said, I award 300 points to Aoi Hana:

So now our standings look like this:

Aoi Hana – 302

Reasons to Not Like Aoi Hana – 0

Of course, just like “Who’s Line is it Anyway,” points don’t matter one bit in my review, so now I will hand out one award:

Best Character: Kyouko

You won.

I said, you won.

Wait…..Kyouko? Why is she the best character? You didn’t choose Fumi?

Fuck no I didn’t choose Fumi! Fucking Fumi sucks! Well, she doesn’t suck, but Kyouko is awesome, and I chose her for one of the following reasons:

• Her character design is awesome with the short hair flipped to the side like that.
• She’s just pretty cool.
• She does art.

Okay, so I really only picked her because of the character design, because let’s face it, every character with the exception of Akira had pretty much the same personality, which involved one of the following things:

• Crying
• Blushing
• Liking girls

Actually, all of the characters involved all of these things (besides Akira….and I guess a few other minor characters). So now, like any good writer does, I will conclude my review by circling back to the beginning to answer my initial question, “Do I still think Aoi Hana is one of the best new anime of 2009?”

I will say that while I did find this to be an enjoyable watch, It didn’t really blow me away much. It was definitely good, maybe even really good, but I can’t include it when talking about the top anime of 2009 (depending on the rest of the anime of 2009, which I am behind on). I believe that they should make a second season, that adds a conclusion of some sort (I don’t know if the manga or visual novel or whatever for Aoi Hana is still going on or not). Make an OVA series at least. Until then, I’ll give it a

FINAL GRADE = 5

but will also say that I thought reading the manga, Pieta, was more enjoyable (not to take anything away from Aoi Hana, but Pieta was fuckin great).

SIDE NOTE: I have finally updated My List, although I have yet to update and change my Top Ten.

Hayate no Gotoku!! Superpost 18 – 22

I was just going to skip reviewing the episodes up until the present one, but every episode has something awesome that I just have to point out. If I don’t point these things out, then I will actually die…so it’s not as though I actually want to review these episodes, but I have to. Anyway, let the Superpost begin with:

Episode 18: Miki

You know by now that I approve of Hinagiku x Miki as opposed to Hinagiku x Anyone Else (although Hinagiku x Ayumu wouldn’t be bad). That being said:

So we all know by now that Miki is a humongous rug munching lesbian. And this picture kind of clarifies the fact that she desperately wants to eat something of Hinagiku’s that is not actual food. God I love Miki. By the way:

Oh, you wonder why Maria is there?

It’s fate telling you what you SHOULD be doing.

Oh yea, and by the way, I loved the Hinagiku ED, but the new ED is fucking AWESOME!

Episode 19: Ho-Hum

*Whew* Thank God I don’t play games, other wise my lifestyle would be bad. I mean, I occasionally play games, but my X-Box 360 is broken, and I need a new one….I know!

So yea, not much to say about this episode. It was good, but at the same time, there wasn’t much going on….except:

Maria used Flame Thrower….it’s super effective! (that makes no sense, nor does it pertain to this episode, or any scene within this episode…not even that last screenshot).

Episode 20: Maid in the Shade

Yeaaaa. That’s right, a play on words, even though it doesn’t make sense. But this episode, for the most part was maid to be about maids (okay that’s the last time I do it, I swear). Here are some maids now:

Me + Paint + Screeshots = Sweetness

Yay me.

Well, that’s about it as far as the new maids are concerned. Now, just for funzies, here are the old maids (bu-dum-kish):

Well, that’s about all of the maids in this episode, right? I mean, surely there’s no more arou– SURPRISE BITCH!

BLAM! MAID VIDEO RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!

So now let’s talk about something that kind of got me gears grinding in a bad way. Maria. They go off looking for a maid to teach Isumi how to become a good maid, and they completely ignore Maria, who is not only the best character, but the best maid in this show:

So ends another episode of Hayate. I mean, there’s obviously no more maids in this episode, right? Rig– MAID BITCH!

Episode 21: Oh Shit! It’s Jenny!

Not only does Jenny have a poorly animated face, but her poorly animated eyes obviously can’t tell the difference between a Tiger and a cat. Mind you, a white tiger has no business in the savanna. Speaking of animals that don’t belong in the savanna:

Where the Wild Things Are comes out soon. I want to see it. Do you?

I don’t know what business Baka-Raptor has on the savanna in an episode of Hayate no Gotoku, but he’s not really out of place in this scene. Let me just say, that Jenny is fucking awesome. Let’s have a look-see:

Such poorly drawn eyes can only mean that this character will rule.

AWESOME POSES

RIFLE LIGHTER

NINJA SKILLS!

And here are some more fun facts about Jenny:

• She has an awesome seiyu. I don’t know who that is, but she’s awesome.
• When you say her name, you are obligated to talk like Forest Gump….”Jen-nay.”
• She’s [the character, Jenny] only four (this is actually true).

I know, right?

• Did I mention here eyes?

Hello, I look like an alien, but I am really Jenny, one of the most unimportant characters from Hayate no Gotoku.

Oh shit. I can’t even talk about the rest of this episode. Even if there are things I want to say. When Jenny ends, so does the review of this episode, and episode that was really funny and awesome. Here’s one for the road:

Episode 22: Finally I’m Done With This Long Ass Post.

So what was the general premise about this episode?

Yup. Nagi gets a part time job. She actually does pretty good. But who cares about that. Because in this episode, I make my appearance:

Don’t worry about what they named me in the episode. This is actually me. I mean, sure, they gave me different hair and a different voice and a different job and tweaked some other stuff….but it’s me. Anyway, back to this episode. Obviously, if Nagi is at a part time job, Maria, master of disguise, has to watch her, disguised, of course.

Another cunning disguise from Maria, who was always one to be able to hide in plain sight. However, she soon changes to a new garb of concealment.

Now, in her obviously perfect anime disguise (reminiscent of the Sailor Moon disguises), she is ready to watch Nagi and company work, without them knowing it’s her.

Well, it worked on Hayate once, so you can’t blame her for trying to get by with a crappy disguise, can you? Anyway, I take notice right away:

She said yes, and the episode ended with that. Just trust me.

THE END!

P.S. How do you feel about the new header?

Maria + Holic = First Impressions

I recently started this:

Maria + Holic

I chose this randomly, and here’s what I got from the first episode: This girl, Kanako, moves into (transfers) to an all girls school to meet her “fated one”, just as her parents, presumably now both dead, did (her dad was a teacher). However, she isn’t interested in a teacher, because she is a huge dike. Big lesbian mule. This is most likely because when she touches a boy, she gets hives all over the place. So she meets another girl, Mariya, and she kisses her right off the bat, and she wants to really dive into Mariya’s cooch right away. Then, after Mariya leaves, she notices that she has hives on her arm, which therefor must mean……

Pros:

• This anime reminds me of Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. The animation is quite similar (I should say the directing and story style, along with some animation).
• It’s fucking hilarious. HILARIOUS.
• The characters appear to be awesome, just like in previously stated two lines up anime.
• The OP is awesome (same goes for most anime by Shaft).

Cons”

• Can’t find any yet.

EDIT: After looking, it is in fact done by Shaft Productions, the same people that did Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, and Pani Poni Dash (another awesome show)…Wow…Shaft is actually awesome.