After finishing Golden Boy and deciding that it was totally awesome (effective Nov. 17th or something), I realized that it would also be awesome to have Kintaro’s life. His lifestyle, his luck, and the interactions that he goes through in a short 6 episodes are all enviable to say the least.
Then the awesomeness of this show got me thinking, “Out of all of the characters that I’ve witnessed, a number well into the thousands, who would I like to be?”
Notice I say “be” and not “be like. “It’s a question asked so many times that I guess I thought I already answered it, but thinking back, I never really considered it. So after this, I had to think, and so, I thought.
I thought and I thought.
Afterwards, I came to the conclusion that I should think a little bit more, and so I did.
I thought a little bit more, and then, finally, I was good and ready to realize what character I wanted to be think even more. One can never do enough thinking, and I f-
Cut to the chase you moron. All you do is ramble. You still owe me a po-
Right. Now, before I tell you three people who still actually read this ISSS who that character is, let me let you know why. Most of the characters that I like the most have to qualify certain needs that I, as a sad boring human living in reality desire:
1. Powers
Some kind of power must be present in this character. That’s just how it is. My favorite characters usually have these types of things in place. InuYasha has all sorts of crazy powers from being a half demon with an awesome sword. Ed Elric can use alchemy. Even someone like Maki from Air Master has unrealistic levels of strength and agility, and an enormous vagina, which I can consider a power in itself. In fact, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a power based on the body. Something like an awesome weapon can be considered a power (such as a Gantz suit or weapon), and likewise, being great at strategic thinking (Lelouch, Light Yagami) can be a power, because fuck, I can’t really do that (I probably could). Either way, the idea is, if you decided that you want to be a character, then you take all of their abilities (even the bad ones), and since powers like these don’t exist in real life, it’s up to anime to quench the thirst to fly or beat the shit out of a 24 foot tall giant using long stretchy arms that, despite being made out of a soft substance, still somehow hurt really bad.
2. The World
The world in which a character lives in and how they fit into this world have a lot to do with how much I’d want to swap places with a given character. You don’t want to have awesome powers but then end up living in a world where you still pretty much suck compared to everyone else. Take Krillin (DBZ) for example. By our standards of reality, he would easily be the strongest person in the history of people on Earth. He can shoot energy blasts out of his hands for God’s sake and it’s not like you see our troops using distructo-disks in Iraq do you? However, compared to pretty much anyone else in DBZ, he’s kind of a chump. Sure, in the Garlic Junior Saga, he dressed like a pimp, but other than that, he’s a bitch.
So a character’s place in their world has something to do with who I’d choose, so pretty much that means I’d want to take the strongest, or main character of a given show, right? Not necessarily. The example I cited (Krillin) demonstrates a character’s situation where he pretty much sucks, but to no fault of his own. Krillin really can’t improve anymore than he already has. He can’t get much stronger. He’s still a human. Meanwhile, he is surrounded by all sorts of crazy super saiyans, who never lose their powers and are super strong and pretty much live forever. He has limits. They don’t. He’s stuck where he is. That being said, he still gets to put his dick in 18’s ass every night, so it’s not like it’s all bad, because he’s a foxy babe. Take One Piece for example. Luffy is clearly the strongest and has awesome powers, but I fucking love swords, so I’d rather be Zoro. Plus he’s either sleeping or drinking, and I love doing those things too (I did not pick him though).
You see, some characters, while not the strongest, can make themselves strong and persevere in spite of this fact. Take Inuyasha for example. He’s a half demon. He’s not the strongest person in the world, but he has powers, and, mainly because of his weapon, he can improve his powers throughout his life, and improve his standing. Not only that, but while he might not be the strongest, the people around him provide him with ways to beat enemies that are much stronger than anything he could beat alone. In other words, he might not be the strongest, but he can hold his own, no matter the opponent. If Krillin tries to face any crazy super saiyans, he’s gonna get the shit kicked out of him. It’s not good to be a character with no weaknesses, it’s just not as fun.
There’s many other things that go into a situation, such as what girls are doing around a character, and…..well…..yeah that’s pretty much the only other thing that concerns me.
Anyway, this posts is getting kind of long, so I’m going to cut to the chase. The characters who’s life I would most like to have is…..
Pidgey!
Yeah right. What a dumb pokemon, it’s just a normal fucking bird. If someone tried to fight me with a pidgey I could probably just throw a rock and kill it. It’s just a bird. Who in their right mind would want to be a Pidgey (I have a pidgey in my latest pokemon exploit, so I’m kind of a hypocrite here). No, no, no. My choice is a character whom I had always wanted to be. But first, I’m going to explain a bit [more].
The Top Tier
Before I get to my top three shows from which I’d want to be a character in, here are some other shows that I considered for my character swap:
One Piece
First of all, pirates are awesome. If you disagree, then burn in hell. Second of all, One Piece contains a rich plethora of powers to choose from. You can do anything from turning into a moose to using fire at will to being unable to tell anything but corny jokes (that’s a real power too, I looked it up, and I mention it in a post that is yet to be released). Yes ladies and gentlemen, One Piece has it all.
Inukami
I just love everything about this anime. Yoko is an awesome character and would make a great partner (for fighting), but mainly Keita (I actually remember their names!!!) is the one that intrigues me the most. His use of frog bombs truthfully isn’t anything special, but he’s pretty much allowed to run around naked. Worse case scenario, he ends up in jail only to be taken out later. No fine, no serious punishment. Now that’s a nice freedom to have, and should be considered a fantastic power.
Moyashimon
Ability to see particles? Awesome. Think of the financial gain that can be brought with seeing these tiny little guys….on second thought, this would probably make me never want to eat food again….forget this one, I don’t want this life.
xxxHOLiC
Watanuki is a bitch. He should go after Zashiki but he’s too stupid to realize how awesome she is.
Tenchi Muyo
Tenchi is a bitch. He should go after Ryoko but he’s too stupid to realize how awesome she is.
In the end, I narrowed my extensive amount of anime down to three shows. And here are my breakdowns of these top three anime:
Dragonball Z
Cosplay: It's not for everyone.
This has always been one of the shows that I would dream about. Like, you know how before you go to bed you create a story with an entire plot about yourself having some kind of power or something? And you know how you do this every night? Like, maybe you imagine yourself with abilities to fly and shoot distructo disks and stuff, and you imagine that you’re in a classroom, and suddenly crazy fighting ninjas come in and you fight them and beat them and win, and everyone is watching you thinking, “Woah! That kids all crazy and stuff! I’m so jealous of HIM!” You know how you usually do this? You don’t? Wtf is wrong with you, imagining shit all the time is awesome! Anyway, the awesome things you can do here are limitless. Shooting energy blasts, flying…CATCHING DRAGONBALLS!!! Dude even if you don’t have a power you want, you can wish for it to happen.
InuYasha
This was the show that took the place of the previously explained “pre-sleep-imaginations-dreams”. Instead of blasting someone with a Kamehameha, I was using claws to tear through them. So usually the bystanders in my dream were more afraid of me than in awe of me. Actually, they were both. It was much more fun, and there was more blood.
Fullmetal Alchemist
Cosplay: It is for other people.
There are so many things that you can do with alchemy, so many endless possibilities, that you can’t not consider this. You can do anything from controlling fire to moving the earth to fixing things to creating nuclear explosions (maybe. I’m not actually a nuclear physicist, so I’m not sure if nuclear explosions are really possible). So this is always a good choice. In the end, I wentwith the character that I thought I’d have the most fun with, basically, this is a character who’s build and world was tailor made to make me drool with envy.
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Inuyasha
All of that for this!? We already know that you like InuYasha! This was a waste of everyone’s time!
BAH! Inuyasha is awesome for several reasons, which I’m just going to list because it’s late and I wanna finish this draft now.
- Inuyasha has awesome powers. He can use his blood as a weapon, he can use his claws as a weapon (fun!), he can turn into a demon with crazy ass power and use that as a weapon, and he can even use his weapon as a weapon! And, what’s more, is his weapon has powers, and can get more! Pretty much a perfect power package there!
- The world Inuyasha lives in is feudal Japan. I fucking LOVE feudal Japan. Think of this. There’s no cars or cities, so there’s virtually no pollution (in comparison to today). Breathe that fresh air baby! Not only that, but Kagome can bring all sorts of new technologies back to feudal Japan and we can become famous inventors on the side. Money money money! But hey, if I ever don’t like it, I can just come to the future through the well. I’ve got the best of both worlds baby!
- The crew. The crew is great. I can beat up on Shippo (which would be often), we have a funny monk (Miroku), a hot demon slayer (Sango) and a hot 15 year old who definitely isn’t 15 (Kagome). Honestly, Kagome’s more developed than some 20 year olds. There’s a thousand other characters too. As Inuyasha, I might try and get with Kagura before she dies.
- Kagome can cook…..she can cook very well at that….I could end this right here.
- Killing demons all day sounds like a fun job.
- Inuyasha’s cloak can prevent injury.
- Inuyasha can run fast as fuck, and jump far as fuck. I’d LOVE to not have to drive anymore.
- Stabbed in the throat? No big deal.
- I’d finally be able to see what Inuyasha looks like with a shaved head. What do those ears look like? Are they like…attached to the top of his head? Do they go all the way down to where his human ears should be? Must look weird.
- Inuyasha can smell blood. Like literally. The only drawback to his great sense of smell is if I was in a room with Robert, and he farted, I’d probably actually die.
- I’ll live a very long time.
- Laws? What are they? Wait, who cares either way? I’m ten times stronger than any human!
Pretty much, he covers every aspect of a life that I’d want. The character of Inuyasha has a good world, a good standing in said world. Female prospects of good quality, fun and danger to be had at every corner, no laws, and a passage back to the current time if I ever want a vacation. I can still watch anime even! BAMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
Extra Shit
Well, I took about a week off, mainly because I’ve been hardcore balling out. I had two open bars on consecutive nights at event where I danced my ASS OFF, grinded with a MILF, and had a furocious good time, I got drunk some more, I had UN party (only people in my neighborhood) where I threw on a Kilt an argued over the importance of haggis, my birthday, Thanksgiving (on the same day! I’m 23 years old, and still ignoring reality!), and the week is still young. Tomorrow I’m going to get bombed and on Saturday I’m off to see the first inaugural game of the CT Whale, which is the closest thing I’m going to get to seeing my beloved Whalers reign on the ice again, although, I have heard from the former Hartford Whaler’s Dentist, that there is a 100% chance that the Whalers will return. Not only that, but the current owner of the CT Whale (AHL) is currently on pretty good terms with the NHL commissioner. They’ve gotten pretty friendly which is always a good thing. If the Whalers ever returned I’d go insane. Like, take the Red Sox winning the 04 World Series and ALCS combined, multiply it by….oh say……over 9000, and then you’ll get close to how ballistic I would go. Chances are, you wouldn’t be able to control me for weeks, and I wouldn’t get any sleep. I imagined the moment happening and I almost lost it. If the NHL starts losing revenue somehow then I think they might think about expanding, and a new stadium could be built (if the economy ever gets better which will be at least 5 years in my opinion). All I’m saying is it’s not impossible. Wow, I did not expect to write this much about the Whalers. Fuck. Here’s me in a kilt:
MON THEN YA SPECCY CUNT, SQUARE GO-LIKE!
Vampire Money. It’s an awesome song. Listen to it.
This post had a word count close to 2375.
Eye Sedso 