Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

The first movie was awesome. This movie was too, but I’m not going to talk about that, so much as to talk about the shitty experience that i had at the movie theater. If you don’t want to read my awesome experience, then fuck you, although I do have a short movie review down the page. Remember the animated Transformers?

Awarded by Me: Ass Kicker 2009

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Lowe’s Theater in Plainville, CT. No where else, will you find a more retched hive of scum and villainy. And Mexicans that don’t know how to parent their children. This movie started at one minute past midnight, and was almost 3 hours in length. It featured awesome special effects, loud explosions, and some adult themes, which is why it was given the rating of PG-13.

Now, I don’t know what would posses a parent to bring their small, 3 year old child to this movie at midnight, but guess what? It happened. It also just so happened that these people sat right behind me. Nothing was going wrong until it started getting late, around the better half of 1 in the morning. Wouldn’t you know it, the child started moaning and crying. I ignored it for a while, thinking that the parents would have the decency to leave the theater until their child piped down. I mean, it’s common courtesy, right? The commercial before the movie starts, that says, “Don’t make your own soundtrack” even states that a crying child is not appreciated. But these faggots seemed not to care about the rest of the audience, and let the child cry on, getting louder and louder.

Eventually, I had enough. I turned around and politely asked if they could take the child outside just until it ceased it’s whining. The lady just stared at me as though I had just said a bad word (I honestly don’t think she understood me). Then the dude next to her muttered something that wasn’t decipherable. I replied with a puzzled look, to which he retorted with a swift “Fuck you.”

Now, there are things that you say to Glothelegend, and there are things you don’t say to Glothelegend, and “Fuck you” falls under the category of things that you don’t say to Glothelegend. Now I was angry. I was pissed. I wanted nothing more then to hit this guy right in the face with the heaviest metal bat I could find. Of course, I was in a public place and didn’t have a metal bat, so I was kind of forced to remain calm and use reason rather than force:

• Everyone can hear your child.
• Everyone is annoyed by your child.
• Why are you bringing you child to a movie that starts at midnight? Your child is obviously going to get cranky. What, you couldn’t wait till tomorrow?
• Fuck you.

After all of these reasons were stated by both me and oballer, who happened to be there because I went with him and others, the family of Mexican immigrants finally got the fuck out of there, and I was able to enjoy the movie again.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Rather than risk apoilers, I’m just going to ask questions to peak interest about this film.

Question 1: What is, “The Fallen?”

This is the main villain of the movie……sort of. That’s all I’m going to say. Anyone who’s name starts with “The” is pretty awesome.

Question 2: How were the effects?

I think I said “Holy Shit” more times during this movie than any other.

Question 3: How were the new Transformer Characters?

Introducing two of the worst characters ever invented. Naruto is a better character than:

The Twins

The premise behind these two characters was dumb, black people. They have shifty, bulging eyes, gold teeth, can’t read, and talk like rappers from the dirty south. This is one of the most racist things I have seen in movies. These characters were stupid because:

1. The stereotyping of races might work as comedy for some movies, but it doesn’t match the Transformers style of humor, and almost ruins the whole movie.
2. They didn’t look like other Transformers, in that they looked more like cartoons from a G rated Disney movie as opposed to an awesome Micheal Bay production with sick graphics that make you say “Holy Shit” more times during this movie than any other.
3. They didn’t shut up, and were really fucking annoying.
4. I hate them, and they were annoying.

Question 4: How was the humor?

Good as usual, besides the failed attempt at humor from the Twins. Honestly, this movie wasn’t that great.

SPOILER IN RED:

Yea, the next line is a joke from the movie.

It is a spoiler, but won’t really ruin the joke. I mean, if I saw it now, I would still laugh.

But here it is anyway:

Frat Kid in Popped Collar Abercrombie Shirt: “Dude, where do you think you’re going!?”

Shia Leboof: (obviously making fun of kid) “I’m going to find you a tighter shirt.”

Popped Collar’s Friend: (mistakenly thinks that tight shirts on guys are cool) “THERE’S NO SUCH THING!”

Okay that’s it.

Back to regularly scheduled programming:

SPOILER OVER

For the record, all of these things have one thing in common:

• Popped Collar
• Abercrombie
• Hollister
• Tight shirts on guys

Give up? They’re all fucking gay. American Eagle is not gay, however, because I wear it. And I am awesome enough to cancel gay. If I fucked a man in the ass, then gay people all over the world would suddenly become straight.

Question 5: Were there any hot girls?

…you’re not serious, right?

Honestly, this movie was awesome. One of the best of the year. Also, Hugo Weaving is so nasty and cool that he belongs in a little something I like to call, the “Cool Hall of Fame” which I just made up now.

I would say that this movie is great, and the only thing wrong with it was the Twins characters, which were GAY. I’d still give this sequel a

FINAL GRADE = 9/10 (real life movies have a different ratings system)