Guest ISSS Review: Queen’s Blade 9: What the F*ckin Sh*t!

Ok, so this is what’s gonna go down.

I, the writer of Refuse To Come Wack, (check it out in the sidebar), am gonna write a review of this episode of Queen’s Blade crazy ass shit.

I will probly make fun of it.

Glo, the writer of Eye Sedso, is gonna write a review of Relapse for my ISSS. This is something so monumental that it can only be done between two ISSS users.

Now that my explanation and blatant, shameless self promotion is done, let’s get this shit started. Just keep the following in mind.

1. I have no clue what this series is about, although Glo has told me that that doesn’t matter since this show is just a funny piece of shit.
2. I will probably DEFINITELY make fun of this.
3. I have a tendency to think of people who watch excessive anime…well…actually any anime that doesn’t involve martial arts fighting or some shit like that (if you’re gonna watch a show, why not watch it on real AMERICAN TV you communists) as weird in general (except for DBZ because that inspired half of my childhood. For the record, though, I’ve only dyed my pubes gold once in an effort to make my male genitalia go super saiyan).

EPISODE REVIEW

Welp, we haven’t even made it to the title song (I guess it’s supposed to be called the OP or some shit like that) and I’m already laughing. WHO DRAWS THIS SHIT?

Just one question…are the animators of this show obsessed with tits that are so huge they would be of no real use/fun in a real life situation?

Ok well back to the story…apparently, all of these fighter girls are looking for the same weapon seller, but for different reasons…one of them (the one with the fairy friend) needs to repair her sword, the young metal girl that the animators put in to please all you anime babytouchers out there wants to find the alchemist to destroy the weapons and/or buy some new ones, and…well…

Let’s just say they all meet up with the seller at the same time and have one huge gangbang.

SEE?

Well…actually I may or may have made that very last part up, but you get the jist of it. Onwards.

The girl with the snake coming out of her vagina and the girl you babytouchers probly think is hot both meet Cattleya’s kid at the same time, resulting in this retarded shit which is hilarious, in which some little kid gets squeezed into snaketwat’s tits for no reason other than the fact that most asians are perverted:

Ok…now I see what Eye Sedso means about not putting too many screenshots in…this whole fuckin episode could be a screenshot of something stupid (I’m only 6 minutes in). So, I’ll try and do more dialogue from now on and only throw in some screenshots if somethings REALLLLL stupid.

So then, the angel goes to get goat’s milk and throws a tantrum when she finds out its fruit flavored, and all of a sudden the intimidating snaketwat bitch and cattleya and the girl who got rubbed into snaketwat’s tits are eating dinner. GODDAM do these fuckers have ADD.

After that, some even more random shit happens, where the angel continues looking for goat milk, the girl with the axe has nightmares about snakes, and the animators decide to have the characters talk but instead only draw a picture of a pair of tits rather than their face. I would post a screenshot, but I’m sure anyone who watches this shitshow is used to it already.

Then, they discuss how Cattleya’s husband Chief Owen left her.

Then, some more tits happens….when talking about her sex life, the complications that come with placement of load blowing, and the joys of tittyfucking, they come up with a plan:

OK that didn’t actually happen, but it might as well have. I’m sorry this review is retarded, but hey, a retarded review for a show of such quality.

So after that, the angel basically starts having orgasms in her sleep from dreams of goat milk, and the girl with the axe comes out of the massive RANDOM FUCKIN TOWER she was hiding from the snakes in to challenge Cattleya to a battle, THINKING that she only has shitty weapons.

Cattleya attempts to avoid a fight by basically fingering herself while feeling the Steel Child’s battleaxe, but the Steel Child will not be swayed.

OOPS…I actually started to do a cohesive review, better throw in another fuckin ridiculous screenshots:

Then the episode concludes with the Cattleya’s child she cares so much about being crushed under her mothers unearthly tits.

But not actually. Instead, in a MUCH less interesting sequence, hugetit girl (Cattleya) and To Catch A Predator (Steel Child) decide to fight, and the angel broadcasts it to all of the Queen’s Blade participants. THEN, in literally ONE FUCKIN SWING, the battle is over. They hit weapons and the Steel Child’s axe breaks. REALLY?

Then they all go inside and eat breakfast. FUCKIN SERIOUSLY.

Then, Cattleya repairs all the weapons, and as a final gift, she gives the angel some milk. Not goat milk, though…100% Authentic (Cambodian) Breast Milk. The angel is satisfied.

IN CONCLUSION:

People actually watch this shit? Actually…instead of writing what I think about this show, I’ll just end with another screenshot.

K-ON 9: More Pointless Than Not

 I should say that the first part (most of the episode) consisted of two things, dressing up, and sweet food. Only the very end had some substance. Of course, this anime is not one that really is meant for a substance filled plot, so in that sense, this is technically a perfect episode of K-ON, as it captures “moe” all over the place:

Dressing up:

They waste no time with the new girl do they? Eating food:What is this, a fucking tea party? Play some damn music!Eating:What is this, a fucking tea party? Play some damn music!

There were more instances of food, but for some reason my Firefox keeps crashing whenever I try and add a picture, and adding pictures in Internet Explorer is fucking annoying.

However, I did allow my self several chuckles at several things:

I had to add my own subs. But that’s what Yui said.

Wow WordPress is really failing me, as this was the most annoying post to make ever in the history of me making posts. When you click “save draft”, you would think that it would save the draft, wouldn’t you. WordPress, you suck. I’m even going to bother putting the best scene of the show (where Ritsu gets hit, and then in the next camera frame, is shown holding a picture of herself getting hit (the previous camera frame)).

This episode sucked. It would be great to see something new. The music is the best part. Every fucking episode is the same shit.

1. They eat cake.
2. They dress someone up, which embarrasses them.

To me, it looks like the next half of this series is just going to repeat the first half, except that now Azusa is in the band. I mean, in the next episode, they’re going on another band practice thing, which they’ve already done.

Gantz 299

Man, this took me a while to actually get around to reading. Anyway, to re-cap, there are 2 Keis, the real Kei, and the fake one (Fake-K).

Basically, Fake-K has no choice but to go back and live with Reika, and he tells her that he hates her, and even tries to rape her (I rhymed by accident). As for Reika? We learn that she is a complete PSYCHO:

There’s general love, and then there’s obsession. Reika is kind of like a stalker, except she’s living with the person she’s stalking. Crazy. Anyway, Fake-K takes a walk one day, to meet up with the real Kei. He explains everything, and Kei pretty much tells him “So what? Fuck her!” Fake-K does, and so now Fake-K is pretty much married to Reika, while real Kei is married to Tae (of course none of them are actually married).

Hopefully that wasn’t too confusing.

Now, I thought that it was kind of odd how quickly Fake-K got over Tae. One night he’s crying, the next he’s like, “Whatever, I’m with Reika now.”  I guess he’s really good at accepting things…….Fake-K and Real-K need to fight together, I’m literally dying to see that……..like……..I’m developing cancer to see that.

Nuggets 08-09 Recap

Well the season is over, and the way it ended was pretty pathetic to say the least. The only bright spot in their horrifically one-sided loss to the Lakers was J.R. Smith being nasty. Although our brilliant Coach Karl didn’t feel the need to play him much. Everyone else sucked.

This game 6 showdown was laced with a myriad of poor shot selection, no effort, and the least amount of passing I have ever seen. But, this doesn’t eclipse the fact that the Denver Nuggets had a damn good year, and they certainly built on last year’s team. (But Jesus Christ did they ever suck tonight).

 In my opinion, they have the most talented team in the NBA, they just played really stupid these past two games. One example was the double teams. Did anyone else notice how they never worked ever? If you did, you may have realized that they never worked ever, and mainly led to someone like fucking ARIZA hitting a WIDE OPEN FUCKING THREE. Dumb coaching there.

What do I think about next year? Here are their free agents:

• Chris Andersen
• Dahntay Jones (can’t you spell your name normal? Like “Dante”?)
• Anthony Carter 

I should assume that they would sign Andersen (I really can’t see any reason to let him go at all), and…..well…..fuck it, maybe they’ll sign them all. Frankly, I wouldn’t be sad to see either Carter or Jones go. I mean, Carter is damn good, but he’s not getting any younger, and Jones might be good at defense, but he’s God awful at scoring….yet he still tries for some reason.

In my opinion, they need another big man. If you look at this series, they were outmatched by Bynum, Odom, and Gasol heavily. I mean, Andersen can get a block, but he can’t defend in the post that well, and Nene is nasty, but when he’s up against big competition, well let’s just say he’s no Dwight Howard (no one is really).

I’m just pissed beacause the Nuggets are a much better team then what they showed on the court today. I don’t know if they were tired or what, but they didn’t look like a team that wanted to win. The Nuggets got screwed on a lot of loose ball fouls this series.

Natsu no Arashi 5: Why Did I Stop Watching This Show???

Holy shit. I had stopped watching Natsu no Arashi after episode 2, but as I catch up to it, I find myself wondering why I ever stopped. If I were to hazard a guess (which I will do right now), then I’d probably say that I was pissed with the quality of the streaming. Well, now I’ve found the torrents and I’m rolling along, and Jesus Christ……I love this show!

Basically, this show is a classic Shaft/Akiyuki Shinbo production. Aka, AWESOME.

I had always thought that the OP was okay, but nothing special, but the more I listen to the more I love it. It’s got a cool, jazzy feel that I don’t get to hear much, what with all the J-Pop OPs and other shit. At least Higashi no Eden threw some Oasis in there to make me happy. Oasis rules kicks major ass.

Exhibit One:

I find this funny because I'm an immature pervert! Hooray!

Exhibit Two:

There’s nothing better than incorporating non-anime material into an anime. It’s just awesome. Awesome awesome awesome. Awesome.

Honestly, this anime is making me realize what a failure Maria + Holic was. Natsu no Arashi triumphs over Maria + Holic. (err……well, a lot of anime triumphs over Maria + Holic). I can’t wait until summer when we get twoShaft/Akiyuki Shinbo shows in the third season of Sayorara Zetsubo Sensei, which, despite somehow not being in my top ten is actually the best show ever, and Bakemonogatari, both of which I will be watching (I won’t be watching much this summer………..I say that now anyway……).

Rizelmine = Final Grade

It’s been a while since I watched an entire show before I reviews it, or marathoned a show for that matter. Rizelmine was 24 episodes, but each episode was quick (only around 14 minutes), so it didn’t take long to finish.

Rizelmine

Extremely Quick Plot Description: A 15 year old boy who only likes older (developed) women is forced (by the government) to marry a 13 year old loli girl.

Why is this show good?

• The first (and foremost) reason is Rie Kugimiya. She was in it, which is the only actual reason why I watched this show.
• The humor starts off as stupid random humor (the first episode especially), and as the series went on, it developed into mainly sexually oriented humor, all of which I thought was created nicely.

Examples:

Oh-ho! What's she doing there!?

Gotcha! She was just mending his pants!

And of course:

• The fact that Rizel loves Tomonori (main character) but he seems to hate her, because she is a 13 year old loli, and he isn’t a pedophile, like Ryuunosuke:

This dilemma creates some plenty of funny-ness, usually based on sex.

Why does this show suck?

• First and foremost, the OP gets pretty damn annoying. Although I must admit, it’s still pretty damn catchy.
• Besides the OP getting on my nerves a bit, Rie Kugimiya’s voice is a bit too high pitched, and caused my ears to bleed several times.

So what did I think? All in all, I enjoyed this series a lot. The humor was right up my ally fucking awesome (it almost reminded me of Inukami! humor), and the general story I thought was put together nicely. I finished it pretty fast (considering that I haven’t had much time for anime lately), and I never got bored of it, therefore I am going to give it a

FINAL GRADE = 5^^ (8/8)

I Might Sound Crazy…..but……..

I really need to watch an anime with a good amount of blood.

No, I’m not a nut-case, I just really need some fuckin blood (that makes me sound sort of psychotic?). Along the lines of:

• Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni
• Elfen Lied
• Hellsing
• Afro Samurai
• Blood + (I guess, it really wasn’t that bloody)

I mean, seriously, I’ve been watching way too much humor/cutesy bullshit, that I might gouge my eyes out if I don’t get something from the other side of the spectrum soon. I need the violence people! I need the bad ass shit! Gangsta son! Sengoku Basara ain’t doin it, and Hellsing Ultimate OVAs come out way too slowly (although they’re about as good as it gets….the last one was fucking insane). The next one’s slated for what…..December?  I’m pretty sure there’s 3 more that are being made, although I can’t find the source for this (but I’m sure I’ve heard it somewhere!). Anyone know of any good anime that fall into this genre? (I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately…..maybe I’m useless?)

Dragon Ball Kai

If you’ve ever liked Dragon Ball Z (like I used to back in the day), then this series kicks ass. No bullshit fillers, a quick pace, and a nostalgic feeling that is always great. So what’s the main point of this post? The OP is the gayest piece of shit ever:

Well, it’s not as bad as the One Piece OPs (which are always both long and gay), but it’s pretty bad.

K-ON! 8: Why K-ON Won’t Ever Totally Suck

I’m not going to lie, I like K-ON. But, I also like to make fun of it, because let’s face it, it’s kind of dumb. Just look at this:

This is pretty dumb.

Not only is that the worst promotional idea for a club ever, but look at that chicken. Nice eyes you stupid chicken. However, no matter how retarded K-ON sometimes gets, it will never completely suck, and I have determined why from this episode.

Music. The music, I’m not going to lie, is good. I enjoy the music of the light music club. I mean, the OP and ED are good, catchy songs, and the songs that they play in the episodes are good, catchy songs.

They preform a song called, I Love Staples………or something like that…………My Love is a Staple? Maybe? I really can’t remember what it’s called. I could go back and look, but that would take effort. Either way, the song was good, but Mio needs to get over her fear of singing, because Yui’s voice is really annoying, while Mio can fuckin sing.

So, what else:

Look, it's Mio with a different hair style.

Oh wait, that’s not Mio, that’s some random ass girl (Nakano Azusa), who, as the episode ended, joins the music club. I have also decided that the best character in this show is Ritsu.

Ritsu wins out over Sawa-Sensei because Sawa-Sensei doesn’t get enough air time, and when she does, her personality is way too stable. I need the skitso Sawako that I was introduced to! That (episode 5) was still the best episode, and I doubt a better one will ever come by. By the way, the most attractive person is:

This Guitar

Okay, so it’s not really a person. But the whole reason behind why I started watching K-ON in the first place was because the guitar looked cool. Yea, it doesn’t take much for me to watch a show.

That being said, as of right now, I like the way that K-ON is headed, with it’s growing number of performances and episodes that are actually music-related, instead of random bullshit like “mid terms” or something.

Pandora Hearts 8: All About Alice

Have I ever said that Alice is the best character of Spring 09? In case you never noticed. Yes. Yes I have. This whole post looks at why I’m completely jumping on driving the bandwagon that is Alice.

Exhibit #1: Don’t Wake Alice

Alice wakes up. Like anyone, she's probably fuckin tired. I know that when I wake up I'm completely out of it.

This fuckin dude pops out from under her bed of all places. I shouldn't say "pop" I should say he slides out. Needless to say, it's too early for that bullshit.

Alice looks down and sort of notices this jack ass, but she just woke up, so it doesn't really register.

Alice takes a closer look at this homo, and realized that he's a jackass.

Alice goes ape shit.

Gil (Raven) in all of his stupidness, didn't make the room Alice-proof, and now this happens.

Thus, Break, the jack-ass, arrives at Gil’s house (the way he leaves is even stranger). So how does Alice act while he’s there?

Exhibit #2: Dynamic Personality Traits

And her personality can change even more:

Hungry? Why wait? Grab a Flower.

Alice is pretty much every type of character rolled into one. You could compare her to Mio from K-ON in that sense, but unlike Mio, where they kind of just forced a bunch of moe, aggressiveness, and scaredness together with no real plan or thought process (creating a shitty character), they succeed tremendously with Alice, as everything seems to fit perfectly together. Basically:

Alice > Mio

(in this case, “>” stands for, completely kicks the ass of and rapes)

Errr…I don’t know how I got so off-subject as to come up with the need to announce that Alice > Mio, especially since this was supposed to be about personality traits or something, but whatever. It happened.

Anyway, as far as the actual episode was concerned, it was, of course, awesome, not only because Alice was in it, but also because we learned what the Will of the Abyss is (for real this time) and what Oz’s role is. Apparently Oz has the power to control the Abyss. I can already tell that this is going to affect his seal. In my opinion (which is always correct….unless it’s wrong), Oz is going to run out of time and be sent to the Abyss, but no big deal, because he can control it. Basically:

The Abyss = The Matrix

and

Oz = Neo

In other words, Oz can control the abyss like Neo can control the Matrix. But Oz just doesn’t know how yet. Maybe I’m completely wrong about this episode, but that’s what I got out of it…….Alice rules.