Kurokami: Holy Shi-

Okay okay okay…….first of all, let me explain my odd, staggered viewing schedule regarding Kurokami: The Animation. I started watching it when there were about 7 episodes released, and I caught up in no time at all, but then I abruptly stopped watching it after episode 12 (it was a perfect stopping point…Wikipedia says that there are two seasons, and 12 is the end of season 1, but that’s bullshit because usually seasons have a break in between). Then I waited. I waited until it was over, and then I steamrolled my way through the second half. Why did I do this? Because Kurokami is one of those shows that, once I start an episode, I can’t stop watching it until the series is over. (aka addictive).

Kurokami: The Animation

Okay, where is all of the talk about how awesome this show is? Considering that it kicks more ass than Bill the Ass-Kicker, people should be yelling to the skies, “KUROKAMI IS AWESOME!” I myself want to bellow it from the top of a mountain. But I don’t have a mountain, I have an ISSS, and today’s thoughts in Glo the Legend’s world go a little something like:

KUROKAMI IS AWESOME!

Premise: The coolest shit ever….okay maybe not the coolest, but the plot was good enough to keep me interested. I’m not even going to explain the Doppleliner System and Terra and all that awesomenesss, because it’s too fucking cool. Especially the second half. It blew my fucking mind.

I mean, sure, toward the end, Kurokami may have completely ripped off Zelda: Ocarina of Time, with it’s own version of Koume and Kotake, Twinrova:

Fire:

And Frost:

The plot was pretty much irreverent through my eyes. It could have been about the dumbest things ever. The main reason why I liked this show was because it had some of the sickest action sequences that I’ve seen in a while. Sick poses and quick paced movements, coupled with sweet moves gave this anime an aggressive, in your face, smash hammer mallet feel that I haven’t felt in a while. Now, before you think I’m completely riding the Kuro-cock, let me talk about all of the bad things (which are obviously spoilers durrr):

Very Bad Things (not the movie….I hated that movie):

• First of all, Akane was the stupidest character ever in the world. I just didn’t like her. First of all, she looked fucking retarded. Second of all, she didn’t have any real purpose (until the end, where she had a rather large purpose, but she was still pointless throughout, and was mainly a nuisance) not to mention she wore way too much lipstick (I’m serious, how old was Akane……..34? She looked like it). She was too tall….she looked like some kind of Dutch freak (definitely not Japanese…didn’t look Japanese at all). I wanted her to die or something (that’s morbid) but instead she marries Keitain the last episode. Talk about shitty.
• Second of all, there was so much cliche bullshit that it wasn’t even funny. During the final final fight, where Keita merges with Akane’s massive terra, Kuro says, “I can not only feel their terra, but their feelings too.” Give me a fucking break. The only thing that saved that scene was the nasty fighting sequence that followed shortly thereafter. I mean, there was cliche bullshit all over this show. All this “defeating fate” crap. Do you know the definition of fate?

fate // (ft)

n.

1.

a. The supposed force, principle, or power that predetermines events.

b. The inevitable events*** predestined by this force.

2. A final result or consequence; an outcome.

3. Unfavorable destiny; doom.

4. Fates Greek & Roman Mythology The three goddesses, Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos, who control human destiny. Used with the.

***INEVITABLE EVENTS. You can’t change something that is inevitable. I hate shows where the main characters “defeat fate”. I call bullshit on that.

• Kuro’s hair. Was it black? Was it red? Just what’s going on there?
• That stupid dog.
• The moves may have been kind of cool, but the names sucked…..Mega Cannon? Mega Exe (short for exceed I’m assuming)? I mean, I thought that Kuro would  have three moves: First, Mega Exe, then Giga Exe. This progression did in fact happen, but where was the Tera Exe (as in Terabyte/Terra)? Not only does it continue the pattern that I thought was developing, but it also makes reference to the power that they use to produce such moves. I guess double innuendos are too smart for this creative bunch of idiots.
• A bunch of other minor things that I noticed but now forgot.

Now, that’s a lot of stuff that I didn’t like, and some of it was kind of major (like the plot of defeating fate…..no way I should give this anime anything more than a 4, right?). Well….I’ll admit I didn’t like a lot of things, but what’s really impressive about this anime, is that the fighting, and overall plot development (besides the “fate” shit) made me forget all of the crappy aspects of this show, and instead gaze in awe at the awesomeness of it. If a show can make you overlook it’s faults, then that’s saying something.

Every single episode I sat there and shook my head. “This is fuckin awesome.” I would mutter to my self. I thought that this anime was good, and if it had not been for the bullshit that surrounded it, maybe it would have gotten a better grade than a

FINAL GRADE = 5

The bullshit brought it down two grades, too bad.

Anime Genres – Hentai

NOTE: I wrote this post, and then re-read it. After doing so, I decided to add “two categories that hentai fall into”. I then did a search for “gross hentai” (because I decided, “Maybe I should research some of this”……BAD IDEA. So yea, read this with the notion that I went back through and added stuff, which I put in parenthesis, or added after cross outs. I don’t care about the quality of this post. Everything got messed up kind of. I may contradict myself several times. Feel free to rip this post to shreds with your words, print the page out, and burn it. I’m not re-reading it again….I just can’t do it.

My last “Anime Genre” was “slice of life”, which was apparently “the most epic fail of all time”. Well I’m back, and this time I’m covering something a little more……..well……..it’s porn. First, let’s get a definition:

Hentai (変態 or へんたい^?) listen (help·info) is a Japanese word that, in the West, is used when referring to sexually explicit or pornographic comics and animation, particularly Japanese anime, manga and computer games (see Japanese pornography). In Japan it can be used to mean “metamorphosis” or “abnormality”. The word “hentai” has a negative connotation to the Japanese and is commonly used to mean “sexually perverted“. God damn weird, and most times, extremely funny.

(Taken from Wikipedia, yea, I used it again)

I don’t need to explain this, really. If you like anime/have watched porn on a pornsite/are alive, you know by now what hentai means.

• America (sorry), The West= Anime Porn
• Japan = Any Porn (put an H in front of something and it becomes porn, H Anime= Porn Anime……this could be totally wrong, feel free to call me out on it if it is.)

So, what do I think about hentai (anime)? Well, I don’t find pleasure in it, but I’m not going to feign ignorance in believing that hentai is unpopular, and that there aren’t millions of people who twank their crank to animated whores getting their round the world from some animated penis. I mean, there are plently of porn sites that list “hentai” as a category. It’s pretty much become accepted as a porn type. I personally think cartoon porn and gay stuff like that falls into two categories:

1. Funny
2. Weird/Borderline Gross (I was going to actually show examples of “gross hentai”…..but I severely underestimated exactly what “gross hentai” entailed. I dare you to type in “gross hentai” in google with ther preferences at the lowest setting. I DARE YOU. I almost threw up, and was forced to add another category (I should mention that I had written this whole post, and came back and added these 3 things, so I will now re-review this post and cross things out, and add things in based on the search of “gross hentai”:
3. Extremely Wrong in every possible way possible ever.

I read enough anime blogs to know what hentai is, and all of the weird odds and ends of it (I apparently knew nothing. I have now seen things, although briefly, that make the following image seem tasteful). I mean, weird hentai is one of the oldest forms of porn there is (this can no longer be weird hentai….I think this is normal hentai…this whole post has been turned upside down. My veiws of hentai are altered. Black is down, up is white):

Katsushika Hokusai - Dream of the Fishermans Wife (1820)

Okay, I first saw this “famous work of art” in my art history class about a year ago. The first thing I thought of was hentai, not going to lie. I laughed my ass off during class, and everyone looked at me weird. “This is the original tentacle rape,” I thought to myself. “Man,” I thought, “Who draws this stuff?” I guess Japan is just pervertedly advanced as a nation (understatement….wtf, Japan!?).

Do I find hentai arousing? No. To be honest, I do not. Certainly not for shucking my corncob. FUCK NO. I’m a 3-D guy through and through. Hentai is good for 2 things:

1. Making me laugh my balls off.
2. Weirding me out big-time.
3. Scaring the shit out of me.

Well, I guess technically I could say yes , if you consider hentai to be normal porn of normal women from the country of Japan (which I no longer believe it to be at all). I mean I’ve got a thing for the Japanese babes. They float my boat (although there are many, many exceptions to this).

Hmmm…..you know, after looking at that last picture (or link), I don’t think I like Japanese girls anymore (complete and utter lie). That was so far opposite of sexy that I cringed. I think Latinas are the new me (not really, although they are really fucking hot….I see you Vida Guerra). A certain friend would agree with that (the fact that latinas are smokin). This certain friend also believes that I like liked Japanese women only because they’re as close to anime girls as I could get. I can’t say that this is true, I mean, I was obsessed with Japan (and their women) long before I found anime. Anime just kind of came from my Japanese obsession. But yea, I used to have many pictures of certain Japanese hotties (devoid of clothes) on my computer (it comes with the title of “most perverted bloggers”…..of course, this title is wrong since this is an ISSS). Time out for pictures:

The Good:

The Bad:

I shouldn't say bad. I mean, if I thought that pictures of anime girls looked bad I wouldn't watch anime. They're athstetically pleasing but not arousing in the least. If this girl was real, she would be hot (and probably not Japanese...anime characters rarely look Asian), but she's got the cartoon eyes and the non realness, and......I dunno I just can't get into it. This is a long ass caption. This is tasteful and good, but now it's even more less arousing than before. This is still the longest caption ever though.

This is not, “the bad”. “The bad” is anything found in the search of “gross hentai”. I have a feeling that I’m going to get a lot of negativity/spam from this post.

The Funny:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS WHY HENTAI IS FUNNY AS FUCK. (is this really hentai? Or comedy? I can't see anyone getting turned on by this....then again there's some seriously perverted shit out there. (this is still really funny, even after the re-review)

If I saw a picture of a hot, naked Asian babe, I’d simply right click and save (who wouldn’t?). Sometimes they would save as files named, soso959854, and other times they would be something like asian_japan_6948, other times, they would be something like 1.hentai_94483. I didn’t bother renaming them, that’s a fucking hassle. So I guess technically, if you really look into it, I do find hentai arousing (but not the cartoon kind……that’s just weird…I have a good analogy at the end of this page). However, these all disappeared during the Great Computer Crash of 08 (the second of two that year), and I have since abstained from storing any provocative images on my computer since (even though all of my computer problems are always hardware related, and have nothing to do with viruses).

Do I hate people who enjoy hentai (anime)? Hell no. Not at all. I mean, as long as they aren’t obsessed with it, and/or talk about it all the time, and/or mention how “That girl over there isn’t as hot as Rei from NGE.” I mean sure in the past I would probably make fun of someone and beat their ass with a large wooden stake, but I have become a lot more accepting of people and their likes and dislikes during this past year (exceptions include hobos, feminists, and hippies especially, they could all explode in a giant fireball and die for all I care….oh, and throw the animal activists in there too, they’re fucking gay), so no (unless you enjoy any hentai found after performing the search “gross hentai” in google). I still might make fun of you a little (I mean…..c’mon, you watch cartoon porn), but it would just be to bust your balls, I honestly am unbothered by anyone who watches hentai (unless it’s gross….then just don’t tell me). Watch to your hearts content (or seek help), I don’t give a shit.

I mean, what percent of anime watchers indulge in animated porn? My guess would probably be around 73%. Maybe even higher (I pulled that out of my ass…maybe it’s 5% and I’m an idiot (I somehow doubt that). Most bloggers that I like probably find themselves engrossed in it from time to time, but I still read their sites, and I don’t think less of them either except for the fact that they’re fucking pieces of shit.

Have I ever watched hentai? Well, duh, I wouldn’t write this otherwise. I remember at this kid’s house one day, we (me, him, and Matthew Parrotti) were recording for Loo$e Change, and randomly came across a hentai clip, and it was fucking hilarious. I literally laughed until my sides hurt. I don’t remember what it was (it was mainly funny to me because of the shock value, as I had never known about this (you want shock value, type in “gross hentai” in google).

I mean, I’m pretty sure the story lines are ridiculous too (all porn is like that really). So there’s no point for me to watch hentai. Of course, I’ve watched Queen’s Blade, and even though it’s not technically hentai, it’s still pretty bad Queen’s Blade was awesome,  and pretty close to hentai. not even close to hentai. Here’s a picture of some hentai that I didn’t draw in paint:

How can people find this sexy? I didn't draw this in MS Paint...

THIS POST IN A NUTSHELL

Anime: Awesome. I love it.

Hentai: Weird. Not jerk-off material.

3-D: My preference.

Japan: Pervertedly advanced. (And fucking weird).

MY ANALOGY: Jerking off to hentai is like jerking off to a manaquin.

If you can successfully jerk off to a manaquin, that’s amazing, and you probably need a girlfriend. Of course, I haven’t gotten any action in a while, so I can’t really talk, and also, if you can jerk off to a manaquin, I’m sure you can do the same to an actual girl.

“I only like 2-D.”

I hear that a lot in anime, but I don’t believe that it’s possible. You’re saying that if a hot, naked girl stripped off your clothes and started sucking your dick, you wouldn’t feel the least bit aroused? That’s defies human nature and reproduction.

Bottomline: The Genre of Hentai……I just ignore it. You can throw some tits in an anime and I certainly won’t mind, but don’t expect the same reaction from seeing tits in a real movie.

Other Bottomline:

Is hentai weird? Without a doubt.

Is it kind of fucked up? Um, yes. AT TIMES, VERY.

Is it the most perverted porn type out there? NO WAY IN HELL. Here is a list of more perverted things:

• I once saw 2 girls 1 cup. Not sure if that was porn, but I gagged, and I bet there are people that didn’t.
• Personally, gay porn.
• Shemale porn.
• Bukkake (it’s just……no)
• The shit with the whips and chains (I hate that shit….you know like the Gimp from Pulp Fiction? All that leather shit? Weirds me out man)
• Brazillion Farting
• BESTIALITY (that shit is FUCKED)

I mean, when you think about it in context to the previously listed types of porn, then an animated scene of two people fucking almost seems clean and justly. (I still find it pretty funny though).

I somehow forgot how creative the mind can be, and also how fucked up it can be…..not only are all of these things all possible in hentai, but the frequencies are heightened, and new categories (such as gore WTF SERIOUSLY) can be created. I honestly don’t know what to thing. I should have never typed in “gross hentai”. My night is ruined. I’ll never get hard again…….time to go jerk off…..